by N. L. Greene
I quickly turned from the disturbing sight and moved into the shower room. It was huge! The shower itself was all open, and there was a step that led to the sunken-down area. I closed the door behind me and stripped off my dirty clothes. I couldn’t believe Miguel had let me sleep in his bed like that! I stood to the side of the shower spray, adjusting the temperature until it was almost too hot. Then I stepped in and let the dirt wash away.
I stood there for a while with my eyes closed and my face turned up so the water landed directly on my face. I tried to release some of the tension in my body but couldn’t. I wasn’t proud of how I’d behaved the last few months of my life, what I had turned to, or who I had become. It was almost worse than the stuff with Mel, because at least I could blame her for that. Who could I blame for this most recent stuff, other than myself? I wasn’t looking forward to telling Miguel about it all. I knew he wouldn’t want to just know about what happened last night and how I ended up here. No, he would want to know everything. He was looking for an explanation for my disappearing act, what had happened with Mel, and worst of all, for what he’d overheard the last time we’d seen each other.
Needless to say, it was not a conversation I was looking forward to having. But I knew I would tell him. He needed to know, and I needed to tell him. Even if that meant he never spoke to me again, at least he would know what had happened and how I felt about him.
Then I could move on with a clear conscience.
I grabbed the soap and quickly scrubbed my body, probably too hard, but there was a lot of dirt. Then I shampooed and conditioned my hair. Everything smelled delicious, like him. I knew when I was finished I would too, and the stray thought made me smile. Once clean, I examined my body. There was still dirt in my nail beds, but that would take time to get rid of completely. Other than that, I was outwardly clean.
I turned the shower off and grabbed the towel hanging on the rack. I dried my hair as best as I could and then wrapped the wet towel around my body. I opened the door a crack and peeked out, and when I saw that the coast was clear, I quickly walked over and pushed the main door shut. I left it open just a crack so Miguel wouldn’t freak out if he saw it closed. Then I picked up the clothes he left for me and stepped in front of the mirror again. When I dropped the towel, I looked at my body once again. It was clean, but now I noticed just how skinny and angular I had become. I hadn’t been able to eat much at first, but then I’d just sort of gotten used to not eating. I could see my collar bone and my ribs pretty well, and my hip-bones jutted out a lot more than they ever had before. My face was even skinner, with my nose and cheek-bones much more defined now. Six months ago I would have killed for this body and Mel would have applauded and praised me for being so successful, but now I realized it wasn’t me and it didn’t look good. I was too skinny now. No wonder my parents had been pushing me to go to the doctor! I looked anorexic, and truthfully, I probably was, but only by accident.
I peeled my eyes from my reflection and turned them to the clothes on the counter in front of me. It was a pair of Miguel’s boxers and one of his t-shirts. I couldn’t resist the urge to pick them up and bring them to my face. They smelled just like him. Miguel’s voice sounded from the other room and startled me. I felt like he’d busted me.
“Nat? You okay in there?”
“Um, yeah. Be out in a sec.” I quickly pulled the shirt over my head and pulled out my wet hair. Then I stepped into the boxers and rolled them up at the waist a few times to keep them from falling off. I glanced in the mirror again and smiled. You couldn’t even see the boxers because the shirt was so big, but I liked seeing myself in his clothes. I grabbed my hair tie and opened the door.
“Thanks for the clothes. I feel so much better,” I said to the floor as I stepped out of the bathroom; pulling my wet hair up into a loose ponytail. Strangely enough Miguel didn’t answer, and when I looked up, he was staring intently at me. “Umm, Miguel? Is everything okay?” I glanced down at my clothes. “Was this not for me to wear? I’m sorry…” I started to turn in embarrassment but he stopped me.
“No!” He cleared his throat. “I mean, yes. That’s what I put out for you.”
“Oh, okay. Well then what is it?” I asked, confused.
He shook his head and cleared his throat again. “It’s nothing, honey. Come on – I fixed you a sandwich. You can eat it while you explain some things to me.” He motioned toward the bed.
Uh-oh. I gulped but moved to sit on the bed. The sheets had been changed, the bed was made, and there was a plate with a sandwich sitting in the middle. I sat down and scooted back so I could lean against the head board, and Miguel did the same on the other side of me. He picked up the plate and set it in my lap. I immediately took a bite so I wouldn’t have to talk right away.
He watched me and waited. When I took another bite without a word, he sighed. “You know you’re going to have to start talking soon. I’m not letting you leave until you do.”
I nodded and swallowed. Miguel handed me a bottle of water, and I took a long sip before handing it back to him. When he turned back from placing it on the nightstand, I started to talk.
I started at the beginning. I told him about how Mel and I met and how our friendship grew over the years. I told him how special she was to me and how much I’d always loved and admired her. I told him about our plans to stay best friends forever, and how we swore we would always be there for each other and how important that had been to me. How much I’d believed it. Then I told him about the things she did and said to me. I told him about the boyfriends she’d kissed, the friends she’d run off, and the horrible advice she’d given so freely and often. I told him about her brother and the relationship we had. I told him about my introduction into the world of smoking, drugs, alcohol, skipping school, and all the other bad things I had done. Then I told him about the fight, and what had led us to it. I told him about Paul and why I’d done it and how I blamed Mel, but mostly myself. I told him about the morning after, the doctor’s visit, and then the weeks that followed. And then I told him about Chaos, the life he and Shana introduced me to, and finally what had happened the night before.
When I was finished, I wiped the tears from my eyes and held my breath. Miguel had been deliberately quiet throughout my entire confession. He hadn’t asked one question, or prompted me to continue when I needed a minute to think. I had hoped he was being patient and understanding, but now I feared he was angry, or worse, disgusted. I took a chance and peeked up at him. The look on his face stole my breath away. I’d expected pity, anger, revulsion. I had hoped for compassion…but I had not expected pain.
I moved quickly onto my knees beside him and touched my fingers to his cheek. “Miguel? Are you okay?” I whispered, afraid of what was happening.
His faced turned toward mine as he reached his hand up and placed it over mine. “Baby…” he breathed out, and pulled me to him. In the next second I was in his lap; his arms tight around me, one around my back and the other around my legs, and his face was burrowed deep in my neck. I stayed still for a second, unsure of what was happening. He called me ‘Baby’ again and although I relished it, I still didn’t understand what exactly was going on.
When he didn’t say anything after another minute, I asked hesitantly, “Miguel? What’s wrong?”
He didn’t pull his face away when he answered, so I felt his hot breath caress my skin and his soft lips graze my neck as he spoke. “I’m so sorry, Natalie. I didn’t realize what you were going through. I was so mad at you, and if only I’d known…”
“What? What are you talking about Miguel? I’m the one who’s sorry! I’m the one who fucked up!” I pulled away but he only let me go so far. There were mere inches between us; my hands pressed against his chest, his face right in front of mine. My heart was racing and there were butterflies in my stomach. I liked being this close to him, but now wasn’t the time to get all girly and gooey. I didn’t want him blaming himself for anything that I’d done. I didn’t even
know how he could possibly come up with the idea that he did anything wrong!
“No baby, you didn’t fuck up. You were lost and you thought your girl was leading you down the right path. How could you have possibly known that she was going to take advantage of your loyalty and trust and manipulate you that way? As for the rest, you were hurting and you didn’t have anyone there to help you. And I should have been there for you.” He shook his head and tried to pull me against his chest again.
But I wouldn’t let him. “No, Miguel. Listen to me! I had people. J and Ash both tried, and even Noah from school, but I pushed them all away. I was so embarrassed, and I couldn’t stand to see the pity in their eyes when they looked at me.”
“Baby, nobody pities you! How could you even think that?” He shook his head and looked deeply into my eyes. “We all love you, Nat,” he said softly.
My heart almost burst out of my chest. Was he saying what I thought he was saying? “Really?” I was almost too afraid to ask, but I had to know.
“Yes baby, really. I love you, sweetheart. I think I have from the first time I laid eyes on you. You’ve just been hell-bent on running from me, so I never got a chance to tell you. And I know it seems too soon to say something like that, but…” He shrugged and looked at me sheepishly. “It’s just how I feel.”
“Oh.” I took a breath. Most people would think it was ridiculous, but I knew exactly what he meant. There had been an electric connection between us from the very first time we’d seen each other, and it had only intensified once we kissed. Then every time we saw each other after that, there was a magnetic pull that I’d never felt with anyone else before. And even though I’d been running from him, he had been on my mind daily. “I love you too, Miguel,” I whispered softly.
“Oh thank God.” He sighed and pulled me against him again. He kissed my head, then my cheek, then my lips. It was so soft and passionate that once again tears began their slow cascade from my eyes. His lips were warm and perfect. I hugged him tightly to me, but then he pulled away.
He cupped my face with both of his hands and looked intently into my eyes. “I love you and I want us to be together Nat, but we’ve got a little more to talk about.” I nodded my head. Yes we did. I still had a long road ahead of me, but it suddenly didn’t seem so difficult now that Miguel was going to be there by my side. “But for now, I just want to kiss you and hold you until Ash gets here to take you home.”
“Ugh!” I groaned as my new predicament came back to mind. “My parents are going to kill me! I’m going to be grounded forever and you’re never going to see me again.”
His hands tightened on my face, drawing my attention back to him. “I’ll take it Nat, over what could have happened to you if you hadn’t called J last night. I’ll take you being grounded any day, baby.”
I swallowed in shame because he was right. So much could have happened, and then I wouldn’t be sitting here in his lap, hearing him tell me how much he cared about me. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry honey, be grateful! You were lucky you weren’t the one on that floor last night. And now we have a chance to make things right. I want to forget everything in the past. Our lives start fresh today, together. And together we’re going to make it the best one we can.”
“Okay.” I smiled at him, feeling so happy for the first time since I could remember. I glanced at the clock on the night stand. “We have an hour. Just enough time for you to kiss me and hold me like you promised.”
Miguel grinned, his eyes sparkling as he did. He was so beautiful and he was all mine!
In the End
So of course, Miguel and I lived happily ever after, right?
Well yeah, but it wasn’t easy.
I was definitely grounded for a week when I got home that day, but I spent the entire week talking to my parents. I didn’t tell them everything, because I was still too ashamed and I didn’t want them to be disappointed in me. But I did tell them about Mel and how she’d made me feel over the years. My parents felt incredibly guilty. They thought that if only they had been able to notice the signs, they could have put a stop to it. But they couldn’t have. Like I said before, our relationship was like one of those abusive relationships you see between spouses, and I was the one being abused. I would have acted just like they do. No one could have convinced me of the truth of what she was doing to me. Believe me, they tried. But I blindly loved her too much to see it. I would’ve denied it and hated anyone that tried to make me turn against her. I had to learn on my own. And I did.
You know what the funny part was? There was still a sick part of me that missed her. She was the only person I had ever really spent any time with, and the only person I’d ever told all of my deepest, darkest secrets to. I felt an empty space in my heart where she used to be, but I knew that eventually, it would get better. My friends were slowly filling that space again. They were helping me to see that I didn’t have to worry about how I looked or acted all the time and I didn’t have to worry about being judged so harshly. I wasn’t completely naïve. I knew that kids would still judge, me but it wasn’t the same as Mel had done. She pointed out every microscopic flaw, making it infinitely worse than it really was. I saw that clearly now.
That summer was tough, though. There were still days when I wanted that old familiar numbness to help me forget all the pain, but Ash and Miguel were always there to remind me that I didn’t need it anymore. Ash even went as far as giving everything up, too. She wasn’t as dependent as I had been, but I still knew what it meant for her to do that for me. Even with her by my side every step of the way, it was also a very LONG summer, to say the least, but it was worth every difficult day to find myself starting my Senior year excited and eager.
It was the first year I would be starting school without Mel, and I was more than happy about that. I had my own locker, my own style, and my own personality. I’ll admit it felt strange, but it was also refreshing. I had spent the weekend before with Miguel, as I did every weekend now, and Ash had come over to hang out with us as well. They both gave me a pep talk, but I found that I didn’t actually need it. I was confident all on my own, for the first time I could remember.
My grades had slipped pretty significantly the year before so I was no longer in any A.P. classes, but I promised myself an all–A average for the year; hoping it would help when college applications were being filled out. I didn’t have plans to go far though. Truthfully, the community college near my house was perfectly fine with me, but my parents wanted me to at least apply to the bigger schools, so I did.
They had become so supportive over the last couple of months as well. We talked every night after dinner, even including my sister sometimes. I think they were afraid that what had happened to me might happen to her, so they tried to make her aware as best they could of what I’d gone through. I actually liked our family talks and how close we were becoming. My parents also gave me a nice pep talk the night before school started; both of them telling me how much they loved me and how proud they were of me. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried.
So when I woke up on the first day of school, I was practically bouncing up and down with excitement. I had a new wardrobe, new make-up techniques (courtesy of Ash), and a new attitude. I still didn’t have a car though, but I did have an absolutely amazing boyfriend who offered to drop me off every morning and pick me up on the days he didn’t have to work. Did I mention how much I loved him?
Miguel dropped me off with a soft kiss and whispered, ‘I love you’ against my lips. When I stepped from the car, a wave of unease washed over me. I suddenly realized that I didn’t have any friends at school any more. I was still confident and excited, but my Senior year would sort of suck without any friends.
“Natalie?” someone called from behind me. I turned around to see Noah walking briskly toward me.
“Noah!” I squealed and ran toward him. He welcomed me with open arms and a tight squeeze that brought me off my feet for a
second.
“Nat!” he said almost as enthusiastically as I did, before setting me down and pulling back to look at me. “WOW. You look amazing!”
I blushed at his appreciative gaze but secretly loved that he’d noticed. “Thanks, Noah. How was your summer?”
“Probably not as good as yours,” he said with a pointed look over my shoulder at Miguel’s retreating car, before letting go of me and moving to my side so we could walk into school. “Seriously - you look great, Nat. Would you mind if I asked what happened? I’ve been worried about you all summer. You didn’t exactly seem yourself at the end of the year last year.”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, I know. It’s a really long story though, and I’ll tell you, but not now. Let’s just say that I found myself and I’m finally happy now.”
“Good! I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.” We walked together until we reached my locker. He said goodbye and told me that he would definitely be talking to me later. I had a friend again, and as the days and weeks progressed, I was surprised to find out that I actually had a lot more. Everyone I used to be friends with didn’t hesitate to compliment me, and some even asked about Mel. I was even more surprised to find out how happy they were that I wasn’t friends with her anymore, and that she wasn’t coming back. Seemed she didn’t have that many friends after all.
After the first few weeks of school, everything really started to fall into place. School was surprisingly fun again; I had supportive friends, a wonderful family, and an amazing boyfriend that I loved just as much as he loved me.
Then, I really did live happily ever after.
N.L. Greene
N.L. Greene, who is 1/2 of the author duo Riana Lucas, has decided to venture outside of the Fantasy world that she and her best friend created with Poppy and The Deadly Flowers Series to write a few books on her own. While she loves working with her best friend, writing solo has allowed her to explore interest that had solely been her own. She spends a lot of time reading her favorite authors which range all over the place and in every genre, but spends just as much time with her husband and two daughters, traveling, shopping, and playing video games. Nichole was born in Pennsylvania but grew up in Florida, where she and her high school sweetheart live with their two children.