“What the hell kind of logic is that? Did you read that in a Highlights magazine at your dentist?”
“It’s the only logic that makes sense to me.”
“I know it’s not a stunt, but you’d better get your ass in gear because Hadley will move on.”
“She says she loves me. Why should our love be on the condition that I put a ring on her finger?”
“You know it’s more than that.”
“Yeah, I do know. That’s why it’s so hard for me to go against everything I’ve believed for so long.”
“Man, you’re fucked up. Does your girlfriend know exactly how much?”
“I’m going to venture a wild guess and say she does, but that’s merely conjecture.”
“Did you finally resolve your standoff?”
“Not really.”
“You mean, you’re still charging into a monsoon without a raincoat?” I can’t believe how much Finn tells Ricky! He got mad because I talk marriage with Morgan. This is 1,000 times worse!
I see Finn’s red hat bobbing. “Yeah.”
“Why would you do that?” When Finn doesn’t answer, Ricky probes, “And you’ve been shooting blind since Easter? Man, you need to watch it or you’re going to knock her up fast, and that’s the last thing you want.”
“I know, but it’s been incredible. It’s like a whole different experience. I thought I knew before with that shit we use, but no. It’s so damn good. I’m addicted.”
Ricky laughs. “Shit. It’s not like you were a virgin.”
“No, but I’ve never had sex without one before her.”
“Aww. So, little Hadley popped your rubber cherry.”
Raising an eyebrow, Finn chuckles. “I guess.”
“If it’s that damn good, you should just get the Big Snip. Fixed.”
Finn shakes his head. “She’d kill me.”
“You don’t want kids. She knows this. You and I could go in together and get the group discount.” Ricky laughs and blows a gigantic, pink bubble, snapping it noisily and proudly grinning at Finn, who doesn’t seem to be paying attention as he stares at the parked car in front of them.
“Yeah, she does know. Still, if I told her I want to have that done, she’d threaten to dump my ass, like she did with New River or my skydiving.”
“Uh-huh. Right. New River. You still haven’t told her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God. Have you?”
What?
“You know I can’t tell her about that, Ricky. She worries and I told her I wouldn’t do it anymore.”
What the hell?
“She doesn’t catch on to all those camping or work trips? She thinks you’re that much in demand?”
“I do work a lot, asshole.”
Ricky crosses his arms and shakes his head at the car next to him, looking as if he’s searching for the right words he wants to say. “Yeah, but not as much as she thinks you do. You’ve been doing all this on the sly, so don’t say you can’t do something or that you can’t lie to her because, technically, you’ve been doing both.”
“Why are you getting so pissed off?”
I’m able to see Ricky’s glare from here. “Because I know what lies can do to people. I’ve had to learn that lesson the hard way.”
“You didn’t lie to Nina. She caught you with that skank.”
“Yeah, but I was lying to her about all the nights I had to work. Do you want her to catch you in this lie or find out what you’ve been doing in your spare time?”
“I’m not lying to her. She’s never asked about what I’ve been doing.”
“So what you haven’t told her! She’ll take omission as a lie. Trust me.”
“You’re suddenly Dr. Phil now?”
“I’m just warning you. You’re putting yourself on shaky ground with Hadley by refusing to marry her and then with the shit you’re hiding.”
“I’m handling it.”
“I hope so because if she finds out from someone else, you’re fucked and not in the oh-Finn-give-it-to-me-harder way.”
Finn rolls his eyes and snaps, “Okay, Tesco. I get it.”
Holy fuck! He’s jumping off the fucking bridge or skydiving again. We just had a talk about honesty at Chimborazo. Here, he’s been lying to me the whole time.
Stunned, I silently creep away, not able to listen to any more of Finn’s private revelations about Cara’s sexual aspirations, my damn shortcomings or his Spiderman desires.
I dart into the nearby bathroom and stand by the doorway, peeking my head out every five seconds to see if they’re still there. Finally seeing them walk to the field, I wipe my eyes and numbly take the clipboard to Finn’s car, leaving it on his driver’s seat.
Lying on my bed, I stare at the pictures of my Sparks and me. What do I do? I can’t tell Finn I was listening to Ricky and him talk. That’s shady in and of itself.
Apart from his penchant to be Jack Be Nimble, as Rod would probably call him, I’m hurt and mad that Finn was talking about what we were doing in his room, and that I’ve never done it to him before then. Am I a joke that he and Ricky dole out? A blow job punch line, perhaps? I’m utterly embarrassed. Ricky has to think I’m a jerk, as well as a horrible girlfriend.
Looking around the dimly-lit bar, I wrinkle my nose in disgust. I wouldn’t even classify it as a bar. It’s a dive, really. The floor is sticky and the red pleather seat I’m sitting on is grimy, more so than a city bus’ or a sperm bank’s door handles. The cigarette smoke floating around makes my eyes and throat burn. Some people sit at the bar trying to score a date for the night or an hour, while others sit and wallow into their beers alone. The sound of pool balls clacking against each other in another room is supplemented by loud yelling and laughing.
“Hadders, listen to me.”
I mindlessly blink as I stare at the burly bartender pouring a beer from a rusty-looking tap. “What?”
Sudden clicking is next to my ear. “Hadders. Over here.” Jumping to a start, I irritably turn to him. “We need to go. We shouldn’t be here.”
Blinking again at Rod, I see that he’s wearing a Care Bears T-shirt, which is tight and really worn. It looks like it belongs to one of his sisters, yet I highly doubt it. “Why? Don’t I have the right to know what’s going on?”
“Yeah. I mean, no. You need to be home resting.”
I impishly smile. “I will not be taken for a fool anymore, Rod. I know what he’s doing when he says he’s ‘working.’”
“Hadders, it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t want you to be here. Let’s go.”
“No way.”
“This place is scaring the shit out of me. So is your outfit.”
I look down. I’m wearing a small, black denim vest with zippered pockets, buttoned only halfway. My red bra peeks through the opening, showcasing my very ample breasts. I don’t remember them being this big. I’m also wearing Morgan’s skirt I wore to the club. Even the last two buttons are undone as they were when I left the place last. I then notice the thigh-high boots. I’ve never worn those before. They’re nearly taller than me.
When I turn my head to look to the bar again, I notice my hair doesn’t move with me. Reaching up, I feel my short hair beneath my fingers. No more ponytail.
As I contemplate the drastic change in my appearance, I recognize a familiar face walking past the bar with a plastic bimbo hanging on his arm. Ricky. He’s married. What’s he doing here with that bag of trash? They stop and Ricky says something to the bartender, while the slut giggles and trails her fingers down Ricky’s chest. I can’t believe he’d cheat on Shay after what he did to Nina.
Then, I hear his voice before I see him. My Sparks. His hair is all brown in the dingy lighting. I want to jump up and run to him, but the sight of the blonde with her arm hooked through his stops me. Her hair is in a sloppy ponytail and she’s wearing a white, see-through blouse, displaying her black bra underneath. Her skirt is short enough to make mine look demure.
They reach the bar and stand next to Ricky. The blonde sleaze turns to Finn and sinking her fingers into the front of his jeans, yanks him forward. Even from here, I can see the blazing look in his eyes he gets right before he fucks me. He’s giving her that stare …
No. No. No… That’s my look.
Rod grabs my wrist. “Hadders, come on. You shouldn’t see this.”
I can’t take my eyes off of them. “What’s he doing with her?”
“He’s moved on.”
Whisking my head back to Rod, I screech, “Why? He’s mine! I love him!”
“You used to. He broke up with you. Remember? You cheated on him.”
I glare at Rod in disbelief. “No, I didn’t! I would never do that!” I shriek.
“You did. You met a guy at the gym and took him home. Finn caught you.”
I pound my fists frantically on the table. “No! I would never do that!” I repeat even more urgently as Rod’s eyes widen in fear. I watch as Finn leans down and the whore openly French kisses him. He grabs onto her breast, right here in public as he takes his turn tonguing her. The bitch, not to be outdone by his open groping, sucks on his tongue like she’s sucking his dick. I can’t believe I’m witnessing this. Tears want to flow, but I’m too numb to even attempt breathing. I don’t have any right to object to it if I broke his heart, though I don’t remember cheating, let alone fathoming the thought of even kissing someone else.
Before I can yell his name, a brunette woman comes up behind him, tapping on his shoulder. He turns around and she’s on his lips faster than the first whore was. However, he doesn’t seem to mind since he eagerly returns her filthy greeting.
Those are my lips to kiss.
“Finn!”
“He can’t hear you, Hadders.”
Frozen to my seat and my eyes glued to the scene before me, I angrily demand, “Why?”
“You don’t exist to him anymore.”
“No!” I impatiently scoot to the edge of the seat to get out of the booth, but I can’t. It’s like I’m stuck in a bubble. All I can do is scream his name, but he doesn’t hear me or look my way. Collapsing against the seat, incensed, I cry, “Finn, no! Not my Sparks! No! I would never hurt him! I can’t live without him!”
“Becks, wake up. I’m here.”
I jolt and Finn’s face blurrily comes into view. Catching my breath, I rapidly blink until I can see the concern in his eyes. He brushes a chunk of my hair off my face and asks, “Did you have another bad dream?”
His fingers stroke my wet cheek and I nod against them. “Yeah. I’m okay.”
Looking over my shoulder to the clock on my nightstand, I’m surprised I slept so long. Turning back to him, I blankly ask, “How was practice?”
Still watching me, he sits down on the edge of the bed. “It was good. You didn’t have to drop the clipboard off.”
“I thought you might need it. I didn’t stay.”
“Morgan said you were looking for me. I’m sorry I missed you. You could’ve came over and said hi. That would’ve been okay as long as you didn’t try to weasel back onto the field.” I shrug and glance out the window. “At least you got some rest.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah. Some.”
“What did I do in this nightmare?”
Shaking my head, I force a smile. “Ignoring me. It wasn’t that big of a deal. I made it out to be worse than it was.”
“I’m always here for you, baby. I would never ignore you.”
I swiftly nod at the floor. “I know.” You certainly can’t ignore your fucking bridge.
Finn lifts my chin and says, “I’ll miss you.” His gaze flies over my face, but I give nothing away.
“I’ll miss you, too.”
“How are you feeling?” He drops his hand and lifts up my shirt to peer at my bruise. “It still is a little gnarly, but it looks like it’s getting better.”
I frown and pull my shirt down. “Thanks a lot. I’m glad I’m such a turn-off.”
He ruefully smiles. “You’re such a turn-off I can’t keep my hands off you. I’ve proven that quite a bit lately.” He leans in and kisses me softly on the lips before resting his forehead on mine, and whispering, “I love you, Becks.”
Apparently not more than his desire to be a damn grasshopper.
“I love you, too. I hope you have a safe trip.” One that doesn’t include you fucking BASE jumping or hurdling out of a plane. “I can’t wait to see the dare on your show.” And solid proof that you’re not lying to me about this being a trip to a school and not one off a bridge.
Sliding his invisible coach’s hat on, he orders, “I want you to get some more rest.”
“I will.” We stare at each other, but he doesn’t make a move to go anywhere. I want to tell him that I know his other gigantic secret, but I can’t. Why would he do something that he knows will hurt me? I don’t understand. Why is he okay with breaking my heart?
Why is he okay with taking that risk?
“What, Finn? What’s wrong?” Is it another lie?
He rubs his fisted hand into little circles on my cheek, his eyes drifting around my face, searching. For what? I’m not keeping any major secrets. He whispers, “You don’t even know how absolutely beautiful you are, Becks.” My thoughts veer from being furious with him to being unexpectedly stunned by him.
I try to smile or deny that I am what he said I am, but my lips won’t cooperate. I can only stare at him, in which he returns with an odd, lingering look. Why is he reluctant to go? I’m sure he has skyscraper calling his name.
“I’ll see you when I get home Tuesday night before I have to leave again Wednesday morning.”
My voice is a hoarse whisper filled with so much shrouded rage. “Okay. I’ll be here.”
His fingers spread into my hair and he pulls me in to kiss him. It’s a kiss strangely fraught with longing. Longing for what? I’ve been here. He even tried pushing me away Friday, though, he eventually relented and made love to me.
Suddenly, his lips begin to move faster and more firmly against mine, while his fingers grip my head more tightly. I know his kisses. He’s wanting more. Nevertheless, his conversation with Ricky fills my mind and it’s like a dash of cold water.
I jerk my head and breathlessly say, “You’d better get going so you’re not on the road too late.”
He breathes hard over me, looking down between us, and slowly nods against my forehead. Is he going to ask me to blow him? I really don’t want to, especially after hearing about him blabbering about our sex life and of his secret jaunts. I might be in a biting mood in more ways than he’d care to show a bloody crotch to a certain cop responding to my apartment.
“I’ll call you when I get to the hotel.” He kisses my forehead and stands, walking out of the room, leaving me alone with his lies.
Sunday night after Finn left, I called Bethany and cried my heart out until my face was puffy and gross, and my nose hurt from blowing it so much. I told her every embarrassing and stupid thing, and as usual, she was so supportive and calming, making me laugh at some of the idiotic things I was saying. She’s the only one I would tell. I know Morgan would tell me I’m dumb for staying with him and Rod, well, is Rod. I just needed to hear that if I am dumb, I’m still redeemable, and that everything is going to work out, even if I truly don’t know if it will.
Monday after work, Shane still is remarkably taking it easy on me, physically at least.
“You’ve lost yet another two pounds.”
My nose crinkles along with my forehead. “You’re on crack.”
“That’s a little extreme.”
“I’m supposed to be losing weight.”
“Not this fast and as I’ve told you before, we’re building muscle tone, so in essence, you should be gaining some weight.”
I widen my eyes. “No, thanks.”
Ignoring me, he glances down to his ever-present clipboard. “Is there something going on that might be causing you to lose weight?” This question a
gain?
“Again, no. Maybe the wedding. It’s a lot to deal with and it’s not even mine.”
“Well, your bruise is still hindering your abdominal exercises, but we can work on your legs and arms.”
“Good news,” I drone.
“Have you been eating?”
“Yes.” He glances up and eyes my body, causing me to automatically fold my arms in an effort to hide from his scrutiny.
“Did you see your doctor?”
I incredulously look at him. “For my bruise? Um, yeah. The ER.”
He shakes his head. “No. For your rapid weight loss.”
“No. It’s not a problem.”
“If it continues, I won’t be able to train you anymore until you see a doctor.”
“I’m fine. It’s stress. I’m sure at the reception when the running around is over, I’ll chow and gain it all back. Then, you’ll work my ass until I lose it again. It’s a vicious cycle.”
“You could have an autoimmune problem.”
“Isn’t that something my car can have?”
He laughs and I’m flabbergasted. Shane Parker can laugh? I thought maybe he was missing that gene.
“No. You could have a disease where your body is attacking itself. You need to get it checked out.”
“Oh.” I thought I attacked myself enough. Now my own body may be joining in on the gangbang. Fabulous.
Tuesday morning, I stare at the cemetery from my desk. I just received a good morning email from Finn and I have yet to respond. We barely said anything on the phone last night. I still feel apprehensive talking to him because I’m afraid I’ll blurt out what I know about his secret trips with Ricky to fall off buildings.
There’s a knock at my door and I swivel my chair to see Morgan looking perturbed. She agitatedly asks, “Have you talked to Rod this morning or last night?”
“No. Why?”
“Amos just told me Rod called him last night saying his sister isn’t doing well and he’ll need time off. Rod left for North Carolina before work this morning to be with her.”
Igniting the Wild Sparks Page 25