by Lindsey Hart
“Honest? I don’t know what’s worse. Surprises or honesty.”
“Well- you know. You know about that thing with Jesse.”
“Of course, I know!” Her mom’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head. “The whole world knows.”
“Yeah, well, the story was that we were dating in secret for a year. That we’d never really lost touch. He covered for me after I screwed up. That wasn’t how it went at all. The real story is that on the last day of college, I got hammered. I slept with him. I slept with Jesse, and I knew it was wrong and I couldn’t take it because it felt really right, so I left.
“I…”
“Just let me finish before you say anything.” She held up a hand and her mom fell, thankfully, silent. “I left Philly and I never looked back. I’ve spent this whole time out here proving to myself that I was fine. That I could provide for myself. That leaving was the right decision. And then, when I went out to celebrate with my friends on my birthday, I had a few too many drinks and I put this stupid message out there and Jesse saw it. I mean, I was drunk. I don’t even really remember doing it. He’d said something about us marrying each other if in ten years we were still single. We were drunk, and that was before we slept together. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t that drunk. Maybe I told him I didn’t remember any of it, but really, I do. I remember all of it. I wasn’t in my right mind when I wrote that message, but he saw it and he had his crazy butler dude come pick me up and take me to his house. He tried to get the guy to bring me to the store to pick out a ring and a freaking dress. It was the craziest thing. I think he just wanted to prove to me that he was taking it seriously.”
“So- so you were never really engaged?”
“No. The media was never supposed to be there when I got there. His mom let them in. Apparently, she liked the idea of us being together.”
“Jesse’s parents always loved you.”
“I know.” Sydney hung her head. “They were like my second family. They loved both of us. I can’t count how many times we all had dinner together. I think she wanted it to be real. She thought if the world thought it was, then I’d have to stay.”
“But you couldn’t.”
“No.”
“Because you can’t marry a man you love.”
“That’s the thing.” Sydney’s hands vibrated in her lap. “It’s the other way around. You shouldn’t marry a man that you do love.”
Her mom digested that for a minute, biting down hard on her lower lip. “You know, sweetie,” she finally said, her eyes meeting Sydney’s and misting over. “Just because it didn’t work out for me, doesn’t mean it won’t for you.”
“I know that mom.” Sydney sat up straighter. She didn’t want to see her mom cry. “He could have thrown me under the bus, but he didn’t. He did damage control for me. Took the heat off me and said that it just didn’t work out, because sometimes things don’t. He told the world to back off and give me my privacy. The thing is… that’s just Jesse. He’s the best person I’ve ever met.”
Her mom swallowed hard. “You know, I used to think that Jesse was the one causing all the trouble. Getting you into all those scrapes. That he was the wild one and you were just along for the ride. I soon realized he was the one who grounded you. Who kept you from making worse messes. He probably kept you from doing something altogether stupid and hurting or maiming yourself. You always had this crazy energy and he was like… the yin to your yang or something.”
“That’s very poetic.” Sydney had to take a sip of her wine though, because suddenly her eyes were the ones getting prickly.
“Sweetheart…” her mom reached out and gripped her hand as soon as she set her wine glass down. “I’m serious. After your father left and it was just us… I got used to being on my own. I liked it. But it’s not for everyone. I always thought you were so strong and independent, but there isn’t anything wrong with having those traits and finding someone who adores them in you.”
“Mom…”
“No, now it’s your turn to let me finish. If you love Jesse, you should give it a try. Some marriages do work. Or maybe you could just live in sin and not get married.”
Sydney let out an unladylike snort of laughter and her mom joined her. “I know you’re not old fashioned enough to think like that. Of all my friend’s parents, you were the most progressive.”
“I was the smartest you mean.”
Sydney laughed again, a laugh she felt right down to her abs. “Yes, mom.” She squeezed her mom’s hand.
“Never thought I’d heard the day my child admits to me being smart. I’ll have to mark it down on the calendar.”
“Who has those anymore?”
“I do. Get one free from the gas station every single year. Anyway, honey, you could start somewhere. Start small. See where things go. I’m sure if you and Jesse sat down with his parents, they wouldn’t pressure you into anything. They would respect your space and your boundaries, because they love him and they want him to be happy, and if you’re his choice, they won’t do anything to jeopardize that for him.”
“Yeah, well, that’s easy to say, and really hard to do. I know I would be the one who ended up messing things up and then everyone would hate me. I don’t want to hurt him or toy with him. And even if I thought it would work out, I already burned that bridge. Like, really burned it. With fire and gasoline and maybe dynamite burned it. I messed everything up. I blew the best shot I had at being happy with someone, because for me, I always knew it was Jesse or no one. I’ve known that forever.” She pushed her shoulders back in an effort to hold her head high. “I’ll be okay. I’ll be happy being single, like you. We’ll be two free women. We can travel the world. Do whatever we want. Free spirits that won’t ever settle down. Every day can be a new adventure.”
“Honey, I’m not saying no, because that sounds like a great time and I love the heck out of you. You’re my baby girl, no matter how old you get, and I want you to be fully happy. I don’t want you to live with regrets. If you’re sure Jesse was the only one for you, I’m pretty sure that’s a good indication that it could have worked.”
“It’s okay, mom, really.” She knew she was going to have to do something drastic to prove it, so she let the tears burning the backs of her eyes fall and she let her mom sweep her in for a hug.
By the end of it they were crying together, but after a good solid sob session, they were able to pull back and give each other watery smiles.
“I’m going to refill our glasses now and we’ll toast to getting the heck out of this city and figuring out what we’re going to do next.”
“Never really liked my job,” her mom smirked.
“I know. You complain about it all the time. That’s why I thought you wouldn’t be sad about leaving.”
Her mom’s smile was less watery as she lifted her glass. Her eyes sparkled with a glint that if Sydney didn’t know her mother better, would have thought was a little devious.
“To our future of unending adventures,” her mom toasted as she raised her glass.
Even though her heart wasn’t in it, Sydney raised her glass and clinked it with her mom’s. She even managed to force a smile.
CHAPTER 17
Jesse
Jesse could literally count on one hand the number of times he’d talked to Sydney’s mom on the phone in his lifetime.
One.
It wasn’t that she wasn’t a phone person, because when cell phones came around, she was constantly texting Syd, just like an annoying friend, much to Sydney’s annoyance, but she never had any reason to call him. His mom, sure. Even his dad a few times, for emergency issues like plumbing fixes or when their internet malfunctioned. Stuff like that, since Sydney didn’t have a dad around to do that kind of stuff and his dad was fine with filling in. Once, she even called to give his brother shit about putting gum in Sydney’s hair. Yes. Seriously.
She’d never had any reason to call him though.
So, when he answered the number he di
dn’t recognize, he was so shocked to hear that it was Bobby Anne, that he had to sit the hell down on his kitchen floor. Actually, he missed the chair he’d tried to go for, and literally fallen on his ass.
“I know this is probably a bit of a surprise…” You could say that again. “But I needed to call. For Sydney’s sake, because she’s my daughter and I love her. I hope it’s okay that I got your number from your mom. They still have their landline phone and I still remembered it.”
“Y-yeah,” he stammered, aware that the silence stretching on made everything that much more awkward. “It’s- fine.” He closed his eyes and purposely didn’t think about how much his ass bones hurt at the moment.
“Are you sure? Because I really need you to listen to what I have to say.”
“I’m…”
“Don’t hang up on me you little punk.”
A grin split his face. “It’s alright. I won’t.” Heaven forbid if his cell dropped the call. He imagined Syd’s mom coming after him with a kitchen butcher block, brandishing different knives of choice.
“It just so happens that I realized that you’re opening up a new office in Houston.”
“Yes. Well, I’m not- but the company is- we put out the ads two weeks ago, so you’re not wrong.”
“Good. Just so happens that Sydney up and quit her job.”
“She what?” Jesse realized that not only was he flat on his ass, his mouth was probably hanging open in some absurd position. He did a mental check, and yup. Sure was. He closed it and swallowed hard past his dry throat.
“I wasn’t any less shocked. Apparently, she wasn’t happy there. I mean, I knew that, I just didn’t realize how much. I came to San Fran just to be with her, since it’s always been us. It’s expensive here and she’s said she wants to relocate. If I just happen to give her the job application for the marketing department, since that’s basically what she was doing at her last place… would you just happen to come on down and interview her?”
Jesse blinked, confused. “I’m not sure that I have any idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’m talking about not giving up on you as a son-in-law just yet.”
Cut his jaw slamming into the ground for real. “W-what?” he stammered. “I- last time I checked… Sydney wasn’t in on that plan.”
“What if she is, she just doesn’t know it yet?”
His fingers tightened on the phone. “I’ve been waiting my whole life for her to maybe get in on that. Jump aboard. Hasn’t happened yet. We were close a couple of times, but she just doesn’t… she just doesn’t want it.”
“That’s not what she told me.”
Okaaaaaaayyyy what? He blinked a few times, trying to figure out if any of this conversation was actually real. He debated about pinching himself then decided against it. His radiating pain up into his spine was enough to convince him he wasn’t asleep.
“What did she tell you then? Because I know what she told me and there seems to be a slight conflict of interest here.”
“I’m not going to repeat everything she said to me, but I know that she let you go because she’s afraid that she’ll disappoint everyone. She’s afraid of hurting you. She loves you so much that she thought letting you go was the right thing. Letting you be happy the way she thinks she can’t make you.”
“Why would she think that? It hasn’t exactly worked out yet.”
“Yes, well, in my experience, love isn’t usually rational, and neither is fear. She’s afraid of disappointing me. Of hurting your parents too. She knows how badly they want this. She’s afraid that things will go too fast and then it will all come crashing down. Over the years, Jesse, I’ve realized what a stabilizing force you’ve been in Sydney’s life. You and your family. Raising a daughter alone is hard and your family was always there for both of us. It meant the world to me watching her grow up and blossom into this beautiful young woman. At first, I was worried about her having a guy as her best friend. I thought nothing good would come of that, but I watched you two and I realized that I was wrong. You were exactly what she needed. You always have been. You made Syd a better person. You took her wild spirit and you treasured it and let it grow, but you were also always that other side to her passion, the sweeter, gentler side that she needed. I’ve watched her love for you change. From the love of a child to the love of a best friend, to the love of a woman and into romantic love. She thought I didn’t know, but of course, I did. I watched you both and I always hoped that things would work out, because parents want the best for their children, no matter what their own experiences were. She’s scared and she’s stubborn, though, and she’s going to keep on running unless someone finally stops her.”
“I did try and stop her. A few times now,” he deadpanned.
“She’s ready, honey. She just doesn’t know it yet.”
Jesse sighed right into the phone. This wasn’t how he’d seen his day going. His heart squeezed, hammering hard in his chest. No matter how many years he lived, he was going to love Syd with the passing of every one of them. He was never going to just forget her. Move on. He’d tried that. Okay, so he’d half-assed tried it, but he knew it wasn’t going to work. She was the only one he’d ever wanted. That didn’t change, just because she’d given him all the hope in the world and brought it crashing down around him. Or because she’d walked out and never looked back over ten years ago.
He realized that he could have gone after her. She might have left, but he could have gone and brought her back. He didn’t, because maybe fear was a two-way street and they were both stumbling down it.
Technically, he still had another strike.
He filled his lungs with a deep breath that rattled into the phone. “What do you want me to do?”
CHAPTER 18
Sydney
Houston was nice. She’d been there for two days, and while she wasn’t completely sold, especially on the prices of stuff, the job opportunity her mom magically procured for her like a damn rabbit out of a hat- well… it was impressive. If she landed that job, a job that she’d maybe even be decently happy doing, since it was marketing a new line of shoes made out of recycled plastic and other materials and that was pretty cool in itself, she wouldn’t need to worry about finding a decent place. The starting salary bracket for the position was impressive.
The whole thing basically sounded too good to be true.
Especially since the company was willing to fly her down there to interview for the position.
When she’d sent her resume in, she was sure no one would call her back. She was shocked when her phone rang and the lady on the other end, with the honeyed smooth voice that somehow made her think of glitter and sunshine and giggling babies, told her that they believed in face to face interactions. When she’d confessed that she didn’t have enough money for a last-minute plane ticket, the lady, Sandra, told her that it wasn’t a problem. They were serious about hiring her and they’d pay for the flight.
So currently, she was a basket of nerves. Like a literal, overflowing basket. Her entire body felt like someone had taken out her insides and replaced them with a storm of angry birds battling to get out.
As Sydney’s fingers curled around an impressive glass door in an even more impressive modern looking two story building made of glass and steel with wood accents, those birds fought their way up into her throat.
She swallowed convulsively as she walked through the lobby, up to the massive steel desk. The woman behind it was gorgeous, six feet tall, slim, with long flowing blonde hair. When she turned around and found Sydney standing there though, her smile was immediately genuine.
“I’m Sydney,” she choked out. “I’m here for an interview.”
“Right.” The blonde nodded. “That’s great. Sandra is expecting you. I’ll just take you back to our boardroom, if you want to follow me?”
“Sure.” Sydney gripped her purse tight as she trailed behind the woman.
She glanced around and was relieved to see that t
he building was a maze of hallways and offices, and while some were smaller than others, they all appeared nice and no one was sitting in the middle of the room in a horrible little cubicle.
The boardroom was impressive. Sleek paneling on the walls matched the exterior and metal accents brought everything together. It was kind of a strange place, ultra-modern. She wasn’t used to anything so new. In her experience, offices were horrible, decrepit buildings filled with even worse people sometimes doing even worse things.
The blonde indicated a high backed, fancy looking office chair. If Sydney was going to guess, and she did guess, she figured that it was ergonomically correct. Which meant that her back and arms wouldn’t ache after a day at work. She loved yoga, but she’d started it up because she couldn’t deal with the pain of sitting in her terrible office chair every single day.
“I’ll go get Sandra for you. Just have a seat. Do you want some coffee or tea? Some water?”
“Oh.” Sydney sunk into the chair like she had no bones to hold her up. “Water. Yeah, sure, that would be great.”
The blonde flashes another smile. She was pretty, but kind of gave off the impression that she didn’t actually know it and hadn’t been one of those snotty, mean kind of girls in high school, even though she looked like she could have been cheer captain.
The blonde shut the door behind her, and Sydney was left alone in the room. It was quiet. The place smelled new, and, while she realized that the office was a new one, for a new product branching off from a main parent company or something- honestly she hadn’t done that much research because she didn’t think she’d actually get the job- she didn’t realize just how new everything was.
When the door creaked open, Sydney whipped her head around, even though she told herself to remain composed. She was kind of excited to meet the woman she’d talked to on the phone and see if her face matched her voice. Although she wasn’t really sure what she was expecting, considering most people didn’t have voices that sounded like they belonged in a magical forest filled up with unicorns.