“I don’t know,” she said. “Aren’t those just rationalizations?”
“I think they’re the truth. I mean, we can deal with it, Macy. I’m sure we can. I can be a fair supervisor. I can separate our private lives from the office.”
“I know you think you can, but—”
“But sometimes we can’t anticipate how it will really play out, I know.”
“And how can you not think the responsible thing to do is to end this now? Which head are you thinking with, Griffin?”
“Maybe with you, I always have a little of the wrong-headed thinking going on, but one thing I know for sure is, the chemistry between us is worth exploring. I wouldn’t set something this powerful aside just out of respect for other people’s rules.”
Macy felt a jolt from his words. Something this powerful… He at least had that part right, for sure. She’d never felt such an intense attraction before.
Maybe once she’d decided to break the rules in the first place by seducing Griffin, she’d set out on the path where they’d have to make up the rules as they went along.
And if they got to make up the rules…they might never be able to keep their hands off each other again.
OUTSIDE, the cool night breeze whipped at Macy’s hair and made her glad she’d worn a jacket. Griffin held her hand as they walked along the sidewalk past mostly closed businesses, and that simple intimate contact left her feeling warmer all over.
Macy wasn’t exactly accustomed to making up rules as she went along. The whole Las Vegas thing had been a big departure for her in the rule-breaking department.
And one self-made rule was for sure. Tonight, Macy was incapable of faking it.
She watched sadness play across Griffin’s face in the half darkness as he probably tried to accept that they might have no future together, and she knew she had to give him this weekend. No matter how stupid it might be, she had to give him all of herself if that’s what he wanted.
She owed it to him.
But who was she kidding? She wanted him at least as badly as he wanted her, if for no other reason than she finally wanted to have real, no-holds-barred, nomore- faking-it sex with him, after the torture of last weekend.
Well, except torture wasn’t the right word. She’d been amazed at how much she’d enjoyed making their lovemaking all about Griffin’s pleasure, in spite of his best efforts. Keeping the focus off herself had taught her some interesting things about physical pleasure. Most importantly, that there was as much to be found in giving someone pleasure as there was in receiving it.
Sure, she’d understood that on an intellectual level before, but this little experiment had given her a concrete illustration of its truth.
After dinner, they’d decided to drop in on a little blues club down the street that Macy had heard was featuring a band she liked. As they walked hand in hand the three blocks from the Indian restaurant to the jazz club, taking in the brisk night air, Macy’s brain bounced from one idea to the next, as unable to focus as she had been lately.
She wanted to do the right thing with Griffin, but wasn’t sure what that was. She was pretty sure sleeping with him again wasn’t the right thing, but she wanted to do that as much as she wanted to be virtuous. Her brain bounced around some more as she tried to imagine what it would be like to have Griffin as her boss.
She couldn’t think straight, and she wasn’t even the one who’d gotten to come. Damn Lauren and her stupid study.
A side effect Lauren apparently wasn’t aware of was the very unpleasant inability to focus that came with sexual frustration. Maybe she should have called her research, You’re Damned if You Do and Damned if You Don’t.
It was just like a scientist to pursue some esoteric study while ignoring the obvious facts. Lauren was intelligent and all, but the woman had a serious case of brainiac syndrome—too smart for her own good. And in this case, too smart for everyone else’s good as well.
Macy could have lived her life just fine without knowing the truth about sex and its impact on her intelligence.
There was a short line at the entrance of the club. They stopped and waited, and after a moment Macy realized Griffin was staring at her.
“You look like you’re busy trying to think up a solution to world hunger,” he said.
She smiled, embarrassed at the truth. “Nothing nearly so important.”
“What’s up?” he asked.
“It’s nothing, really.”
“It must be something, because I was just talking to you and you didn’t hear me.”
“Oh.” Crap. “Sorry.”
“Tuning me out again?”
“Not at all. I’m just…a little upset over a falling-out I had with Lauren, I guess.”
“It’s okay.”
She smiled up at him, and her breath caught in her throat at how handsome he was. Sometimes she took it for granted, because she saw him around the office so much. But tonight, in the light from the streetlamps, with his dark hair swept back, his olive skin aglow and his haunting gray eyes fixed on her, he looked exactly like one of the brooding romance-novel heroes she’d always imagined she’d find someday.
If only for tonight, she could pretend….
“Since when did you need someone to listen when you’re talking, anyway,” she teased.
“Do I really come across that full of myself?”
“No, you just don’t seem to need anyone’s input to be sure of your ideas.”
“I didn’t realize I had to ask to receive. I’ve always figured people would speak up if they had a problem with what I was saying or if they wanted to challenge me.”
Macy was feeling like a bigger and bigger jerk by the second. “You always sound so sure of yourself, I’ve just assumed you had your mind made up, and when other people do challenge your ideas, you often argue with them.”
He shrugged. “I don’t consider it arguing—more like debating. I figure if anyone’s ideas are really good, they’ll stand up to being questioned.”
“Some of us don’t operate that way. I mean, I don’t really like to argue or debate or whatever you want to call it.”
“Yeah, I guess I forget that. Sorry.”
“No, I’m the only one who should be apologizing. I promise to listen all the time—no more spacing out.”
Macy felt her cheeks burning as they paid their cover charge and entered the dark, noisy club to find a table. She realized the real reason she’d always tuned Griffin out was that she was afraid of liking him. Not listening to him meant not discovering any more about him and not viewing him as a person she could spend some serious time getting to know.
The club was mostly full already, so they found a table for two at the back of the room. On stage, the warm-up act was already playing, and it was nearly impossible to talk over the sound of the music.
Griffin leaned toward her and said into her ear, “No apologies. I can think of plenty of ways for you to make it up to me later tonight. Deal?”
She slid her hand up his thigh, loving the solid feel of him. When her fingertips reached the junction of his thigh and hip, she stopped. “Deal.”
He scooted his chair next to hers and draped his arm over the back of her chair, then leaned in and kissed her cheek gently. The gesture was so intimate, so sweet, she got a lump in her throat.
It was crazy how a weekend could change things. Crazy how, a few weeks ago, she would have laughed out loud if anyone had suggested she’d soon be sitting in a blues club acting lovey-dovey with Griffin. Well, and not even acting, but actually enjoying his company. Maybe even loving it.
Crazy.
The warm-up act finished their final number, and a waitress, a woman named Leta who had waited on Macy before, arrived to take their drink orders. She was tall and dark brown, and she wore her hair in cornrows that hung almost to her waist.
“Hi, Leta,” Macy said. “I’ll have a bottle of Perrier.”
Griffin shot her a suspicious look. “What, you’re goi
ng to get me drunk and have your way with me while you’re perfectly sober?”
“Something like that.”
When she was gone, he nudged Macy with his elbow. “So much for my plan to get you drunk and have my way with you.”
“I thought you said that was my plan.”
“I was just trying to distract you from the truth.”
“You don’t need to get me drunk,” she said.
His gaze was half-lidded, and he was looking at her the same way he did after they made love. As if he knew all her secrets. That gaze unnerved her most of the time, but this time it warmed her, left her feeling breathless and light-headed.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“Because you’re full of surprises. I always thought I had you pegged.”
“Do I even want to know how you had me pegged?”
“Probably not,” he said, looking a little chagrined.
She kept staring at him until he elaborated.
“Okay, okay. I had you labeled a vixen, completely aware of your effect on men and willing to use it to get whatever you wanted.”
“Ouch. Did I really come across like that, or are you just that bad at judging people’s character?”
“Maybe a little of both.”
She smiled. “So you thought this about me and were totally willing to sleep with me, anyway? What’s up with that?”
“Um, I’m a guy?”
She shrugged. “I guess it’s fair, if you thought I was using sex to get ahead, that you just take advantage of what I was offering.”
As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She then realized just how true they were, only not exactly in the way Griffin had thought.
Using sex to get what she wanted.
“I wasn’t giving you credit,” he said, “for being the kind of woman who really doesn’t understand the effect she has on men.”
“What effect is that?” Macy asked, trying her best to sound genuinely curious.
The truth was somewhere in between. Sure, she knew sex could be a weapon, but she’d never quite shed that shy, chubby teenager at her core. Any confidence in herself she showed the world was really just overcompensation.
“It’s damn hard to concentrate on work when you’re around.”
“It is?”
“You know, men are pretty much ruled by their desires. We try our best to keep them in check, but when we’re presented with our favorite dish, we can’t help but salivate.”
“Your work performance doesn’t seem to have suffered for my presence.”
“Well, it’s been a Herculean effort, trust me,” he said, grinning. “There have been plenty of times when I’ve lost my train of thought after getting a glimpse of you, especially when you’re wearing a skirt or a low- cut top. I guess I do a decent job of recovering.”
“Definitely. I never would have guessed you could be done in by a glimpse of my knees.”
Macy wasn’t sure she believed his story, but it was flattering nonetheless. She supposed she’d always wanted to be one of those women men lost their minds over, and maybe it was possible she’d become that kind of woman without even realizing it.
That would be her luck.
“I could be done in by all sorts of glimpses of you. So just be careful, okay? No flashing me during important meetings.”
Macy laughed as the Harry Yusef Band took the stage. They immediately kicked into a soulful tune about being cleansed by the rain, and conversation was impossible.
Which was a good thing. Macy wasn’t sure she needed any more revelations about herself or Griffin or the ever-more-perplexing nature of their attraction to each other.
13
BACK AT HER APARTMENT, Macy felt as if someone had infused her with a superhuman sense of confidence. She’d tried not to put too much stock in Griffin’s comments about her effects on men, but somehow, the idea that she was a sexual being to be reckoned with had seeped into her consciousness in a big way.
She barely felt like herself tonight. Instead she felt like a sex goddess, a woman whose sexuality could bring men to their knees and who wasn’t afraid to go after exactly what she wanted.
Maybe the sex goddess had been lurking inside her all the time, just crying out to break free. That could certainly explain Macy’s willingness to go forward with her plan to seduce Griffin.
Seducing Griffin. How could she reconcile the way she felt right now, so sexy and confident, with the way she’d behaved in Las Vegas? She’d been a woman who’d used sexy and confident to manipulate and deceive. She’d been the kind of woman she’d never imagined herself being, but in a bad way. In a ruthless willing-to-do-anything-to-get-ahead kind of way.
She’d taken sexuality and confidence and used them for evil.
She stared into the bathroom mirror, not sure, all of a sudden, if she really liked what she saw. And the longer she stared, the more confused she became.
How could she have gotten herself into this? How could she be here now with a guy whose affection for her was based on lies?
It was stupid. It was nasty. It was unconscionable.
And she was becoming a worse person by the second by not putting a stop to this before it went any further.
There was a knock at the bathroom door. “Macy? Are you okay in there?”
She tried to speak, but nothing came out. Her throat tightened, and she expelled a strange little grunt.
“Macy? Are you okay?”
What to say? Oh, sorry, I just changed my mind. I know you’re naked with a full-on erection and I’m supposed to be retrieving birth control in here, but, um, I changed my mind. Let’s just be friends, okay?
Not only was that unfair, but there was no way she’d be willing to say it. She wanted him too much.
She heard the doorknob turn, and then the door opened. She looked over at Griffin, and he saw what must have been her forlorn expression as she stood there naked in front of the mirror.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
No way could she tell him now. Not while he was completely naked, his erection jutting out, his body a monument to male perfection. She wanted him at least as much as he wanted her, and she could only hope the fairest thing to do would be to just give herself over to him completely.
No more holding back. No more sex with a hidden agenda. No more faking it.
“Oh, nothing,” she said. “Nothing’s wrong. I was just feeling a little…I don’t know. A little worried that we’re in too deep, if that makes any sense.”
He crossed the granite-tile floor and pulled her against him. He felt so warm and so right. So just what she needed right now, from his hard cock against her belly to his capable hands sliding over her backside.
“I’m not in nearly deep enough,” he said with a little smile.
“I just mean, I wish I didn’t like this—like us—so much. It would make the whole promotion-and-working-together thing a lot easier, don’t you think?”
“Let’s work on hating each other tomorrow, okay? I’ve got a different project in mind tonight.”
He lifted her up onto the cold tile countertop and wedged himself between her thighs. She wrapped her legs around him, edging closer until their bodies were nearly joined. When she handed him a condom, he gave her a long, slow, toe-curling kiss that erased her doubts.
He put on the condom and pulled her closer, kissed her again, devoured her. His mouth on her mouth, her ears, her neck, her breasts, all in a frenzy. She bit into his shoulder gently, and when he plunged into her, she cried out, nearly delirious with the relief of it.
Like water on her fire.
He thrust all the way into her, backed off, then pushed deeper still. The sensation of her body opening up to him and joining with his created a delicious burning from deep within.
She matched his intensity, propelling them higher, her breath quick and her body tense. She heard herself crying out his name, lost in him, and she felt as if she was going
to come before they’d even gotten started.
He felt so incredible as he stretched her body, invaded her. As their flesh slapped together, she could feel her orgasm coming on so fast, there was no way to stop it.
Her gaze locked on his, and he was in the same predicament as her, she could tell. His brow furrowed, his expression transformed by pleasure, he was lost in it, too.
First came the build-up, like a tornado racing toward where their bodies met. Then came the crash as it struck. And their bodies, so exquisitely joined, were the wreckage, bucking together and swirling in the storm of sensations.
Griffin pulled her closer as he spilled himself into her, as her own orgasm passed, and he kissed her, then breathed into her ear, “You’re amazing.”
“So are you,” she whispered back.
He lifted her from the bathroom counter and carried her out into the main room, to the sofa. There, he stretched out beside her, and she never wanted him to move.
Lauren’s words echoed in her head then. The wilder the sex, the more dramatic the results.
If that was true, she was in deep, deep trouble.
MACY DIDN’T normally spend Saturday mornings lazing around in bed. She liked to get up, clean her apartment, go to the park, have lunch out with friends. That is, when she wasn’t working overtime. She probably should have been working this morning, but when her new boss was lying in bed beside her, it was hard to muster any guilt that she wasn’t busting her ass over the Golden Gate account.
They’d slept late, gotten up to take a shower, made love in the shower, and then returned to bed with cups of coffee and toasted bagels that sat half-eaten on the nightstand, because halfway through breakfast they’d gotten a little carried away with a game of footsie.
It was almost eleven when the phone rang, and a glance at her caller ID made Macy’s stomach lurch. It was her mother calling. She remembered in a horrible rush all the messages her mom had left on her answering machine and her cell phone since last weekend, and how she’d forgotten to return any of the calls.
Sex, Lies and Dirty Secrets Page 14