by Wendi Zwaduk
She whipped around and put more distance between them. “But this is now. You’re going to change your mind about us. Two years could be the expiration date for you and me.” Her heart broke. Pushing him away sucked, but if a little pain now meant not hurting as much later…she’d do it.
“That’s not true. I’m jumping the gun a little, yeah, but you can’t base everything on Corey’s marriage falling apart.” Adam’s shoulders sank. “It’s not fair.”
Shit. “That’s not true. Jordy, Corey and I don’t have the same mom. When my dad married my mother, their marriage went to hell in two years time.” Damn. He’d cornered her. Worse yet, the pain radiating off him shot straight to her brain. She wanted to push him away and keep him forever, but neither seemed to be working. “I can’t be like that.”
“You’re not them. We’re not them.” Adam shook his head. He shrugged into his coat and picked up his bag. “I’m not going to change your mind.”
“But we could be.” Her voice rose an octave and cracked. Of all the times to have a quaint apartment, she really wanted another room so she could hide. The bathroom didn’t quite work. “Nothing is guaranteed.”
“So this is how it is?” Adam snorted. His eyes blazed. “Have I run off on you? Did I bolt when you brought up the role playing or the bondage? I haven’t balked at spanking you.”
“That’s true.” She sat down hard on the armchair. Throughout her life, she pushed everything good away and held on tight to crap that didn’t work. Adam was everything she wanted.
He crossed the room and dropped to one knee. “Then you’re fine. We’re fine. Hell, I’m in love with you. Have been since our first run.”
“No.” She shook her head. “You can’t be.” God, when was she going to stop hurting him? She couldn’t breathe and rocked in her seat. “You can’t love me.”
“Missy.”
She covered her face in her hands to hide the tears. “This…no. Just no.”
“There’s nothing I can say to make you understand?” Adam hung his head, then stood. “Got it. You’re strong and kick ass until there’s something you want, then you force yourself to kick it away. One of these days, you’re going to find something worth fighting for. I just hope you’re willing to go the distance.”
The door clicked and her brother Corey strode into the apartment. “Hey.” He stopped in the doorway. “Wow. Didn’t know I was interrupting. Hi Adam. What’s…up?”
“You’re not interrupting anything.” Adam adjusted his coat. “You’re fine. I think I’m the intruder.” He shook his head again. “I’ll see you around Melissa. Corey.” He glanced at her once, then ducked around her brother and left.
Melissa gave in to the tears. Adam had been right all along. She’d fallen in love with him and deemed him not worthy of holding onto, even when that’s exactly what her heart wanted. Her damn past fucked her over again. The best thing in her life was gone. Shit. She couldn’t even look at her brother. “Corey, what are you doing here?”
“I was supposed to bring you some pasta sauce. Ma made some.” Corey shut the door and kicked out of his shoes. “I also wanted to talk to you about something Dennis said to me. I see the sex part was right. Don’t tell me the locker room part was, too?”
“No.”
“Good. I’d have to kick your ass.” He carried the bag to the counter, then placed the glass jars on the stone surface. “You’re crying and Adam left. I’m going to kick his ass. Where’s he live?”
“You’re a dork.”
“I’m your brother. It’s in my contract to kick the collective asses of anyone who makes my baby sister cry.” He sat on the back of the sofa. “Tell me what happened.”
“Because you’ve got lots of wisdom to share?”
“Because I’m here and listening.” He folded his arms. “What’d he do?”
“He said he loved me and wanted to get married.”
Chapter Nine
There. She’d said it. Adam wanted to marry her. Her chest ached and there weren’t enough tears to cover how much she hurt.
Corey opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, then sat opposite her on the sofa. “I’m at a loss here. Where is marrying him bad? Are you pregnant?”
“No, I’m not pregnant.”
“Then? I’m not seeing a downside here. Adam has really come into his own and you’re the happiest—save for today—that I’ve ever seen you.” He opened his hands. “Come on, this is a syrupy moment, even for you. What’s going on?”
“Hmm. Why would I be totally against marriage? Let’s try you and Katie. You split two years after you said the magic words. Then there’s our wayward father. Mr. I-Can’t-Keep-It-In-My-Pants. We all have different mothers because he couldn’t stay with any of them long enough to find out if marriage could work. Sorry. Putting a ring on it just isn’t computing to me.”
“Missy, you can’t use me and Kate as a measuring stick. It’s a totally different situation.” He forked his fingers into his black, spiky hair. “We…we’re our own freak show, but it’s got nothing to do with whether or not marriage works.”
“Yeah, right. You dated for ten years and were fine. The moment marriage entered into the picture, you two fell apart. Why do you think Jordy isn’t married? He’s not even looking.” She jumped out of her seat and began to pace.
“Jordy doesn’t want to settle down because he likes being free. Katie and I were functionally dysfunctional. I know that makes no sense, but together we’re shit. When we’re apart, we get along. It’s…not like you and Adam.”
“You can’t even explain it.”
“We love each other. I can’t see my life without Katie, but until we unload our issues, we’ll never work.” Corey stopped behind her and rubbed her back. “You and Adam are stronger. You complete each other in that nauseating greeting card way Katie and I will never be.”
“You and Katie are perfect together. If anyone will work out, it’s you two.”
“Jesus, Missy. Not all relationships are destined to fail. Don’t fuck this guy over because you can’t trust yourself.”
Damn it. Her brother would have to have a point. She owed Adam an explanation. “But how would marrying him help with the stupid claims from the students that we screwed around in the locker room?”
“He’s a shy man. I’d be willing to bet he’s wanted to marry you since the moment he laid eyes on you and saw this as his cockeyed moment to ask you. If you remember, I fucked up the proposal to Katie. I never did find that first ring.” He hugged her, then stood. “Give him the night to cool off. Having the woman you love tell you a relationship won’t work is just about the worst blow a man can get. If he doesn’t give you a chance to plead your case, then I’ll break his legs.”
“Thanks Corey.” Melissa wiped her face. She touted herself as being so controlled and capable of dealing with any situation. So much for control. She took two deep breaths, then let them out slowly. Marrying Adam wasn’t the issue. Letting people get too close was. She didn’t want to risk her heart.
But losing him felt like losing her arm. Sure, he wasn’t gone for good, but what if? The what ifs were starting to kill her. She didn’t want to think about life without him. He’d become her best friend, her confidante and the hottest lover she’d ever had.
Part of her wanted to chase after him and make him see why she wasn’t a good match for him. Didn’t he see that already? She turned down his marriage proposal. The other part of her wanted to chase after him and beg him to come back. She’d show him all the fucked up parts of her and hope he wouldn’t take off a second time.
Melissa picked up her phone, but didn’t press the buttons to text him. The harder she tried, the more the words weren’t there. Waffling sucked. She wiped her face again with the pads of her fingers. What did she want, like down in her soul want?
To be teaching, happy, to have a family and to not turn out like her parents.
She had the teaching part conquered. Happiness was rela
tive. A mental image of her mother and father formed. All the times her dad swore he wasn’t going to cheat, then he did. Her mother put up with it all and never lost faith in him. Why? She said she loved him and if she loved him enough, he’d come around. According to her brothers, her father never settled with a woman more than two years. Was she really painting Adam with the same brush?
She closed her eyes. Adam was all the things she wanted. Loyal, handsome, sweet, honest…human. She flopped on her back on the bed. If she wanted to change history and not be like her parents, then she’d need to follow her brother’s advice. If she never put her heart on the line she’d never get hurt, but she’d stay lonely.
Who was she kidding? Her heart wouldn’t be broken if she hadn’t already let Adam get so close. He meant the world to her. Now she’d have to figure out how to prove to him she was worth his trouble.
* * * * *
Two hours later, Adam stared at his laptop screen. The crap with the phantom student, then Melissa’s reaction to his proposal…his head hurt. Okay, so asking her to marry him right then wasn’t his brightest move. He didn’t have a ring to give her or the romantic shit women were supposed to want when a guy popped the question. But come on. He was evolving…or something like that. He had flaws. Didn’t everyone? He wouldn’t be a total ass to marry. He’d love her with his entire heart, like he did already, and would care for her more than anyone.
For kicks, he typed his name into the search engine. A couple of links for the school came up along with random links for his work with the honors students at Christmas. He clicked on the images tab. A handful of the professional images from the past school years popped up. He scrolled down the page. No matter where he looked, he didn’t see anything potentially bad or embarrassing. So what was it about him that turned most women off? He glanced at the clock. Nearly nine. They had school in the morning. No point in trying to talk to her.
He logged into his email. Melissa’s name was highlighted under the chat list. Go ahead and chat? Leave her alone? March over to her apartment for an explanation? He clicked her name. Might as well go whole hog…
Adam: Hey you.
The cursor blinked for what seemed like an eternity, then the words Melissa is typing appeared.
Melissa: Hi. Can we talk?
Adam: Sure. Come over? Or do you want to chat?
Melissa: I want to see you. You won’t pounce?
Adam: Promise to behave.
Melissa: Be there in half an hour.
Her name darkened and he sat back in his seat. Well. The line of communication wasn’t dead. Hopefully the relationship wasn’t dead, either.
Adam rushed around his apartment, picking up the clothes he hadn’t folded yet and throwing away the empty soda cans on the coffee table. He barely spent any time at home and didn’t bother to clean up much. Now he was happy to have the busy work to keep his mind off Melissa. Women confused him, but if being a little confused meant a chance with her, he’d cope.
Half an hour flew by and the next thing he knew, she stood on his doorstep. “Can I come in?” She looked even smaller and leaner with her body swallowed in the oversized sweater.
“Yeah.” He stepped out of the way and allowed her into his home. Like he’d tell her no? “I’m glad you’re here.” He wanted to touch her, but held back just in case. “You okay? I’m sorry I ran out. I should’ve been cool about it. Some women don’t want to get married and I’m not a catch.” He was rambling.
“No.” She placed her fingers over his mouth. “Hush. You’re fine.” She dropped her purse on the chair then dipped her head. “I owe you an explanation.”
Adam sat on the arm of the chair. “You’ve got my undivided attention.”
Melissa blew out a long breath. “Where do I start?” She chuckled without mirth and flipped her hair over her shoulder. “My father—Jordy and Corey’s dad—couldn’t stick to his commitments if he tried. If he knocked up a woman, he married her. Nothing lasted more than about two years. Hurry up and wed, then hurry up and divorce. Mom’s been in my life since day one, obviously, and she’s convinced Dad still loves her. I know he doesn’t love her. He’s had two wives since.” Tears streamed down her cheeks and her eyes glittered with more unshed tears. “Corey and Katie never worked out, even though they think no one sees it should and Jordy will never get married.” She plopped onto the couch. “I’m scared that I’m destined to be like them.”
So many things made sense. “You’re stronger than you think.” Adam moved from the chair to the couch to sit beside her. He needed to touch her. He enfolded her in his arms and rubbed his cheek on the top of her head. “Once you set your mind to something, you’ll see it work.” He had no doubt she’d conquer the world if that’s what she wanted. She’d conquered him already.
“But what about divorce? Come on. Happily ever after isn’t in my playbook.” She tried to wriggle away, but this time he wasn’t having any of her sass.
“How do you know? You’ve been married a hundred times and can prove it?” Adam smoothed a lock of her inky hair between his fingers. “Not everything will go to shit because the past says it will.”
“You’re right.” Her shoulders sagged. “I’ve considered marriage—to you.”
“Missy.” He wasn’t sure what to say. She sounded so sick to her stomach about the whole situation. He wanted to comfort her, but geez. I’m not the worst guy out there. Plenty of other guys are better, but I’m loyal.
“Hold me?” She scooted onto his lap, not really giving him the chance to say no. He wasn’t about to argue, but still. She rested her head on his shoulder. “Remember how I said you’re strong and you said it was because of me? You’re the reason I don’t have to be strong all the time. You give me the room to be vulnerable. It’s good but scary as hell.”
“I’m always here for you, Missy.” His heart swelled for her. In every way, she was the woman he wanted and craved. The raw intensity in her words and the way she allowed her heart to be exposed…he loved her so much. She flowed in his soul.
“Marriage won’t solve the issue at school.” She snuggled closer to him and picked at the sleeve of her sweater.
“Nope.” True enough. Marriage only solved the problem of having her in his life and his apartment. If she didn’t love him, then no piece of paper or diamond would fix the situation. Certainly no document would shut up the person trying to ruin his career.
She sat up and looked him in the eye. Her cheeks shone with the tears, but the sadness didn’t make it to her eyes. “You asking me to get married did make me face my fears. I’m glad. I don’t think I could lose you.”
“Me, neither.” He tucked her against his chest. “Stay with me. We’ll take things slower and enjoy our time together.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever fall in love, but if it’s possible, I want to fall in love with you.” She kicked off her tennis shoes. “I’m yours all night long. Not going anywhere. This is where I belong. With you.”
Although her words were meant to reassure him and give him hope, part of him cringed. Each time she allowed herself to get close to being totally honest, she pulled back. Down in the depths of his heart he knew she loved him, too. One day he’d help her let go of all her hang-ups and embrace what she deserved. One day.
Chapter Ten
A month after the incident with the student, Adam had been asked to chaperone the winter formal. He’d worked things out with Melissa and stood in the foyer of the Murphy household. Her father and both brothers wandered around the living room. Sizing him up? Probably. Christ. He hadn’t been this nervous when attending his own winter formal. Corey swore they’d all leave together. He and his ex-wife, Katie, were chaperoning, too. Jordy didn’t say much. He sat on the barstool and sipped a beer. Of the three siblings, he was the only one not dressed up. Their father, Gary, clutched a small glass tumbler filled with a shot of whiskey and ice. His jaw twitched.
Adam didn’t feel much better about his plans for the night. No
t with her father giving him the hairy eyeball. Still, he wasn’t going to let the man intimidate him.
“So, you and Missy are close?” Gary rubbed his chin. “Funny, she never mentioned you.” His salt and pepper brows knotted. “What do you do?”
“I’m a history teacher at the high school.” He wiped his sweaty palms on his trouser leg. “I’ve been there for more than seven years. She and I have been seeing each other since August. We jog after school together and blow off steam.”
“Ah.” Gary nodded once. He shifted his brown-eyed gaze to her oldest brother. “Corey, why did you let your baby sister pair up with this bozo? Seems a little lame. You two aren’t doing your job.”
“Oh for God’s sake.” Corey threw his hands in the air. “Dad, she’s not twelve and she’s not going to break. He’s one hell of a lot better than Kevin.” He elbowed Adam in the ribs. “We run after school together. She’s in good hands. If Adam gets out of line, I’ve got carte blanche to kick his ass.”
“It’s true.” Adam doubted Corey would hurt him, but he appreciated the threat. “I act like a shit and he breaks my balls. It’s a good trade-off.”
“Uh-huh.” Gary snorted, then strolled over to the bar. He nudged Jordy. “Do you believe this guy?”
“Dad, he makes her happy.” Jordy shook his head. The shorter of the brothers, he sported blond hair and a darker complexion. “Now I see why she freaked. Dad, you’re the problem. You don’t trust anyone and you insult everyone.” He held up his glass to Adam. “Good luck. If you’re attached to this house of crazy, you’re going to need it.”
Adam snorted. He’d never really talked to Jordy, but he’d gained a healthy appreciation for him.
“Are we interrupting?” Melissa inched into the room with Katie at her side. The black dress draped over Melissa’s curves accentuated her tiny frame and placed her best assets on display. He wondered for a moment if she wore a bra under the dress. He couldn’t wait to get her home and out of the dress. Better yet, he couldn’t wait to get her into his present, then unwrap her from the shiny, latex package.