“Thanks for the B&E. I’m calling the police.” I’m sure Ricky would still be the first to respond if I called.
“Good luck figuring out how to dial 911 on your new phone,” she mocks me.
“Bitch,” I retort. “Jeez. You guys thought of everything.”
Rod says, “Yep.”
Petulantly, I cross my arms, making my stomach ache. “I’m really not in the mood to go to a festival.” I’m not really in the mood to even wake up in the morning.
“We’ll get you jazzed.” Rod laughs. “Ha ha. Get it?”
Morgan’s laugh escapes before she’s able to conceal it, and even I smile. A little.
After we check into the hotel, I sit on the bed in my room, the room Val paid for me. I love that woman. She is forever taking care of me.
The whole two-and-a-half-hour drive here, I stared out the window. Rod tried to make me laugh by changing lyrics to songs and making fun of other cars, but I don’t feel like laughing. Why can’t anyone understand that? I want to stay in bed and be alone with my formerly happy memories. How do I go on without Finn? How do I get through every day knowing we’re not going to have our forever because he couldn’t wait to be intimate with Cara? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I could even look at him naked again without remembering… Though, strange enough, what hurts more is he didn’t have faith in us, like he had accused me of not having. However, he’s the one who truly didn’t. That’s hard to get past.
There’s a knock at my door and I groan. I just want to be left alone. Honestly. Just. Alone. I sigh and resentfully get up to answer the door. Morgan sweeps by me into my room. I mutter, “Do come in.”
She beams. “Let’s sightsee.”
I scowl as I sit back down on the bed. “Are you serious? We just got here.”
She excitedly claps her hands. “I want to see the Capital!”
Pouting, I grab one of the 30 pillows on my bed and lie down with it. “You’ve been here. A lot. What more is there to see?”
“I’ll never get tired of D.C.!”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I grumble as she pulls on my arm.
“Isn’t this great?” Morgan picks up her cheeseburger and takes a bite. “Eating near the monuments?”
Rod crumples his wrapper and says, “Yeah. I like eating with a huge erection in my face. Now I know how starving hookers feel.”
“That’s gross,” I say, wrinkling my nose and sliding my unwrapped burger to him. I pick at my fries and massage my bruise. It seems to flare up along with my attitude, like a mood ring. Like Finn’s hair.
“Dick Rod, that’s the Washington Monument. It’s cool!”
He pushes my burger back to me. “Morgasm, it still looks like a giant co—”
“Got it. Noted,” Morgan quickly cuts him off as she checks her watch for the umpteenth time. From the corner of my eye, I notice movement and I turn to see Ivan approaching Morgan from behind…with Shane.
Why, oh why?
Ivan buoyantly says, “Well, look here, Shane. These people look awfully familiar, don’t they?” I really want to go back to my room now. Or another planet.
Shane approaches the bench and Morgan scoots down to let him sit between us. What a pal. I wish I had one of those people like they do at award shows, who fill empty seats when someone is performing, accepting an award or is in the restroom because I could use one of those right now, except that I wouldn’t come back.
Rod puts his arm around me, clasping my shoulder, and I actually smile because I know he’s in protective Greg mode now, not letting anything happen to me.
With a wide smile, Shane says, “Hey, there. We have to stop running into each other like this.” He’s still wearing the khaki button-up shirt and black pants from our photo op. What did he and Ivan do, hop in the car and drive right behind us? That would be really stalkerish.
I pull my ponytail around me and curl it around my hand. “Yes. We really do.” Truly.
He asks, “So that little photo session was fun, wasn’t it?” Fun? I’m floored that Shane has that word in his vocabulary. He really doesn’t get out much. Not that I do, but I loathe getting my picture taken, so I’d rather have had a root canal. “It was a hoot,” I mutter as I shove my burger back to Rod.
Rod comfortingly rubs his hand up and down my upper arm. “Hadley here always breaks the cameras. It’s a curse, she’s so beautiful.” He laughs, pulling me closer to him. My champion.
Suddenly, Morgan jumps up from the bench, a little too enthusiastically for a pregnant woman, and spins to look at me. “Speaking of pictures. I want more since Shane’s here!”
Caustically inhaling, I shake my head and say, “I’m good.” Now I sound like Finn. Sparks…
She crooks her finger at me. “Oh, no, Hadley. Come on.”
I put my arm around Rod, leaning away from Shane. “Only if Rod gets some pictures, too.”
She rolls her eyes and concedes, “Fine.” There’s that word…
I pull Rod up with me and we walk over to Morgan as Shane follows us. She warns, “I want some fun ones.” Fun is not on my agenda today, or ever again. She bizarrely waves her hand to Shane and then to me. “Shane why don’t you dip Hadley?”
I step closer to Rod. “Do what with me?”
She sighs. “Dip. Like dancing.”
Rod abruptly snatches me, twirls and dips me, making me laugh in surprise. He looks up, smiling. “Get your picture, Mortgage.” I hear a click and Rod lifts me back up.
She announces, “Okay. Shane’s turn!” What? No!
“I’m not a ragdoll!” I protest.
Shane takes me from Rod and dips me, delighting Morgan. This is so stupid. She yells, “Be silly!” How? He’s dipping me. Isn’t that enough? Before he brings me back up, he descends and puts his face into my neck. I giggle at first because it tickles, but it’s unnerving and really too much for me. I urgently push on his chest and he stands me up.
I glare at Morgan. “Happy?”
“Not yet. Shane, put your arms around her and both of you smile.”
“Must we?” I crabbily dispute.
She purses her lips. “Yes.” Shane puts his arms around my waist from behind me. She takes one and then says, “One more!” I want to roll my eyes, but that might force us to undergo yet another picture.
Before she can take the picture, Rod stealthily dodges in front of me and pops his head up, and I laugh as she takes the picture.
“You ass!” she laughingly shouts. With Rod still on the ground, I squat and put my arms around his shoulders. He leans forward and I squeal because my dress is going to ride up. Morgan takes our picture and I let go of him so I don’t flash Shane. That makes me feel sick.
“I’m done.” I turn to go back to the bench, but Shane grabs me and says, “Last one.” He drapes an arm over my shoulder and as Morgan raises Rod’s phone, Shane kisses my cheek. I immediately jerk away and try not to make too much of a face.
“Now, I’m officially done,” I affirm. Shane laughs and Morgan grins as she plays with the phone. Shane and Ivan make jokes, while I sit back down and vow to never get my picture taken again with Shane.
Rod sits next to me, glaring in Shane’s direction. “That guy. He’s… I just don’t know. There’s something about that douchebag.”
I eagerly look at Rod. “Maybe that he’s a douchebag? Could that be it?”
His gaze drifts to me as the wind flutters his spiky, brown hair. “Smartass.” I giggle and nudge his arm. I notice the burger still on the bench and I hand it to him. He finally unwraps it and takes a bite.
I say, “I know. Morgan seems hell-bent on me liking him or something. He’s annoying enough at the gym. I really don’t want to spend time with him outside of it. I wish she would stop.”
Between bites, he says, “I agree. She needs to leave you alone. It’s not like you’re ready to date anyone, especially him. He’s a…” Rod seems to be at a loss for the right word, so he takes another bite.
I fill it in for him. “A douchebag?”
He nods and laughs. “Yeah. I already forgot.”
Shane walks back over, taking a seat next to me again, and I automatically incline toward Rod. When Shane casually puts his arm behind me on the bench, I can hear Rod practically foaming at the mouth. I wrap my left arm around myself, feeling uneasy. Suddenly, Shane picks up my hand. “Where’s that pretty ring you always wear?”
I wrench my hand back and frown. “It’s at home.” Attempting to distract myself, I watch people walking on the converging sidewalks.
Shane asks, “So, is it true that you’re single again?”
I practically growl, “No.” Please back me up, Rod.
“Really? You and Wilder didn’t break up?” Good news travels fast.
Rod snaps, “They’re fine. Leave her alone.” Wow, Rod. I thought, publicly or around Morgan at least, he’d want to also steer me away from Finn.
Shane says, “Oh. I saw him hanging out with some blonde recently.”
I shrug and attempt to sound nonchalant. “Probably a coworker.”
“They didn’t seem like just coworkers. Close friends, rather.”
Needing to get him away from me, I helplessly look to Morgan, who is typing something into Rod’s phone, so she doesn’t see my silent screaming. I scowl at her anyway and tell Shane, “He has women friends.” Apparently, women friends who give him blow jobs upon request.
“If you’re still together, where is he?” Do I not sound convincing?
“Working.”
“Is he still not going to marry you?” Shut the fuck up, Shane!
I abruptly stand. “Morgan, I want to go back to the hotel.”
Glancing up from Rod’s phone, she puts a hand on her hip and testily shakes her head. “You’re not going to coop yourself up in your room for the entire trip.”
“I want to go now. My stomach is bothering me.” Shane is bothering me.
She stomps over to us, grabs my hand and leads me away from the boys. I look back and see Rod and Shane watching me; however, Rod’s look doesn’t make me want to blow a rape whistle.
Taking me behind a nearby, huge oak tree, she turns to me and says, “You have got to start moving on.”
Not wanting a lecture, I fold my arms over me. “I don’t want to move on. I want to be left alone!”
She puts her hand on the smooth bark and states, “I know that look in your eyes. You’re pining for him. You’re considering taking him back!”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Morgan! I can’t just turn off my feelings! I still love him!”
“After what he did to you? He doesn’t care! Why hasn’t he showed up at work, asking to see you? Why isn’t he fighting for you? He should walk through fucking fire to win you back!”
I peer around to see if anyone is paying attention to us. I quietly say, “We’ve been through enough.”
“We’ve? Are you kidding me? You think he’s suffered like you have? You caught him…” She also looks around before lowering her voice. “God, Hadley. He’s never going to change. He only thinks of himself. You deserve so much better than that.”
Careful to not be too loud so the guys here us, I hiss, “You don’t know him like I do!” Shit. I don’t even know him like I thought I did.
She rolls her eyes and swings her hair over her shoulder. “Says every woman ever involved with an asshole.” Does she have that little faith in me, too?
“Morgan, you think I’m just going to go running back to him like a good little lap dog? No! Someday, I’d like to be able to at least sit down and talk with him at some point.”
“And that someday will be soon, and then you’ll take him back. I can see it. He has this unexplainable hold over you. He doesn’t love you like you love him!”
“He did love me! I honestly believe that!” The tears start falling and I angrily brush them away. I’m such a baby.
She drops her hand from the tree. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to upset you. I just don’t want to see you hurt over and over again. And that’s what he’ll do. You’re such a forgiving person and he knows that. He’ll take advantage of you and weasel his way back into your life.”
I whisper, “I love him, Morgan. I’m trying so hard not to, but…” …it’s impossible.
She irritably sighs. “He’s in your blood. I know.”
“He’ll always be a part of me. I’m just trying to live my life with this abysmal hole in my heart.”
“I’m afraid you’ll go back to him and he’ll just keep hurting you.”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t even talk to him yet, let alone take him back.”
“I’m only trying to protect you.”
“I know, but I have to work this out somehow. You’ve got to stop trying to fix me up with Shane. It’s annoying. I don’t like him enough to even pretend I do. Just don’t.”
“I’m not trying to fix you up. I’m just trying to loosen you up. Get your mind off of things.”
“It’s not helping.”
Rod walks over and says, “Let’s go, Morgasm. I’m driving anyway.”
“Go ahead. I’ll go with Ivan.”
Shane shows up behind Rod and asks, “Do you want me to come with you?” I immediately scowl. Hell, no! I want you to leave me alone!
I tug at my hair. “No, thanks. Greg’s with me.” I link my arm with his and he pulls me in the direction of Morgan’s car.
What a fine trip this is. I want to go home.
I want my Sparks.
He used to be my Sparks.
Morgan might be right. Maybe I will take him back. Or, maybe she’s right in that I need to move on. I wish I knew what to do.
CHAPTER 28
I was returned home Sunday night, as promised. We went to some jazz venues, but to be honest, I don’t remember much. From what I did hear, the music was great; however, it was a waste of time and Val’s money. I just hope I don’t have to take a trip like that anywhere else with Shane anytime soon.
Monday morning before Val arrived at work, I left her a big bouquet of flowers on her desk, thanking her for taking care of me. She loved them, yet she scolded me for wasting my money on her. At least my morning started with a laugh.
The workweek crawls by while I continue to stay with Rod. He claims he doesn’t mind, but I told him I’ll go home this weekend. He said I could always move in with him and we could share his room. Get bunk beds even. Alternatively, we could share his bed, but he said it wouldn’t work out since he’s a blanket hog and I’m a crabby whore. Nice. I know he means that in the most lovingly way possible. It made me smile, though.
At work on Thursday morning, I go into Rod’s office and take a seat. Freezing mid-signature, he looks up from his paperwork with drawn curiosity.
I hesitantly ask, “Have you heard from…Finn?”
“Not since last week. He’s been quiet. I told him to give you space. So, that’s what he’s doing. He didn’t forget about you. I promise. He’s one phone call away if you ever decide to talk to him. He’s not going anywhere. Okay?”
I tentatively nod. “I don’t know when I’ll want to. I feel like I’m getting closer to it, but I…”
He understandingly nods and when he sits back, I notice he’s bouncing his legs underneath his desk. “Take your time, Hadders.”
“He begged me to marry him, Rod. What if we get back together and he really doesn’t want to marry me? He lied to me again?”
Rod astutely smirks. “I 100 percent believe he would marry you this time. He knows what it’s like to actually lose you. I bet he’d even skip the church and take you to Vegas.”
“He mentioned that.”
“I think he’d even marry you in all 50 states.”
I doubtfully scowl. “That’s a bit extreme.”
Rod grins. “I know.”
I shake my head. “I can’t even look at him, let alone consider marrying him anymore. Why am I even discussing this then?�
��
Tapping his pen on the desk, he perceptively answers, “You know why.” Frowning, I glance at the floor. “Do you want me to text him?”
I glance up at his colorful fish tie. “Not yet. I’ll let you know. I was just wondering out loud, I suppose.”
He nods and his gaze studies me. “Are you feeling okay? How’s your bruise?”
“Still there. It’s a lot smaller, but it still hurts a little. It’s actually a nice distraction from other things.”
“I didn’t think of it like that.”
“Mostly, I have a headache and my body aches from not sleeping.”
“I know. I hear you up at night.”
“Yeah. I’ll be gone this weekend.”
“You don’t have to go yet. I like the company. I’ll need to do some grocery shopping, though. You ate all my Fritos, jerk.”
I unexpectedly smile. “I’m sorry. I wanted something salty.”
“If that’s the case, I’ll just buy you a damn salt lick. You can break my nose, date my sister, shred my posters, kick my ass or set me on fire, but hands off my Fritos.”
“Get some professional help, Gregory.”
“Why do I hear that so much?”
Thursday evening after work, Rod and I sit on the couch, eating Chinese take-out. He
eats. I mostly pick at my General Tso.
“You really okay?”
I look up at him and wanly nod. “You asked me that this morning. Why again?”
“Because you look pale.”
“Oh.”
“PMS?”
“Yeah, if you must know.”
“Sorry. I’m out of Guy-dol.”
I smile. “Cute.” Cute…
“Are you sure that’s all that’s bothering you?”
I weakly shrug and pick at my food. “You know.”
He sighs and sets his box down on the coffee table. “I’ll call him for you, if you want.”
“No. I need to forget him.”
“You won’t, though.”
I bite my lip to keep the tears at bay. “No. I never will. I’ll always love him.” Tilting my head, I stare at the couch cushion, contemplating. “He’s a part of me. He forever will be.” I look at Rod. “But, that doesn’t mean we belong together.”
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