She was so angry that she was going to walk out of the room without saying anything, but she couldn’t hold back. “Sidney, how could you do this to yourself? I told you how Scott was and you slept with him anyway, knowing how he played me. How could you do this to us? I guess our friendship means nothing to you. All you care about is yourself. Now I have to go through all of this by myself. You are so selfish. I don’t care what you do about your pregnancy. I really don’t care.”
She was tired of people being inconsiderate of her feelings. Her biological mother chose drugs over her, and Sidney chose a one-night stand over their friendship. She decided she was not going to be so trusting of people, because in the end, they always let you down. Stephanie got up, went to her bedroom, and slammed the door behind her, leaving a stunned Sidney on the couch feeling sick to her stomach. Sick because she was pregnant by someone she barely knew. Sick because she had just lost her best friend. And she felt especially sick because she didn’t know what to do or where to turn to get support for her unplanned pregnancy.
TEN
Malena dressed for her date with Ray. She was convinced that tonight would determine their future together. Everything had to be just right—her outfit, her hair, her makeup, the mood—everything. Tonight was the night she was finally going to be with Ray. She was going to make sure he knew she was the only one for him. Although their date to the movies the previous weekend was their first, it was like every other time they had spent together. They kissed good night at her door. Ray couldn’t come in for even a few minutes, because he had an eight o’clock class the following morning. Unlike that date, tonight would be special. They would get the opportunity to talk about the course of their relationship.
She and Tammy had gotten manicures and pedicures after class on Friday, but Malena scheduled her hair appointment for Saturday morning. Malena’s hair was styled in a bob that hung just above her chin and was shorter and stacked high in the back. It was a sophisticated cut that complemented her face. She had dark chocolate-brown skin, high cheekbones, pretty white teeth, and a beautiful smile, which was so outstanding that the men she dated always commented it was her smile that had attracted them to her.
Although she wanted to look appealing, she didn’t want to be uncomfortably dressed, because it would hinder her from really being able to relax around Ray. She had two outfits laid out on the bed. One was a two-piece black ensemble of wide-leg pants and a jacket that crossed in a “V” in the front and tied on the side. It was classy and always looked good, and she could wear her black high-heeled shoe boots with it. The other outfit was more casual: black jeans, a spandex body suit, and a black suede jacket. She could wear her black cowboy boots with that outfit.
Malena was really into black lately because she felt it hid the eleven or so pounds she’d managed to pick up since she’d been in college. She was five-foot-five, and as a freshman she had weighed about 135 pounds. Three years later and she’d climbed two dress sizes. She had a goal, to reach what she felt was her ideal weight of 130 pounds, and she knew that once she started pledging, her diet would begin. She’d been told that most people lost at least five pounds while pledging. If she was lucky, she could shed those and lose the rest by keeping busy with all of her sorority activities.
After careful thought, she decided to dress casually, and chose the black jeans and jacket because they would help hide her waistline when she sat down. She could wait and take her jacket off when they really got comfortable. By then, he would be too close to her to be watching her waist.
As Malena put on her earrings and the finishing touches of her makeup, the door bell rang. Instantly, her stomach filled with the butterflies that always appeared whenever Ray was around. I don’t have anything to be nervous about, she thought, as she walked to the door. Besides, Ray should be happy I’m spending time with him. She always made an effort to boost her self-esteem and to see the brighter side of life.
Malena held her breath, and her stomach, and opened the door. “Hi, Ray,” she said casually.
“What do you mean ‘Hi’? I know you can do better than that, Miss Adams. Where’s my hug?” he asked.
She smiled at his excitement to see her, and put her arms around his neck. He squeezed her waist so hard that she wouldn’t have to hold it in for the rest of the night. But those butterflies in her stomach started all over again. Then Ray grabbed her by the chin and gave her a sweet and gentle kiss on the lips. “So how’s my favorite girl today?”
“Better now that you’re here.”
“That’s what I want to hear. So are you ready to begin our celebration?”
“I am,” she said. “So, what do you think my chances are?”
“Baby, trust me. You have all the qualities that it takes. They’ll be crazy not to accept you. I mean look how good you look! You’re a go-getter, you’re intelligent, caring, and you are so much fun to be around.”
“You’re so right!” Malena agreed, pleased that Ray noticed.
“I know I am. Malena, you’re always positive about everything else in your life, and you have to be just as positive about this.”
“I will be,” she said. “And even more so with your vote in my corner.” Then she grabbed his hand and led him over to the sofa in the living room.
“Just let me get my purse, and I’ll be ready to go,” she said, floating to her room and almost forgetting why she went in there. I’d better get used to this good feeling whenever Ray is around, she thought.
Those butterflies actually left a good feeling in her heart. Every time he talked to her the way he did just then, she wanted to say, “Ray, honey, I love you!” and then rip off his clothes and take advantage of him. But, of course, she had to be a lady and keep her composure. So she just smiled, or hugged and kissed him. It was important to her that he respected her for who she was before she did any clothes-ripping.
She checked herself in the mirror just one more time, and grabbed her purse. Ray sat on the couch, where she’d left him, looking absolutely irresistible in his red fraternity cap and denim shirt and pants. She was glad she opted for casual.
“So are you ready to go?” he asked.
“Just waiting on you. Let’s go.”
Malena was under the impression that they would be going out to dinner and then back to his apartment. But Ray drove the car straight from her apartment to his.
“So, where are we going tonight, Ray?”
“Now, don’t start asking questions.” He looked over at her and smiled. “I told you that tonight is a celebration. You don’t want to ruin it, do you?”
“Of course not. I’m just gonna relax and see what you’ve got planned.”
“Okay, we’re here,” Ray said, as he parked. Malena didn’t say anything as she sat there wondering what he planned. Ray got out of the car and walked around and opened her door. “Madam,” he said, and motioned for her to come out. They walked to his apartment door.
“Ah . . . Lena . . . can you stay right here just for half a minute, and I’ll be right back to let you in? I promise it’ll only take a half a minute.” He didn’t wait for an answer. He quickly turned the key, let himself in, and shut the door.
“This’d better be good!” she yelled from outside the apartment door.
When Ray opened the door and let Malena in, she walked into an atmosphere that overwhelmed her. The lights were turned down low, mellow music played softly in the background, and candles glowed on his homemade dinette, which was made out of stacked egg crates, a large rectangular wooden board that was covered with a white bed sheet, and four lawn chairs. The table was set with two paper plates, plastic cups, and mixed forks and knives. Ray even had pink carnations in the middle of the table. She was touched he cared enough about her to go through all of this trouble.
He motioned for her to have a seat in a lawn chair.
“Is all of this for me?” she asked shyly, and showed him her beautiful smile.
He went to the refrigerator and didn�
�t say a word. He brought back a bottle of white Zinfandel, and filled both plastic cups.
“Ooh la la,” Malena remarked.
Ray still didn’t say anything, but the look on his face let her know he was proud of himself for setting up the whole thing. He walked back to the kitchen and stirred whatever was in the saucepans. Then he looked in the oven, closed the door, and turned the oven temperature to broil. With a mysterious smile on his face, he walked back over to Malena and said, “Dinner will be ready in a matter of minutes.”
“What are we having?” Malena asked, unfamiliar with the aroma coming from the kitchen.
“See, there you go asking questions,” Ray said, as he sat in the lawn chair across from her. “You’ll find out soon enough what’s cooking. Let’s make a toast.”
“Okay. Shall I go first?”
“That’s cool, because I have something special to say. By all means, you go first.”
“Ooh!” Malena responded. “I can’t wait to hear yours.”
Then she held up her cup and began. “My toast is to our meeting in the bookstore and you giving me your number. And to our getting to know each other better; it’s been nearly three months. And finally to tonight . . . I feel so special tonight, and I see a positive future for us, and I just want you to know that I really care about you. So this is to our future.” They touched cups and took a sip. The wine was good, and the mood was right. Malena couldn’t ask for anything more. Then Ray made his toast.
“It’s my turn,” Ray said, and held up his cup. “My toast is simply to moving forward. We’ve been seeing each other for a while, and I’ll be graduating this May. We have been very close friends—more than friends—and we both know there’s something positive between us. Malena, I want you to be my lady.”
Their cups touched and they looked deeply into each other’s eyes. She was floored, and her heart nearly thumped out of her chest. Ray was saying all the right things.
There was no pressure in their relationship. They just kind of spent time with each other when they could. She never asked him about anybody he was seeing, and he never asked her. She did hear once about him dancing a few too many times with some girl one night at a campus party, but she never heard anything else. Malena didn’t want to go fishing for more information, because she hoped he’d never find out about her and Anthony.
And that relationship was over now—almost—and she didn’t have anything to worry about. Also, she had been patient about her and Ray committing to each other, because she knew he was really close to his fraternity brothers, and that they did a lot of traveling to other campuses on the weekends. And although it killed her that they didn’t spend a lot of weekends together, it wasn’t so bad, because she had been seeing Anthony. Now, she hoped, everything would change. After their last date, Malena had begun to feel guilty about stringing Anthony along, so she had called him that night and broke things off.
“Malena, I know I’ve been spending a lot of time with the bros, plus I’ve been trying to finish with my master’s, so I’ve really been studying late during the week. But now I finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, and your pretty face is there also.” He smiled and actually seemed a bit nervous. He continued, “What I’m saying is that I have been offered a nice job here in the city, which I’ve already accepted, and I’ll be staying here for sure. I will be looking for an apartment close to campus starting next week, which means I will be close to you. There are certain things that will change about me. There are certain things that are already changing. I’m just saying that I know I will have more time for our relationship. So, do you want to spend more time with me?” he asked.
“Of course I do!” Malena nearly shouted.
“Now, I do want you to pledge and experience sorority life to the fullest. And I don’t want to stop you from having fun and enjoying yourself.” He was saying a lot and never seemed to be at a finishing point, but he trudged on. “What I am saying is that after this semester you will have one more year left of school and you’ll soon be thinking about working and where you’re going to stay. I hope that you will think of me in your planning, because I want to include you in mine.”
Malena was speechless. She knew tonight was going to be special, but she didn’t realize that she and Ray felt the same way about each other. He was serious, maybe even more than she was. He had erased any doubts that she had about their relationship.
“So what do you think about what I said?” he asked.
“First of all, congratulations on getting a position—already. I’m so proud of you,” she said, trying not to become too emotional. “Second, I am so glad to hear that you feel the way you do about me, because I definitely feel the same way about you. You have become an important part of my life, and I don’t want to ever feel like we’re not going to be together.”
She crossed her arms on the table and leaned toward him. “I feel confident about our future together. You just don’t know how happy you’ve made me.”
“Since you’re so happy, won’t you come over here and show me some love?” he joked.
Malena got up and sat in his lap and pecked him on the lips. “You know, now that I know I’ve got you in my corner, I feel even more confident about tomorrow.”
“That’s my girl. You want to know something else?”
“What’s that?”
“I know that I’ve never told you this before, but I want you to know that I love you,” he said.
“Ray, I love you too,” she said.
They gazed long and deep into each other’s eyes. Malena knew he was sincere. She felt it in the vibe that was moving between the two of them. This was the closest she’d ever felt to him. And then he kissed her.
It was a perfect moment, interrupted only by the smell of burning food.
“What’s that smell?” she asked. They both jumped up and rushed over to the oven. Ray opened the oven door to a black charcoal substance that used to be chicken. His dinner was ruined.
“Lena, you should have seen it before it burned. I called my mother and she told me what seasonings to put on it and everything.” They both looked at each other. Ray had this disappointed, puppy-dog look on his face. Then they both laughed. “I’ll tell you what, let’s order in pizza and act like nothing about tonight went wrong.” He stopped and looked deep into her eyes.
“Ooooh, that will be nice.” She returned his gaze. Nothing was going to ruin their night.
After ordering the pizza, they went to his bedroom and continued their conversation about their future and hopes and aspirations. They really opened up to each other about their feelings for each other and how they thought their relationship was progressing.
They ended the night by slowly undressing and caressing and appreciating each other’s sensuality. They made love and nothing else seemed to matter—not the future, not Anthony, nothing but the moment that they were sharing . . . together.
PART
TWO
Grant me the wisdom to know when to move forward and the patience to be calm
when I need to just be still.
Grant me the wisdom to accept those incidents
that are out of my control,
And give me the strength to take action when it is necessary to take control.
ELEVEN
The first person through the doors of the Exclusive Pink Plush Rush was Stephanie, who was embarrassed and disappointed to be the first one there. She didn’t want to appear overeager. The only reason she was there so early was because once she dressed she’d made herself leave the house and head to rush before she changed her mind.
She walked over to the greeting table, which was directly to the right of the entrance. Sitting at the table was a young lady whose face wasn’t familiar. “Hello,” Stephanie said, hoping she didn’t speak too softly.
“Hi, how are you?” The girl seemed friendly enough. Her name badge said tracy. She instructed Stephanie to write her name, address, and telephone number in the g
uest book. After Stephanie filled in her information, Tracy made her a name badge to wear for the evening. She also gave her a souvenir—a small pink-tinted glass jewelry box that had the sorority’s letters and spring rush engraved on a gold plate on the top.
“Thank you,” Stephanie said.
“You’re welcome. You can take a seat while you wait for the others to arrive. I advise you to sit in the front row to make sure you don’t miss any details,” Tracy suggested. Although she was cordial, Tracy didn’t seem too enthusiastic about her role as greeter. “Your program will be on your seat. Now I’ll need your letter of intent, references, and official transcript,” Tracy said.
Stephanie almost forgot they were in her hand until she looked down and saw the package. Following her mother’s instructions, she had used soft mauve paper to print her letter and references on, and she put both, along with her transcripts, in the pockets of a mauve folder. She had written her name in calligraphy on the front of the folder and placed the package in a clear mauve-tinted envelope. It really looked classy.
“Nice packaging,” Tracy commented, as she received it. “You put effort into this. I hope your letter is just as good,” she said, without expression.
Stephanie wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be flattered or offended by that statement, but she managed to smile. Tracy didn’t seem to notice that Stephanie didn’t respond, because at that moment, a group of several girls showed up.
Although she was nervous, Stephanie was up to her usual interior critiquing. She scanned the room, which was a boring student center meeting room, and checked out the layout. The walls and carpet were shades of brown and tan, and there were no windows. There was a podium at the head of several chairs. Behind the podium was a huge banner that had the sorority’s name and shield. She was surrounded by several chairs that were facing the podium. To the right of her, and against the wall, was a long table covered with a pink tablecloth. On the table was a cake, but Stephanie couldn’t read the inscription on the cake from her chair. There were also sandwiches, and the bread was dyed pink. There were baskets filled with chips and mints and nuts. Behind the chairs for the prospective candidates was another long table on which various sorority paraphernalia was displayed. There was everything back there, from umbrellas to paddles to playing cards. If you can think of it, they have their sorority’s name and colors on it, she thought. Now, I like the display. It kind of sparks excitement. However, I would have put the paraphernalia table where the hors d’oeuvres are and vice versa. Then the display would be the first thing we would see when we walked through the door, and the hors d’oeuvres would be in the back center of the room, which would encourage people to mingle while they munch.
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