She pulled up beside Tiara’s dormitory, then watched her walk through the entrance doors and toward her car. Tiara had her black backpack over her right shoulder and was bouncing like she didn’t have a care in the world. All five line sisters carried the same kind of black backpack, which were filled with matching outfits that they wore to session every night. They also kept an extra outfit that would be presentable to wear in public, just in case they didn’t make it back to their dorm room after session, in addition to a comb, brush, toothbrush, and other necessities.
Tiara got in the car. She was in an annoyingly good mood. “Can you believe that we have made it three weeks without anybody dropping?” she bragged. She then realized she was sitting in the front seat; the backseat of the car, which was officially hers, was empty. “Where’s Chancey?”
Cajen tried to answer, but couldn’t focus because she was still in deep thought about Jason.
“I can tell by the way you’re looking past me that you’ve got a case of the zombies. I felt that way earlier today too. But between you and me, I skipped my two-thirty class and slept until just a few minutes ago. Girl, it helped me out so much. I feel refreshed. I’m a new woman. It was the deepest sleep I’ve experienced in a long time,” she said. “So, where’s Chancey?”
“Oh, she had to pick up a new contact. She tore hers this morning. She’ll meet us at Stephanie’s and will probably be five minutes late.” Cajen’s tone was dry and her face was expressionless.
“I know you like a book and something is wrong. What’s up, Cajen?”
“Nothing really. I just got a lot of things on my mind right now. That’s all.” While Tiara celebrated their three successfully completed weeks of pledge period, Cajen was mourning that it had been over three weeks since she had spoken to Jason. While he was enjoying his happy life, she was walking around with a secret so awful, she couldn’t even share it with her new sisters. She felt close to each of them, but wondered if they would ever look at her the same way if they found out.
“I’m supposed to accept that as an answer? Cajen, we’ve seen each other every day, at least ten hours each day. I know most of what you’re gonna say before you start talking. Just spit it out. Let it go! Let it go!” Tiara joked, trying her best to sound like a psychologist, hoping to get a laugh out of Cajen.
“Tiara, some things are just too difficult to discuss.” Knowing that answer wouldn’t be good enough for Tiara, she lied. “I’m having family problems. My mother got on me just before I came to pick you up. She says I don’t call her as much as I used to and that she and dad are worried about me. I didn’t even realize I had gone so long without talking to her.” Cajen couldn’t believe that she’d been lying since Tiara got into the car. But it was true that she hadn’t talked to her mother in a while.
Realizing that Cajen wasn’t going to expose whatever was really going on, Tiara changed the subject. “I got something that’ll cheer you up,” Tiara said, while pulling out a sheet of paper from her backpack. “Lots and lots of sexy, sexy fine men for the auction.”
“Who did you get?” she asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.
“I can’t announce the list until we get to Stephanie’s.”
“Thanks a lot, Tiara. That really helps my mood,” Cajen said sarcastically. They sat in silence until they got to Stephanie’s apartment.
Chancey pulled up at the same time they did. Good, Cajen thought. Now maybe I won’t have to tell any more lies today.
“You get your contact?” Tiara asked Chancey.
“Yes, I wasn’t about to wear my glasses to session tonight. I learned my lesson the last time, when everybody rode me out about how old they are. I really do need to get some new ones.” Chancey had a glow on her face. She looked as relaxed as Tiara.
“Girl, you look like I feel. You sure you didn’t sneak off and spend some time with your man?” Tiara questioned. Chancey didn’t answer because she was speechless about how transparent she was. They were at the door, and Cajen was doing the secret knock.
Malena answered the door. “Shhh . . . Stephanie is in the kitchen talking to Big Sister Tracy on the phone. She’s pissed about something.”
“What’s new. They’re always pissed about something,” Tiara commented.
They all took their shoes off at the door as they walked in, and stacked their backpacks in the hall closet.
“What’s bugging her?” Chancey asked.
“I don’t know, but I think she’s just trying to create drama because we’ve been on our shit lately,” Malena said.
“And you know that’s right,” Tiara said, and gave Malena a high five. “They can’t handle the progress we’ve been making. I ran into Big Sister Kim yesterday, and she said we’re one of the sharpest lines that has gone through this chapter.”
Stephanie covered the receiver and shushed her line sisters.
They stopped in their tracks, gave her apologetic faces, sat down in the living room, and waited for her to get off the phone. They were all quiet because they didn’t want Big Sister Tracy to know they were meeting before sessions. Dean Big Sister Nina had warned them not to let their big sisters know about their meetings, for their own safety.
Stephanie hung up the phone and walked over. “I’m not gonna take her seriously, but she claims she knows what we’re gonna do for our fund-raiser, and she said we need to come up with something else because it’s a stupid idea.”
“How would she know? Has anybody told any of the big sisters?” Malena asked.
Everybody answered, “No.”
“Let’s not worry about it. I think it’s a ploy to make us try to change what we already have planned. We’re going to continue as scheduled. Let’s not change anything. And if she really knows, who cares anyway at this point?” remarked Stephanie.
“So, what’s the plan for today?” Chancey asked in a calm, carefree voice.
“You look like you just came off vacation,” Malena commented. “As a matter of fact, you look just like I would be looking if I just saw Ray. Did you see Donald today?”
Do I wear my emotions on my sleeve or what? she asked herself. “Well, I wasn’t gonna say. Sorry, Tiara, but I did see him for a little while.” Chancey confessed the half truth.
“I knew it. There’s no other way to get that glow that you have,” Tiara said.
“I am so jealous,” Malena blurted. “I have only seen Ray once since we’ve been on line. How did you find the time? I need some of what you just got,” she joked.
Glowing and smiling from ear to ear, Chancey said, “I’ll fill you in after the meeting.”
“So what are we single women supposed to do to relieve our stress?” Stephanie asked.
“I can’t help you on that one, but we’ll talk, Malena,” Chancey said.
“Cool,” Malena said.
“Okay,” Stephanie interrupted. “Since none of you can produce a man worthy enough to accommodate me, let’s get the business part of this meeting out of the way. Then we can do a little more bonding, like we did last night. You know, talk about all of that personal business that nobody really wants to share.” She knew that she, for one, had no intentions of sharing her little secret.
“We won’t meet our honorable big sisters until eleven,” she joked, “so we have plenty of time to plan, study history, and just talk.”
“We’ll start by discussing the auction. Malena has come up with an excellent introduction for the auction—one that will blow the big sisters away. Tiara claims to have signed up the finest men on campus.”
“No, honey, I ain’t blowing smoke. The men I signed up are deliciously gorgeous!” Tiara interrupted.
“My bad, Miss Tiara. I stand corrected,” Stephanie said, and continued. “Cajen and I have got the theme, mood, and background drafted. We even found a deejay who is going to do the introductory music for each contestant. Malena and Chancey have the promotion side of the event worked out. They have flyers and programs completed and ready to print. They al
so have a press release ready to send to the student newspaper. Looks like we’re almost there,” Stephanie said proudly. “So, Miss Tiara, who do you have signed up for the auction?”
“Thank me later, ladies, but before I let you know who the fine—and did I already say fine—brothers are that I have signed up, I have taken it upon myself to make an addition to Malena’s introduction. Before anybody says anything or gets offended, Malena, the intro is all you. I just enhanced it in a way that only you and Chancey can appreciate.”
“What are you talking about, Tiara?” Chancey asked.
“Well, I thought it only appropriate, since you and Chancey never find time to spend with your men, that we incorporate them in the show somehow. And I definitely didn’t think y’all would want them to be auctioned off to the man-hungry females on this campus. So I said to myself, ‘Self, how do we work out this little dilemma?’ ”
“Tiara, what did you come up with, girl?” Malena asked. “Ray hasn’t said anything to me.”
“Neither has Don,” Chancey added.
“It’s simple. Malena, you know how you said you’re going to come onstage dressed like an African queen and talk about healing the ills of slavery by re-creating auctions we don’t have to be ashamed of, and how we should celebrate our history and all of that other good and insightful stuff you talk about? Well, you are a queen, my dear, and should not have to walk onstage. You should be carried onstage by your humble servants, who just so happen to be Don and Ray. And after you say your monologue, they’ll escort you off the stage.”
“Tiara, you’re a genius,” Chancey said, bouncing up and down in her seat, happy to spend more time with Don.
“You’re my girl and you are a genius. I mean, why didn’t we think of that before?” Malena asked.
Tiara reminded them that they had a dress rehearsal the day before the show, and that Don and Ray’s part in the show would allow Malena and Chancey two days to spend at least a little time with them.
“Yeah,” Stephanie joined in. “Chancey, you can help coordinate the intro or something, and the four of you can at least get to do that romantic stuff like gaze into each other’s eyes and whatever else you do when you’re together in public.”
“And who cares if we get in trouble for it, we’re always ‘in trouble’ anyway, just because we’re on line,” Chancey commented.
“Ray agreed to do this?” said Malena, who was shocked that he would.
“Yeah, and so did Don. I can tell they both care about y’all. It’s so sickening.”
“Tiara, you just know that you got it going on, don’t you? Thank you so much,” Malena said.
“Yeah, Tiara, thank you,” Chancey said, and gave her a hug. She was so excited that she bumped into Cajen, who was the only one not caught up in their exciting moment. Cajen was in her own zone. She actually had a pad and pen out, writing something.
“What’s wrong with you?” Chancey asked. “And what are you writing?”
“I’m just working on my to-do list for tomorrow,” Cajen answered.
“Don’t even ask,” Tiara commented. “She’s been in a funk since she picked me up.”
“Excuse me for not being in as good a mood as everybody else. Some people are just not fortunate enough to be chipper all the fucking time—excuse my French!” said Cajen.
“Who rained on your parade?” Stephanie asked.
“Look, I’m not in the mood to discuss anything today. I’ll be fine after I sleep off the funk of this day.”
“Well, looks like you’re gonna be wallowing in funk for a while, because we have a long night ahead of us,” Malena commented.
“Please, don’t let me interrupt our meeting. I think Tiara was in the middle of telling us who she got for the auction,” Cajen said, writing on her notepad.
Her line sisters looked at one another in a state of confusion. Tiara went back to talking about the auction, but her voice lacked excitement.
“I got ten brothers who said that they would do anything to help us out. Let’s see, . . . Ben, Darryl, “Shaky-Shaky Please-take-me” Jason, Brian, Derrick, Tantalizing Tyrone, William “The Womanizer,” David, Allen, and Malcolm. And I know I don’t need to say last names because everybody knows the finest men on campus.”
Cajen almost lost it. If Tiara got Jason, that meant Tiara had to have talked to him. Why is it that everybody can get in touch with him except me? Cajen thought. There is no way that I can see him on that stage. I might forget where I am and try to kill him.
“You didn’t. Tiara, you are extraordinary,” Stephanie complimented her.
“Well, Malena did help out. She knows what to say to the men to make them bite. I have been taking notes from her. To be all committed, that girl flirts her butt off. I just want you ladies to know that I got my eye on Brian and Ben. Anybody else is fair game.”
Everybody was excited except Cajen, who was trying to figure out if she should kill Jason at rehearsal or wait until after the show.
“Cajen, after we finish with this business, you are gonna have to talk to us. I am worried about you,” Malena said.
“I’m fine. I just need to use the phone.”
“Cajen, what’s wrong?” Chancey asked.
“I just need to use the phone.” She couldn’t hold her tears back anymore. She was thinking that if she could just talk to Jason tonight she could settle everything and be okay. She had to release her feelings or she wouldn’t be able to continue functioning.
“Here’s the phone, Cajen. But who are you calling?” Stephanie asked, as she handed her the cordless phone.
“I don’t have to tell y’all everything. Just because we are on line together doesn’t mean that y’all have to know every fucking thing about me and my life. I can choose to keep parts of my life private. Excuse me, I have to make a phone call.”
Cajen took the phone and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her, while everybody sat in silence looking at one another.
“What the hell is up with her?” Stephanie asked.
Cajen tried to call Jason. His answering machine came on. She let it play all the way through, but couldn’t bring herself to leave a message. She was not going to leave the bathroom until she spoke to him. So she tried again. His frat’s pledges had crossed a week and a half ago, so he wasn’t at a session. “Where are you?” Cajen said so loudly that everybody in the living room could hear.
Outside the bathroom her line sisters were listening.
“What is going on?” Tiara asked.
“Chancey, you two are pretty close. Who does Cajen see?” asked Stephanie.
Chancey shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.” She was as uninformed as everybody else.
“She never mentioned having a boyfriend to us. Did she ever say anything to you?” Stephanie questioned Tiara.
“Nothing,” Tiara answered.
Stephanie was concerned because she knew how much pain holding in secrets caused. She wanted so badly to reach out and help Cajen, but she didn’t know what was going on with her.
Cajen tried the number again. The answering machine came on again. This time she let the machine play, but when it beeped she yelled, “I hate you!” and slammed the phone on the floor. Everybody sat in silence in the next room.
“This is gonna end right now,” Stephanie said. She wasn’t going to sit back and let Cajen scream into God knows who’s ears. Plus, she didn’t want a broken phone. She got up and tried to open the bathroom door, but it was locked. She knocked. “Cajen, open the door.”
She didn’t respond.
“Cajen, I know you’re upset, but I can’t help you if you don’t let me know what’s going on.”
“I can handle it by myself.” She picked up the phone and tried to call Jason again.
“Who are you trying to call?”
“Nobody.”
“Cajen, I don’t know what the fuck that bastard did to you, and I don’t even know who he is, but just let us know and we’ll help
you get through this.”
“You can’t help me. There is no help for me.” Cajen was sitting in the bathtub with the phone in her hands and her head leaning against the wall. She couldn’t even cry anymore. She just wanted to sit in the tub and let life continue without her.
“You’re right, Cajen, I can’t help you. Especially when you’re in there, and I’m out here. So I’m gonna let you sit in there. But Cajen, trust me when I say this, life is going to continue whether or not you participate. But if you decide to come out of the bathroom, maybe we can all figure out what we can do—not to change what has happened, but to deal with it.”
Stephanie walked away from the door, and Cajen began to cry because she realized that Stephanie was right. There was no way to change what had happened. She had had no way of knowing Jason was going to give her such an awful disease. She had to let somebody know what he did to her, and if her line sisters decided she was too dirty to be on their line, at least she would be able to stop pledging and try to find Jason so she could give him a piece of her mind.
Stephanie went back to the living room. Cajen’s drama brought out her own heartache over her adoption. She couldn’t fight her tears because she knew that just like Cajen, she too needed to face her secrets. She needed to be woman enough to let the people in the room know she was adopted and just deal with their reaction.
“There is something I want to tell y’all about me that I haven’t told anybody on this campus because I was ashamed of how it would make people look at me,” Stephanie said. Cajen came out of the bathroom, but she didn’t go all the way into the living room.
Stephanie continued. “Patricia and Howard Madison are not my real parents. They adopted me when I was a newborn.”
“But Stephanie, if they adopted you as a newborn and raised you as their own, then they are your parents,” Chancey said. “What’s the big deal?”
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