by May Dawson
“Yeah, I do,” I said. As dark and tainted as my life felt after losing Ash, I clung to the memories I had from before—sunshine on my shoulders at the beach, singing out-of-tune with my sister—and I clung to the good things now. Or at least, I tried. “Life feels like a gift.”
“Then you haven’t been a hunter long enough,” he promised me. He pulled away from me and returned to his own seat across the table, settling down in front of his book as if we were finished with this conversation.
I wasn’t.
“Olivia?” I asked.
His eyes jerked up to mine. “What about Olivia?”
“What you’re going to do. With your freedom. Olivia?” I felt my cheeks flush slightly. I was not jealous. I was not jealous.
The look he gave me was far too considering, as if he saw right through me. “Olivia is kind. Intelligent. And graceful enough for two people—lord knows I’ve no grace of my own. It would make sense if I could love her.”
“If you could.”
“If I could.”
“She deserves someone who loves her. Not because they should. Not because it makes sense.” I had to shut up. It was so obvious that I didn’t like the idea of Jacob and Olivia, and it had nothing to do with what was best for Olivia.
Jacob stared back at me, and I thought he was angry. He said, “Maybe she also deserves someone human.”
It was my turn to stare at the page. I hadn’t expected him to agree with me that he didn’t deserve Olivia. Suddenly I felt like I’d been an ass.
“You’re the only one who thinks it’s a bad thing to be something… more than human.” Since he was half-angel, as well as part of the Four, I wondered if he was gifted with twice as much power as a mortal man.
“More?” He shook his head. “I’m different than human, maybe. But not more.”
It was in his tone, though he would never have said it out loud, that he was less. I bit down on my lip. I couldn’t comfort him, not with everything that had been said between us.
“I wished we’d met differently,” I said. Because he wouldn’t have hated me if it weren’t for the helpless bond that stretched between us. Our fingers longed to touch and tangle; my head longed to rest on his broad chest, hearing the beat of his heart, and my lips ached to kiss his smirking mouth until I found his real smile. I longed for him. Even though I didn’t want to.
“Maybe we should try to start over.” His golden eyes were hypnotic as he stood from the table, extending his hand across the table to shake. That faint British accent sounded charming when he wasn’t angry at me. “I’m Jacob. Pleasure to meet you.”
I knew if I took his hand in mine, that powerful arc of desire between us would blaze even higher for me. Maybe it was easier for him to deny the curse, because he wasn’t human. Angels didn’t love like we did. They certainly didn’t love each other in the carnal, base, rough and tender ways that I wanted to know Jacob.
I looked down, letting my hair fall between us, blocking my view of his handsome face, his outstretched hand. “I don’t think we can start over, Jacob. I think we have to go on from here. As best we can.”
“Of course.” His voice was clipped. He took his seat again.
I returned to the Verses, to studying how Lilith was cursed, or blessed, or both.
2
I was startled out of my studies when Jacob pushed back his chair and headed abruptly into the kitchen, without a word to me. Not that he owed me a word.
I gazed back down at the page. I’d just been reading about how Lilith, brought back to life, couldn’t bear that world full of sin, where the gates of Heaven were closed to man and God was distant. I rubbed the skin above my hip absently. I could have sworn my fingers found rough scars even through the thin material of my t-shirt. I yanked my shirt up, my heart hammering, but the place where Lilith had driven a blade into her side was smooth and untouched.
Four angels had arrived to save Lilith for the second time, the time that she tried to force her way back into Heaven through suicide. God ordered her to stay in the world, reincarnated each generation, to grow into the woman she was meant to be. But she wouldn’t be alone. Those four angels were born into each generation too, into four brothers, each with one of an angel’s gifts: near-immortality, strength and speed, the ability to travel and communicate telepathically, and the ability to hypnotize and bend humans to their will.
I ran my fingers through my hair, sitting back.. There couldn’t be a more ordinary girl than me. No one would have picked me out of my seventh grade basketball team as I stumbled down the court and said, yeah, that girl’s a born warrior.
“Why me?” I muttered out loud
“Why you…what?” Ryker leaned in the doorway. He took a long sip from his mug of coffee. He looked unruffled, which was unfair, because my heart thumped frantically.
“How long have you been standing there staring at me?” I demanded.
“How long ago did you sneak out of bed?” he asked.
“I didn’t sneak.” I had totally sneaked. I gestured at the piles of books. “I was eager to get to work.”
“Oh yeah, the not-so-glamorous part of Hunting.”
Levi slid past him in the doorway to rest his hands on my shoulders; his big hands settled comfortingly on my shoulders. “There are no glamorous parts of hunting. But I was thinking about pulling Ellis away for a while today. She needs clothes of her own… and I want that date.”
“You want to take me shopping?” I tilted my head back to look at Levi’s face upside-down; his long blond hair fell loose in damp waves, brushing his shoulders. There was a mischievous light in his deep blue eyes. “You really are the perfect man, aren’t you?”
Ryker snorted. “We’ll see about that.”
I had to grin. They might both be perfect in their own way to me, but I wasn’t going to tell them that. As long as it was good natured, I like the idea of them fighting over me. Just a little bit.
From behind Ryker, Jacob called, “Breakfast’s on. If you guys want to stop making me sick.”
“More for us.” Ryker said. He draped his arm casually over my shoulder, hugging me into his side. I breathed in his scent of soap and aftershave. We wandered into the kitchen together, and I felt a warmth in my chest to be pulled against his hard-muscled, warm body.
The table in the kitchen was set with brightly colored plates in blues and corals. I took a seat as Jacob set a pan of cheesy scrambled eggs and a plate of bacon in the center of the table, and I ran my fingertip over the raised design at the edge of the plates. “I’m betting Wendy picked these out?”
“Yeah.” Ryker shoved a piece of bacon into his mouth before he even pulled out his chair.
She was everywhere in this house, the mysterious woman I’d never met, the one who had given birth to the Four and hidden her sons from those who would harm them… and from each other. Even the boys who had loved her couldn’t unravel the secrets she’d left behind.
But my sister’s afterlife might depend on finding that Fourth.
“What happened to her?” I knew the short answer; her grave was out in the woods, marked by smooth river stones piled high, by burned-down candles and withered flowers.
There was a pause, as if no one wanted to answer. Ryker chewed steadily. Levi leaned against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed over his chest. He looked as if he were trying to find the right words to answer me.
Then Jacob said, abruptly, “She was killed by an angel. Jesus, Ellis, read the room—no one wants to talk about how our mother was murdered.”
Ryker was on his feet in a second, shoving the table forward as he jumped up. “Watch your fucking mouth when you talk to Ellis.”
Jacob rolled his eyes. “Puppy love. It’s painful to watch.”
“It’ll be painful when I kick your ass.”
“All right,” Levi said evenly, raising his hands slightly, taking a step forward to angle himself between one brother and the other. “We’re not enemies here. We all love e
ach other.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Jacob said drily. But he took a step back, nodding to Ryker, almost in apology, and then took a seat at the table across from me.
“Now I’m worried about leaving you two alone.” Levi set a fresh mug of coffee in front of me. “But then, I always worry you two will do something stupid without adult supervision.”
“You’re the adult supervision?” Ryker said. He shook his head. “Guess we’re fucked, then. Anyway, if you don’t want to leave us alone, I guess I should take Ellis on that date.”
Maybe I’d have a better chance of slipping my ghost-sister-stalker if I was one-on-one with the boys. I took a bite of scrambled eggs, still contemplating, as they began to argue. The eggs were buttery and tender in my mouth. I swallowed and then asked, “You can all cook. It’s amazing.”
“Little Hunters earn their keep.” Levi smiled across the table at me, ignoring Ryker and Jacob who were still fussing at each other. “My mother expected to come back to a clean house and dinner on the table. And we always had other Hunters we were hosting.”
“You did? So other Hunters know where the house is?” I thought of Ryker’s face, flushed with anger, when he learned that Parrish’s team had found a hunter willing to inform on the boys while Jacob was being hunted.
“They’re good people,” Levi promised me.
“And most of them are dead,” Jacob muttered.
“Yeah, I get it, Mr. Sunshine. Hunters. Short life spans.” I was tired of hearing about it. “Although that reminds me, I should probably take a break from the books and work on the whole not-dying thing in the dojo today, too.”
“No need,” Ryker said. “We’ll bring some blades on our date.”
I grinned. “I don’t mean to sound critical, but that sounds like a shitty date, Ryker.”
Jacob shook his head sorrowfully. “You can tell Ryker’s only ever dated other Hunters.”
“It’ll be fun,” Ryker promised me. His voice was low and sexy. Suddenly I believed that he could make anything fun. “Give me an hour to pack up.”
“Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise.” He shoved one last piece of bacon into his mouth and stood, winking at the guys. “Don’t wait up. We’re going overnight.”
“Definitely the most important thing you could be doing now,” Jacob said. His eyes flickered towards me, as if he were challenging me to stay.
“I know what I’m doing,” I said. I’d find a way to tell Ryker about my sister; maybe he could teach me how to project like he did, someplace we couldn’t be followed by my ghost.
“I doubt that very much,” Jacob said.
I doubted it too, to be honest. But I had to try.
And I felt a rise of anticipation when I thought about having some fun for once. It was time to break from the past year of bitterness and sorrow and try something new. I would protect my sister and my mother, and I would train to walk into Heaven and Hell like a Lilith was meant to.
But I’d have some fun along the way, too.
3
Ryker drove the Jeep down a long country road, where the tree limbs tangled above us in an arch of green and brown and shifting golden sunlight; the sun was warm on my shoulders, with the top down on the Jeep.
Then he took a hard turn to the right, and I swayed against my seatbelt. “Lord. Do you guys ever not drive-it-like-you-stole-it?”
“We stole it,” he said matter-of-factly. “But, to be fair, we are on the side of good, making sure people aren’t murdered by poltergeists and demons. And no one pays us for that.”
“Did you ever think about doing anything else?” The Jeep was chewing up gravel under its wheels as we drove down a narrow track, and I could feel the vibrations up my legs and ass, my teeth beginning to chatter together.
He shook his head. “I don’t know how to do anything else. I was raised to do this. Fight. Kill. Protect. Repeat.”
His sunglasses were in the console between us. I picked up his Oakleys and tried them on. They slid down my nose a little, but when I looked over at him, he smiled back at me.
“They look good on you,” he said. He popped the brake on the car, and I looked forward, realizing we’d come to a stop at the edge of a clearing. In front of us was a strip of grass, and then rocky beach lapped by bright blue water.
I felt his hand, warm and possessive, on my cheek and I turned my face into his. My lips were seeking his automatically, but instead, I felt him slide the sunglasses away.
“They’re also mine,” he said. I opened my mouth to protest, and his lips finally pressed against mine. His lips were the only soft part of his hard, muscular body, and I kissed that lush lower lip, drawing it between my own lips. I bit down on his lower lip, just hard enough to sting.
He shook his head slightly, pulling away, but only far enough to kiss the corner of my mouth. “You’re trouble, Firestarter.”
“Good thing you like trouble.” I’d seen how he and Levi both loved to fight, even when the odds seemed stacked against us. There was reckless joy in it for them.
“I don’t know about that.” His lips parted, drawing my lower lip in, and I felt a spark of desire for him that ran through my body. I leaned into him, even though the gearstick between us jabbed into my side, and ran my hands across his broad shoulders. His t-shirt was soft under my hands, and the heat he gave off was warming and comforting. “But I like you.”
I rested my hand on his cheek, feeling the faint stubble of five o’clock shadow already. It was rough against my palm. “Do you ever think about how you don’t have a choice? Not really?”
“Ellis, give me all the choices in the world, and I’d still choose you.” His voice was low and sexy and sure.
I pressed my nose against his, and he tilted his head forward, so that his forehead met mine.
“I’m glad it’s you,” I murmured. “I don’t know about this whole Lilith thing, Ryker. But I’m glad you’re here with me.”
“Yeah, me too.” He kissed me again, a quick peck this time, his lips quirking up mischievously, as if he knew that chaste kiss would leave me wanting more. “But they’re still my Oakleys.”
As we climbed out of the Jeep and I joined him at the trunk, I asked, “Wait. Didn’t you steal those too?”
He pressed a finger against his lush lips quickly, shushing me, and then reached up to unstrap the ties binding the kayak onto the Jeep. The motion made his shirt ride up slightly, exposing a sliver of his tan, lean waist, and I drank in the way his t-shirt clung to his broad shoulders and fell away over that tapered waist.
He carried the kayak over his head and then lowered it smoothly into the sand at the edge of the river. He passed me, heading back to the car for another load, as I dropped the tent bag in the middle of the clearing. By the time he came back, I was pulling the tent poles out of the bag. I’d never put a tent together in my life—Landon girls don’t camp—but I was determined to be useful now.
We quickly set up the tent. When we had unrolled the sleeping bags inside, I lay back on one, looking up at the low-slung blue canvas top above me. The tent had a bit of a plasticky scent, but the puffy blue sleeping bag underneath me was comfortable, and there was a cool, refreshing breeze coming in through the mesh windows. I sighed, thinking that I could take a nap here.
“Train now, swim later,” Ryker said.
“How about nap now?” I suggested, throwing my arm over my eyes.
“Uh-uh.” He leaned forward, kissing my hairline. He found the one bit of my face that was still exposed, even though I was trying to block out the sun. And him. “My job is to keep you alive. And to teach you how to keep yourself alive. I haven’t waited for you all this time to have you drop the minute we walk into the Far.”
“What was it like waiting for me?”
“Agonizing,” he said briskly. “Now let’s go.”
I groaned, but crawled out of the tent after him anyway. The soft breeze ruffled my hair; it was the kind of gently
warm summer day that makes the world feel peaceful.
He pulled two sheathed swords out of the backseat, unwrapping a blanket from around them, and tossed one to me. I caught it awkwardly, my hand wrapping around the sheath a second too late. Catching it awkwardly jarred my arm, sending a shock down my aching forearm to my elbow.
“I wish you people would stop throwing swords at me,” I said. “I was actually thinking maybe you could teach me to project.”
“I can try.” He sounded uncertain. Well, great; maybe that wasn’t an easy skill to master and the answer to all my problems. “But our top priority should be controlling your fire and mastering the sword. You have to be able to protect yourself.”
“Isn’t that what I have you for?” I asked lightly, but I was just teasing. I wanted to be able to protect the boys just as much as they wanted to protect me.
He closed the distance between us, wrapping his arms around my waist, and I felt the sheath of his sword against my leg as he held me tight against his body. His lips nuzzled my cheek, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him back.
“Yes,” he said simply. “Always.”
“I don’t know what I did in another life to deserve you.” It was supposed to be a joke, but once I said it, it didn’t feel like a joke anymore. The thought of all those other Liliths tugged at me, making me curious; what had happened in those other lives? The thought that part of me had lived from the dawn of time, even though I couldn’t remember any of it, was surreal. Those wispy memories felt just outside my reach. They might hold the secrets to save my sister.
“You don’t have to do anything to deserve me,” he promised. “I just love you. Always have, always will.”
I smiled faintly, trying to figure out just what to say to that. His big hands wrapped around my hips before he playfully pushed me away.
“Now draw your sword, slacker,” he said. “We’ve got work to do. Let’s see some fireballs.”
That night, Ryker and I sat around the blazing fire. I stared up at the stars, lost for a second in the scatter of golden stars against the deepness of the night. They were so beautiful, brighter here than I’d ever seen them in the suburbs.