Geoffrey lifted her by the waist, and Merryn’s legs wrapped around him. He leaned her against the door as he entered her in a single, quick motion. She gasped, her nails digging into his shoulders, tightening with each thrust. The throbbing raged out of control now as he pushed into her, over and over.
Without warning, a burst of sunlight came from within her, spreading its glowing warmth, filling her as he did. Their exuberant cries joined in unity. Merryn clung to Geoffrey, overwhelmed by the physicality of their coupling as much as the emotions tearing through her.
He brushed his fingers tenderly against her neck and her face, resting his palms against her cheeks as he kissed her deeply. He broke the kiss and smiled at her.
“I hope you’re ready to come home,” she teased.
“More than ready,” Geoffrey replied. “But I think we should practice our love play a few more times before we return. I would not want all of Kinwick to hear your screams of passion. We shall practice till you can control yourself.”
Merryn threw back her head and laughed.
CHAPTER 22
They made love twice more. Hope sprang in Geoffrey as he finally believed all could once more be right in his world. Merryn laid nestled in his arms, where she’d always belonged. The gap of years spent apart melted away.
He smoothed her hair with the palm of his hand, then wrapped his fingers around the end of her curls. Fingering the silky texture, he thought he’d finally come home.
“I fell asleep each night pretending I held your hand,” she said softly. She stroked the knuckles of the hand that he rested against her stomach.
Geoffrey drew her closer but remained silent. How could he tell her anything without revealing where he’d been?
“’Twas harder the older Ancel became,” she continued. “The ache in my heart could not heal, for every day I looked at our son, I saw you in him.”
He gave her a gentle squeeze. “I am saddened by the sorrow you have endured. The moment I saw Ancel, ‘twas if I looked in a mirror deep into my past.” He tenderly kissed her neck. “And Alys is but a miniature version of you, my love. I look forward to seeing her grow into the beauty her mother is.”
“Do you?” she asked. Merryn turned in his arms and faced him. “Will you return with me? Will you watch your children grow up? Lead your people? Become the true lord of Kinwick?”
Geoffrey cupped her face with his hands. “I wish to return and take my rightful place. I want to stay by your side and never leave you again, Merryn. Not for a single minute.”
He saw her love for him shining in her eyes and brushed his lips against hers.
“Then let us be off.” She pulled away from him and stood.
Geoffrey’s eyes roamed her body again. Motherhood had brought a more roundness to her breasts. He longed to put another babe in her belly and see it swell with their love as it grew.
They began dressing. Merryn asked, “Has being at the lodge jogged your memory about anything? Who spirited you away from here? Where you were kept for so long?”
He couldn’t lie to her anymore. The code of chivalry forbid it.
“You assumed my memory was faulty. I heard you mention a blow to my head.”
“Yes. That could explain why you cannot remember where you were.”
Geoffrey walked to her and lifted her hands. He pressed a kiss to the center of each palm. “I never told you that I could not remember.”
He sensed her stiffen. A frown creased her brow as she contemplated his words.
“’Tis not my memory playing tricks on me, Merryn.” His eyes met hers. “I cannot tell you where I was.”
Her jaw dropped. Understanding—then anger—sparked in her eyes. She snatched her hands from his and in her fury, slapped him hard.
“Did you stay away deliberately?” she fumed. “All those years, I stayed strong for the people of Kinwick. I prayed for the moment you would return to me. Dreamed of it. Like a fool.”
She closed her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, they flamed. “I wanted you to be proud of me. I had faith that you would return, but here you are—and I still feel alone. Empty. How can you look at me and tell me you know exactly where you were and why you left and remained away, yet you refuse to share the details with me? Where is the trust between us?”
Merryn began pacing the room, her voice rising in hysteria. “I kept everything going. Everything. For you. In your name. In your memory. Through the long days and nights. The lonely times. I found the strength to somehow carry on.”
She stopped and faced him, her face full of anguish. “You’re still my everything, Geoffrey. Yet you give me nothing in return. You gave me more during the years you were gone than you do now. You gave me my children. My position. The authority to become a leader. But now?”
Her eyes blazed with fury. Merryn slapped him again with a brutality that almost broke his spirit. Geoffrey grabbed her arms and yanked her to him.
“Nay. I did what I had to survive. To come home to you. You’ve seen the physical scars I bear, but the deeper ones are hidden within my heart.
“I give you my love. My life. My promise that I shall never leave you again. No one shall ever tear us asunder.”
She struggled in his arms, fighting to get away, but his fingers tightened as steel bands. He’d lost years with this woman. He couldn’t lose her again.
“I’ll never let you go, Merryn. Never.”
He brought his mouth down to claim hers. She twisted away, but he captured her head with his hands and then her lips with his. The searing kiss meant to punish her for lashing out at him, for her words had cut him to the quick. But the love between them was too strong. Soon, she clutched his shoulders, drawing him near.
Geoffrey kissed her with passion and longing, wanting to prove to her how deeply his love for her ran. Merryn returned his kiss, the urgency binding them together as one. They stumbled toward the bed, ripping clothes off, once again making love as the afternoon light began to fade.
Finally spent, they lay exhausted, their limbs entwined, their foreheads pressed together.
Merryn was the first to pull away. She swung her legs from the bed and began dressing. From her jerky movements, Geoffrey could see her anger had returned.
“I don’t know how to soothe you, my love,” he said as he reached for his gypon and slipped it over his head.
Her eyes narrowed. “You could tell me where you were and what kept you from me.”
He shook his head. “Nay. ‘Tis impossible what you ask.”
“What of our marriage vows? Your word to me? How can you not trust me? Your wife?”
“I cannot break my word, Merryn. You know I believe a man’s word sums up his whole character. The code of chivalry demands that I live by honor. Were I to share with you what you seek to know, ‘twould mean I must break my word to another. That I must never do.”
Merryn’s eyes looked as cold as a deadly snake’s as she stared at him. “Then I wish you had never come back,” she hurled at him.
They finished dressing in silence. He continually tried to catch her eye, but she stared at the ground. She left the room without a backward glance.
Geoffrey stood in the doorway and watched her mount Destiny. He hadn’t a clue how to win her back—and he couldn’t blame her. A husband and wife should be able to share everything between them, yet he denied her the very knowledge that he owed her.
He would return to Kinwick. Somehow, they must work this out. The hours they’d spent together today let him know love still existed between them. He must find a way to bring them together while he continued to keep his promise to Hardi.
Geoffrey swung a leg over Mystery. He would follow her at a distance. Merryn’s anger always erupted quickly and then ended the same. Mayhap by the time they reached the castle proper, her temper might have cooled once more.
He reined in Mystery when he saw a flash of color ahead in the forest. ‘Twas Merryn’s light blue gown he glimpsed, but someone
else had joined her and halted her progress. Geoffrey wrapped the reins around a bush and crept toward the riders in the distance.
As he drew close, he recognized his cousin’s voice.
“. . . so I waited for you.”
“You did not have to do so, Raynor.”
“I could not leave you unprotected in these woods, Merryn. If my cousin is too stubborn to make his amends to you and accompany you to his own home, then I certainly can escort you there.”
“I thank you.”
“Merryn.”
Geoffrey drew in a sharp breath at the tenderness he heard in that one word. From behind the tree where he hid, he saw Raynor reach over and lay a hand atop his wife’s.
“I love you. I have always loved you. From the day I met you. Despite the fact that you belonged to Geoffrey, thoughts of you filled my mind, lo these many years.”
“Raynor!”
“No. Let me finish. My heart broke as I’ve watched you all this time, pining for a man who would never return. And when he did, he is so changed that he should no longer be considered worthy of you.”
He moved his horse closer and took her chin in hand. “And when the king sent his messenger to you last week, I knew ‘twas to marry you off again. He cannot, Merryn. I will not allow it. Geoffrey is no longer the man for you. You must seek an annulment from the Church. He has been driven mad by whatever happened to him. He can no longer be a husband to you. Not the way I can. I love you. I love the twins. We could have a happy life together.”
Geoffrey took a step back. He turned and trudged back toward his horse, unwinding the reins. He quietly mounted Mystery and rode back in the direction of the lodge.
Merryn might have had a normal life if he hadn’t turned up as he had. His cousin was a good man and would be a decent father to his children. He could give Merryn more children. His absence all these years had denied her that.
And so much more.
Guilt washed through him. Coming back had been a selfish mistake—but one that he could repair. He could take his own life, and then Merryn would be free to marry again. His soul was already damned. He’d already spent years in Hell. Without Merryn’s faith in him, he no longer wanted to live.
More than anything, he loved his wife enough to do what it would take to make her happy. He’d hurt her more than he had realized. He refused to continue to be a burden to her.
The time to contemplate was over. He knew the sacrifice he must make.
Geoffrey slipped from Mystery’s back but let the reins hang to the ground. He wanted the horse free to go. He pulled out the knife from his boot. He’d found it in the lodge and used it to kill some game while he had lived there the past few days.
He stopped and said a short prayer, asking both for God’s forgiveness and Merryn’s future happiness.
And then slashed the blade across his wrist.
CHAPTER 23
“No!”
Geoffrey turned and saw Raynor ride into the clearing. His cousin leapt from his steed and rushed to him.
But not before he swiped the blade across his wrist again.
Raynor charged into him, knocking them both to the ground. The knife fell from his hand. Raynor reached over and flung it into the trees.
“God’s wounds, Geoffrey! What are you doing?” His cousin stood and then pulled him to his feet. Raynor tore a strip of cloth from his gypon and grabbed his arm, shoving the sleeve up to bind the wound.
A small trickle of blood dribbled along Geoffrey’s wrist where he had twice tried to cut into the thickly-scarred flesh. Frowning, Raynor yanked the arm closer and examined it. Then without speaking, his cousin dragged him inside the lodge. He found a bucket of water and bathed the cut skin in it before winding the cloth around it for protection.
Raynor glared in anger. “Who did that to you, Geoffrey? Those scars runs so deep that despite your frantic slashing, you barely punctured your skin.”
He walked away and sat, knowing he must remain silent. Raynor followed him and took the chair opposite him.
“Why should you care?” Geoffrey finally asked. “You want me gone. I want the same. ‘Twould be better for Merryn if I no longer existed.” His eyes met Raynor’s. “I overheard your conversation in the forest. You declared your love for her. You begged her to seek an annulment.”
His cousin turned a dull red. “I am sorry that you did. But you obviously did not hear all of it.” Raynor ran a hand through his hair. “Merryn rejected me. She only wants you.”
Geoffrey’s heart pounded faster.
“She told me she only needed you. That she had depended upon me for help all these years, but she apologized if she gave me a false impression regarding her feelings. Merryn said that you are the only man she’ll ever love, and she will take what she can get of you. Then she spurred her horse and galloped away. Mad as a hornet.”
Raynor began pacing the small room. “I realized you deserved a second chance with one another, so I came to drag your sorry carcass back to Kinwick—even if I had to club you unconscious and lash you to your horse to get you there.”
Geoffrey had lived off hope for so many years in the dungeons of Winterbourne. He clung to it more tightly than he had in the past, allowing it to blanket him.
Merryn still wanted him, despite how he had disappointed her. He would do whatever it took to get in her good graces. Whatever he must to justify her faith in him.
Geoffrey stood. “Then I suppose we should ride to Kinwick at once.”
The men left the hunting lodge and gathered their reins up. They rode the entire way in companionable silence. Geoffrey could not fault his cousin for falling under Merryn’s spell. He supposed all men fell a little in love with his wife. Her outer beauty was but a fraction of what inner beauty she held. He knew when push came to shove that Raynor would be in his corner—else he’d never have come to retrieve him in the first place.
They rode through Kinwick farmlands. As they passed, several people in the fields called out his name and jauntily waved. He greeted them in the same fashion, some of his old confidence returning.
The gates swung open, and they made their way to the stables. A stable boy took their horses and promised to look after them, his eyes round with wonder at setting eyes upon the master. As they headed through the inner bailey, Raynor slapped him on the back, their old camaraderie once again evident, no grudges between them.
That pleased Geoffrey. He would not wish to be at odds with his cousin, whom he considered his best friend as well as part of his family. And from Raynor’s words, he had stood by Merryn during her darkest time and aided her in some way in the running of Kinwick.
Geoffrey raced up the steps to the keep. Before he reached the top, the door flew open. Alys burst through the door as if catapulted from a trebuchet. She squealed with delight as she caught sight of him. He ran the last few steps as she latched onto a leg, holding on with a death grip. Ancel followed her but stood back, reluctant to give his feelings so easily to a man who had deserted him and his mother.
He ruffled Ancel’s hair and then bent and hugged them both. As he stood, he grasped each about the waist and tucked them under his arms, marching through the door all the way into the Great Hall. They giggled and squirmed as he spun round and round until he had to stop before he dropped them from dizziness.
As he looked up, his mother approached him, a tentative smile on her lips. He released the twins and strode toward her. Geoffrey enveloped her in his arms, no words necessary. She clung to him. It concerned him how thin she’d grown, but he would be present to remind her to eat. After all, she would have more grandchildren to look after if he had his way. She must keep up her strength.
Geoffrey spent the next hour visiting with many servants. Merryn must have spoken to the people as a group, for none asked him where he’d been or why he’d stayed away for so long.
Finally, he knew the time had come to see his wife.
He looked at his children, one perched upon each
knee. He gave both a kiss and threw in a tickle for good measure.
“We shall celebrate my return this eve,” he promised them. “Now run along. I must speak with your mother.”
They scrambled down, eager to please him. Merryn had done a good job in raising them. He couldn’t wait to learn everything about them. Their likes and dislikes. What foods they enjoyed and what games they played. In fact, he might ask her if they could stay at Kinwick longer rather than going off to foster with another nobleman’s family when they turned seven. He’d already missed much of their lives and wanted to make up for that lost time.
Tilda appeared at his elbow. “My lord.” She bowed. “My lady awaits you in the solar.”
That took him aback. The night Raynor slipped him into the castle, Merryn had taken him to the chamber he’d used growing up. The one where they’d spent their wedding night. She had told him she remained in it all these years.
Geoffrey climbed the stairs to the rooms above. The solar stood at the end of the hallway. It had been his parents’ room and where the family gathered during private times. He had fond memories of his older sisters there with him before their marriages. Playing games. Sewing. Reading. Telling tales. He approached the door and knocked.
“Come,” a voice called out. The voice that made his heart skip a beat. The voice of the one woman he would always love.
He pushed the door open and stepped into the solar. The large room spoke of comfort and status. Geoffrey had loved the decorative woodwork and tapestries that hung on the walls, as well as the huge fireplace and scattered tables and chairs. More than any place at Kinwick, this one room said home to him.
Merryn stood by the fireplace, her hands folded in front of her. She’d changed from the light blue cote-hardie she’d worn at the hunting lodge and now wore one of midnight blue. The color brought out her sapphire eyes. As before, his brooch graced the area slightly above her heart.
Geoffrey went and knelt before her. His rough hands clasped hers. They gazed at each other wordlessly. He drank in her beauty, which had matured from the girl he married to the woman who’d birthed his children and run his household on her own.
Word of Honor (Knights of Valor Book 1) Page 13