I had to keep going, though. I rinsed and repeated everything because if I didn’t, I might lose myself, which would mean I was giving up.
And when day six came and went, every ounce of hope I had did too when I reread all the text messages I’d sent to Tenley. The status had changed to read at some point during the day, but she didn’t acknowledge a single one of them.
My heart stopped beating for a second when I realized I was losing her all over again. And even though I was a grown man, the simple task of getting out of bed wasn’t going to happen. My work for my boss was done and delivered to his house on a flash drive. I showered the night before so one more day wouldn’t matter. Everything I needed was in my room. Water and some odd snacks were in the drawer beside me along with my remote for the television.
I made a new plan for the day. One that included watching every single Marvel movie, in order, from start to finish. I’d probably need to eat real food at some point, but I had the internet in the palm of my hands, aka my phone, and at least a hundred options to have an Uber driver pick up food. By the end of the day, we were going to know each other on a first-name basis because part B was going to send me into a calorie coma.
I ignored all texts from anyone who wasn’t my boss or my parents, including the ones from Keaton when he wanted to go surfing. Or him wanting to know why I was ignoring him. And him again letting me know he ran into Chanel at the tanning salon. I almost answered because why was he at a tanning salon, but then I remembered, today I didn’t care. Besides, I was immersed in Hulk’s story. Okay, maybe I was three pink donuts deep and hugging both of Tenley’s pillows like I would have been hugging her if we were watching it together. But I didn’t care. I had a delivery coming from Butter My Bread any minute.
When I called to place my order, Tristan had answered. The asshole had the nerve to ask me how Tenley was, so I lied and told him she was perfect. We were perfect. The whole goddamn universe was bloody perfect. Just to prove my lie as a truth, I ordered two sandwiches, my favorite and Tenley’s. I had a manly sized stomach that I had stretched with empty calories, so I could eat both with no problem.
I checked in and saw my Uber driver, Sam, was pulling in. So I paused my movie and made my way to the door. It was the only time I left my bed unless mother nature called.
A minute later, he knocked. When I twisted the knob and pulled the door open, I wasn’t greeted by the sixty-five-year-old retired teacher who took this job so he could save up to travel out of the country one day. Instead, I was greeted by a much paler, but no less beautiful Tenley.
And since she made me weak in the knees every other day, I fell to the floor, wrapped my arms around her legs, and said, “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
I didn’t care that I lost every single one of my man cards at that moment by begging, crying, and holding onto her like she was my long-lost blanket. She could have them all as long as she forgave me.
I didn’t know how long I stayed there, but I was fully prepared to stay there all night. I didn’t have to, though, because she lowered herself to kneel in front of me. While her fingers ran through my hair, she pressed her forehead to mine.
I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to say more. I think she was about to say something too, but we were interrupted.
Sam cleared his throat to let us know he was standing a mere few feet away with a bag in his hand. “I’ll just leave this here,” he said as he placed it beside us, then left us on our own.
I stood, took Tenley’s hand, picked up the bag with the other, and led her inside. This moment called for some privacy.
I put the food on the nearby counter, then did what I wanted to do the minute I saw her. Once my lips were pressed to hers, and when she kissed me back, I could finally breathe again.
28
Tenley
Admit when you are wrong.
HE WAS KISSING ME, and my world righted itself again. My balance returned. When I was with Preston, nothing else mattered. I didn’t care about what would happen next with my job, with the stupid apartment door, or what happened with Chanel. Okay, I cared about that a little, but that wasn’t the reason I pulled away from him.
“I don’t want you to get sick,” I told him as I pressed against his chest.
“I don’t care.” He cupped my face in his hands. In a flash, he pulled me close, his tongue grazed against my bottom lip, and he kissed me again.
From the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair, I felt it everywhere.
God, I missed him. I missed him so much that I think it was part of the reason it took me so long to get better.
I was a fool for running away, but I didn’t anticipate being gone for so long. I thought I’d clear my head for the night, then I would come back home to talk. I wanted to talk to him every day, but I could barely lift my head off the pillow before falling asleep again. I slept for nearly seventy-two hours straight. The forty-eight after that were divided between sleeping and sitting up long enough to eat a piece of toast or some pastina.
For the past twenty-four hours at my parents’ house, I felt well enough to sit up. Dad had brought my new phone to my room at some point. It was resting on the charger for me in a brand new coffeeproof case. Five minutes of queuing it up was all it took for all my messages, voicemails, and texts to pop in. Mom had called my boss to let her know I would be out for most likely the week. Even so, there were texts from both her and Kaitlin checking on me daily. I had sent them a quick message to let them know I was alive, barely, and would be back in two to three days.
The rest were from Preston. I listened to his voicemails first, the one where he was pleading with me to come to his apartment because his ex had shown up and he needed me. At the very end, he said he loved me, and my heart stopped. He needed me, loved me, and I failed him.
I read all his messages, probably a million times or more. Every time I read the words I love you, I wanted to type them back, but it was something that needed to be said face to face. I knew, no matter what, the next day I was driving back... to him.
I wrapped my arms around Preston’s neck tightly, never wanting him to let me go. His hands lowered to my waist, then he lifted me. My legs wrapped around him, desperately clinging to him.
I was home again. Being in Preston’s arms felt more like home than my parents' house. And while it felt good to be taken care of for those few days, there was only one person I needed to take care of me from now on. Just like I wanted to take care of him.
He held me tight, and between showering me with kisses, he apologized. “I’m sorry I let her in.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell her to leave when I knew what she was like.”
“I’m sorry I got out of the car instead of driving up to you.”
“I’m sorry it took that list for me to realize how I really felt about you.”
“I’m sorry it took me eighteen years to wake up.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you how I really felt sooner, but if you let me, I’ll tell you every day for the rest of our lives.” He stopped kissing me to press his forehead to mine. “I love you, Tenley. I never loved anyone the way I love you. And I realize now I never loved anyone before you.”
My breath hitched because of this man. At the same time my heart stopped, it raced. It had always been that way. He would walk in the room, and everything would stop, but at the same time, everything in me sped up.
He continued, “It’s always been you.”
Our noses touched just before he pressed one more sweet kiss to my lips. I tasted the salt on his lips from my tears, but when he pulled back, I saw it wasn’t just me who was lost in my emotions. Preston was too. He leaned into my touch as I brushed my thumb against his cheek. Another drop fell against my skin as he confessed, “I was so scared I lost you.”
And it was time for me to confess. “You’ll never lose me, Preston. I’ve loved you from the first day I saw you, and I love you even more today. Walking away is not an option.”
>
“God, I love you.” He hugged me tighter as he buried his head in my neck. When he said I love you again, I wrapped my arms around him tighter, never wanting to let go. It was the worst timing ever, but my stomach chose that moment to let me know it was finally hungry for real food. Preston chuckled against my skin. “Are you hungry?”
All my senses returned, and I smelled the food he had carried in with him. “I’m starved.”
He carried me to the nearby table. With care, he deposited me on the chair. “Lucky for you, I ordered your favorite.”
There might have been a whine and a pout when he let go of me, but when he placed the sandwich in front of me, a different sigh left my body. The kind that said I was so going to enjoy this. “I haven’t eaten in days.”
“I know,” he said as he sat in the chair next to me.
When he unwrapped our food, I didn’t waste a second before taking a bite. I moaned as the sandwich melted in my mouth. After I swallowed, I asked, “How did you know I didn’t eat?”
Preston had the biggest grin on his face as if watching me eat was the best thing. “Your mom,” he answered before taking a big bite of his food.
I knew my mom had talked to Preston. She told me as soon as she did, but I was too delirious to think about it. Placing my sandwich on the paper wrapping, I had some explaining to do. Mom told me she hadn’t mentioned anything to Preston about work or anything else I told her that first day. “I lost my job.”
Mid chew, he stopped, then choked. “What?”
“I didn’t get fired, but my boss is moving, and I’ll be out of a job.”
“I’m so sorry, baby.”
“But that was only part of what led up to the biggest Tenley meltdown ever. Then my key didn’t work, and Chanel was in your apartment making herself comfortable—”
He interrupted me. “I’m sorry—”
Taking his hand in mine, I interrupted him. “You don’t have to apologize again. It’s my turn. When I saw her, I should have trusted you. I should have waited for you, but I had a moment when I thought maybe everything that happened wasn’t real. My job, my perfect life, my amazing boyfriend. All of it. And I let my mind play tricks on me. So I ran. But I promise I won’t run again.”
He moved me from my chair and into his lap. “If you run, I will chase you. I’m not letting you go anywhere without me.”
I kissed the tip of his nose. “Good because I want to stay.”
I tried to move back to my seat, but he wouldn’t let me. So we ate our lunch—me sitting on his leg, him keeping his arm tight around my waist—until I was full. It didn’t take long either. After not eating for seven days, my stomach could only handle half of what I normally would eat. After Preston deposited the leftovers safely in the fridge, he gathered me in his arms and carried me to his room.
When he opened the bedroom door, he stopped. “Maybe we should stay at your place tonight. By the way, I have your new key.”
I wiggled out of his arms to look around the room. Normally organized, his room was littered with papers on his desk, the sheets apparently had a war with the bed and lost, a box of half-eaten pink donuts was in the middle of the rumpled bedding, and in the background, Hulk was frozen mid smash.
I never saw this side of Preston before, but the disheveledness of it all made me love him even more. If that was even possible.
“I haven’t been myself the past week,” he said, while picking up the box from the bed. He tossed it in the trash.
“Me either.” I didn’t want to go to my apartment. His bed was calling me, so I walked to my side of the bed to fix the sheets. While he gathered the papers haphazardly thrown on the floor, I helped myself to one of his T-shirts. Without even thinking about it, I undressed down to my underwear. Preston came over to help. His fingers trembled as he undid the clasps on my bra and slid the straps down. I let my arms go lax, allowing the fabric to slide from my body.
“Arms up,” he commanded.
I raised my arms over my head so he could pull the T-shirt over me. He didn’t try anything, and maybe it was because he knew I wasn’t quite one hundred percent. Instead, he carried me to his bed, then climbed in behind me. I reached for the remote and pressed play.
Lasting only ten minutes, I dozed off with Preston’s arms wrapped around me and his fingers running through my hair. Right where I belonged.
My eyes opened when the credits started on the movie. I stretched, feeling better than I had in days. Preston pressed a kiss to my lips. “Feeling better?” he asked.
“Much.” I sat up, needing to use his bathroom. His hand grabbed for mine, holding me still. “I’ll be right back. Why don’t you set up the next movie while I’m gone?”
The smile on his face grew wider. He knew I was on to him. Whenever Preston was sick or out of sorts, there was one thing that made him feel better. A movie marathon.
I closed the bathroom door behind me, did my business, then washed my hands. When I saw myself in the mirror, I winced. My face was pale, my hair was a tangled mess falling out of the ponytail I had tossed it into, and my eyes were covered in dark circles even though I’d slept for what felt like a thousand years. I opened the drawer Preston cleaned out for me, then spent the next ten minutes fixing the hot mess in front of me. With my teeth brushed, my brightening face cream applied, and my hair brushed back to glossy, I felt even better. Then I went to work on the three sizes too long T-shirt Preston had officially surrendered to me.
The shirt at one time proclaimed whoever held the hammer possessed the power of Thor. Half the words were missing, the black color had faded to gray, and the edge was frayed. Since I hated sleeping naked but equally hated sleeping in anything that touched my legs, I used the scissors Preston had in his shaving kit to shorten the material to my liking.
A concerned Preston called from the other side of the door. “You okay in there?”
As I cleaned my mess, I called back, “I’m fine. Just freshening up.”
I tossed my hair into a messy knot at the top of my head before opening the door. Preston visibly swallowed when he looked my way. “Jesus, Tenley.”
I padded my way to the bed. In the time I was gone, Preston had made us popcorn and arranged all our normal movie snacks up on the nightstand. Then I realized it was Thursday night. Movie night. “What movie’s next?” I asked as I climbed next to him.
“What?” Preston was staring at me as if he hadn’t heard a word I said.
I pointed at the television. “Movie? Is it Thor?” Casually, I looked at my T-shirt as I enjoyed the way he was looking at me. “I’m dressed for it.”
I might have been trying to egg him on. What could I say, I was hungry again, for both him and food. Since he didn’t make a move, I grabbed a handful of popcorn. Preston mumbled something. I swear it was something about Thor’s hammer followed by down boy, but my ears were still semi-clogged from being sick, and those words together didn’t make much sense.
He pressed play and grumbled, “Thor.”
I scooted until my back was nestled into his chest and wiggled until I found my comfy spot against him. Right then, I knew what he was mumbling about. It was pressing against my backside. Preston’s hammer.
29
Tenley
Ask her what she wants.
AT SOME POINT during the movie, I fell asleep. Being in Preston’s arms, wrapped in his warm blanket of a body had knocked me right out. The television was still on when I came out of my dream state. With my eyes fully open, I felt full of energy. Finally, the sickness was gone.
Preston was sleeping soundly behind me, his warm, steady breath and the dead weight of his arm told me as much. I attempted to turn off the movie, which must have played on a loop, but he wouldn’t let me move by tightening his hold on me. “You’re not going anywhere,” he mumbled groggily.
“I was going to make some coffee.” It was something I missed while I was sick. Tea was all I’d had in the past week, and I was craving the biggest cup of jo
e ever.
“Only if you come right back.”
“That was the plan.”
In the kitchen, I opened the cabinet with the coffee cups. Still, side by side were the cups Preston had given me for my birthday. In the fridge was my preferred creamer. Since we moved in, he always kept it on hand for me. While the coffee brewed, I looked around the apartment as if I hadn’t been there in forever.
There were minor changes I hadn’t noticed. Front and center in the living room was Preston’s entertainment center. The flat screen was surrounded by bookshelves that housed his comic books and collectibles. I walked closer to get a better look at the new framed photos he placed on the shelves. Photos of us from various points in our lives—the two of us the year we met and trick or treated together as Luke and Leia, the high school and college version of us at graduation, the day we received the keys to our apartments and carried each other over the threshold—which wasn’t an easy task to complete for me—one of me at the beach doing a forearm stand on my towel with Kaitlin during one of my sunrise classes. It was my first teaching gig, and Preston tagged along to surf and apparently take some pictures for my parents who were so proud. And lastly, the photo of our first kiss on the Ferris wheel courtesy of Keaton. He took it and hadn’t remembered until after scrolling through his birthday party pictures. My fingers traced each one as I took a trip down memory lane.
It was odd that even though I wasn’t living here, his place had so much of my hand in it. Anything with color was my doing. When I shopped for my own décor, I would always pick up something for Preston. But where my walls were painted a soft yellow, he kept his a light gray. If we ever decided to move in together, our styles would blend.
But it wasn’t time to think about living together, though.
All the Right Moves Page 18