by S. M. Smith
“You…you can’t do anything.” Her voice cracks and she turns toward her window again.
I run a hand through my hair. I have to do something and sitting here listening to her fight the tears isn’t what I had in mind. A moment later she exhales slowly and turns back to me. Tears line her eyelids and she forces a smile.
“I truly appreciate you wanting to fight this fight for me, but I have to figure out how to handle this on my own. I have to figure out how to be happy in whatever God throws our way. I have to figure out how to not let my personal desires get in the way of being happy.” Her voice breaks at the word “happy”. I want to pull her into my arms and hold her but traffic starts to move and she seems adamant to continue with this dinner.
She turns away from me again and I hear her struggle to keep her composure. She sniffs a couple of times, my heart cracking with every sound. I remind myself that she’s strong and can do this. She wants to learn to fight this battle herself.
Oh God, give us both the strength we need to get through this.
Traffic comes to a halt again and I try to distract myself by thinking of ways to distract her. Jessie still stares out her window not really wanting to talk. So I check my phone for messages or missed calls that I know aren’t there. She finally turns to me, eyelids pink but eyes wide with… hope, I think.
“There is something you can do,” she says timidly.
“Anything.” I feel the air rush out of my lungs and I’m willing to commit whatever crime it takes to see her smile a genuine Jessie smile again.
“I was in the studio working for over an hour without getting tired or sore. I know I can do it if someone will just let me—“
“Jessie, what is it, baby?”
“I want to shoot some photos,” she says it quietly, and dips her eyes to her hands. “I want a session.”
Still waiting for traffic to move, I reach across the car and tip her chin up so that her eyes will meet mine. This I can do for her. And it doesn’t require jail time so that’s even better.
“Done.” Her breath catches and a slow thankful smile starts to spread across her face. “We’ll go tomorrow.” She sighs and I see her brace herself.
“I have a yoga class in the morning,” she quietly reminds me.
I know she’s only bringing this up because she thinks I may not let her shoot if I think she’s hurting too much to shoot, but it’s blatantly clear how much she needs this.
“We’ll go in the afternoon, that way if you need to rest before, you can. Anywhere in particular you would like to go? Landscape or portraits?”
Relief and pure excitement, something I haven’t seen in her in a long time, create the biggest smile she has worn in what feels like forever. She sits back in her seat laying her head back and closing her eyes. I seriously need to have a conversation with Daphne.
“I don’t have any portraits set up.” Her whole body visibly relaxes as she exhales, eyes still closed. “Landscape would be great.” She turns her head my way and opens her eyes. A happy tear slides down her face.
I reach over and wipe the tear away with my thumb, cupping her head. I gently pull her forward and kiss her softly on the lips. She presses in and wraps her hand around my neck, sliding her fingers into the back of my hair. She pulls back and leans her forehead against mine.
“I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you.”
Traffic starts to move again, so I turn back to the road. Inspiration hits me, making me a little hopeful too.
“There’s a lake Dad has been wanting to fish in. We could go check it out? You can spend as much time as you like exploring and taking photos. Then we can find some quaint little place to do dinner, maybe find a hotel room somewhere along the way?”
I glance at her hopeful and see her nodding, a true genuine smile on her face.
“Make a date of it?” A hint of expectation in her voice makes my gut growl.
“I like the sound of that.” I take up her hand and glance at her. She’s got a spark in her eye that makes me feel much better. She doesn’t say anything else for a while and an idea comes to mind.
“So, you can totally veto this, but not until you’ve given some thought to it. I want you to really think about it before you say yes or no.”
She pulls her attention back toward me, obviously still focused on the prospect of her getting her hands on a camera tomorrow.
“I think we should get away for a while.”
She doesn’t say anything and a quick glance at her tells me she’s listening open mindedly.
“Like, take a break from all the stress that you have going on. Like the second studio.” I brace myself for what I know will inevitably be the kicker. “And the rigorous needs of fertility treatment. And Daphne.” I add the last stressor quickly.
“You think we should take a break from the hormone regimen?”
How did I know that was all she was going to take away from my suggestion?
“Okay, so maybe not stop it all together. You could continue to take the medications and whatnot, but maybe not add the extra stress of testing for ovulation and doing the blood work and stuff like that. We could take a couple of weeks and go somewhere. Maybe even when you’re due to ovulate. Just not test to see if you actually are and let things happen more…naturally.” I risk a glance at her and expect to see lasers coming out of her eyes to incinerate me. But instead, she’s facing forward with a pensive look on her face.
“Hmmm.” She says after adjusting in her seat, sitting back and leaning her head to the side. Traffic stops again, so I take the opportunity to watch her as she thinks this through. After a moment, she starts thinking out loud.
“I don’t really see the harm in not taking all the dumb tests. Well, other than just not knowing. And Isaiah and Shelby do have the Colombia studio handled now. Or at least they will when the new printer arrives next week. And Daphne…”
“Yes. Daphne.” I nod, knowing that Daphne is on her last nerve.
“But Daph’s in a vulnerable place right now. So much going on with her and Beau and—“
“Daphne’s a big girl and really needs to figure that all out on her own, don’t you think?” I interrupt, hoping to nip that concern in the bud before she really takes the time to dwell on it.
“Well, it’s not like I know exactly what to do in her situation. Well, at least not where Beau is concerned.” She smirks, and then remembers I am sitting beside her. “Sorry.”
I just purse my lips and roll my eyes at her, but let her continue her thought process. She adjusts in her seat one more time, this time, turning her body to face me.
“I think a getaway would be good for us. I’ll check with Dr. Graham and make sure she doesn’t foresee any problems with it. But yeah…I think we should getaway for a while.”
“Yeah?” I ask, almost unable to believe that she agreed to it so quickly.
“Yeah. Where would you like to go?”
“Someplace warm.”
“Like the beach?” she asks with a hint of suggestiveness.
“Mmm. The beach.” I smirk at her and watch her cheeks flash red. Maybe this could get us away from “normal”. The thought makes me smile.
Traffic lets up and we finally get to our exit and take the few turns to pull into the restaurant. I park the car and jump out quickly so that I can catch her door for her. I help her out and pull her close.
“Last chance to ditch. We could leave now and get a head start on our date.” I wink at her, making her giggle.
The sound cuts straight through me and instinctively I cover her mouth with my own. Her hands make their way under my jacket, her fingers pressing into my back pushing us closer together. My hands find her hair and I feel, rather than hear, her moan as she nearly buckles against me.
A catcall from behind me tells me that Jason has arrived. I pull back and find Jessie smiling lazily up at me.
“We’ve been busted.” She chuckles.
“So it s
eems.”
She steps up and chastely kisses me again, before grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the restaurant door.
Chapter Four
~Jessie~
The smell of yeast and pasta floods my nostrils and I believe I might have entered heaven. Stephen and Jason are joking behind me about how well they think the Royals will do this season and I just ignore them. The little exchange between Stephen and me a few moments ago has me feeling quite a bit better. Not to mention that I have my first active day planned for tomorrow. I don’t think I could have stood another day lounging around in sweats watching something on TV I’ve most likely seen or trying to read another book Shelby recommends. Now I won’t have to.
That thought makes me smile.
“What are you all smiles about?” Jason asks me as we wait for the hostess to prepare our table.
“I’m going on a shoot tomorrow.” I beam.
He looks at me curiously, then at Stephen who wraps a supportive arm around my waist and nods. A flash of apprehension crosses Jason’s face.
“Well, good luck. And enjoy it.” He resigns with a good-for-you look. I decide to not let it get to me. I know he and Daphne don’t think I’m ready. I’m going to prove them both wrong.
Stacia’s petite figure steps into the restaurant, the tip of her nose a little pink, her long, light brown hair windblown. She hesitantly smiles a greeting to us as she steps next to Jason. She shyly looks up at him briefly and I wonder if she might have a thing for him.
She’s been with our studio since the start of spring semester, and since I’ve been out of commission, she’s only really worked side by side with Jason. His body isn’t well defined like Stephen, but he takes care of himself, is always positive and has a perpetual smile on his face, so I can see why she would be attracted to him. I don’t know if I want another office romance thing going on, but as long as it doesn’t affect their work, I won’t interfere.
A few moments later, Daphne walks in, closely followed by her blast from the past, Beau. The dark haired, sexy bearded, six foot six hunk followed Daphne home when she had to make an emergency trip back to Mississippi to take care of some family business a few months ago. The outcome of her trip, along with the reappearance of Beau in Daphne’s life, has definitely turned her whole world upside down, causing her to lose control on what she felt was a perfectly tailored life. I think that’s why she’s so focused on keeping me at bay.
“Hey,” she says exasperatingly to me. I can tell that she’s significantly uncomfortable and I have no doubt that it has to do with Beau being here. Their reunion hasn’t exactly been uncomplicated.
“Hey.” I hug her and turn to Beau. “It’s good to see you again, Beau. This is my husband, Stephen.” The two shake hands and Daphne introduces him to Jason and Stacia, who gapes at his gorgeous stature. I don’t blame her. He has that bad-boy-cleaned-up essence about him that radiates allure and intrigue.
Daphne stares irritatingly at both Stacia and me, clearing her throat to get our attention. Embarrassed, I turn to Stacia and ask her about class from this morning. As she tells me about it, I see Daphne roll her eyes and step up to ask the hostess if our table is ready.
Shelby and Isaiah walk in just as the hostess asks us to follow her. I let everyone go ahead of me, waiting back with Daphne.
“So…you decided to bring him?” I ask suggestively.
“We fought in the car. Then he turns to me and tells me that he was serious about giving us another chance, but then proceeds to argue over who I choose to spend my time with.” She rolls her eyes again and I suppress the urge to chuckle. “He can’t dictate my life. Not on top of everything else...”
“He’s going after what he wants, Daph. I don’t think I can blame him for doing so.”
“I just…Ugh! I don’t need this right now. I have enough on my plate. I wish he would give me some space right now.”
“What did you expect? For you two to be able to figure everything out while being ten hours apart? I think his moving up here is romantic.”
“The problem is…I just don’t think his doing so is for me, you know.” She sighs heavily just before we make it to our table.
Stephen and Beau are standing, waiting for Daphne and me to make it to the table and I notice Beau watching her. If I didn’t know any better, I would say I could see exactly what Beau wants between them, whether she chooses to believe it or not.
Quickly, the idea of where my date tomorrow with Stephen could end up flashes through my mind. We haven’t had that kind of reaction to one another in such a long time and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it. I savor the memory of Stephen’s hands in my hair a few minutes ago. The thought has me blushing.
“I like that color, Mrs. Cahill,” Stephen whispers in my ear as he takes my jacket. I turn my face toward him and he takes the opportunity to kiss that spot just below my ear.
My heart skips a beat as I carefully take my seat. I see him smirk out of the corner of my eye before I turn back to find Daphne pursing her lips at us petulantly. She’s just jealous.
The waiter comes to take our drink orders and I watch longingly as everyone except Stacia, who’s still underage, and Shelby order wine. I seriously contemplate ordering a glass for myself, but decide at the last moment to settle for a sparkling water. Stephen eyes me silently as he listens to Beau talk about his new office. I give him another I’ve-got-this smile and he turns his full attention back to his conversation.
The waiter delivers our drinks and Stephen offers his glass to me. I shake my head, though I eye it for several more moments. A part of me wishes I could just let go, enjoy normal coffee and a glass of wine, or two, again. But I can’t chance it. The doctor said we could still get pregnant, and I’m not going to risk any pregnancy with a little indulgence.
The waiter takes our orders and I’m left to listen to the conversations going on around me. I try my best to enjoy myself, but the longer I sit uninvolved, the closer the cloud of dread that is Shelby’s announcement gets. Every time I see Shelby switch conversations I feel myself tense up, readying myself for the blow. But when it doesn’t come, I only relax a little, keeping myself constantly prepared just in case.
A touch on the back of my neck pulls me from my little trance, melting my tense muscles as the tingling from his touch fades down my back. One look at Stephen tells me that he’s still mentally standing outside, wrapped in my arms. His fingers play with a patch of hair at the nape of my neck, switching between wrapping strands around his fingers and massaging my scalp and neck with this thumb. The warmth of his fingers sends all the nerves in my body into a frenzy. I squirm a little, causing him to chuckle and pull me close. He kisses my temple.
“Where are you right now?” he whispers in my ear.
“Right here with you.” I smile. “How about you?” I ask cheekily.
“Well…” he flushes, making me giggle. He kisses the corner of my mouth quickly.
The waiter arrives then with our plates, making us pull away from each other. Daphne shakes her head at me when a delicious looking plate of spaghetti is set in front of me. Stephen gives me a knowing look too and places his hand on my thigh. His touch brings a familiar pull that makes me want to jump up and race home. He smirks at me before asking who wants to say grace. Wicked boy.
Isaiah offers and everyone bows their head, reaching for the hands around them. I watch amused as Daphne and Beau awkwardly reach for each other’s hands. They both look a little uncomfortable, but as their skin touches, I see Daphne’s breath catch. Shelby sees it too and gives me a perceptive look that makes me giggle.
After Isaiah finishes asking the blessing over our meal, he looks to Shelby who gives him a subtle nod. He picks up his glass and I feel like an anvil has decided to take up residence on my chest. Stephen’s hand finds its way to my thigh again, only this time it doesn’t ignite the same feeling it did moments ago. Instead, it acts more as a life vest, keeping me from drowning in my own emotions an
d letting me know that if I start to slip under, he’ll pull me back up.
“Everyone, Shelby and I would like to thank you all for your incredible support during this time of transition. When we left the KC studio to open the Columbia location, we were filled with excitement and some angst on how we were going to leave our home and our family, including all of you, and do this. But we’ve been blessed beyond measure, from the welcome we received from the community, to the home we found so quickly and graciously, and now to the newest addition we are going to make to our family. Shelby and I wanted you all to be one of the first to know.” He glances lovingly at his beautiful wife. I hear everyone gasp as Shelby’s pregnancy glow illuminates across her face.
“You’re pregnant?” I hear Stacia ask, disbelievingly.
I plaster my best complimentary smile on my face, but feel the lump of sorrow growing in my throat, as everyone expresses their congratulations. One by one, everyone but Stephen and Stacia glance my way. The pressure Stephen’s hand has on my leg has increased as he sees the looks too. I focus on breathing and remember my manners just as everyone else starts to calm down from their excitement. I carefully dislodge the lump and clear my airways so I can speak again.
“Congratulations, you guys,” I say earnestly, making sure everyone hears the sincerity of my voice. All at the same time everyone decides to focus on their plates. The conversation dies down for a moment or two and fortunately Stacia’s innocence lightens up the mood a bit.
“When are you due? Do you have someone to take maternity photos already?” she asks.
Daphne nearly spits a mouthful of chicken primavera across the round table, and Jason, Isaiah and I all start busting up laughing. It takes both Stacia and Beau a moment to realize that she’s asking a photographer’s wife if she has someone to take maternity pictures of her. Stacia blushes when it finally hits her and she too starts laughing. Daphne clues Beau in who chuckles right along with us.