Igniting the Wild Sparks

by Alexander, Ren

  Rod shoves his glowing phone in my face and I swat it away. Reaching over to the nightstand, he tosses me my phone. “Check your damn phone! It’s Wilder. He’s fucking enraged. He’s left me three jovial voicemails with some very happy texts. Hadley, you need to call him right now.”

  I glance at my tiny screen. “Four missed calls and two messages.”

  “No, he’s not jealous. And that’s probably not all of ‘em since your phone is from the Stone Age and hates you for keeping it alive.”

  I set the phone down and yawn. “I’ll call him.”

  He bounds off the bed and heads for the door. “Do it now before he comes down here and rips out my throat or balls. He may do both if he’s feeling generous. I’m gonna get us some breakfast. I’ll be upstairs when you’re done.”

  As I look back down, my phone rings and I instantly flip it open. “Finn, what’s wrong? I just saw you had left messages. Rod says you’re mad. What the hell is going on with you?”

  “Where the fuck are you?”

  “I left you a message.”

  “I needed you home!”

  “Rod’s sister is in the hospital with a lung infection.” I look at the closed door and lower my voice. “She’s not doing well. He needed a friend. She might not make it.”

  “What the hell? You drove all the way down there for him? Why in the fuck would you do that to me?”

  Still trying to keep my voice quiet, I angrily whisper, “To you? You’re away all this week! His sister… Finn, you’re leaving again today. I’ll be back before you get home!”

  “I had plans for us, Becks!” he fiercely growls.

  “Plans? How when you were only there last night and this morning?”

  “Yeah. The trip I had was with you. I was taking you to a cabin in Kentucky.”

  Oh, no.

  My jaw practically smacks the blankets. “I didn’t know!”

  “It was a surprise! I had it planned out with Val. Why the hell did she let you go?”

  “She wasn’t at work yesterday. I left her a note.”

  “Fucking great.”

  “I’m sorry, Finn. If I leave soon, we can be there later.”

  “It’s too late. We have a check-in time and you have a three-hour drive. Then, we have a seven-hour trek from here. Even if you drove straight from there, it would still be about eight hours away.”

  “Can you get your deposit back?”

  He sighs heavily. “No.”

  “I’m sure if you would explain to them the situation, we could still have the cabin.”

  “Forget it now. I took a game to cover tonight.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I lean my forehead into my hand and let the hot tears fill my eyes.

  “Why did you have to run to fucking Rodwell?”

  “I didn’t run to him. He is going through some terrible shit and he needed a friend. He didn’t ask me to be here. I did it on my own.”

  “I need you here. Come home now.”

  “Why? We can’t go to Kentucky anymore.”

  “You can still be home with me, Becks. Me.”

  I whisper, “Finn, he might lose his sister.”

  “So you’re going to stay? With Greg Rodwell?”

  I take a deep breath. “Yes. He doesn’t lie to me. I know you’re jumping again.” Fuck. Why did I start this discussion? I sigh and tightly close my eyes.

  Immediately on the defensive, he impatiently asks, “Who told you that?”

  “You did. I heard you at the field talking to Ricky about it, among other things.”

  “You were eavesdropping?”

  “I was bringing you your clipboard.”

  “So you stayed to spy on me? Did you think I was doing something wrong, like taking off to another state to be with someone who is obviously in love with me?”

  I lift my head and throw my hand out. “He’s not! He told me about your little conversation.”

  “Yeah. I’m sure he did. Did he tell you before or after he confessed his undying love for my girlfriend?”

  I shout, “Stop it!” Realizing that was loud, I lower my voice again, “That didn’t happen.”

  “Maybe not yet, but you still won’t come home.”

  “Right now, he needs me more. You just want to mark your territory.”

  “Because you’re mine!”

  My voice rises again, “I am yours! I know this and so does he! This isn’t changing anything!”

  He ominously seethes, “So you think.”

  “What?” I squeak.

  “You’re choosing him over me.” Is he serious?

  I roar, “You chose a fucking bridge over me!”

  “I haven’t jumped from it again!”

  “How do I know that? You’ve been lying about throwing yourself out of an airplane! I thought you were supposed to shout your love for me from rooftops, not leapfrogging from them!”

  He somewhat evenly says, “Becks.”

  I snap, “Don’t try lying out of this one!”

  “I haven’t been doing it for long!”

  “Ricky said it’s been on your camping and work trips. I bet you’ve been doing this for two years, at least. So, not long is a bunch of bullshit!” He doesn’t respond and I wipe my eyes. “I can’t believe you, Finn. You said you wanted us to be honest with each other. You’re the one telling the monstrous lies.”

  His voice is suddenly subdued again. “I didn’t want you to worry about me.”

  I sneer, “Mission accomplished! I won’t for now on. Let the police call someone else when they find you splattered on the pavement.” Biting my lip, I clench my hand into a fist, thinking about that very scene.

  “That’s not going to happen.”

  “You don’t fucking know that! I don’t know if I can even trust you!”

  “You can! How can I trust you when you spy on me and also keep secrets?”

  “My omission about my past on the Pill doesn’t even compare.”

  “I know you’re hiding other things from me, too.” Nothing that affects his life.

  “I’m not!”

  He growls, “Not true.”

  Needing to end this, I tearfully glance at the clock and mutter, “I need to go.”

  “Are you coming home?” he asks, sounding unexpectedly hopeful.

  “Not today.”

  With the hope gone, he snarls, “Becks, I don’t want you down there with him!”

  “You don’t have a say.”

  He haughtily laughs. “Really? Like you actually don’t have a say in if I jump?”

  Exasperated, I yell, “That’s for your safety!”

  “You coming home is for my sanity!”

  Tired even though I just woke up, I irritably sigh. “I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree then. We’ll talk when I get home.”

  “You better believe we fucking will.”

  Upon hanging up with Finn, I cried for a few minutes, but at the same time, I was weirdly proud that I stood my ground; however, I am upset that I screwed up his surprise trip for us. I didn’t know he was going to keep it a secret. I thought he would tell me when he made the reservation. If I would’ve known… Oh, Sparks.

  Rod and I ate breakfast outside on the patio to keep me away from his sisters’ questions. I didn’t want to talk about it with him then, either. I just wanted to concentrate on my chocolate chip muffin. Thinking about anything else would’ve unraveled me right in front of him.

  After breakfast, we head to the hospital with Rod often looking over at me, like he’s checking to see if I’m going to erupt into tears at any second. Actually, I feel numb, but I did notice Rod’s Big Time Rush shirt and cracked a smile.

  Sparks and I are becoming more and more volatile, it seems. Lately, our lovemaking has been even more passionate, but by the same token, our arguments are also increasing in their intensity. We never used to argue before. Why does it seem like our relationship is culminating? It’s as if we’ve been climbing a rollercoaster hill and now
we’re teetering precariously at the top before speeding down the other side without brakes. I don’t want to feel like this about the greatest love of my life.

  “You okay?” Rod asks me as the elevator door opens to Eden’s floor.

  Not wanting him to worry about me instead of his sister, I answer, “Yeah. I’m fine.” There’s that f-word again.

  We turn a corner and he asks, “Are you going to ever tell me about the angry, muffled sounds I heard from upstairs?”

  “Not right now.”

  “He’s that mad?”

  “Let’s just think about your sister.”

  He laughs and hooks his arm around my neck. “That might not be a good idea. She’s gonna be a bitch to you.”

  I bring us to a jerking halt. “Really? I probably shouldn’t be here then.”

  “Stop it. Just be prepared.” He pulls me to the door and knocks. From inside, an inaudible shouting can be heard and I flinch. What am I getting myself into?

  Pushing the door open, he drags me forward. As we walk in, I see the curtain is open and the shades are partially up. Rod stops us at the end of the bed and I tentatively peer over at Eden. She is sitting up against pillows. Her dark makeup accents not only the dark circles beneath her eyes, but her angry frown, as well.

  Fuck.

  “E, I’d like you to meet someone, so be nice.”

  She retorts, “You didn’t bring your boyfriend?”

  “I’m glad to see the beast has risen happy and ready to hand out big, fluffy hugs.” He squeezes my shoulder before saying, “This is my friend Hadley.”

  Angling her head to the side, she assesses him with an interrogative gaze and an impish smirk. “Hmm. You have friends?”

  Rod looks to the bathroom. “Where’s Mom?”

  Eden rolls her eyes. “I kicked her out. She’s probably pouting about it in the cafeteria, thinking I’ll change my mind soon.”

  “Give her a break, Eden. Quit being such a bitch.”

  “Fuck you, Gregster.” She turns her attention to me and the hair on the back of my neck stands. “Hadley. That’s a cool name. You’re not what I expected.” Ditto.

  I clear my throat. “Um, thank you. What did you expect?”

  “I thought for sure you were a dude since Greg here is a weenie roaster.”

  Rod’s mouth is now a gaping hole. “A damned what?”

  “You know. A penis popper. A dick magnet.”

  He shoves a hand into his hair and irritably retorts, “Oh, sweet Jesus. I’m not a homosexual!”

  “Keep telling yourself that, Rainbow Brite, until you actually believe it. Unfortunately, none of us do.” I now know where Rod got his mouth.

  He glances down at me with a grimace. “You don’t have to listen to a word she says. She’s doped up.” I try to give him a smile, but from the day I’ve had so far, the most I can muster is a tight-lipped twitch.

  She says, “I am not. So, Hadley. You’re very pretty. Why are you wasting your fucking time with my skid mark of a brother? He didn’t ask you to be his beard, did he?” Wow.

  My mouth matching Rod’s, I recover to say, “No. Your brother isn’t gay.”

  She smirks. “Why? Did he show you his tiny dancer?”

  Rod throws his head back and shouts to the ceiling, “Holy Mother of God, Eden!”

  Anxiously twisting my ponytail, I peer up at him. “Um, no.”

  Eden folds her hands together and says, “He talks about you constantly and it’s so sad. I don’t think he’s got any other damn friends.”

  “I like hanging out with him. He makes me laugh.”

  She laughs through a wheeze. “We all laugh at Gregory. He’s a walking caricature.”

  Rod throws his hands up. “Can you be normal for five minutes?”

  “Can you be invisible for 10? When the Gregster was down here for Easter, he had me watch some sports show. Is it true that hot piece of ass is your boyfriend or is he my brother’s?”

  I giggle. “True. He’s my boyfriend.”

  “Damn. Did you bring him with you?”

  Still smiling, I answer, “No.”

  She sticks her maroon-colored, bottom lip out. “Too bad.”

  Rod crosses his arms. “Eden, quit perving on her man from afar. Hadley is here to see you.”

  Eden says, “I’m not gonna be in here long. I wanna check out Aunt Amy’s bar.”

  “I don’t think you’ll be allowed to do that.”

  Her eyes harden. “Allowed? Who’s not gonna allow me, Gregory?”

  “Mom. Dad. The doctors. I doubt that will be a postscript on your discharge papers: Patient is advised to visit her oddball aunt’s dive bar in the shithole part of town. Line dancing is required.”

  She scowls and points her black nail-polished finger at him. “I’m going, so you can fuck off.” I suppose we can trade nail polish favorites.

  Rod puts his hands on his hips and snaps, “Of course you will because you do whatever the fuck you want anyway. You’re supposed to be getting better, but no. All you wanna do is argue with the nurses, the doctors, our parents, our sisters and me. You act like you want to die!”

  She portentously narrows her eyes at Rod. “I’m gonna die. There’s no Get Out of Hell Free card to play. There’s no way out of it. So accept it and get over it.”

  I can practically feel the tension in Rod mounting as he stares coldly at Eden. “Get over it? How in the fuck can you say that?”

  Eden angles her head at him as a frown encompasses her face. “I just did. Quit crying ‘bout me like a snot-nosed, little girl who lost the head to her favorite doll, you jackass. Grow a pair and shut the fuck up.”

  Rod’s hands to his mouth and I hear his stuttered breath behind them. Shaking his head, he takes a step back and drops his hands. “Shit. I need some air.” He agitatedly licks his lips and fleetingly glances at the door.

  “Hadley can stay here. I’m sure you don’t need her to hold your limp dick while you take a piss.”

  Rod mutters, “Goddamn it.” He turns and storms out of the room, leaving me stunned in his wake. Not having any idea what to say to Eden after that, I warily look at her, in which she rolls her eyes. Does she want me to leave now?

  Shifting to sit up more, Eden begrudgingly wheezes, “Look, I’m glad I got to meet you. Apparently, my brother can’t handle this whole situation, even though I’ve had this death sentence my whole fucking life. This outcome was totally predictable. He needs to get a grip.”

  “He loves you so much. He doesn’t want you to give up.”

  Her eyes drift from me to the window. “But I have to at some damn point. I’m not strong anymore. I’m so tired of fighting for a shitty life and against a disease I won’t beat. I’m permanently attached to this fucking tube, inhalers and pills. This shit sucks worse than a two-dollar whore kneeling on tacks.” That sounds like a Rodism. I glance out the window, reminding myself not to smile at her analogy or she may take it wrong.

  Eden sniffs and I look to see her glassy eyes as she says, “Why would I keep holding on just so he doesn’t have to face reality? We have five sisters. He’ll have plenty of bitches in his life to still tell him how much of a pussy he is.”

  “You’re his best friend, Eden. He doesn’t want to lose you.”

  She swallows and blinks several times as she stares at her frail-looking hands. “Greg and I used to be best friends. Well, some fucking friend I’ve been, especially this past year. I’m a nuisance to everyone around me. The annoying doctor visits nobody wants to go to, the air hose that follows me everywhere and people trip over constantly, the pill bottles I leave behind like bread crumbs, the never-ending hospitalizations, the inhalers I live on, and the exhaustion that plagues my family from taking care of my ass are frustrating for everyone involved. I’m done with it. I don’t wanna be a fucking burden anymore.”

  I edge closer to the bed and as I do, I notice the Hello Kitty necklace next to her oxygen tube on her chest. I smile, remembering Rod’s k
ite tribute. “You’re not. Greg is always telling me such great stories about you. He idolizes you. You’re his super heroine.”

  She downwardly nods. “Right. I’m Fibro Bitch: Casting mucus over the land wherever she spews.”

  “Can’t you have a lung transplant? I’ve heard of them helping people.”

  She looks up at me. “It only scores you a few years. I was put on the lung transplant list when I was a teenager, but no match came up back then. When I turned 25, I removed my name and decided to not take away a chance for me to live an extra three to five years over a kid’s chance to.”

  I dejectedly mumble, “There has to be other treatments.”

  “There are, but nothing will ever cure me or extend my life for too long. I’ll always have CF, no matter if I even got new lungs. It’s invaded my life and everyone else’s around me. It’s in my body and in my genes. I’m a prisoner in my own fucking body.”

  I suck on my bottom lip to force the tears away before saying, “I’m so sorry, Eden. If there were anything I could do, I would.”

  She sharply coughs and clears her throat. “You can do a couple things. One, don’t feel damn sorry for me. Everyone has their lots in life and this is mine. Some kids have cancer and won’t see their fourteenth birthdays. I’ve made it this far, so I’m luckier than them. Second, take care of my brother. I know he’s having a hard time with this, but I won’t be able to rest if he’s moping around. Look after him. I know how he feels ‘bout you. You’re special. He needs you. Make sure he’s happy with his life.”

  Absorbing everything she told me, I woodenly nod. “I will. I promise you.”

  She scowls. “And don’t tell him I told you to or I will fucking haunt your ass.” Her lips reluctantly yank into a small smirk.

  I grin and shake my head. “I won’t.”

  We talk for a few minutes until the curtain suddenly jerks open. Rod determinedly glares at Eden. “Okay, bitch. Listen here.”

  “Gregory!” Lizette screeches from behind him.

  “I don’t care, Mom. She needs to hear this shit.” He stands at the end of Eden’s bed and points at her. “You need to shut your damn mouth. Forget ‘bout your lungs. You need a fucking spine transplant because you sure don’t have one.”