“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” David couldn’t bear to look Steve in the eye. He focused on the tea his father had handed him when he reentered the living room, wrapping his fingers around the oversized mug. The warmth felt good as it filtered from the mug into his hands.
“You were freaked out by those assholes. I can understand why you didn’t want to go out with Kevin to celebrate that night. I’m sure neither you, nor Kevin, felt much like celebrating after the attack.” Steve touched David’s arm, but he quickly pulled it away, nearly spilling his tea.
“Not much of an attack. Kevin was the one who got sucker punched.” David still stared at his mug as he took a sip of the steaming beverage.
“Having to watch your boyfriend get hurt is an emotional attack. Especially since it could have been you.”
David snorted. “But it wasn’t me, was it?” David briefly glanced at Steve, avoiding making eye contact with his father altogether. “Why would you call him my boyfriend?”
“Maybe because you did, and Kevin has every afternoon when he’s asked about you since you haven’t returned to track.”
“I’m tired of running around in circles every day, literally.” David bit his lip and then continued. “It’s time I focused on just doing my homework so I can keep up my grade point average while I’m stuck here for the next few months.”
David noticed his father wrap his own hands around his teacup so tightly his knuckles began to turn white.
Steve pried David’s hands from his mug, placing it on the coffee table, then took David’s hands into his own. “Look at me!”
David turned his head away as forcefully as he could manage.
“I said look at me.” Steve’s voice softened. “I’ve been working with teens far too long not to know the signs of passive and detrimental resistance, especially when a clear traumatic instance is involved. You can’t get away with all this crap and fly under the radar with lame excuses.”
“So now you’re some kind of shrink? I thought you coached track and wrote articles. When did that give you license to decide what I’m doing or thinking?” David knew he had been found out but was still unwilling to admit anything.
Kevin had been fine before David came to town. Since his arrival, and due to his behavior, he had practically placed a target on Kevin’s back. On top of that, he remembered all the arguments Steve and his father had had over how to handle David.
“What if I don’t want to talk to you?” David knew it was a ridiculous and childish question, but it gave him more time to think.
“You need to talk to someone. Jesse’s been trying to talk with you, but you refuse to answer her calls or sit with her at lunch. She told Kevin she found you holed up in the math lab doing homework during lunch during the past couple of weeks, and you told her to fuck off each time she tried to speak with you.”
“Too bad she can’t keep her mouth shut long enough to listen to what I asked.” David wasn’t being fair, but he didn’t want to let anyone get too close. He was hurting everyone. All he wanted was for his mothers to return and take him back to New York City. Unfortunately, during his last conversation with them, he had seen how happy they were as they shared how much they were accomplishing in their European mission for equality. Instead of saying another word, he drank more of his tea.
“So you’re going to cut off everyone who gives a damn about you? That isn’t going to solve anything.” Steve shook his head and sipped his own tea.
David didn’t respond. He remained silent as did both of the men seated with him.
The silence lasted for several minutes until David’s father finally spoke up. “I would never have pegged you as a coward.”
David’s eyes widened, and he dared to glare at his father. Before he said a word, he noted the shocked look on Steve’s face as well. “What the hell are you talking about? I am not a coward! How can you say that?” David stood, continuing to stare down at his father.
“I can say it, because I know what it is to be a coward. It’s an example of that annoying but accurate phrase, it takes one to know one. Well, son, you’re looking at the biggest coward in this room, maybe even in this town.”
David had turned away and was preparing to leave the room to avoid any more of the discussion, but upon hearing his father’s words, he looked back at his father over his shoulder. He was tempted not to even deign to respond to his father’s statement, but his words had been so stunning and unexpected that he found himself frozen in place.
Steve rested his hand on Rob’s shoulder. “Rob, how can you say that? You get up in front of all the TV viewers in the entire state, and probably some in the neighboring states as well, and deliver your news reports on a daily basis. No one could call you a coward.”
Rob snorted. “I get up in front of a camera, deliver a piece of information, frequently prewritten and looming in large letters in front of my face from a teleprompter while avoiding contact with the people who truly matter in my life.”
“No you don’t.” Steve practically whispered the words as he stroked Rob’s arm up and down, from shoulder to elbow and back.
Without thinking, David resumed his seat, still stunned by his father’s confession. He wasn’t sure if it was a trick or a real admission of something deeper.
“David, I’ve never been banned from your life.” His father looked directly at him. “Your mothers have always offered me an open-door policy where you’ve been concerned. I just chose to keep my distance except when there were large-scale family functions or holidays to celebrate. It became easier and easier to hand the blame to others, or circumstances such as work commitments, for my long absences throughout your life without admitting the truth.”
Before he could hold back, David blurted out, “And what is the truth?”
“I was afraid I would be a complete failure as a father. The most important job I could ever have or ever do would be to accept the privilege of being a good father to you. To avoid failing, I avoided being available or taking any responsibility in your life.” His father reached up and brushed a hand gently over David’s hair. “Look at the miserable way I’ve been acting. I haven’t given you the time you deserve since you’ve been living under my own roof. It hasn’t been fair to you. My only excuse was self-preservation. But the reality is, I was too cowardly to face up to the amazing opportunity I had… until now.”
Allowing a few stray tears to escape from his eyes before wiping them away, David continued to make eye contact with his father. “And what about now, Dad?”
“Ever since I saw you run during the meet, and, previously, observed the smile on your face whenever you came home from time spent with Kevin or with Steve, I became more and more aware I was missing something special, something I couldn’t possibly get back if I let it pass me by.” Tenderly holding David’s chin up so they had to continue looking at each other, his dad continued, “I love you, and I want to be a father to you, in every sense of the word. Part of that means owning up to all my responsibilities, including telling you when you’re behaving foolishly. I should know. I’ve earned the dubious honor of being the biggest fool of all.”
When his father lowered his hand, David took the opportunity to dry his eyes further. Although he looked down, he heard and listened as his dad continued.
“Don’t be a coward and shy away from the people, and things, that are most important. They’re the easiest things to lose and will cause the most significant regrets. My example is the worst you can follow; you should look to Steve. He’s the better parent.”
David shivered, remembering the time he had blatantly told Steve as much.
Daring to look up, David watched as his father turned toward Steve. “I love you more than anyone in this world and have been too afraid to place our love before all to see. I know you’ve wanted to marry me since it became legal in this state. It’s about damn time I caught up with what really counts. So in front of a very trustworthy witness, I’m going to be br
ave enough to ask.” Rob took one of Steve’s hands between his own. “This may not be candlelight and roses, but with all my heart I’m asking you to marry me. Unworthy as I might be, please say yes and take a leap of faith into our future. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone but you by my side.”
Steve’s eyes were wide. He looked at David first. As miserable as he had been for the previous weeks, David couldn’t halt the smile spreading across his entire face. Then Steve turned to gaze directly at Rob and nodded.
“Say it. I need to hear it out loud.” David watched his father bite his lip. It was the most blatantly insecure he had ever seen him since he’d come to live with them a few months earlier.
“Yes. Yes!” Before Steve could say another word, David watched as his father planted a whopper of a kiss on Steve’s lips. They remained like that for nearly thirty seconds before David faked a cough.
The pair separated and both looked at David. His father spoke softly. “If I can be brave, I hope my son can finally follow my example when it’s a good one. Don’t turn your back on track, Jesse, and especially Kevin. You’ll hurt and drive away those who care the most about you, and even worse, you’ll hurt yourself. I can’t watch you do such unnecessary damage without speaking up. Without being a father in more than name only. I love you, son.”
David combed his fingers through his hair, looked at his father, and nodded. He stood up and his father stood opposite him. David and Rob held each other in a warm embrace. “Dad.” It was all David could think to say, but he was sure it was enough as he felt his father cling to him even tighter than he thought was humanly possible.
Chapter 16
“HEY, WAIT up.” David ran up the front steps of his school building, trying to catch up with Jesse before she entered.
“Oh, do I know you?” Jesse held her backpack securely over her shoulder with one hand and placed the other squarely on her hip. David noticed she was most definitely not smiling. He might be gay, but he wasn’t blind. Jesse was very pretty; however, the scowl on her face washed away any beauty. She personified the face of pure anger.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
“About what? About ignoring my texts and phone calls for nearly two weeks? Or could it be about walking past me in the hallways and avoiding me at lunchtime? Or maybe you’re just sorry to have hurt one of the people in your life who really cares about you?” Jesse’s look was severe, her eyes narrow. David could feel her anger and wished he hadn’t been the cause of it. Jesse had been the first person at the school to accept him unconditionally, and he had thrown her friendship away because of his stupid distorted self-loathing and martyrdom.
“I’m sorry about all of it, but mostly about hurting the best friend I ever had. I felt even closer to you than any of the friends I left behind in New York.” David looked down at his sneakers and then braved raising his head to face Jesse. He was unable to continue speaking as he searched for forgiveness in her dark, angry eyes.
“Had? Did we stop being friends? Because if we did, no one sent me the memo, and I’m pretty pissed at you for not letting me in to help when you felt like crap.”
Maintaining direct eye contact with Jesse, David saw a different emotion in Jesse’s eyes than he had just a minute earlier. Her entire expression softened; her eyes opened and her face was no longer red. “I screwed up royally,” he admitted.
“You can say that again, but don’t—it makes for a lousy joke at best.” David loved Jesse’s quick wit and was growing more embarrassed by his recent behavior.
“I made a lot of mistakes. By not allowing people close to me, they couldn’t see how helpless I felt. I thought I was keeping them safe from all my crap, but I ended up hurting more than I helped.”
“You know, David, friends are all about taking care of each other. It would have taken one word to me and you would have known that, but you isolated yourself for no good reason.”
“It was stupid. It just seemed to me Kevin wouldn’t have been hurt if I hadn’t been around, so I removed myself from anyone who could get hurt by the fallout.” David quickly checked the time on his phone. They still had a few minutes before they had to get to their homeroom class.
“I love my brother and thought you were heading in that direction too.” It wasn’t a question but statement of fact. “He’s hurt far worse now than he was by those asshole goons in the locker room.”
“Damn.” Although he spoke in almost a whisper, David knew Jesse could hear him.
“Well?” Jesse resumed her initial pose with her hand planted firmly on her hip.
“Well what?” David shook his head, confused by her question.
“I thought gay guys would be more sensitive and aware than straight ones, but your entire gender are all a bunch of idiots. That Y chromosome can really screw you up.” Jesse sighed. “How do you feel about Kevin? Because he’s been moping around for two weeks. He does what he has to do and then just sits in his room and listens to music while he lies on his bed staring at the ceiling. That is not my brother—and it’s your fault!”
“I do like him.” David forced himself to look directly into Jesse’s eyes. She glared at him. David thought of his father’s words. David was sure there was more to the realization his father had revealed about being a coward much of his life, but his father had given him some pretty powerful examples to think about and avoid repeating.
It was time for David to admit his screwup before it could snowball even further out of control. “Jesse, I more than like Kevin. I know I royally messed up, but do you think he could possibly forgive me? I was a jerk.”
“Yes, you were. You have to grow a pair and talk to him yourself. He trusted you and you betrayed him. It’ll take more than a simple I’m sorry to win him over, and for him to agree to kiss and make up. You’ll have to work at earning his trust again.” Jesse grabbed David’s shoulder and pulled him close, whispering into his ear. “I will tell you, Kevin hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook back to single, so if you act fast you may have a chance to fix things.”
Before he could say anything else, Jesse’s boyfriend, Craig, came up beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He kissed her on the cheek. “Time to go in.” Craig stared directly at David. “You better be making nice! She’s been in a craptastic mood for two damn weeks, and it’s your fault. It totally screwed up all our plans, and you’d better fix it!”
David held up his hands in surrender, balancing his backpack on his shoulder. “Stay cool. I apologized. No, more than that—I groveled, begging for forgiveness.”
“Good. She’s happier with you around. Jesse’s proud of her status as a great fag hag, and when she’s happy with you, she’s even happier with me. Get it?” Craig’s eyes narrowed as he glared at David, standing tall, his broad shoulders making a statement in and of themselves.
“I do get it. No more overly dramatic reactions.”
Jesse looked at David. “No more?”
“Well, no more that will affect our friendship.”
“I knew it. You’re a drama llama. It’s a cross I’ll just have to bear.” Jesse chuckled and the sound was music to David’s ears.
“That’s me—a drama queen.”
Craig rolled his eyes. “Let’s go, before we’re late, and I puke listening to the two of you.”
Jesse gently elbowed Craig as the three laughed. It felt good to smile and laugh with friends.
As they walked into their homeroom, David froze.
Jesse turned around. “What’s the matter?” She clearly made an inaccurate assumption about the apparent fear written on David’s expression. “You’ll see Kevin at practice this afternoon. I’m sure you can fix things with him too.”
David hadn’t thought of seeing Kevin. David spotted a new student in the class and glared. “What’s he doing here?”
“I saw him yesterday in the office. He’s a new kid. He didn’t say much. Mumbled like a jerk when the administrative ass
istant was asking him questions. Unlike you, I have no intention of getting to know this newbie. He doesn’t seem worth my time.”
“Jesse, that’s the guy who held me back at the meet and kept me from helping Kevin.”
“No way!”
The school bell rang, and the teacher stepped in front of the class to take attendance. David nodded in response to Jesse, unable to find his voice.
Mr. Hatcher started to call the names and each student who was present responded. Mr. Hatcher continued down the list and read, “John Lewis.”
The former attacker said, “Here.”
“David Martin.” There was silence in the room. David was concentrating on breathing evenly. He might be a drama queen, but he had no interest in hyperventilating in homeroom.
“David Martin, I see you standing in the back of the room. Please give me the courtesy of acknowledging your presence.”
Jesse nudged David with her elbow.
“Yes, sir. I’m here.” David leaned toward Jesse and whispered into her ear. “Why the hell is he here?”
“I don’t know, but we sure as shit are going to find out,” Jesse whispered back. David wasn’t surprised by Jesse’s uncharacteristic language, since she was referring to one of the people who caused her brother and David both physical and emotional pain. However, David wanted to say something far worse.
Having no idea how he would be able to deal with John Lewis being a part of his class, David mindlessly sat down at a desk and pinched the bridge of his nose, unaware that the new student was glaring at him from across the room.
Chapter 17
AFTER CHANGING into his running clothes for track practice, David took a deep breath and ventured out of the locker room, heading for the track. It had been a while since he had joined the team for practice; he was glad he had continued running on his own to maintain his endurance and speed.
Run for It All Page 9