Jimmy stayed silent as Mary swallowed her tears. She hadn't said it out loud before. Not to anyone. He ran one of his hands up and down her arm to comfort, but the calluses against her skin only scratched. When she had blinked the tears out of her eyes, she looked up at him. He wasn't looking at her, but over her at the wall behind her with his brows drawn down.
She wiped the corner of her eye with one of her fingers. “I'm sorry.” It was her problem, not his. She hadn't meant to dump her problems onto him and wasn't quite sure what had possessed her to do so.
His hand stopped moving up and down her arm. He gripped her arm tightly as his muscles tensed. “I killed my father. And our mother ran away from me.”
They were close. He looked over her head as if he couldn't meet her eyes but he kept his hand on her arm. Heat rose from his body into the spaces between them. The words were said without guilt, but it was clear he accepted the blame.
Jimmy remained tense. The differences between the two of them were so obvious that it hid their one similarity. He had no more choice than she did. The path his life would take had been determined since Brandon and Jimmy set foot on the care center grounds. What freedom he had was just as much an illusion as her own.
She couldn't speak. In that moment of realization, the only thing she could do was to move closer to him, deeper into his arms.
Intermission Five
Mary stood between Jimmy and Brandon staring at the large expanse of water that went as far as the eye could see. Faced with the vastness of never ending water and the edge of the land, she couldn't help but feel small and insignificant.
Brandon caught her thoughts. "It's the Edge of the World. Like in the stories." He smiled up at her. In the years that had passed, he'd grown so much that he now stood at her shoulder. In his own way, he was heading on the path to adulthood. There would be no more care centers for him. His training would start, and instead of being dropped off with Mary, he would take his place with the ranks of the other children his age learning the way of the tribe.
Mary slipped her hand into Jimmy's hand as she smiled at Brandon. "Thank you for showing me this, you guys." This was something she never would have been able to see on her own. If it hadn't been for Jimmy's invitation, she would be at the care center at this moment, fooled into believing that the world was nothing more than what she could see with her eye.
Jimmy squeezed her fingers. She could feel her eyes moistening at the small and tender gesture, and so she looked back towards the water letting the strong breeze dry her eyes off. It was almost painful with the amount of salt in the air but it distracted her and drew her attention from Jimmy standing so tall next to her. He had been the one to talk to Shawn, the tribal in charge of the care centers, which had certainly made her curious. She had pried, but not pushed, and ultimately decided that it was impossible to refuse to let her little human go when the nearly second in command requested her.
The strong wind shoved her hair around. Mary had to keep fighting to keep the strands out of her face. It helped if she kept her face turned towards the wind and that meant sometimes turning her face so that it almost rested on Jimmy's shoulder next to her even as they held hands. She resisted slipping into his arms only out of respect for both him and Brandon. Because the move would possibly make both of them uncomfortable even if it was very clear how she felt after so many years. Mary shut her eyes to listen to the water driven on by the wind and running on the land.
For a moment, she became dizzy with the weight of this new idea that her world did have an end and she'd lived near it this whole time.
On the other side of her, Brandon slipped his still small hand into hers so that she held the hands of both brothers on either side of her. "It's not fair that you're stuck there all the time."
Mary shrugged. "I have it better than most." And it was true so far as she was concerned.
Jimmy squeezed her hand again, his low voice cutting through the wind easily to make its way to her ear. "We better head back."
She nodded though it was one of those moments she'd prefer to either not end or end completely differently. If Jimmy would see reason and take her home with him and Brandon, she would go with them. No one would say anything to him. No one would stop him if that was what he wanted. But he hadn't asked and she knew it wasn't proper for her to ask him. It had been discussed once, and the one time, Jimmy had made it clear that it would never happen. It would never work.
As they walked up the hill, Brandon dropped her hand, but Jimmy didn't. The sand gave way under their feet and Jimmy practically pulled her along. When she looked up at him, he met her glance with a smile and a chuckle the wind swallowed up. For all the time they had known each other, a smile from him was still a rare thing, and she absorbed it knowing she would most likely never see it again except possibly in passing when he stopped by to "inspect" the care centers, or when he started stopping by with his own children.
They crawled through the hole in the barrier and made their way carefully through the thorny plants and bushes guarding the fence. Jimmy held her hand until they reached the edge and were back in the open again. Then he gave her fingers another squeeze before he released her, letting the cold air prickle her skin.
As they walked through the village, the sun slowly fell behind the hills surrounding the village. It was just past the large and noisy market that she heard the voice that made her pause.
"Jimmy." It was a smooth voice and deep. On anyone else it might have even been pleasant, but on the man walking towards them with his smile and narrowed eyes, it didn't sit right. Mary stepped back even as Jimmy stepped forward. "Brandon too. And who's this?"
The man tilted his chin at her, his sharp eyes narrowing even as a smile spread across his lips. Something about him unnerved her. He was taller than Jimmy, but skinnier. Tattoos and wiry muscles were exposed on his bare chest. There were many small tattoos that didn't look nearly as dark or as crisp as the tattoos of the Southlands. She caught the sight of one tattoo of a frightening creature with a sharp tail poised over its body as if to strike.
Jimmy's voice was clear and strong. "Killer, what're you doing here?"
Mary shuddered at the sound of the name on Jimmy's lips. The man rested his hand on his belt where a crude sheath fashioned from some sort of animal skin held a large knife.
"Just out looking for supplies." Killer's smile hadn't disappeared and it only seemed to grow with Jimmy's obvious annoyance. "So are you going to introduce us? Is she another sibling? Or maybe she's just a pet of yours."
Strands of her hair tickled her cheek, but she didn't dare make a move to push them out of the way. The man reminded her of the Ghost who had visited her so many months ago, but there was a difference. Both were possibly equally dangerous, but there were no ties of friendship between this man and Jimmy. Every glance of his was a threat.
"What the fuck do you want, Killer?" Jimmy folded his arms across his chest. Mary could easily stay behind him protected from view, but Brandon slipped his hand into hers and gave her a tug.
"You have nothing I want." But even as Killer said that, he looked past Jimmy and stared directly at Mary.
Brandon gave her another, harder, tug and she turned away, following after him down a different street of the village. They stopped. They were not far away, but enough that Killer was nowhere near them. Mary felt as if she'd run a great distance. Her heart beat hard in her chest and she was nearly out of breath. She breathed deeply, trying to stop her hands from shaking.
"Who was that?" She looked down at Brandon as she fret her fingers together.
"My brother." He looked up at her, his innocent face both angry and helpless. "My other brother. From my dad. He's from the Lost Territory."
Mary brought a hand up to her mouth as Brandon looked away as if the unwanted brother was his shame. How was it even possible that there was a Lost Lander on this side of the border? Brandon's father was the leader of the Southlands. He and Jimmy had never made a secret
about that. But the Southlands worked to keep the border strong, to hold back any Lost Landers that might want to slip through into the Wildlands. So how was it possible that Brandon's father had a child with a Lost Lander?
"I thought they couldn't be here," she said simply rather than attempt to ask Brandon. The leader of the Southlands was a mysterious man even to his son. Mary knew nothing about him as people refused to talk about him unless it was to give new orders passed down from him.
Brandon shrugged. "Jimmy says that he's dangerous. They want to keep an eye on him." His small cheeks appeared to swell as he looked down at the ground. Quietly, he added, "He thinks bad things.
"What do you mean?"
He looked up at her with eyes that looked wounded, as if someone had told him something directly to hurt him. It was easy to forget sometimes that he could catch thoughts and that sometimes it probably was exactly like that.
"He thinks about what he's done. He likes to hurt girls."
The fear in her chest began to harden into painful anger that stuck to her heart. "Was he thinking bad things about me? Is that why you pulled me away?"
Brandon looked up at her. "Yes."
They didn't say anything more. The two of them stayed and waited for Jimmy to find them. Brandon couldn't read Jimmy's thoughts, so there was nothing more to do than to wait. It didn't take long for Jimmy to reappear. By then, a large cloud had moved over the sun and cast a large shadow over most of the town but leaving the far off hills shining in the sunlight.
Jimmy didn't take her hand as they started walking back towards the city, and Mary was still too shaken to reach out for his though she thought about it. She thought about the safety of his hand in hers and the warmth that they would share from their arms occasionally brushing against each other.
Without saying a word or even looking up at her, Brandon slipped his hand into hers and gave it a squeeze.
Intermission Six
Mary placed a mug of hot tea on the table in front of Shawn, who mumbled a thanks as she carefully pulled the mug closer by the handle and leaned back in her chair. Mary took a seat at the small table. The two women sat at her underground kitchen surrounded by bricks and wood. It was late, being after hours, and the only light was a small oil lamp sitting on the table.
Mary kept her own eyes on her steaming mug of tea. It was not a usual thing for Shawn to sit with her and talk to her like an equal, but things had changed since that day Jimmy had requested she go with him and Brandon to the village.
Shawn crossed her legs. "So Killer is gone."
Mary did look up at her then. She hadn't really told Shawn anything about the trip other than the basic topical details of visiting the market and the walk there and back. As far as Mary knew, Shawn had no mind reading abilities, but most people kept their powers hidden if they could.
"I heard you had a run in with him. You and Jimmy and Brandon." Shawn leaned forward enough to put her hands around her cup for warmth though she kept her eyes on Mary. "Jimmy ran him off."
Mary didn't know what to say. She exhaled and tried to relax her muscles. "Only ran him off?"
Shawn smiled at that. "Yes. Killer covered his ass pretty well. It was not Jimmy's first choice to let him live." She glanced down at her own cup and blew on it, dispersing the steam with her breath before she spoke again. "You know, Jimmy's become the official second in command. Just like his father had been. Getting rid of Killer has pretty much sealed it for everyone, including Henri."
There wasn't anything she could say to that. Mary had always known that he would take his place next to the leader.
For a while they sat in silence, sipping at their hot drinks. At some point, Mary became aware that Shawn was no longer drinking, only sitting forward at the table with both hands near her mug staring at Mary.
Mary looked up and met her gaze. "What?"
"You know, he is of a high enough rank to start a family. And he's old enough now."
Mary bit her lip too hard, the extra moisture in her eyes blurred her vision. She had to look away, blinking her eyes to shake off the tears. "I know."
"And yet, he doesn't choose you." Shawn eyed her carefully. "Why do you think that is?"
Mary looked at the wall. Jimmy had a reason for it. He had a reason for everything. "I've never asked."
Shawn let her hands rest on either side of her mug. She leaned forward as if sharing a secret, gossiping with her the way her mother used to gossip with the other women when they were in the village market. "You know why, don't you? You're not jealous and you're not morose. You're far too accepting of it."
Mary stared down at her tea and shook her head.
"You know that you'd be his weakness. People could get at you to get to him. But that's probably not why you wouldn't ask him." Shawn leaned back, the wood of her chair creaked. "I think it's because you realize the opposite is true, too. He's your weakness, and you could just as easily lose him."
She looked at Mary with a steady eye as if waiting for a response, but Mary refused to give her the satisfaction. They sat together in silence, surrounded by the darkness sitting in the corners of the room, their teas slowly cooling.
Shawn pushed her mug forward. The tea inside it almost sloshed over the side of the mug. "Well, I do have to go. Things to do. Thank you for the tea. We should talk again." She stood and smiled down at Mary, so honest and sincere that Mary had to look away from her.
With a nod, she stood to see Shawn to the door. Once Mary was alone, she dumped both of the mugs of tea with a pang of guilt into her small sink. Reheated tea was never as good as fresh tea and now these mugs were both tainted with her bitter disappointment. Her life stretched out before her and it was just more of the same. It would be the exact same for the rest of her life until she died.
But would it be any different if Jimmy were to take her? Mary stood at the sink and imagined living with Jimmy, watching Brandon grow up, having children of their own. Children with her reddish hair and his gray eyes or his brown hair and her brown eyes.
It was at that last thought she gasped and fought for breath against the sudden sobs that shook her body. She put her cold fingers to her eyes to stem the tears, feeling utterly foolish to cry out in the open even if it was her home and she was the only one there, but they would not stop no matter how her chest hurt with every breath or how hard she pushed at her tears until her fingers were wet and had to be dried against her pants. Her own soft sobs seemed to echo against the concrete walls.
Her sobs died down and she felt foolish. She ran the faucet and her pressed cool, wet hands to her hot cheeks. As she held a towel against her face, there was a scuff at the top of the stairs from a heavy soled shoe.
Mary patted at her face, hoping the dim lighting would the evidence of her momentary weakness. She stepped out from the kitchen to greet her visitor and stopped.
He stood at the bottom of the stairs with that grin. His long hair covered his eyes, leaving them nothing more than gaping holes. Already, he was walking towards her, and she was cornered with her back to the kitchen. She didn't dare take another step back. She didn't dare give him any ground.
"Why are you here? You're not supposed to be here." Her voice started strongly, but shrunk to nothing more than a whisper.
There was a flash of his teeth. "He keeps a good eye on that brother of his."
Mary's heart froze at the mention. She knew he couldn't have, he was admitting to it, but still she feared for them. Had this monster tried to hurt them?
He stepped closer to her until he was nearly on her. "The little shit's fine. This is where you come in. We're going to send them a message from me and you."
Mary stepped back and grabbed for one of the knives in the cutting block on the countertop. The entire block fell over with a loud bang as she swiped at him with a knife too large to easily wield. He grabbed her and pushed her back against the counter, that grin still on his face.
"So we're playing with knives." His voice was husky
with excitement.
She wouldn’t give her life up easily.
~Intermission End~
Fourteen
Jimmy keeps his hand on the back of my neck as we walk past the people downstairs sitting around fire pits, their eyes hovering over the flames and watching us closely. I don't meet their gazes.
His hand is heavy. He grips the back of my neck tightly as he pushes me ahead so that I can't look back at him or even to the side if I wanted to. I can only look forward or down.
Once we're away from the others in the darker less populated streets, he lets me go, but he doesn't walk up beside me. He doesn't speak even to me. Jimmy stays behind me, his boots scraping along the ground carelessly as he herds me forward into the dark.
I hold onto my bag tightly, though the muscles of my upper arms ache from holding on so tightly. I wish I hadn't agreed to go so easily. I should have let Brandon and Jimmy work it out.
As soon as that thought rises to the surface, I squash it down, terrified of the possibility that Jimmy has the same kind of power Brandon does.
The walk is long and uncomfortable. We move further away from the light of the various fire pits and deeper into darkness, lit only by the moon and the stars.
Strands of hair fall thick in front of my face, sliding from behind my ear. Each inhaled breath draws the shorter strands which then tickle my nose. I have to lift my head and spare a hand from carrying my bag to shove my hair back behind my ear. As I do, I realize that my hand is shaking. Both hands are in fact. Possibly because of the way I'm holding the bag out in front of me, but most likely not.
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