Chloe had been unimpressed when Kate had told her of Lily’s wishes to stay at home with outside help. ‘Nursing staff?’ She seemed puzzled. ‘Why would she want a nurse? We’ll be looking after her, won’t we?’
‘We’re not qualified,’ Kate said. ‘I’m having enough trouble looking after myself at the moment.’
‘We can learn,’ Chloe pleaded. ‘Lily will tell us what she needs.’
‘She might have to be fed through a tube. How would we do that? What about cleaning up when she’s made a mess? We wouldn’t know the right dosage for her painkillers and would you be able to administer an injection if she needed one?’
Chloe shrugged like a child who knew an adult was talking sense, before shaking her head in agreement.
‘Will Chloe be okay?’ Serle brought Kate back to the present.
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘We’ll get each other through it but I’m going to keep an eye on her. She hasn’t been to college for a couple of weeks. I think she’s finding it hard to concentrate. It’s a tough course, even without this kind of distraction.’
Serle took off his beanie hat and placed it on the counter. ‘Take it easy, Kate. You don’t have to worry for everyone.’
‘But I feel like I have to be Mrs Smiley all the time.’ Kate’s lower lip began to tremble. ‘It’s hard to be bright and cheerful to customers when all I can think about is Lily.’
‘Life goes on. She’d understand.’
Alf gently tapped on the living room door before pushing it open. Lily sat in the armchair by the window. Roughly half a dozen pillows propped her up and a patchwork quilt, made many years ago, covered her legs. Her eyes were now deep and dark hollows, saggy jowls hung down her colourless cheeks. Her skin had turned a sickly shade of grey, lips a slight tinge of blue. And, much to his dismay, her beautiful hair had hardly a curl.
As he moved quietly towards her, Alf was certain she didn’t know he was there and he hadn’t the heart to wake her. Looking down at the woman he’d loved for as long as he could remember, he didn’t feel sad. He knew she’d been keeping quiet for a long time about the pain she was suffering. She reminded him of a tatty, old rag doll, one that had stood the test of time. A reliable friend to share problems with. Loved and admired by everyone who had the pleasure of knowing her. And, he supposed, in a way she’d gone from rags to riches when she’d decided to open the coffee shop.
He sat down on the settee but half an hour later, Lily was still sleeping. He thought back to the conversation they’d had just the day before, when he’d taken coffee upstairs with her. ‘I want you and Irene to help the girls with my funeral,’ she’d told him. ‘They’re going to be upset when it happens and I’m sure they’d like you to help. I’ve arranged most of it already and it’s all paid for but I’d like you to oversee things.’
Despite his earlier misgivings, Alf was certain that Kate and Chloe were capable of looking after things. Lily would have nothing to worry about. But he had agreed to help, all the same.
He was going to miss her so much, more than he could ever disclose to anyone. Quietly, he got up and left the room, closing the door behind him. Lily was a tough old boot. He knew she wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.
Kate had been nervous but pleased when Will rung again to suggest they meet, maybe go for a walk that weekend. This time she’d said yes and they’d arranged to meet on Sunday afternoon.
Rosie seemed oblivious to the gale force wind and the grey threatening sky as she ran ahead of them in the park. Gut feeling and her own eyes told Kate this was the last weekend that Lily would be around. Every hour she seemed to decline before them. Now that the nursing team had arrived and were at her side constantly, she felt that she could relax a little, knowing that everything was in hand. It was good to get some fresh air.
‘It must be great to be a dog,’ said Kate, falling into stride beside Will. ‘The only important thing in Rosie’s life is time. What time is she having her next feed, what time is she going for a walk?’
‘When was the last time she had a pee,’ will joked. ‘Can she hold it until her next pit stop?’
They followed the crazy paving path around the outskirts of the small lake whilst the wind battled with the branches on the trees. Kate caught her breath as a gust almost knocked her off her feet and she wondered if the reason why there weren’t too many people in the park that afternoon had something to do with the atrocious weather. More likely was the fact that there were less than two weeks to go before Christmas and most people would be shopping towards it. Kate hadn’t even begun to think about the holiday season – how could she with Lily’s death hanging over her like the stormy clouds above?
‘I wish we could do something to help ease Lily’s pain,’ she spoke moments later.
‘There’s nothing you can do,’ Will said calmly, ‘except be there.’
‘But that’s what I’m frightened of, Lily dying when I am there, that I’m going to go to pieces at the crucial moment. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.’
‘I wish I could find the right words to say, but I can’t. All I can talk about is my own experience, my own feelings. Death affects everyone in different ways. No one can predict how they’ll react until they lose someone close and, even then, it depends on who that person is and how the relationship has been while they were alive.’
Kate nodded slightly. ‘Were you with your mum when she died?’
‘Yes, it was tough, but I needed to be there. When she was dying, I thought I wouldn’t be able to cope. Seeing her in so much pain was awful. But the doctor assured us that she was comfortable.’
‘Did she look any different?’ Kate felt ashamed but she was scared of seeing Lily’s dead body. She found it hard to believe that undertakers dressed them in their best clothes and made up their faces.
‘Half an hour before she died, they asked Dad and me to leave the room so that they could wash and change her. When we went back in, Mum was tucked in under clean sheets, wearing fresh nightwear and they’d brushed her hair. I’ll never forget that. The fact that she died a few minutes later didn’t deter them from making her look nice for us…and for her.
‘She died in her sleep,’ Will continued after a pause while he gazed across the lake, his eyes glistening. ‘I remember noticing how blue her hands were. I held on to one and my dad held the other. She took a few final breaths and then…nothing.’
Kate touched him lightly on his arm. ‘I’m sorry.’
Will sniffed. ‘What for? It was one of the best moments in my life, one that I’ll never forget. Morbid I know, but it was such a personal time.’
‘How’s your dad doing?’
Will took Rosie’s lead out of his coat pocket as he noticed a black Labrador in the distance. ‘He’s good,’ he told her. ‘I don’t get to see him too often. But I’m thinking of moving nearer to him again.’
Kate felt a flush of warmth ripple through her body and decided to take Lily’s advice.
‘Does that mean you’ll be around to take me out on the odd occasion, now that you don’t have to use me anymore?’ she teased, blowing away strands of hair stuck to her lipstick.
‘Maybe.’ Will treated Kate to that wonderful smile of his. With a huge sigh of relief, he pulled her into his arms and planted a kiss on the tip of her nose.
CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR
When Kate opened the seventeenth day of Rosie’s advent calendar and flicked the square of chocolate to her, it had been over a week since Lily had set foot in the coffee shop, in fact, since she’d been downstairs at all. Every time she saw her fragile figure, Kate had the overwhelming urge to hug her, to squeeze her, but she didn’t dare in case she hurt her. Lily had always been small but there was hardly anything left of her now.
Kate sat down on the chair they’d put beside Lily’s bed. Although the room was hot, she could feel the cold right through to her bones. She hugged herself to get warm, all the time thinking about death, about the time when Lily would say goodbye in
stead of goodnight.
Lily stirred in her sleep and moved her head slightly. ‘Kate?’ she whispered. ‘Kate, will you look after everything for me?’
Kate moved closer. ‘Yes, of course.’
Lily managed to open her eyes a little and slowly brought her hand up to touch Kate’s cheek. Kate blinked away more tears. It shocked her to feel the touch – as cold as hers, but for a very different reason.
‘I don’t want you to worry…when the time comes…for me to leave you…’
Kate wanted to push Lily but was afraid it would do her more harm than good. ‘I’ll be fine,’ she lied, nodding vehemently.
When Lily closed her eyes again, Kate wondered if that was the last time she’d hear her speak. She wondered if she’d even last out the day.
But Lily did manage to last out the day, and the following night too, although she hadn’t opened her eyes since Lucy had kissed her goodbye just after midnight. Dr Warren, Lily’s GP, had said she would, in all probability, go peacefully in her sleep. The oxygen cylinder that she was attached to was helping her to breathe and, no matter how much Kate wanted her to talk, they were to leave her to rest.
Now, just after three am, Chloe was asleep, wrapped up in her quilt and lying on Lily’s ottoman at the foot of her bed. Even curled up in a ball, her knees overhung. Kate looked towards the door as Tracey, the nurse on the night shift brought in two mugs of tea.
She sipped at her drink while she thought of how it was just over seven months since she’d arrived at Somerley. Back then, she’d thought she was grown up at thirty-two, but really she was as immature and vulnerable as that nine year old child on the day that her father had walked out. Kate hadn’t realised how insecure it had made her. Nick was forever moaning about it during every argument, but she’d thought it was said in the heat of the moment. How could she be insecure? She was married, managed to run a home and pay the bills without falling into masses of debt and she held down a responsible job.
But, now she’d had time to get away from the situation and cope with day to day life on her own, she’d realised how dependent she’d become of Nick, how she’d let him control her. Not in a direct way – he never told her what to wear and she had money if she ever wanted to buy anything – but because she was scared of being without him. The failed relationship with her father had made her understand that she’d never felt safe unless she was with a man of her own.
Although she hadn’t realised it at the time and had looked at the move as a chance to get away from Nick, coming to Somerley had been the best thing that she could have done. It had taught her that she could live without a man, that she was capable of doing so, and that, when she did eventually settle down again – maybe even with Will – she would be an equal. Lily had given her the strength to get through any situation – look what she did in the face of death when she’d lost her husband, her soul mate.
Kate gently picked up Lily’s hand and held it in her own. She wanted her to respond, to say, ‘for goodness’ sake, child, stop trying to squeeze the life out of me’. But she knew there was no hope of that.
They’d closed the coffee shop today as a mark of respect. Kate couldn’t believe they would never share another breakfast meeting downstairs. She’d miss the way Lily always had to have a cup of tea before she’d discuss anything. She’d miss the way their boss was always present, mostly listening, but letting them make their own mistakes, guiding them if they went off course. A professional chairperson as they all called her. And she was about to leave them.
But, tomorrow they would think about the future. For now, Kate’s time and thoughts belonged with Lily.
Even though her mind was just about working, Lily couldn’t remember when she had last found the strength to open her eyes. Every breath that she took felt like her chest was going to explode and she had some sort of straps across her face, irritating her skin. Her body must be drugged for she felt no pain – just overwhelming exhaustion.
For one last time, she wanted to look at her girls. Finding Kate and Chloe to help her after Bernard’s death had been a godsend and she couldn't believe her time with them was fading fast. She knew they’d cope without her. They thought they weren’t strong enough but she knew better.
She felt someone wipe a cloth across her forehead and relished the dampness on her flushed skin. She was hot, yet cold, frightened, yet peaceful. It felt surreal, she wanted to die, yet she didn’t want to leave them yet.
But Bernard would be waiting for her.
With all the strength she had left, Lily willed her eyes to work. The light stung as she turned her head but she couldn’t lift a hand quick enough to shield them. Instead, she lay until she could see and thanked the Lord that it was night, and that the room was dimly lit by the lamp at her side.
Straight ahead, she could just make out a person, wearing a pale blue top and dark trousers. At the bottom of the bed, she saw Chloe, her neck hanging at an awkward angle. Lily would remember her as a porcelain doll – beautiful, fair skinned with enchanting eyes. Another push and she turned her head slightly to catch sight of Kate. Lily would remember her as a fine piece of collectible china – delicate, irreplaceable and precious.
She didn’t want to leave them but she knew it wouldn’t be long now. And at least her plan had worked. One lone tear trickled down her face as she mouthed her goodbyes.
It was three hours later when Chloe awoke. She sat up, pulled down her legs and stretched her arms above her head. Lily didn’t look as though she’d moved all night. It was strange to think that only the day before she’d squeezed Chloe’s hand and managed a weak smile. Now she looked as if there was no energy left inside her. Perhaps there wasn’t.
The sound of the doorbell in the distance broke into her thoughts.
Kate woke up with a start. ‘What time is it?’ she looked across the room.
‘Half past six. I think the nurses are doing a switch. Shall we go into the living room until they’ve finished?’
An hour later, Chloe knocked quietly on Lily’s bedroom door. ‘Can I come in?’ she asked the nurse as she stood on the threshold.
The nurse nodded. ‘Yes, you can have a few minutes with her, if you like.’
Chloe gasped as she drew level with Lily. Her colour had paled significantly. Even attached to the oxygen cylinder, her breathing had rapidly deteriorated. She reminded her of an old engine running out of steam.
Fighting her feelings, she took Lily’s hand in her own. ‘I don’t want to go without saying goodbye but I don’t want to be here when...when…oh, Lily, I’m going to miss you so much. I want you to know that I’ve been really happy since I came to Somerley. I love working here. I love Kate and Lucy. And I love you. Why do you have to go so soon? I’ve only just got to know you. Please don’t leave us yet.’
She tried to calm her tears, even though she couldn’t help thinking that Lily had already gone. Could Lily hear what she was saying or was there only a body left in the bed? Had her soul gone to Heaven already?
‘Say hello to my mum for me,’ Chloe whispered, giving Lily’s cold hand one last squeeze. ‘Tell her that I miss her so much. Tell her that I’ve been a good girl. Tell her....tell her...’
Chloe broke down again and placed her head on the bed. ‘Why did this have to happen now?’
With less than a week to go until Christmas Day, Lily sensed that Bernard was waiting for her. She pawed at the oxygen mask, it came away effortlessly and her eyes opened with ease. He stood at the bottom of the bed, looking every bit as handsome as she remembered in his black suit. Lily couldn’t remember him looking so well for a good while.
Without difficulty, she found that she could sit up. She reached out to him and he came to her side. Sitting on the edge of her bed, he leaned forward to gently touch her face. Lily felt her heart melt. It was so good to see him at last.
Bernard’s face broke out into a smile and as he pulled her into his arms, Lily closed her eyes for the very last time.
&nb
sp; CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
Dear Kate and Chloe,
It doesn’t seem right for me to give you individual letters because I care about you equally. When I first met you, I had an idea. A plan you might say. Call me stupid, if you please. I mean, how many women would want to start again after working hard all their lives? Surely I should have been slowing down? Because you see, I knew I was dying.
I knew I didn’t have long to live when Bernard died and I didn’t want to die alone. I chose you two because you each seemed to have a little of me in you. Kate, you are strong, yet sensitive. Someone I could rely on at all times. Chloe, well, you filled me with youth and hope that everything would go my way.
There wasn’t a day that passed when I didn’t think of Bernard and how different things might have been. But then I wouldn’t have met you two. You both gave my failing hope such a boost and showered me with love and affection. You helped me through my darkest months. I was alone for a time after his death and I hated it. Every day, I would walk into that desolate cafe and think of better times. I very nearly sold it all. But you made it work for me. Therefore, it gives me great pleasure to hand The Coffee Stop over to you both.
My plan was to find someone to share my last days with. Once I’d found someone that I could trust, who had the interests of my business at heart, I felt that I could die in peace. I didn’t want to leave everything I’d worked hard towards to someone who wouldn’t care. I also wanted to leave something of myself behind in a new establishment. I know it sounds like a strange idea but my initial proposal was to choose one person from three. Luckily for me, I never found a third person because I could never have chosen between the two of you. ’
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