“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve treated dozens of vampires with these formulas. None of them have complained of these symptoms.” Ian shook his head. “And I wouldn’t experiment on Glory, not after Mr. Caine paid for the deluxe package. She’s taking what all my top-drawer clients take when they want to lose weight. My reputation depends on getting excellent results.”
“Then why don’t you get some of those other special clients out here and let us interview them? I want to talk to vampires who have been through this. Check out your reputation.” Richard glanced at me. “Did you bother to do that, Gloriana?”
“Well, no. But Ray and I saw a video. A success story.” I gestured at the TV screen. “You should see the results Ian gets. And I didn’t want to wait. I want to look good for the red carpet.” I ignored Valdez’s muttering. Nice to know he liked me the way I was, but I’d started this and I wanted to finish it.
“You know how vampires are. It’s not like we publish a directory, Mainwaring. We fly under the radar. Change location, name, habits, constantly. As far as I know, and I told Glory this, none of the vampires have stayed close enough for her to meet them. But I could give you a few phone numbers that might still be good.” Ian smiled, obviously convinced Richard would drop this if he was charming enough. I knew better.
“And what would that prove?” Flo stayed close to my side. “Anyone can get on a phone and pretend to be a satisfied client. Am I right, amante?”
“Right, Florence.” Richard looked approvingly at his wife. “Give me a copy of some of these videos. And I want names and addresses of your ‘successes.’ I’ll check them out personally.”
“Of course. Give me a few days—” Ian was suddenly jerked up by his custom-made Egyptian cotton shirt.
“Now, MacDonald. Or we take Gloriana out of here and report you to the vampire council of Los Angeles. You’re obviously running a scam here. Unless you can prove us wrong.” Richard released Ian but it was clear the war had started.
“Richard, Ian. I’m okay now. Seriously. I just want to know what I can use besides this particular wake-up drink. I can deal with the nightmares if I have to.” I pushed between the two men. Valdez practically knocked me over, staying glued to my left hip.
“Richard, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but this is important to me. Back off.” I sent Flo a mental message and she grabbed her husband’s arm.
“Ricardo, you can’t ‘take’ Glory anywhere.” Flo looked me over. “But I don’t like this sickness either, girlfriend. You’re pale, not flushed like you should be after feeding. At least let Ricardo investigate.”
“Sure, knock yourself out. But I’m going ahead with this.” I sat on the couch again, still a little woozy, though I wasn’t about to admit it. “What else have you got, Ian?”
“Are you sure you feel all right now, Glory?” Ian decided to ignore Richard for the moment and studied me.
“Yes, fine. Stomach’s completely settled.” I jumped up again and plastered on a smile. So what if the room tilted?
“Then come weigh in.” He gestured toward his office. “I’ve got something else you can try. And I’ll get copies of those records you want, Mainwaring.”
When the whole gang acted like they were going to follow me into the office, I balked. “Hold it. It’s a weigh-in. I don’t need an escort.” I put my hand on Flo’s shoulder. “Flo, you get it, don’t you? No one sees my weight.” I felt a bump against my leg. Clearly I wasn’t going in alone, not without World War III, and I didn’t have the energy for that right now. “I’ll let Valdez come, but even he looks away when I get on the scale.”
“I’m going in the room, mia amica. I’ll look away too.” She stared hard at Ian. “But you’re not going in there without me, not when you still feel funny from what this man gave you. Ricardo can wait out here.” She glanced out at the deck, where there were more surfer bodyguards than before, this time half a dozen. “Humor us, Glory. You scared us when you got so sick.”
“Okay, come on.” So we trailed Ian into the office.
“There’s the Pacific, Flo.” Flo and I spent a few moments admiring the view from the windows while Ian rifled through files, pulled out a DVD and made copies of some papers.
His smile was strained as he picked up his clipboard and walked to the scale. “I think you’ll be pleased, Glory. You’ve been with Trina twice now and you did take the supplements. We should see some good results.”
“Wait. I threw up most of the second one. I don’t see how it could have helped me.” I sent Flo and Valdez mental messages and they both reluctantly faced the door.
Ian helped me step on the scale and I watched breathlessly as he slid the weights across the metal bar.
“Trust me, it did. You absorbed some of it into your bloodstream because look!” Ian wrote down the final number.
I squealed. Which brought Flo and Valdez running. I slammed back the weights, then grabbed both of them for a group hug.
“I’ve lost five pounds!”
“Mio Dio! I never heard of such a thing for a vampire.” Flo wiped a tear from her eye. “But you scared me, Glory. I thought this man . . .” She shook her head. “Never mind. I’m happy for you.”
“We’ll check this out back at the hotel.” Valdez was obviously Mr. Skeptic. “But if you’re happy, I’m happy. Now, let’s get the hell out of here.”
“No, wait.” I turned to Ian. “What else can I do to make sure the weight stays off? Barfing up my toenails doesn’t seem like the way to go here. Surely there are other options.”
Ian frowned when Valdez bumped against him. “I’ve got a few suggestions. Would you give me some space, shifter?”
“No.” Valdez stayed put.
“Look, work with me here.” I gave Valdez a nudge. “Back to the door. Ian didn’t bring any of his bodyguards in here, did he? That’s got to mean something.”
“It means he’s not scared of two women and a dog.” Valdez growled. “Big mistake, MacDonald.”
“Don’t underestimate me, whatever you are. And I can get an army in here with a thought if I need to.” Ian put out his hands and walked around me. “I have no desire to hurt you, Glory, no matter what your friends think. But maybe you need a refund. Some things are simply not worth the trouble.”
“Now, Ian.” I gave Valdez a “back off” look. “I’m sure we can work this out.”
Flo looked from Ian to me. “Your jeans are baggy in the butt, mia amica! Feel!” She grabbed a handful of fabric.
I checked it out and, sure enough, she’d managed to get some material into her fist. I swayed and reached out for a handhold. I was dizzy again, but this time from shock.
“Glory!” Valdez let me grab him. “What now?”
“I’m okay. I just can’t believe it!” I smiled and sniffled. “Ian, please, please, don’t kick me out of the program. Just tell me what I can do besides drink that other potion. Or, if I have to, I’ll deal with it. Even if I spend every evening hugging the toilet.”
Ian patted my shoulder. “Let’s try some other things first. Have you ever exercised?”
“What? Now you’re talking nonsense. A vampire doesn’t exercise.” Flo exchanged glances with Valdez. “Why, Glory can already run and jump better than any mortal ever dreamed of doing. And lift a small car if she wants to.”
“Doubt it.” Valdez snorted. “Okay, maybe one of those little electric Smart cars but not a—”
“Quiet or you both can take this discussion outside in the hall. Are we clear?” I stared at them till I got two nods. Finally. I was desperate to hear an alternative. I’d lied when I’d offered to hug the toilet every night. Not going to happen.
“You need to rev your own metabolism. Exercise helps. Not just running, but lifting weights.” Ian smiled. “And working out with a trainer on the areas where you want to get slim. Toning.”
I felt my stomach roll and it wasn’t the potion this time. Exercise. I’d always enjoyed the idea that while mere mortals toil
ed in gyms, I didn’t have to. Sure I was stuck, but, hey, I was stuck! So there was absolutely no point in ever lifting a weight or stepping on a treadmill. And I’d seen those poor women sweating and panting. That equipment they used looked like it was meant to extract information from a reluctant informer.
“Seriously? You want me to work out? With a trainer?”
“They have them at the hotel.” Valdez was being helpful for a change. He probably figured a little suffering in the gym was much safer than drinking unknown elixirs from a MacDonald.
“It’s worth a try, Glory. Do it when you get back.” Flo grabbed my arm and practically dragged me to the door. I let her because I was ready to go. “Richard is waiting and getting very impatient. You have the things he wanted, MacDonald?”
“Yes.” Ian followed us to the door. “But look what’s happened to Glory here. Five pounds in two nights. Sorry, Florence, but you’ve got plenty of proof right in front of you.”
I kept my mouth shut. Yes, my jeans were loose. But I still couldn’t believe they’d stay that way. I took a bottle of the bedtime supplement from Ian and promised to drink it before I went to sleep. Promised too to hook up with a trainer when we got back to the hotel and put in at least an hour of exercise before lights-out.
Richard studied the papers Ian handed him. “These men and women all seem to live pretty far away. No one is closer?”
“Not that I’m aware. But call them. Check. I’m sure you’ll be satisfied that I’m not scamming anyone.” Ian smiled at me. “Just helping vampire dreams come true.”
“Dreams.” I cradled the bottle against me. “I’d be thrilled to have dreams if they were pleasant ones. It would make me feel mortal again. Not like I’m dead to the world during the day.”
“Get a clue, Glory. A vampire is dead during daylight. That’s why I’m around then. This dream stuff doesn’t make sense. I’ve watched you lie there all day.” Valdez looked at Flo and then Richard. “You guys don’t breathe, don’t move, don’t freakin’ live. The miracle is the way you come to life as soon as the sun slips below the horizon.”
Ian sighed. “A pity too. That’s why I had to do something about it. So much wasted time.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Richard’s gaze sharpened.
“A daylight drug, of course.” Ian smiled at me. “I told Mr. Caine all about it. He’s anxious to try it.”
“Over my undead body.” I got in Ian’s face. “Don’t you dare try one of your weirdo supplements on Ray, Ian.” I had felt poisoned, but at least I’d been safely inside at night.
“Why, Glory, you were a believer a minute ago.” Ian’s attitude could only be called patronizing.
I was ready to smack him, but Richard got there first. He stepped between us.
“Does the Los Angeles Council know you’re experimenting with this?” Richard’s voice was hard.
“Experimenting? What makes you think it’s not the real deal?” Ian didn’t look a bit intimidated. He had guts. I sure wouldn’t want to face off against Richard.
“I’ve had too much experience with daylight claims over the years.” Richard didn’t bother to mask his contempt. “Those vampires duped into buying into those claims paid with their immortality, MacDonald. Why should we believe you?”
“Look.” Ian picked up the remote and hit a button. The TV over the fireplace came to life and there he was on the big screen, standing under a cabana on the beach in front of his house. In broad daylight. The sun reflected off the water and Ian was wearing sunglasses.
Flo and I gasped and I fell onto the couch. No way. No vampire that I’d ever heard of had managed to stay out during the day. As Valdez had said, we couldn’t even keep our eyes open.
“Good morning, vampire friends and colleagues.” Ian on the television spoke. “Yes, you’re seeing me out in broad daylight. I’m actually going to have to invest in some sunscreen.” He laughed and held out his arms. He had on a blue and yellow Hawaiian-print short-sleeve shirt and looked like a sunburned tourist on an island vacation. “Can you believe it? After years of research, trial and a few regrettable errors . . .” He bowed his head as if for a moment of silent prayer.
“Well, I’ve done it. Created the miracle you’ve all been waiting for. With my special formula you too can experience the joys of watching the sun shine.” He laughed again and turned to gaze out at the ocean sparkling in the sunlight. One of his surfers caught a wave and rode it in. “By God, I’ve missed this. But no more. Want to join me? Go to my Web site for details on how you too can be alive during the day again.” He waved to the camera and the screen went dark.
Flo and I sighed and looked at each other.
Valdez and Richard looked at each other too, but cynicism was their expression of the evening.
“Nice use of Photoshop, MacDonald. Do it yourself or hire it done?” Richard pulled Flo to his side.
“It’s not faked, Mainwaring. I can get you testimonials about it too.” Ian just smiled. “Or you can wait and ask your friend Caine after he tries it. Notice I didn’t let the sun’s rays hit me. They can still damage a vampire with fatal consequences. I’ll warn Caine about that.”
I jumped up and grabbed his arm. “I told you, Ian, leave Ray alone. He’s a new vampire. My new vampire. I don’t want him involved with something so dangerous.”
“You can’t tell a man what to do, Glory. And Caine’s got the money to pay. I told you, it’s not experimental. It works. He’ll go for it. All he needs is a chance to think about it.” Ian winced when I dug my nails into his arm.
I didn’t want to blow my chance to lose weight, but this was important. “At least promise you won’t go around me on this. I have to be here when you make the deal with Ray. Understand?”
“I understand that you’ll try to talk him out of it.” Ian patted my hand. “Good luck. He’s really keen on the idea.”
“Let’s get out of here, Glory.” Valdez paced around us. “You’ve told him what you think. Enough already.”
“He’s right about one thing, my friend.” Flo looked up at Richard. “You can’t tell a man what to do. You can only let him know how you feel and hope he respects that.”
“Unfortunately, Florence is right.” Richard glanced outside. “I’ll see you all later. Now I’m going to follow up on some things.” He stuck the papers inside his waistband, covered them with his sweater and stepped out onto the deck. The surfers there came to immediate attention. Richard didn’t spare them a glance, just shifted into bird form and flew off.
“Well, there he goes.” Flo smiled proudly. “He’ll get to the bottom of this.” She turned to Ian. “So if you have any secrets, MacDonald, be prepared to see them dragged out and kicked around.”
I followed Flo down to the limo, still clutching my bottle of supplement. At least Ian hadn’t asked for it back. But I’d rather forget the whole weight-loss thing than stand by and let Ray fry in a botched quest for sunshine.
That deal had to be bogus. And if it wasn’t? No use for me to daydream about it. It would cost the earth and be available only to the elite, very rich vampires. That left me out. It was one thing to let Ray pay for weight loss. I was going to look good on his arm for the Grammys. The tabloids would have a field day when I showed up skinnier in my designer dress. The thought made me smile as we settled in the backseat, Valdez beside us.
“Why are you smiling, Glory? I don’t trust this Ian MacDonald. I couldn’t read his mind.” Flo grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the cap. She sniffed. “Stuff smells good, though.”
“So he blocks his thoughts.” I snatched the potion back and carefully replaced the top. “You and Richard always do too. Does that make you villains?”
“No, just be careful around him.” Flo shook her head. “I wonder . . . His weight-loss thing is working for you. Could Ian really have something that keeps a vampire awake during the day?”
“I don’t know. But I do know the weight-loss thing isn’t going like he promised.
And fooling around with the sun can be fatal.” I shuddered, imagining Ray taking a chance like that.
“Richard obviously doesn’t believe it’s possible.” Flo sighed. “Let’s move on. Tell me about your reality show. You met the designers?”
I filled her in and we spent the rest of the ride back to the hotel talking dresses and speculating about what they would look like. By the time we pulled up to the curb, Valdez had almost nodded off.
“If your dress is beautiful, maybe we can get the winning designer to make the bridesmaid dresses for my wedding.” Flo frowned when Valdez groaned.
“I thought that was settled. I love the dresses you picked.” And had spent many nights suffering through Flo’s bridezilla act as she’d planned her March wedding. I’d hoped this was a done deal. She and Richard had already gone through a ceremony, but Flo wanted a “real” wedding—translation: an enormous, expensive vampire blowout. Her brother Damian was hosting and had agreed that he would make sure the event made a royal wedding look like it had been done on a shoestring. As Flo’s best friend and maid of honor, it was my job just to be supportive no matter how crazy she became.
“I’m just saying. If this winner can do better, it’s something to think about. I want my wedding to be perfect, no?” Flo examined her nails, frowning at a chip in her red polish. “Now I’m going to my hotel. I’ve booked a mani-pedi for two o’clock. Fantastico, eh? Twenty-four-hour services here.”
“Fantastic.” I hugged her. “Thanks for going with me, Flo. I hope I can get a trainer this late.”
“Oh, I’m sure they’ll hunt up someone. They’re used to musicians and funny hours.” Flo looked me up and down. “You feel okay? No more sickness?”
“No, I’m fine. Totally juiced up after Trina’s donation.” I tapped on the window and told the driver to take Flo to her hotel. “I know you drink from mortals all the time. I shouldn’t say this, but chase down a runner sometime. It’s a real rush.”
“Ah, Glory, now you’re talking like a true vampire.” Flo nodded approvingly. “And don’t worry. I talk tough, but I’m usually quite civilized. I only feed when I need to, and I’ll pick a nice, strong, very hunky male runner.” She poked Valdez in the ribs when he grumbled. “I’m married, but I still like to look, signore.”
Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs Page 12