“No, of course not.”
“You just pledged, right? So who gave it to you, and when?”
“Before I pledged, I had sex with this guy.”
“Who?” Eric appeared stunned.
“I’m not saying who, but he gave it to me, and now he’s no longer interested.” She laughed—if she had to tell this story one more time she was absolutely going to lose her mind.
“Why are you trying to protect the jerk? Who is he?”
Eric was angry, and Cajen knew it, but there was no way she was going to start a feud between Jason and his fraternity brothers and a solo Eric. “Because it doesn’t matter. Will you just take me back to my room now?”
“Wait a minute. I guess you think it’s over just like that. You lay this on me and then you run. Cajen, be a woman and let’s talk this out.”
“What is there to discuss? I’m telling you so you’ll know and leave me alone. Now please, just take me home.”
“Is that really what you want me to do? Leave you alone?”
“You’re not listening to me. I’ll walk if you don’t take me, it’s not that far.” She began to walk away from the car. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t want to be Eric’s new charity case.
“Cajen, why are you running from me? I didn’t do anything to you! That stupid idiot that you’re trying to protect is the one you should be running from.”
She stopped. He was right—she was running from him. But she didn’t want to force herself on him. She knew he cared about her and didn’t want him to feel obligated.
“I know more about herpes than you think. I have a good friend who has it,” he explained. “We’ve been friends since high school. Believe it or not, she got it when she was in the ninth grade. Cajen, I know that it comes and goes, and when it’s not there you’re just as normal as anybody else. And as you deal with it, you’ll see it’s not as bad as it seems to you right now. Cajen, you are still beautiful to me, inside and out,” he said, and grabbed her hand. Sensing she had calmed down, he reached over and hugged her. It was a close, emotion-filled hug—just what she needed for her damaged spirit. With the understanding he showed her, she knew that whether or not they decided to be a couple everything was going to be all right between them.
TWENTY-THREE
Stephanie stepped out of the shower and wrapped an oversized, plush towel around her body. She was finally over not having her four “roommates” there, and was beginning to enjoy the freedom of having her own place again. She no longer had to share closet space, and when she thought of what to wear, she didn’t have to worry about dressing like four other people. She would be an original.
After throwing on shorts and a tank top, she walked around her place to assess the damage from the wear and tear of having five girls living and working in a one-bedroom apartment. It was not in as bad a shape as she expected. However, there were bags and boxes in the living room corner that needed to be either picked up by her sands, or taken out to the trash bin. First thing Monday before class, she would call to get a maid service in to overhaul the place, and would try to find a nail salon for a pedicure and manicure. Her relaxer and facial would have to wait until Tuesday.
She drifted to how she and Sidney had always scheduled their pamper-ourselves days together. Stephanie had put it off long enough—she needed to sit down and call Sidney. While she was on line, their confrontation stayed in the back of her mind, not only because Sidney was supposed to pledge with her, but especially because of how badly they had talked to each other. Stephanie knew she had been selfish, and wanted to apologize to her in person and let her know that although she had acted harshly, she wanted somehow to be friends.
She walked over to the cordless phone to call, but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Who could this be? she wondered. She opened the door. It was Jeff. He stood there with red roses in his hand.
“Hey, baby doll, did you miss me?”
“No!” she answered honestly. She had completely forgotten about him, and was not elated to find him at her door.
“I heard that you finally crossed, so I got you flowers,” he said, handing her the roses, which would have been perfectly normal, but he had to stick his foot in his mouth as he always did. “I would have gotten you paraphernalia, but I couldn’t see myself going to a campus bookstore to pick out sorority nonsense. That’s not my style. You know what I mean?”
She was not surprised at those words coming from his mouth. She just shrugged and walked into the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers. He walked through the door and took a seat on her couch.
“I only have forty-five minutes to visit, so let’s go get a quickie in, and I’ll call you tomorrow for dinner or something,” he said boldly, as if what he said was law. “I know you miss me hitting your spot.”
Stephanie was disgusted, and wasn’t going to stand for his demanding and disrespectful attitude one second longer. She walked into the living room with the water-filled vase in her hands. “Jeff, I haven’t talked to you for nearly eight weeks, and I realize I like it that way. I’ve got a lot of things I need to take care of today.”
“Are you asking me to leave?”
“Yes, Jeff, as a matter of fact, I am.”
“Oh, so you’ve pledged your little sorority and now you don’t have time for me.”
“Basically,” she responded dryly.
“I’m going to give you a day or so to think about what you’re doing. After all, any woman would love to have a chance with me.”
“I’ve already thought about it, and we’re over, so please leave,” Stephanie said with a new strength and confidence. For the first time she didn’t need to depend on Jeff or any other man to feel secure. She knew who she was and she was proud of how she had turned out, despite her birth mother’s shortcomings.
“I guess that means the quickie’s out,” he joked.
“Listen, I have things to do,” she insisted.
He smirked and responded, “I’m not surprised you’re asking me to leave. You’re nothing but the daughter of a broke-down junkie—you wouldn’t know a good thing if it stared you in the face,” he said, as he stood up and looked down at her. “But you can’t help it, you were born that way.”
“Get the hell outta here, you bastard!” she yelled.
“I will, because I got a date in an hour anyway, and she’s a much better fuck,” he said nonchalantly, and turned to walk to the door.
Stephanie was furious. She couldn’t believe he had walked through her door and within minutes disrupted her peaceful afternoon. How dare he be so spiteful. Those words hurt and she was stunned. As he opened the door, she called his name.
“Jeff!”
“Yeah?” he turned around to face her.
Stephanie gripped the vase, and with all her might, hurled it forward. The water went all over his overpriced clothes, and his shoes were ruined. Before the stunned Jeff could react, she pushed him out, slammed the door, locked it, and fell against it in laughter. “Now you know how it feels to be fucked!” she yelled.
It took Stephanie a while to come off the high of drenching Jeff. She would never forget the look on his face. Her victory gave her the energy to call and try to mend things with Sidney. She picked up the phone and quickly dialed before she changed her mind.
“Hello!” Sidney answered.
“Hey, Sidney. How are you?” Stephanie asked. There was a mixture of concern and caution in her tone.
“Who is this?” Sidney asked. Although she knew it was Stephanie on the other end of the phone, she wanted her to think that it had been so long since they last spoke that she’d forgotten her voice.
“It’s Stephanie.”
“Oh, so what do you want?” she asked in a dry tone.
“I want to talk. I’m on my way over there.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll see you in a few minutes,” Stephanie said quickly, and hung up the phone. She didn’t want to give her a chance to say no.
“It’s open,” Sidney yelled from inside.
Stephanie walked in. Sidney was in the kitchen cutting up celery and carrots. Stephanie didn’t immediately notice her weight gain. Sidney wore a floral-printed tent dress that fell midthigh. More concerned now with comfort than fashion, she had coordinated her look with crew socks—a different look for the usually fashionable Sidney.
In person, Stephanie realized she didn’t quite know what to say. She hadn’t planned any key statements. She only knew she wanted to make things right. But instead of speaking, she stared at the chopped vegetables.
“For somebody who wants to talk, you’re awfully quiet,” Sidney finally said, while continuing to chop. She refused to make eye contact.
“Well, I do want to talk, but I don’t know where to start. It has been more than seven weeks since we last spoke.”
“Oh, believe me, I know that better than you think.”
“I’m sure you do,” she replied. Stephanie realized this wasn’t going to be easy, and that there was a good chance she would walk out of that apartment without a renewed friendship. “What I want to talk about is . . . well, what I really want to do is apologize for being such a bitch when you tried to come to me for support. I should have been there for you, but I only thought about myself and my feelings.”
“As usual,” Sidney blurted. She put down the knife and picked up a can of 7UP that was on the counter. She took a sip, walked over to the dining table, and sat with her back turned to Stephanie. Her feet hurt and she didn’t have patience for apologies. It wasn’t enough.
“Yeah, you’re right, as usual. But I’d like to believe I’ve grown up some. I know I can’t change what happened to you, or between us. I’m sorry it happened, and I wish I could take back the things I said.”
“Well, don’t you think it’s a little too late to apologize to me now?”
“No, I don’t. It’s not too late. Listen, I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t bother me that you’re pregnant by somebody I used to sleep with, because I’m still pissed off about that. But I do care about you more than I care about being angry.” Stephanie sat down in the chair beside Sidney so she could look in her eyes. They always gave her true feelings away. “And I care about the well-being of your baby. And the two of you mean more to me than he ever did. I am sorry for neglecting you, your baby, and most important, our friendship.”
“For the last seven weeks I’ve been handling things just fine by myself. I’ve been drinking 7UP nonstop and eating carrots and celery like crazy, because right now they are the only foods I can keep in my stomach,” she said. “I’ve been going to class with morning sickness, and I’ve been spending a lot of time studying, because I realize that I’m all I got and all my baby has.” Her eyes started to tear up. “So, now that you’ve crossed into your sorority, you started feeling good about yourself and you’ve been having so much fun with your new sorors that you felt guilty because you know you were wrong for the way that you treated me. Well, I don’t need your guilt trip, Steph. I need a friend and that’s what I thought you were. I was wrong!”
“You’re right, I haven’t been a friend, but I’m trying to change all of that right now. And you are right, I did feel guilty. I still do feel guilty, but not because I have new friends. I know I lost my oldest and closest friend for selfish reasons. I love you like a sister, Sidney, and I want to be there when your child is born. I want to help you prepare for the baby’s arrival. I want to help you shop for baby clothes, and I want to be its godmother. I want to start where we stopped. But I understand if you don’t ever want to speak to me again.” She couldn’t think of what else to say to convince Sidney to give her another chance.
Sidney got up out of her chair and went back to chopping her vegetables as if she hadn’t heard a word that came from her ex-friend’s mouth. Stephanie realized it was useless. All those years of being close and sharing their deepest secrets were over.
“I’m sorry I interrupted your day. I think I’ll leave,” Stephanie said softly, and got up slowly and headed for the door. She couldn’t hold back her tears, and although she knew it was highly unlikely, she wanted Sidney to stop her.
“Steph, wait,” Sidney said, and walked toward her. “You weren’t the only one who messed up. I’m sorry too.”
Stephanie was relieved. She was going to get a second chance. Her good friend was willing to talk, and hopefully, accept her back into her life.
“I’m so sorry,” Stephanie managed through her tears.
“I am too,” Sidney, who was also crying, said.
They hugged and apologized and promised to always be there for each other and not allow any situation to ruin their friendship. They sat down, and caught up on each other’s lives. Before they knew it, it felt like old times.
TWENTY-FOUR
Tiara’s alarm clock went off at eight a.m. She woke, disoriented. Her heart raced, and she was in a half-sleep, half-awake state. She was groggy and didn’t want to go to class feeling that way. Then she realized it was a Sunday. She could sleep as late as she wanted. Excited, she reached over, turned the alarm clock off, laid back on her pillow, and tried to remember the events from the previous night. She found herself smiling when she relived Ben’s kiss good night.
He had walked her to her dormitory, taken her hand, and said, “I didn’t get a chance to congratulate you properly for crossing.” Then he put his arms around her waist, pulled her close, and kissed her. Tiara could have sworn she saw fireworks. He whispered in her ear, “I’ll call you tomorrow about noon to make sure you don’t sleep the day away.”
“Okay,” she responded. She was light-headed after that kiss he laid on her.
“Well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said, and squeezed her hand.
Although she didn’t want him to go, he began to pull away, then stopped. “Tiara, you know, I’m really glad we met,” he said.
“I am too,” she snapped out of her trance long enough to respond. “You’re cool, and I like being around you.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Maybe we can find something to get into tomorrow—that’s if you want to.” He looked deep into her eyes and stroked the back of her head. Slowly pulling her close, he kissed her again.
The thought of that kiss still made her blush. She flashed back to the party and the fun she and her sisters had walking in line. She jumped out of bed and started doing her favorite walk. “You were jammin’ too hard last night,” she said aloud, and laughed. She got back into bed, but she couldn’t stop smiling. She knew it would be a while before she would have another entire day as perfect as yesterday. She wanted to savor every minute, but was interrupted by the telephone ringing.
“Hello!” she answered.
“Tiara?”
“Momma? Hey, Momma!”
“How you doing, girl? It’s been so long since I heard from you. You usually be done called by now.”
“Momma, I was pledging for the past seven weeks. Remember, I told you it would be a while before I would get a chance to call? Anyway, I just crossed last weekend, so I should be calling more. But I tried to call last week, and the phone was disconnected.”
“Yeah, but we got it turned back on yesterday. So, you crossed? Well, congratulations, I guess. I am supposed to congratulate you, right?” her mother asked, unsure of the appropriate reaction.
“Yeah, Momma, it means I’m in the sorority now. So how’s everybody doing?”
“Oh, we just fine, here. Girl, I won twenty-five dollars playing the scratch-offs at the convenience store yesterday. I was so happy, I went and bought five dollars’ worth of junk food for your badass sisters and brothers.”
“Momma, they’re not bad,” Tiara said. She wished her mother would stop reinforcing a negative image of herself and her children.
“Girl, yes they is! They just try to be on they best behavior when you home,” she said, then gave the latest example of why she c
onsidered her children bad. “Man-Man and Brother were running all ’round the store yesterday. I had to threaten to call the police on them before they acted like they had some sense. But Donnell—he so sweet—was all up under me as usual. You know he’s a momma’s boy.”
“So how are Tamika and Niece?”
“Tamika has been into her books lately, she’s doing so good in school. And Niece’s fast ass done gone and got this no-good, ghetto boyfriend. He always calling over here. She so gone over him that she ain’t thinking about studying.”
“I’m gonna have to sit down and have a talk with her when I come home. But what about you, Momma, how are you doing?”
“The same as usual. I’m thinking about dropping Charles. He get on my nerves. Sometimes he’ll go three and four days without coming over and calling, and he don’t return my pages. He the reason our phone got turned off. He made all these long-distance calls, and I didn’t see him for a week and didn’t have the money to pay the bill. He finally showed up and got the phone turned back on. He get on my nerves.”
“Go on and leave him alone, Momma.” Tiara wanted them to break up so badly because he was a bad influence on her brothers. He sold drugs, and he never had a steady job. He was always flashing money. Tamika once told her that whenever he wanted to be “alone” with their mother, he would pay the kids to go to the store to get candy, or pay them to go outside and play. They’d have sex and be finished by the time the children would come back in the house. Sometimes he would stay the night, and sometimes he wouldn’t, depending on how much money he had in his pockets. Staying usually meant he was broke.
Tiara was convinced that the only things her brothers could learn from him were how to lie around the house and be lazy, disrespect women, and be irresponsible and unproductive. She didn’t want her brothers growing up to be menaces, therefore he needed to be out of their lives.
“It ain’t that easy, Tiara. He makes me feel too good—in bed. Besides, how you think I can afford a three-bedroom apartment?”
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