by Trumbo, Kari
Duncan stepped forward and began lifting her toward the saddle, but Becka stopped him. “Just wait a minute. There’s a way to do that that’ll be a lot easier on you and the horse.”
Becka had Isla drape her arm around Duncan’s neck and pull herself up just a bit while he held her tight and lifted her right leg over the horse. Her need to remain balanced forced her to wiggle into the saddle just as she would do to get comfortable in a seat or in bed. While the saddle wasn’t comfortable, she was upright…almost standing. Becka tucked each of her feet into the stirrups and Duncan dug his phone out of his pocket and snapped a picture.
“Mama will hate that, just so you know. She won’t say you were wrong to bring me out here, but she’ll tell you all kinds of stories about people busting their heads open while riding.”
He laughed. “I’d bet she doesn’t actually know a single one.”
Isla glanced down at the saddle horn right in front of her and the horse’s strong neck. “Well, at least not yet.”
Becka held Silver’s halter and Isla picked up the reins.
“Now, for both of you. It’s important to give the horse enough rein to walk, but not enough that they just go wherever they please. You’ll know if you aren’t doing it right because your horse will either stop in the middle of the trail and refuse to keep going, or they may wander off the trail and paw at the ground…start cropping grass.” Becka laughed as she led Silver in a wide circle around the arena.
Duncan waited back at the start by Dollar. Though she wanted to, she couldn’t turn and look at him. She felt confident in her ability to stay upright as long as she concentrated on it; she couldn’t shift or twist herself.
When they made it back by the doors, Becka stopped Silver and waited for Duncan to come over. “Now, the trail is out these doors. You’ll see a path. I can do one of two things. I can saddle up and lead you, or I can walk Silver as I did in here. The choice is yours. You look fine, but this is your first ride. No one knows better than you how comfortable you are up there.”
Isla rested her hands in front of her and took a moment to just feel what her body was telling her. She was strong and capable, and Duncan was right, with enough practice, riding a horse would be a wonderful exercise. “I think I’ll be okay on a short ride.”
Becka smiled and nodded, then adjusted Isla’s reins. “From here on out, you’re in control. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Duncan pulled up alongside her. “How do you feel?” His face was open and filled with awe. It had to be just as strange to see her up there as it felt to be there.
“It’s amazing. Freeing. I wish I would’ve done this years ago.” What if she’d decided way back when she’d first gotten into racing that horses were better?
“Well, this probably isn’t something we can do every weekend, but I’d be happy to bring you out here again.”
She tested her ability to stay in the saddle and leaned forward, scratching Silver along the neck and making her twitch her mane. “I’d like that. Thank you for making me do this list. I didn’t really want to at first. I…thought you wanted to force me to quit racing.”
“Isla.” He reached for her hand, but settled for a spot just above her knee. “I care about you. You seemed to stop loving racing a while ago. I wanted you to do new things to realize that life isn’t disappointing and you don’t have to sit at a crossroads just because you pushed yourself there.”
Becka rode out from the stables and motioned them over. It took a few tries for Duncan to mount and for both of them to figure out how to get the horses to turn her way, but once they figured it out, it made riding easier.
A little snow had collected on the trees around them and fell in soft clumps as they rode through. Becka didn’t really talk, giving Isla the chance to really look around her. The evergreen trees and slight hills were so different when she didn’t have to consider pushing herself up. The world was so different from so high, even trees which she’d thought would be the same, surprised her. Her abdomen ached from holding herself rigidly upright for so long, but she didn’t care. Isla already wanted to come back and the ride wasn’t even finished yet.
When they made it back to the arena, it was almost twilight and Isla was tired. Duncan helped her down and held her tight. “I’m so proud of you. You looked amazing up there.”
It reminded her of her last race, how he’d been right there to support her and cheer her on, and she hadn’t wanted to hear it then. “Thank you, for everything.” She wanted to press her hands to his cheeks and kiss him. The only thing that gave her pause was that she definitely could smell horse on her, and it wasn’t only her hands.
“Let me get you into the car, I’ll make sure everything is squared away in the office, then I’ll drive you home.”
She rubbed her legs as she waited for Duncan. They had always been thin, since she didn’t have the muscle tone of a woman who could walk everywhere. Hers were even thinner than other paraplegics because she’d never had muscle to begin with. She’d always been without the use of her legs.
Duncan came back to the car and sat, then heaved a big sigh. “I’ve made it through over half your list now.” He rubbed his hands together. “I may not make it through everything though.”
Even if he didn’t get to everything, horseback riding had become the biggest on her list and a memory she would never forget.
14
It was a last-minute decision, but as Duncan glanced over the packed church, he couldn’t make Isla go up on stage without preparing at all. That wasn’t fair to her and could ruin the good feelings she still had left from the horseback riding trip.
Someone tapped him from behind and he turned. Isla sat there in an amazing black silky shirt and pants that were flowy, making her legs look bigger than they actually were. He smiled down at her, unable to stop himself. She was beautiful and amazing to him from the roots of her soft, dark hair, all the way down to her toes.
“I dressed up. Just like you asked.” Her voice quivered just a little and she glanced down at her clothes.
“You look amazing, and I’m sorry.” He hated asking her to do something, then changing his mind.
“Sorry?” She tilted her head slightly, her shoulders straightening in preparation for a disappointment. Maybe it would be one, maybe not.
“I’d originally planned to ask you to sing up there. I couldn’t do as you requested, but a Christmas pageant, is in my sphere of influence. Except, I felt bad and decided at the last second it was a bad idea.”
She chuckled. “You wouldn’t have made many friends, that’s for sure.” Her eyes laughed and he knew he was forgiven.
“So, it’s okay that I didn’t put you up there, or find you anything else?” He pushed her over to a place in a row where he’d removed one seat earlier and left his coat on the chair next to it.
“A few of those things on my list were jokes.”
He couldn’t help his nervous laugh and prayed that one particular thing on her list wasn’t a joke. He’d been working hard to figure out how to do just that one since the request had come through. “Now you tell me.”
She returned his laugh as he sat next to her. Though he was used to her chair almost as much as she was, the arms of it separated them. He loved it when they occasionally sat together on her couch, but those times were rare with as much as she practiced. She didn’t take time to just sit and watch movies or talk. The wall between them was particularly annoying when he just wanted to hold her hand and enjoy the children performing.
He hadn’t warned Isla’s parents that she wouldn’t be performing either, and he did a quick scan of the congregation as people filed in and found seats. They sat in the back, watching people, but not really talking to those nearby. They didn’t usually attend the English service, even though they were both fluent in the language.
“I’ll be right back, promise.” He resisted the urge to kiss the top of her head as he stood. She was so pretty and this was the first time
she’d really dressed up for one of their dates. Even though he was dressed as nicely as he could be, it couldn’t compare to her. He made his way over to Mateo and Sofia, shaking hands and saying hello to people as he went.
Mateo nodded to him as he approached, and Sofia flashed him one of her huge smiles. His nerves kicked in. These two had been the closest thing to parents he’d ever had, but he felt more distant from them now, since they knew his intentions for Isla.
“I just wanted to tell you I changed my mind about having Isla sing. I was worried she would feel uncomfortable. Judging by her smile of relief, I’m guessing I was right.”
Sofia laughed. “I wasn’t sure how you would get her up there. My Isla doesn’t even like to go in front of the small Spanish congregation, much less this huge one. But, you’d better go sit with her now.” She shooed him away and he took the cue.
When he made it back to his seat, it was almost time to start. Isla glanced at him for a moment, then up at the stage. “I’m sure it will be wonderful.”
The teachers and the head youth pastor had worked on it harder than he had, but he’d been told to just keep working with the teens, so he had. “I’m sure it will too, but I think your voice would’ve only made it better.”
“Maybe, but everyone comes to this to watch the kids. They would’ve wondered why I was up there at all.”
He hadn’t thought of that. “I didn’t mean to make you any more of a spectacle than you already feel.”
“I’m just glad you changed your mind.” Isla’s smile had been coming out much more frequently lately, but he didn’t think he’d ever get used to it.
* * *
Isla watched the children perform the familiar play, with Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus. After so many years, it shouldn’t touch her any more, but this year, it did. As a young girl read from Luke 2, something hit her. There was a whole section about the shepherds, and right in middle was one phrase about Mary. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. Then the story went right back to the Shepherds. Mary hadn’t been a superstar before the Lord chose her. She was unheard of before her part in history. Yet she was, arguably, the most well-known woman who ever lived. No one knew if she was good at anything else, because she carried the Messiah.
Isla glanced to Duncan next to her, and though he seemed to enjoy himself, he didn’t realize that this, the item on her list he’d failed to follow through on, was the one that had made her think. Yes, racing was wonderful and she didn’t want to quit. But, Duncan was right, she would never touch lives in an important and loving way by racing. She reached over the arm of her chair and wove her fingers with his, giving him a brief smile. He didn’t need to know just how much he’d impacted her. He would find out soon enough.
After the service, Duncan pushed her chair down the hall toward the Hub where her coat hung along the wall. He helped her slide into it, then she waited while he put on his own.
“Your parents brought you tonight, or you drove?”
She’d forgotten. They had, and she would have to go all the way back to the sanctuary to find them. They’d separated from her shortly after they’d arrived to go get coffee. “Oh no! They’re probably looking for me.” She gripped the arms of her chair and locked her elbows to see higher than usual. Her parents were nowhere in the thick crowd.
“Don’t worry about it. I told them I would bring you home tonight. I want to take you to see something first.”
Her stomach hitched. Another item from the list, or just…a date? “Where are we going?” If it was from her list, he wouldn’t answer.
“I wanted to show you the ice skating rink. It was just finished and it looks pretty great.”
“Ice skating?” That wasn’t on her list, it wasn’t even something she thought she could do.
“I see the skepticism written all over your pretty face.” He touched her cheeks and she was filled with the wonder of feeling like she was the only thing on his mind in that moment.
“I trust you,” she said in a soft voice. And though she did, her heart still did a strange flip. Even being alone with him in the car was different than it had always been. She felt like she had to fill the space with chatter, whereas before they had been comfortable. All her senses seemed to take up every nerve in her body and she couldn’t get any one feeling under control.
He pushed her chair to the door and she turned slightly to face him. “Don’t you have to stay late and help close everything down like usual?” Her black pants were nice, but she would be chilly, and her red wool coat was pretty, but more suited to a sunny wintery day instead of an evening with softly falling snow.
“I was given the evening off,” he answered, not providing her any additional information.
Since she had no idea where he’d parked, she let him push her to his car. He’d parked at the farthest possible spot to save parking for members, and the ride wasn’t short. She stuffed her hands into her pockets.
“Are you sure this is a good idea for tonight? Bit chilly.” And she didn’t want to go to an ice rink and watch people having a great time. People who not only could be on their feet, but were the most graceful in the world.
“I thought you said you trusted me?” He stopped the chair next to his car and opened the passenger door for her. He didn’t even set the brake before he scooped her right out of the chair. He paused, just holding her and their eyes met. His face was only inches from hers. “Sorry.” Though he spoke to her, he didn’t meet her eyes, just slightly below her nose. “I didn’t want you to have to get into my car on your own and get your outfit all dirty.” Yet he didn’t move to put her into his car.
Isla wanted so much to just stay there, in his arms, for as long as possible. After a few breaths, he closed his eyes and bent to tuck her into the car. What held him back? She could feel his desire to kiss her, yet he wouldn’t. Was the problem her? Was he waiting for her to do something first?
Duncan put her chair in the back seat and came around to his door. As he slid into his seat, his ready smile faltered. “Sorry about that. Sometimes I just forget myself.”
Isla rubbed her arms. “You have nothing to apologize for. Yet. We’ll see what happens at the rink.”
Duncan didn’t seem to take her joking any better. He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath as if he was fighting the hardest internal struggle of his life.
“I don’t know if I can do this, Isla. There’s only a few items left on your list, and I have all the ones planned out that I’ll be able to do…but it’s so hard.”
Hard? Was she that ungrateful? “Duncan, I don’t want you to do this if you aren’t enjoying yourself. I’ve done enough. I get it. Life is more than the track. So let me qualify next week and then we’ll make a plan to do more, okay?”
He didn’t answer, just closed his eyes and furrowed his brow.
“Duncan?”
He opened those deep blue eyes and stared at her. Even in the dark car she knew their exact color. “I’m doing this not for me, but for you. That’s why I’ll do what’s hard, because you’re worth it.”
The words hit her heart and held her breath captive. Worth it? Was she? Had she done anything to deserve what he’d done for her? What he’d shown her? She was so deep in thought, she didn’t even realize the car had moved until he slowed to turn into the rink. He pulled into a tiny parking lot and parked near the exit. The rink only had a few people, couples, almost dancing to the music playing over a few loud speakers next to the rink. One couple seemed to float over the ice together, his hand on her hip, in perfect step.
“Wow. Would you look at them? They look like they’re talking to each other, without saying a word.”
“Maybe they are,” Duncan mumbled next to her, and she realized he knew the exact couple she’d meant.
He got out her chair and pushed her up to the wooden edge of the rink. She stared over the edge as the couples drifted past, round and round, like a music box. With the snow lightl
y falling, the lights, the music…it was like a perfect snow globe image. She hated to admit it, but yet again, Duncan had been right. She was sure she would hate it, be jealous of what others experienced that she couldn’t, but she didn’t. She could appreciate something, even if she couldn’t participate in it.
“Okay, you win. I thought I’d hate it, but it’s so pretty.” She gripped her hands against the wood and tugged herself even closer to the wall.
“Huh? I haven’t even done what I’d planned to do yet.” Standing next to her, he stuck his hands deep in his pockets, his stance wide, and didn’t quite make eye contact with her.
“What? I thought we were just here to watch the skaters?” She tried to remember her list, but she couldn’t think of a single thing with Duncan looking so cute and sheepish next to her. “What are you up to?”
A sweet, slow song from their senior year came over the speakers. “I was waiting for my cue.” He smiled and bowed. “May I have this dance?”
“Dance?” The word squeaked from her throat. He’d planned it right down to the song. Duncan didn’t seem to leave anything to chance with her and he wouldn’t let her down for a dance, either.
“I’d…love to.”
She’d always thought of Spanish as the language of love, since that’s what she heard her parents speak when they whispered to each other and laughed together, but Duncan’s sweet words were more romantic than any she’d ever heard before.
He bent and lifted her, just as he’d done at the church. She’d been sure he’d skip over dancing. Being that close to her would be difficult if he didn’t care. If he held her for a whole song, would a dance lead to something else on her list? Maybe her wait would finally be over. Isla wrapped her arms around his neck to help hold up her weight. The feel of his muscles flexing under her hands thrilled her senses, even through his coat. A song would be a long time to hold her.