by Head, Gail
“It is my uncle Gardiner who lives London – he is quite successful in his business, and has been a very great help these past weeks. I do not know what we would have done without him.”
“You are very fortunate to have such a relation, Miss Bennet,” said Bingley, giving his sister a meaningful glance. “It must be a comfort to know that you can depend upon your nearest relations for help and encouragement in time of need. Would you not agree, Caroline?”
“Of course, Charles, what would we be without families? They are a very great influence in our lives – and friends, as well. Do you agree, Mr. Darcy?”
“Yes, Miss Bingley, I do. Indeed, all parties benefit when influence is rendered in good faith. And the reverse is just as compelling.”
“Why, whatever do you mean, Mr. Darcy?”
“Just that when the influence rendered is done for selfish reasons, all parties must suffer.”
“Yes, of course,” Caroline agreed weakly.
Bingley eyed Caroline once again, attempting to remind her of his wishes; but her next words effectively ended any chance of his realizing them.
“Well, my dear Miss Bennet, I fear we have taken far too much of your time. You must have a busy day ahead of you,” Caroline purred sweetly. She then rose to leave, ignoring Bingley's glaring stare. The required half hour was over and she had no intention of prolonging the visit another minute. “You must promise to call on us should you need anything – anything at all!”
Desperate to speak with Jane, Charles threw Darcy a wild, pleading look, but he was at a loss as how he could prolong their visit. With Caroline nearly half way to the door already, it would be very awkward indeed. Much to his surprise, however, the remedy came from a most unexpected source.
In the next moment, the door flew open and Mrs. Bennet rushed into the room with a great commotion, nearly running headlong into Caroline. Hiding her embarrassment in a quick adjustment to her shawl, Jane's mother curtsied to the visitors.
“My dear Mr. Bingley, and Miss Bingley! What a pleasant surprise! I was just this minute thinking what a wonderful thing it would be to have visitors when I spied your carriage out my window, and here you are!”
“Mrs. Bennet! I am very happy to see you!” Bingley replied most enthusiastically. “I do hope you are feeling better.”
“Yes, thank you. I am much better now that you and your sister are come – and I see that you have brought Mr. Darcy as well,” Jane's mother eyed him distastefully. “Well, as I have said, any friend of yours is welcome.”
“I am glad for that, madam. Not only Mr. Darcy, but I have brought his sister, Miss Darcy, as well.”
“Indeed. She seems to be an agreeable, genteel sort of person. I am sure that my Mary is good company for her,” Mrs. Bennet pronounced, not noticing Georgiana's wide-eyed look at the offense she had given. Her full attention was centered on Bingley. “I must say, it is so good of you to come, sir. Our days are ever so dreary what with Mr. Bennet's misfortunes and all. But he is doing much better, and now we are ever so happy to have company, are we not, Jane?”
“Mama, our guests have been here this past half hour. They were just leaving.”
“Leaving? Oh, heavens no! I would not hear of it. You must stay a little longer!”
“You are very kind,” Caroline responded coolly, “but we really must be going.”
“Surely you have a few moments to take a turn in the gardens, for our roses are in full bloom and it is a sight to behold,” Mrs. Bennet applied to them all with an earnestness that could not be refused. “One turn would not delay you so very long.”
“There you have it, Caroline. I believe we must take a few moments for such a delightful diversion,” Bingley insisted.
“Very well, madam,” his sister replied with the slightest of curtsies. “I find I cannot refuse such an enchanting offer.”
The party removed to the garden, whereupon Mrs. Bennet proved herself to be as good as any scheming mama the ton had to offer.
“There is a particularly beautiful bed of roses just down this way. You must see it, I insist.”
“Mama, must I go as well?” Mary complained. “I have seen them all before.”
“No, no, of course not, Mary. What would I want you to see them for! But I will show our guests. Miss Bingley, Miss Darcy, will you come this way? I suppose you may come as well, Mr. Darcy.”
“Mother, I can show them the way, if you like,” Jane offered.
“What? Oh, no, my dear! I will show them the yellow roses and you must show Mr. Bingley the red roses down the other path. You would like to see the red roses, would you not, Mr. Bingley?”
“Of course, Mrs. Bennet, I would be delighted.”
“There, you see? Take as much time as you like, Jane dear,” Mrs. Bennet smiled encouragingly before herding everyone else away from the pair. Caroline looked back at Charles and Jane with concern.
“Mrs. Bennet, could we not all go together? I do prefer red roses to yellow ones,” she asked lightly.
“My dear Miss Bingley! I think you shall change your mind once you have seen these yellow roses. Their color is perfection! Come and see for yourself if I am not right. They are very unlike anything you have ever seen, I dare say.”
Unable to extricate herself without causing a scene, Caroline reluctantly allowed herself to be led in another direction, silently fuming at her failure to prevent the separation. Darcy took Georgiana's arm and dutifully followed, casting one last look in his Bingley’s direction.
Caroline and Mrs. Bennet! Surely this is penance enough for all the trouble I have caused you, my friend. You had better make the most of it while you can! He hoped it would be enough to set the two lovers on the path to happiness.
* * * *
“Mr. Bingley,” Jane made a graceful sweep with her hand, “shall we walk this way?”
“Certainly, Miss Bennet,” he replied carefully.
Jane's heartbeat quickened as he stepped to her side and she frantically grasped for anything that would distract her traitorous feelings. “My mother was right, you know. The roses are very beautiful this year.”
“Yes, I can see that; and quite right to be so generous in her praise. Your mother is in high spirits today.” Seeing his words had caused her to blush, he quickly attempted to amend them. “That is to say...I only meant that she has not been brought so low with all your difficulties. I hope I…hmm…and how is your father?”
“He is a little better, thank you. The doctor tells us it is still too early to know for certain, but we have seen some improvement, which makes us very hopeful.”
An awkward silence ensued, leaving many unspoken thoughts between them and neither party seeming to know how to continue. They walked a full quarter of the garden path in that manner. At length, Bingley gathered his courage.
“Miss Bennet,” he began nervously. “I hope you do not think me too forward, but I cannot let what little time we have alone slip by without trying to gain some understanding. I should like to say I…I had come to believe you…that is, since my return, I had hoped you found my company agreeable. Am I mistaken?”
The obvious passion in his voice breached the reserve Jane had carefully crafted and she could not stop the bittersweet agony that stabbed at her heart. “I am uncertain as to how I should answer you, sir. You company was, at one time, very agreeable. Indeed, I once thought you everything a gentleman ought to be.”
“Once? But not now?”
“As much as it disappoints me to say this, I must tell you I now find your company most difficult to bear.”
“Difficult? Surely not! Until this past week, our conversations have been nothing but amiable – at Sir William's and even before. I felt it and I know you did too!”
“Mr. Bingley, I will speak plainly. I admit that I once found you agreeable, very much in fact. I allowed my foolish imagination to create expectations which would never be realized. Indeed, I am embarrassed to say there were many who had expectations. However
, these past months have served to temper me.”
“Miss Bennet, I know my behavior last November was reprehensible in your eyes; indeed, it was in mine as well. I can only say that my greatest mistake was in listening to those around me. When I left for London, I had every intention of returning – I truly did – but then I was persuaded to believe you had no regard for me.”
“How could you?” she cried softly. “Did you not know me better than that?”
“I did! . . . or at least I should have. But I felt so. . .undeserving of you that. . . that when so much was said against the prospect of your having any feeling for me, I thought. . .perhaps it was true. That I had only imagined it to be so and that you could not possibly care for me.”
“That makes it all the worse; that you would believe such a thing after all that had passed between us.”
“It was only recently that I discovered I was persuaded wrongfully, and then I returned as soon as I could to try and make amends for my monstrous conduct. I can image what you must think of me and I deserve every reproach imaginable; but I beg of you; please forgive me.”
“There was no explanation,” Jane accused him softly. “Only one short note from your sister which gave me no hope of you ever returning. I was in London a full three months. I sent letters. I even called on your sisters. I was met with the barest civility at every turn. What was I to think?”
Bingley was in agony. “Oh, that I could undo these past months! Caroline was acting under a very great misunderstanding; one which has now been corrected. Please believe me when I say that I did not know you were in town or I would have made every effort to see you. Is not my presence here now proof of my sincerity? It was all a wretched mistake which I assure you shall never happen again.”
“I wish I could believe you, Mr. Bingley; but I am afraid I have only imagined you to be what I wanted, not what you truly are.”
“You cannot think me so very bad! I have explained what happened!”
“Yes – and you have just assured me that such a thing would never happen again! But what of your current preparations to leave Netherfield? You played me for a fool once, sir, but I will not suffer it again!”
“I am not leaving! I mean – I was, but I am not now. Please do not dismiss me. It is all a terrible, terrible misunderstanding. When you did not come to tea the first time, I had thought you too generous to reject me openly. I admit I was ready to leave – not for my sake, but yours; to spare you any further discomfort.”
“And in November – when you left me exposed to the ridicule of the entire neighborhood – was that to spare me as well?”
“No, of course not! And I am not leaving now. I only discovered the extent of your troubles on Sunday, and since that moment, I have made every effort to correct my error. Miss Bennet, I beg you to forgive my stupid manners. They were not intentional, not in the least.”
Bingley fell silent beside Jane as they moved on, nearly completing the garden's outer circle. Jane marveled at what she hoped was his meaning. She did esteem him above any other man she had ever known, but could she depend upon him? She would not open her heart again without an absolute declaration of his love. She would not make the same mistake twice, for she knew her heart would not survive a second blow.
“I forgive you, Mr. Bingley, if indeed it is as you say; but I cannot tell you what lies ahead. As you see, our life here is met each day with a great deal of uncertainty. I cannot bear any more uncertainty right now. I am in desperate need of a steadfastness which I do not believe you can provide.”
“Miss Bennet, please allow me to – ”
“Charles, there you are!” Caroline cried, coming around the corner with a gasp of relief. “We must go. Mr. Darcy and his sister are waiting at the carriage already.”
“Caroline, can you not wait until I have finished my conversation with Miss Bennet?”
“I am sorry, but it cannot. I have the most dreadful headache. I fear I have taken in too much sun this morning.”
“That is quite all right, Miss Bingley. I believe we are finished here.”
Jane's emotions had been on the edge of collapse before Miss Bingley's sudden appearance; but now she held them in tight regulation as she escorted brother and sister to their carriage. Unable to look at him again for fear she would betray herself completely, Jane stood next to her mother and waved the visitors off until the carriage disappeared from view.
“Well, Jane! It is a good thing for you I found out Mr. Bingley had come in time to help you or he would have left without saying a word! Tell me, dear, what did he say? Did he express any particular interest?”
“Oh, Mother,” was all Jane could manage before the tears she had struggled so hard to suppress spilled over, greatly surprising Mrs. Bennet.
“Jane! What has happened?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing!” she sobbed, then fled into the house leaving her mother to stare after her in bewilderment.
* * * *
“I do not think billiards will do at present,” Darcy surmised as he retrieved Bingley's ball from the floor for the third time. “And I cannot believe you are ready to break and run.”
“What else am I to do?” Bingley moaned as Darcy placed the ball back on the table. “She has given me no hope.”
“Was it an absolute rejection?”
“She did not say 'go away' exactly – she is far too kind for that – but she might as well have.”
“What exactly did she say then?” Darcy pushed.
“She said she was 'in desperate need of a steadfastness which I do not believe you can provide.' I tried to explain myself; to offer her my assurances, but Caroline interrupted us and I had no more opportunity. It was a wretched endeavor. You saw Miss Bennet when we left - she would not even look at me!”
“That is not a complete rejection, if any at all.”
“Not a complete rejection? Darcy, she could not possibly have said it any plainer than that!”
“On the contrary, my friend,” replied Darcy grimly. “She could have looked you straight in the eye and said: 'You are the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry!'”
“Darcy, do be serious – this is no time for jests! No woman would express herself as plainly as that. But the material point is clear nonetheless: she does not want me.”
“She did not say that. She raised certain concerns, and surely you must see her point.”
“Oh, yes, I see her point. I am a worthless will-o-the-wisp. Well, I will not stay where I am not wanted. We shall leave after all. That should make you happy, eh, Darcy?”
“No, Bingley, that will not make me happy. Do you see what you are doing? I have often said your impulsive behavior would be your undoing, and this time it truly shall. Miss Bennet hesitates for good reason. At a time you should remain steady, you are ready to run.”
“I am not running,” Bingley snapped sullenly. “She does not want me and, as such, it is pointless to remain here.”
“But she does want you! That is the point, though she does an admirable job of concealing it. Consider her position. You have made a sudden departure once – nearly twice – and now you propose to do it again. To a young woman facing the uncertainties of a sick father with an entailed estate, it is a devastatingly poor showing of your steadfastness, especially at a time when she needs your support. I do not think even the stoutest of loves could prevail in such a case.”
“What else am I to do? She made it very clear she was done with me. If only I had had the time to explain myself better.”
“First, if you truly love her as you claim, you cannot leave. That would bring her fears to life and sound the death knell on your chances all in the same stroke. And secondly, do not count on your sisters to assist you in your quest. If anything, they pose a definite impediment.”
“I know that now. Caroline knew my purpose for going to Longbourn and yet she did nothing to aid my cause! I did not think I would ever say this, but I was very happy to
see Mrs. Bennet today.” Bingley's mouth curled into a bitter frown as he took aim at the balls on the table. “Well, I promised to send Caroline away if she could not support me. She has had her chance – several in fact – and her own actions this morning have decided her fate.”
“What will you do with her?”
“I am sending her to Scarborough. I shall write to my cousin's wife this evening.”
“And then?”
“I cannot say. If only I could speak with Jane again, I am certain I could change her mind,” said Bingley, absent-mindedly lining up another shot.
“Speaking with her is not enough, my friend. It is not your love she doubts, but your steadfastness. That is what you must prove to her.”
“Prove my steadfastness?” Bingley cried in frustration. “And how am I to do that?”
His cue struck with an unbridled force that sent the ball flying once again, this time finding ground at Darcy's feet. Bingley's question was left unanswered as Wilson appeared in the doorway, announcing that Miss Bingley and Miss Darcy were in the drawing room awaiting the gentlemen for tea.
Darcy donned his coat and followed Bingley out, grateful an immediate answer had not been required for he had absolutely no idea how such a thing was to be accomplished.
Chapter 11
Elizabeth sighed in exasperation. No matter how many times she tried, the colors simply refused to cooperate! It was a painfully telling contrast to Rebecca's painting. She watched with an appreciative eye as her companion added a wash of brilliant purple hues to the petals of a delicate flower.
“I am amazed at your talent, Miss Ballard. How ever do you do it?”
“I do not know, it just comes to me.”
“Perhaps it is because you enjoy it so much. I believe you would sit here all day if you could.”
“Perhaps. I know that when I am painting or drawing, nothing else matters. Mrs. Holiby was very good to let me do it more than I probably should have.”
Elizabeth caught the note of sadness in the girl's voice and looked up in time to glimpse a pained expression before it was quickly smoothed over. Great strides had been made in the past week to coax Rebecca out from behind her wall of quiet hostility, but there was still a long way to go.