She choked back a soft laugh and smirked. “You’re just saying that because you like the sex.”
“I most certainly do,” he rumbled, pressing a kiss to the delicate shell of her ear, then nibbling on the tender lobe with his teeth.
She moaned as she nuzzled her face against him, brushing her lips against the hard edge of his jaw. “That’s still so surprising, Ben. The way that you want me.”
Her quiet words sparked a searing rush of frustration inside him, and he pulled her head back, drilling his hot gaze into her storm-dark eyes. “When are you going to start getting it, Reese? Want isn’t a strong enough word for how you make me feel. Want I could deal with. Want wouldn’t leave my head spinning or have me acting like a jackass. Want I could shove to the back of my mind and walk away from. But I can’t do that with you. I don’t even want to fucking try.”
Her throat worked as she swallowed, those big eyes startled and bright, shimmering with emotion. “It . . . it kills me a little when you say things like that to me.”
“For God’s sake, why?”
“Because I’m so afraid I’m going to lose you,” she whispered, her voice trembling.
“Jesus, Reese. I’m not going anywhere,” he groaned, resting his forehead against hers. “Don’t you know how insane I am about you? Christ, any man would be crazy not to lo—”
His voice suddenly trailed off, his head jerked back, and Reese watched a stunned expression spread over his face as he realized what he’d almost said. That he’d been right on the verge of saying the l-word to her. From the look of panic shadowing his eyes, it was clear how horrified he was by the idea, and she tried to hide her disappointment. But it wasn’t easy.
Pulling out of his arms, she turned and started heading around the far side of the table. “I’ll see you in a little while. I just want to go and grab a quick shower before dinner.”
“Reese.”
She didn’t look at him—couldn’t. Not until she’d had some time to get her emotions back under control. “We can talk later, Ben.”
She was almost out the door, when she heard the text alert go off on her phone. It was sitting by her laptop on the table, the second alert making her flinch. “Ignore it,” she whispered, dreading what the message was going to say. She’d been trying so hard not to think about the accident, or her trashed car, but her control was shaky at best. Yesterday, Ben had consumed her every waking moment, making it easy to bury the fear. But he’d left her out there in the emotional wastelands today, and she was feeling too raw inside. It wouldn’t take much to tip her over, and she wished she could have just changed the damn number for the phone. But Ben had told her no, saying that it was best to know what the bastard was thinking.
His voice low, he said, “You know we can’t do that, honey.”
“Fine,” she snapped, turning back and snatching the phone off the table. She clenched her jaw as she pulled up the message.
“What’s it say?”
“That he needs me,” she forced from her tight throat, setting the phone back down. She was so creeped out, she didn’t even want to touch the thing.
Ben quietly cursed, then rubbed a rough hand over his mouth. “I want this jackass found. Now.”
With another hard swallow, she said, “Yeah. Me, too.”
He started to respond, only to stop when his phone suddenly rang, the shrill sound coming from somewhere in the back of the house. “Shit,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to get that. It’s our emergency tone.”
She nodded, understanding that there were times when his job had to take precedence over everything else. And it’s not like they could do anything about the creepy text. He left the room, and she heard the muffled sound of his voice as he answered the call. Though she couldn’t make out any of the words, she could tell from his tone that something bad had happened. He came back into the dining room less than a minute later, dressed for work in jeans and a polo shirt, his phone clipped to his belt, a heavy gun in his hand.
“I have to go,” he said, checking the clip on the weapon, before sliding it into his shoulder holster.
“What’s wrong?”
He lifted his head and looked right at her, wearing his closed-off cop’s expression. “We’ve got a dead body in one of the public parking lots near the beach. Just about a half mile north of here.”
Reese blinked, unable to believe what he’d just said. “A dead body? Who is it? What happened?”
“I don’t have all the details,” he told her, and she followed after him as he headed into the kitchen, watching as he picked up his truck keys from where they were hanging beside the phone. “All I know is that the victim is female. Some teenagers who were skateboarding in the lot saw her body wedged under a car and called it in.”
“Ohmygod,” she whispered, slumping against the wall.
“I don’t know how long I’ll be gone,” he added, punching a number into his phone as he walked out of the room and across the hallway to his office. She could hear him opening drawers in his desk as he spoke briefly to someone on the phone again, her thoughts too fractured to focus on what he was saying. She was still standing there, in the same position, when he came back into the kitchen a few minutes later. “I’ve called my brother,” he said. “He’s going to stay with you while I’m gone.”
“What?” Reese shook herself out of her daze. “Ben, that’s not necessary. I feel safe here. I don’t need a bodyguard.”
His jaw hardened as he grabbed his wallet, slipping it into his back pocket. “We’re not going to argue about this, Reese. I’m not leaving you on your own.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine. But please tell me it’s Mike who’s coming over and not Alex.”
He slid her a shuttered look from under his brows. “You don’t like Alex?”
“I don’t really know him, but to be bluntly honest, he’s always made me nervous.”
He frowned. “He’s pretty self-contained these days, but he’s a good guy.”
“I’m sure he is,” she said, rubbing her hands over her chilled arms. “But he still looks like he could kill without batting an eyelash.”
“So could I, if it meant keeping you alive,” he muttered under his breath.
His phone started ringing again, and he went back into his office to take the call. It sounded like he was busy getting things coordinated for the investigation, so Reese went into the living room, curling up in a corner of the sofa as she waited for him to finish. She didn’t think more than fifteen minutes had passed when she heard a vehicle pulling into the driveway.
“That’ll be Mike,” Ben said, stopping in the doorway to the living room. “Just give me a minute to talk to him, and then I’ll say good-bye before heading out.”
* * *
BEN WATCHED REESE’S LIPS FORM SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE I’LL be right here, but his pulse was roaring in his ears too loudly for him to be sure of her exact words. He didn’t know what his fucking problem was, but he hated the idea of leaving her here. This wasn’t just fear. It was like a goddamn poison burning through his veins, and he didn’t know how to deal with it—how to care this much about another person, to the point that it felt like steel bars were squeezing in around his chest.
If this was what getting twisted up over a woman was all about, then he sure as shit didn’t know how to wear the emotion. It didn’t fit, too fucking tight, too confining, making it impossible to breathe. He felt like he was coming out of his skin, everything shrinking in on him. He was half tempted to call Brit and talk it out with her, but knew he probably wouldn’t like whatever she had to say. He rarely did. The woman had a way of seeing into him and digging out things he preferred to keep buried.
Standing at the end of his front walkway, he watched Mike climb down from the cab of his Ford F-150. Coming around the front of the truck, his brother asked, “Where’s Reese?”
He jerked his head toward the house. “She’s inside.”
Looking cu
rious, Mike lowered his voice and said, “I talked to Alex. He told me she’s living here now.”
Ben narrowed his eyes. “You gonna give me shit about it, as well?”
Mike gave a low laugh as he held up his hands. “Not at all, man. Alex can be as doom and gloom as he likes. But I think it’s great.”
Ah, Christ. All he needed was Mike trying to play fucking Cupid. “I like spending time with her, and she needs protection right now,” he said. “But her being here doesn’t mean anything more than that.”
Mike looked vaguely surprised. “Doesn’t it?”
“Look. I had an itch. So did she. For the moment, we’re having fun scratching them. End of story,” he growled, the shitty words shocking him as much as they did his brother.
Shaggy hair fell over Mike’s brow as he shook his head. “So you’re just gonna walk away from her when this stalker shit is over?”
Those steel bars started to squeeze in tighter, his lungs about ready to explode. “I’m not even thinking about the future,” he bit out, sweating like he had a fucking fever. “What’s so wrong with just enjoying the moment?”
Mike came a little closer, his expression taking on a hard, determined cast. “I’m gonna say something, Ben, and you’re not gonna like it. But I’m doing it because I love you, so you’ll just have to live with it. And let it go on the record right now that if you punch me, I’ll punch you back.”
“You’re so fucking bat-shit,” he muttered, turning back toward the house. But Michael grabbed his arm, jerking him back around.
“Listen. Just because Mom and Dad were screwed up, and Alex and Judith were like the couple from hell, you do know that it happens, right? That two people can make it work, so long as they love each other?”
A muscle started to pulse in his jaw. His nostrils flared. “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” he said flatly.
“Yeah?” Apparently deciding to try a different tactic, a slow smile started to kick up the corner of Mike’s mouth. “Then you won’t mind if I make a play for her after you’re done? ’Cause those sweet tits of hers get me every time. Are they freckled? Taste like peaches and cream?” Mike snapped his fingers. “I bet it’s coconut. She always smells like—”
Before Ben even knew he was moving, he had his hands fisted in the front of Mike’s T-shirt. “Keep your fucking mouth shut!” he snarled, lifting all six-feet-four of his baby brother off the ground and slamming him against the side of the truck.
“Why? What’s it to you?” Mike shouted in his face. “You’re gonna push her away, right? Send her off to have fun with some other guy. So what the hell? Might as well be me.”
“You little shit!” he growled, slamming him against the truck again, before forcing himself to let go and staggering back a step. Breathing hard, Ben wiped the back of his wrist over his mouth, and tried to get a grip on his temper before he started a fight he knew he would only feel like crap about later.
“You might not like hearing it,” Mike grunted, shoving his hair out of his eyes, “but you care about this woman.”
“I never said that,” Ben snarled, forcing the words through his gritted teeth.
Mike shook his head again. “I never figured you for a fucking coward.”
“What the hell do you know? You’ve never been in love!”
“I know you can’t turn your back on it just because you’ve seen some bad shit,” Mike argued, tossing his hands up. “Jesus, Ben. You want to end up like Alex? Be a miserable jackass for the rest of your life?”
“For the last time, Mike. I am not in love with her! So fucking drop it!” he roared, his deep voice thundering with rage.
Mike started to respond, but then he caught sight of something over Ben’s shoulder and his eyes went wide. Before his brother had managed to pull his hand down his face and mutter, “Shit,” Ben’s heart had already lodged itself in his throat.
He ground his jaw and braced himself as he turned around. But he still felt like he’d just been kicked in the gut. Reese stood in the front doorway, ghostly pale except for the twin splotches of vivid color burning under her freckles. He opened his mouth, but she was already turning, disappearing inside. Feeling like the bottom of his stomach had just dropped out, Ben followed after her as she walked straight through the house, heading for his bedroom. She didn’t stop until she’d made it all the way to the far side of the room. Then she just stood there in front of the window, staring out into the inky darkness of the evening.
Doing her best not to cry, Reese said, “I think it would probably be a good idea if I went to my sister’s. I can ask Mike to drive me, since my car’s still at the garage.”
“No.” His breath left his lungs in a sharp, frustrated burst. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“Why?” she snapped, glaring at him over her shoulder. “So we can keep scratching those itches you were talking about?”
He went rigid, shoulders looking twice their size as his muscles hardened with tension. “It’s more than that and you know it.”
“Just . . . don’t. I can’t take any more of your mind games right now.” She looked back out the window, hoping she could just keep it together until he left. Then she could fall apart and cry like a baby, feeling like the biggest fool on the planet.
“What you overheard . . . that doesn’t mean anything. Mike was just pissing me off. He loves to push my buttons.”
Rubbing her stupid eyes, which were already leaking tears, she said, “Seriously, Ben. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Damn it, Reese.” His low voice shook with emotion. “Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything!” She flung the words at him as she spun around, wondering what the hell he wanted from her. “I’m not the one pushing you away!”
He shoved a hand through his hair, looking haggard and pissed and so outrageously sexy she could have eaten him alive. “I’m not trying to push you away, either.”
She choked back a painful laugh, her throat burning with tears as he went on, saying, “Please, Reese. Just talk to me. I don’t want to fuck this up.”
It was the worry and the fear she could hear in his rough voice that got to her, more than the words themselves. When he was open like this, she couldn’t say no to him, no matter how much she knew that she should. “We can talk when you get back, okay? I just . . . I need some time to think.”
He took a deep, ragged breath. “What the fuck is there to think about?”
She was trying so hard to stay calm, but it was impossible, her voice cracking as all the pain and hurt inside her suddenly spilled out, impossible to control. “Gee, I don’t know, Ben. How about the fact that I’ve fallen in love with you?”
The instant she heard the words slipping from her lips, Reese knew he would react poorly. And she was right. His mouth went tight, lashes lowering to conceal the cold, panicked look in his eyes. But she couldn’t stop now. She needed to get the words bottled up inside her out in the open, no longer willing to hold them back. Needed to make sure he understood exactly where she was coming from.
She sniffed, determined not to cower with embarrassment as she lifted her chin. “Do you understand what I’m saying? I love you and I want to be with you.”
He pulled a shaky hand down his face, his breaths coming hard and fast. “I . . . damn it, Reese. I didn’t think you’d be ready for something like that.”
She took a step toward him, arms wrapped around her middle, trying to hold herself together as they barreled toward that brick wall she’d always known was coming, hoping like crazy that they could make it through to the other side. “I wouldn’t be—not with any other man,” she admitted, trying to make him understand. “But you . . . I think I must have at least loved you a little for a long time now, Ben, without even realizing it. Because now I love you so much that I can’t control it or hold it back. And I don’t . . . I don’t want just a part of you. I had that once, and I didn’t even love him. Not like this. Not like I l
ove you. It’s . . . all over me. Inside me. In my heart and my mind. It’s like I’ve been cracked open, and now there’s room for so much more than there was before. More pleasure, more hunger, more love. So you need . . . you need to take the time to think about what you want.”
“What I want?” His voice was raw, the look in his eyes as terrified as someone facing a life or death situation.
She licked her trembling lips, and said, “I don’t expect you to say the words back to me. Not now. I mean, I know that’s not how you feel. But if you don’t think that it’s ever going to be something that could happen, then you need to let me know now so that we can end this before it goes any further.”
“Goddamn it. Don’t say that!” Ben paced from one side of the room to the other, his hands flexing and releasing at his sides. He couldn’t function like this, ripped wide open, his emotions in chaos. This wasn’t him. He didn’t even know how to wrap his head around it. Sliding her a sharp glare, he growled, “Why the fuck are you doing this? We had something great going, and you’re fucking it up!”
She looked confused, and hurt. “What’s so wrong with falling in love?”
He made a sharp, cutting motion with his hand, as if he could knock her infuriating question out of his way. “Love is fucking bullshit, Reese! All I ever heard growing up was how much my mother loved my father, which somehow seemed to just give her the right to treat him like shit. Screw any guy she wanted, while he sucked down his misery in bottle after bottle, waiting for her to come back and tell him how fucking sorry she was.” He gritted his teeth and tried to shut up, hating the devastated look on her beautiful, tear-stained face, but he couldn’t stop. The words were being torn from some dark, savage place he always kept under lockdown. But the locks had been blown, and now all this shit was spewing out of him. “Then I had to watch Alex go through the same fucking thing. Watch his damn stomach get pumped while he begged me just to let him die. And all because that bitch he’d married thought it was fun to screw with his head. Fuck that!”
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