by Harry Mazer
Saturday night he was there, dressed but not overdressed. A clean pair of jeans, a shirt with a little Western styling around the pockets and collar, a gold chain around his neck.
She was dressed just as casually, wearing a man’s white shirt and a red tie around her waist, her hair loose. He had his mother’s car – and Mary had Hannah. Surprise! He’d forgotten Hannah. She was dressed up, too. Blue overalls and clean white socks decorated with tiny bluebirds.
‘You sure you want to take her? It’s a beer joint.’
‘I don’t go anywhere without her.’
He went around behind the car and jumped on the fender. ‘Can’t you get a babysitter?’ Big no date with Hannah chaperoning.
‘When? Right now? I don’t know anyone. Look, if you can’t handle it –’
‘Maybe my mother would take care of her.’
She just gave him a look.
‘Bars and kids – you don’t go to bars with kids.’
‘What do you care how it looks, Jeff? I didn’t think you were that conventional.’
Ouch. That hurt. He got behind the wheel. ‘Everyone in. We take Miss Hannah along. You don’t care, she don’t care, I don’t care. If anyone says anything about what she’s got in the bottle, we show them her ID card.’
Mary was quiet on the drive over. In the parking lot at the Red Barn, she handed Jeff a letter. ‘Read this.’
He turned on the dome light in the car and saw the letterhead. SARNAC LAKE THEATRE WORKSHOP. ‘You wrote them!’
‘I called them,’ she said, ‘and they wrote right back. They want me to come, they even offered me a partial scholarship.’
He started reading the letter. ‘This is terrific.’
‘Save the cheers. You see what they say at the end. They want me, but without Hannah. What does it say? There are no facilities, no arrangements, no place for a baby, and absolutely no time for anything but the workshop.’
He read the letter again. ‘“We regret … If you can make alternate arrangements …”’ He handed the letter back to her. ‘What’s the problem, Mary? Hire somebody to take care of Hannah.’
‘Who? And who pays?’
‘Your family?’
‘They’re paying for everything already. They’ve gone the limit to help me.’
‘I thought doctors were rich.’
‘Think again. If you’re sick, it doesn’t matter what you are.’
‘Damn!’ he said.
‘Oh, it’s not that terrible. What’s changed? Nothing. Let’s go in.’ She reached in back for Hannah. ‘Come on, my little ball and chain.’
In the Red Barn, there was an incredible hubbub. The band was warming up the crowd. People were singing and banging their beer mugs on the table. Billy Scroggs wouldn’t be on for a while. They found a table on the side against the wall, where they could watch everything and still have a place for Hannah. Mary set the car bed on a couple of chairs, then gave Hannah a bottle. The baby’s eyes were everywhere.
They’d hardly got settled when Danny and Tracy appeared. ‘Hey!’ Danny hit Jeff on the head. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were coming here?’
Jeff slapped back. ‘Want to get your head handed to you?’ He was a little down. Was it the letter? He’d started all this. Mary seemed to be a little moody, too.
‘Sit down, Tracy,’ Danny said. ‘I’ll get our drinks.’
‘I don’t need your permission,’ Tracy said, sitting down next to Mary. She wore dangly pink plastic earrings, pink lipstick, and a fluffy pink angora sweater. ‘I’m Tracy,’ she said. ‘That oaf I go around with didn’t know enough to introduce us.’
‘I’m Mary Silver. And this is Hannah Silver.’
‘Hi, Hannah! Want to shake? No? Is it hard taking care of a baby, Mary? I’d be scared of the responsibility. What if you do something wrong?’
Mary smiled a little. Jeff tipped his chair back, his arms folded, watching Mary. ‘When you have a baby,’ Mary said, ‘you’re half frightened all the time. I thought it would go away, but it never does. But you do get better at things.’
‘You don’t look scared to me.’ Tracy bent close to Hannah. ‘Her eyes are so pure and perfect. They never need fixing, do they? No false eyelashes, no underliner, no brighteners. They’re perfection itself.’
‘What’s wrong with your eyes?’ Danny said, coming back with their drinks. ‘You’ve got great eyes.’
Tracy took her drink and turned back to Danny.
‘The hard thing about having a baby is –’ Mary laughed – ‘they’re always there.’
‘That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him. I don’t see how you do it, Mary.’
‘Everybody isn’t as antsy as you,’ Danny said.
Jeff glanced at Mary. They hadn’t come here to watch Danny and Tracy slug it out. ‘Want to dance?’
‘Go ahead,’ Tracy said. ‘I’ll watch the baby.’
On the dance floor, Mary put her hand lightly on his arm. ‘Are they always that way?’
‘I don’t know what’s going on. He’s usually a pussycat with her.’ He put his arm around Mary’s waist, and they moved slowly among the dancers. His arm tightened around her as they responded to the music.
‘This is the first time I’ve been dancing in ages,’ Mary said. ‘I’m glad we came.’
He got really happy, and then he heard himself say, ‘I could take care of Hannah –’
‘I’m not going, Jeff. I’m not even thinking about it.’
They walked back to the table arm in arm. Tracy was alone. ‘Where’s the man?’ Jeff said.
‘Roaming.’ Tracy fiddled with her earring. Her eyes looked glittery, as if she had been crying. ‘I’ll be right back,’ she said, and left.
Later, in the men’s room, Jeff and Danny stood in front of the mirror. Danny kept glancing at Jeff, sighing, then smoothing his jaw. ‘How are you and Mary making out?’
‘Not the way you think.’
‘Hey, Mother Jeff, I see you holding her baby.’
‘You don’t see anything. What’s the matter with you tonight? You and Tracy –’
‘Did she say anything to you?’
‘About what? You’d have to be blind not to notice the way you two are biting each other.’
‘Me and Tracy?’ Danny smiled, a trembly sort of smile. ‘You noticed? I thought we were hiding it pretty good.’ He hesitated and looked around. ‘We finally got caught. You follow me? And now she wants to get rid of it.’
‘Tracy’s pregnant?’
‘She thinks so. She’s doing the test, but it’s pretty sure.’
‘What are you going to do?’
‘Don’t go broadcasting it all over. I don’t want my mother to get wind of this. I know what I want to do, but Tracy –’ He shook his head. ‘She’s something else.’
‘She’s the one who gets the baby.’
‘I’m willing to do my part. It’s my kid, too. I said I’d marry her.’
‘She still gets the baby.’
Later, in the car, he slid over next to Mary so his face was close to hers. They kissed. It was one of those mutual kisses. Fifty-fifty. They each came halfway. They met at the fifty-yard line – and stayed there.
‘We’ve got to cut this out, Jeff.’ She moved away.
‘Do we?’
‘I do.’
‘I don’t?’
She laughed and yawned. ‘I’m so tired.’
She and Hannah both slept.
He thought about Danny and Tracy. Whatever they decided to do, there was going to be something wrong. When two people didn’t want the same thing, there was bound to be trouble. Then he thought about Mary. She was lying with her cheek against the back of the seat, trusting him to get her and Hannah home safely. It made him feel really good, peaceful and smooth, the way he sometimes felt early in the morning before the light.
When he pulled up at the house, Mary woke up.
‘I’ll help you with Hannah,’ he said.
‘No, that’s okay, Jeff.’ She g
ave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘I had fun.’
He watched her go up on the porch, then bend, fumbling for the key. She looked small and alone standing on that dark porch. And then he remembered the top of the stairs … her bare feet … those vulnerable feet …
‘Mary.’ He got out of the car.
She turned. ‘What is it?’
He stood on the bottom step, looking up at her. ‘You go to the workshop. I’ll take care of Hannah.’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t worry about it, Jeff.’
He picked up the car bed and followed her inside. ‘I mean it. I want you to do it.’
‘Sir Walter Teddybear.’ She kissed him again. ‘I just have to forget it, Jeff. Thanks for offering.’ She took the car bed from him and went up the stairs.
19
Mrs. Belco backed her cab out of the driveway. ‘How are you, Mrs B.?’ Jeff called. He looked up to Mary’s window.
‘She’s not there. Some guy came for her in an Audi Five Thousand. Really posh car. She went off with him.’
‘Hannah, too? When are they coming back?’
‘Ask her. She doesn’t tell me anything.’
He went around to the barn where Danny split wood. The axe buried in a stump had begun to rust. Not much call for firewood in the middle of the summer. Jeff balanced a round of wood on end, then raised the axe. It had to be Paul, Hannah’s father. Was this the first time he’d come to visit? It was the first time Jeff knew about it. He brought the axe down, then tossed the splits aside and grabbed another round.
He split wood at a furious rate. The sweat poured off his face and down his sides. He pulled his shirt off and tied it around his forehead. He was still splitting wood when Mary returned.
‘Jeff!’ Mary waved to him and he strolled over, wiping his face on his shirt.
‘Paul came up to see Hannah,’ Mary said. Didn’t she stand straighter with Hannah on one arm, eyes bright, her hair whipping across her face? ‘You look like you got a sunburn. What were you doing?’
‘Splitting wood.’
‘In the middle of the summer?’
‘Winter’s on its way,’ he said lightly.
‘I see.’ She caught it. She saw immediately how reserved and cool he was, holding back, hurt but not weeping, not screaming. No recriminations, no tantrums. No beating the ground with his fists.
‘I figured you’d be over today,’ she said. ‘but they came unexpectedly. I didn’t have a chance to call.’
‘Right.’ He had a cool reply ready – a summer menu, cucumber and radish salad and gelatinous smiles. ‘Communication failure. All the phones broke down at the same time.’
‘What are you getting so sarcastic about?’ Mary put Hannah down on the grass and sat back on the porch steps.
This was his cue to get off stage. Walk off, split, fade out. Cut! Cut! Cut! He was hurt, injured, bleeding. Show some pride and dignity, Orloff. Go! He looked off (long shot), then he looked at her (zoom in).
‘Nice day for a drive.’ (Generous smile.)
‘Terrific.’
‘Did Hannah enjoy it?’
‘Very much.’
‘Did he buy her ice cream?’ (Subtle comparison.)
‘Too early.’
‘Too bad.’
They looked at each other. ‘I don’t know what we’re fighting about,’ she said finally.
‘Are we fighting?’
Mary scooped up some gravel, then let it spill out between her fingers. ‘If we’re not, I’ll tell you what happened. Do you want to hear about it?’
Did he? Maybe yes, maybe no. ‘Of course I want to hear.’
‘You sure?’
‘Mmmm.’ (Dr. Orloff tunes in.)
‘That was an awful couple of hours,’ she said.
‘Was it?’ (Concerned frown.)
‘Paul came to see Hannah, and I got scared. I always worry he’ll try to take Hannah away from me.’
‘He can’t do that.’
‘There’s still prejudice against unmarried mothers. I don’t know what that man is capable of. And he’s got money.’
‘So what did he want?’
‘Just to see Hannah, thank God.’ She held out her hand. ‘Look at me shaking. If I could I’d never see him again.’ She leaned back, clasped her hands and took a deep breath. ‘I’m okay. I am okay, but right now I’m getting really sick thinking of how cheap Paul got off. No cramps for Paul, no morning sickness, no being sick to his stomach over the future. He made a baby. Tra la. He did his part, he shows up once a year and that’s that.
‘When I think of how much I liked him and how little I knew what kind of person he was … I thought I had judgment, I thought I knew something about characters.’
Jeff listened to her, sorry for her one second, then sorry for himself the next, because with all her anger, it was still Paul. Paul. He jumped up, then sat down again.
‘What are you doing?’ Mary said. ‘Working out?’
‘I’m jealous.’
‘Of Paul?’ She burst out laughing. ‘You are a jerk. Didn’t you hear anything I said? I can’t stand the man. Man! What kind of man is he? He’s no man. You’re twice the man he is.’
He sat down on the steps, at her feet. Twice the man Paul was. An honest, unexaggerated assessment.
‘Do you think he’d ever offer to take care of Hannah while I went to school?’
Jeff smiled modestly.
‘I’ve been thinking about that, Jeff. That was really generous of you.’
‘I meant it.’ If he had money, he’d give it all to her, he wouldn’t want anything in return. Well … maybe just a little appreciation.
‘I know you did. That was what made it so wonderful.’
‘The thirty-day free trial period is still available.’
She laughed. ‘What do you know about babies?’
‘Come on, I’ve watched you enough. What’s the big deal? Besides, if you bring Hannah to my house, my mum will be there most of the time.’
‘Supposing I do it – I’m just talking – what would you want in return?’
‘Moi? Nothing.’
‘Come on, Jeff, tell the truth.’
‘Maybe your eternal, endless, everlasting love and gratitude.’
‘That’s what I call an even exchange.’ She tapped him on the head. ‘Sir Walter Teddybear. Supposing – now just supposing – we did it. You can’t even change a diaper.’
‘A challenge!’ He brushed off his hands. ‘Orloffs welcome challenges. Does she need to be changed?’
‘She always needs to be changed.’
He carried out the operation on his hands and knees with Hannah on the grass. At first he was a little tentative. Hannah kicked, wrinkled up her face, and complained. How come he’s changing me?
‘Okay, hold still, Hannah. This is going to be a new Olympic record.’ He slid off the wet diaper and snugged up a dry one.
‘You changed a diaper,’ Mary said. ‘Congratulations!’ She picked up Hannah again. ‘Oh, Jeff, if you only knew how much I’d like to go to that workshop.’ She looked down at Hannah. ‘What good am I to her if I’m dissatisfied? You know, don’t you sugar? I get moody and depressed and you know it. You know when I’m feeling good and when I’m feeling bad.’ She turned to Jeff. ‘I’m going to ask Hannah. I’m going to let her decide. Jeff, this is your last chance to back out.’
‘Not me,’ he said.
‘Okay.’ She stood Hannah up and held her around the middle. ‘Hannah, look at Mummy. You’re going to decide. Do you want me to go to the workshop? Do you want to stay with Jeff? Say if you don’t want me to do it, Hannah.’
Hannah looked at Mary as if she understood every word. He couldn’t believe it. Was Mary serious? Asking a baby! How could Hannah decide? And then, she reached up and grabbed her mother’s cheek and pushed it up into a smile.
Mary bent down and kissed the baby, then looked at Jeff. ‘You saw that. Hannah wants me to be happy. You’re stuck, Jeff. I’m going to do it.�
� She stepped on his foot. ‘Yeah, my prince in blue jeans, stuck!’
20
Jeff had promised Mary he’d ask his mother about Hannah’s staying with them and then he forgot about it. Why? Well, why anything? He forgot, that was all. That’s the way he was. He wasn’t methodical, he wasn’t organized. Methodical was his brother. Organized was his sister. Methodical and organized was his father. He did what he had to do when he had to do it. When Mary reminded him that she was leaving for the workshop in a couple of days, he ‘remembered.’
‘Is it still okay with your mother?’ she said. ‘I’m getting Hannah’s things together.’
‘No problem,’ he said, unwilling to admit he hadn’t asked yet. Not that he expected any problems. His mother was a good guy about things like that, especially anything to do with him. She wouldn’t even mind his asking her at the last moment. Typical Jeff stuff, she’d say, and that would be that.
At home he followed his mother into her bedroom and watched her emptying the bureau, making stacks of clothes on the bed. ‘Mom, I’ve got something to ask you.’ Added a smile to make a mother’s heart melt. Now that he was at the point of asking, he wasn’t so sure his mother would be delighted with the arrangements he’d made. ‘Mom, how are you feeling? Cheerful? You look great! You must be feeling good. You look like you’re in your typical good mood. How would you like to have a baby in the house?’
‘Love it, but not just yet,’ his mother said. ‘First let’s get this marriage out of the way, and then the grandchildren.’
‘I’m not talking about Natalie, Mom. Me.’
‘You!’ She stopped and looked at him. ‘What are you planning now?’
‘The plan is to have a baby visit us for a few days.’
‘What baby? Whose baby?’
‘Remember Mary? She’s got that cute little baby you liked so much. She needs somebody to watch Hannah for a few days, and I said we’d do it.’
‘We?’
‘That’s the royal we. I mean me. I’m going to do it. I just wanted to tell you there’s going to be a baby in the house. You can be the supervisor. I’ll be the nursemaid, change diapers, et cetera.’
‘You, take care of a baby? Don’t make me laugh.’ She opened the closet door. ‘Get me down that suitcase, will you? Why you?’