by Trumbo, Kari
“I forgot.”
Mama smirked. “While I know Duncan has always had a way of distracting you, I highly doubt that even he could make you forget your chair for potentially the most important race of your life. I have another idea.”
Mama walked away and sat on the bed. She folded her hands in her lap, sending a shiver of dread up Isla’s spine. That look was calm, but a hurricane was building just out of sight. Mama only did that when she gathered steam.
“You know who Mia is, of course. She won a few weeks ago. You were so distracted, you didn’t even know I was there. Papa stopped going a long time ago. He can’t stand to watch what racing has done to change his girl.”
Ouch. She hadn’t even noticed her father’s absence. She’d been so consumed with getting better than second, nothing else had mattered.
“Mia has followed you since you started. You were a star to her. Even more so because you were accessible, friendly, and encouraging. Her mother showed me a picture on her phone of you and Mia a few years ago sharing the winner’s circle. Mia was in third. You were clasping hands above your heads, cheering. She glowed, radiant. You were happy. Not like now.”
“Mama, it’s not wrong to want to win when you compete.” Why couldn’t anyone understand that?
“No, it isn’t, but when it makes everything else around you fall apart, then it’s time to look at your attitude. Mia saw you as better than first, she saw you as a star. You didn’t even hear me when I said it the first time. She doesn’t now. She only sees you as competition. You changed that. Your attitude changed that. You went from better than first in her eyes, to nothing but being in the way.”
Isla whipped her chair around and faced her mother head-on. “Maybe the feeling is mutual.”
“That’s not my Isla,” Mama snapped, and it got real. Fast. “You made winning your everything. Duncan has been trying to catch your attention for so long, you didn’t even notice. Always kept him at a distance, yet we all knew you cared. Or at least you did at one point. I think you left that chair with him because it gives you an excuse. You’ve gotten second place, not because you didn’t try, but because others were better. That’s nothing against you. Second is not a fail.”
“It is to me.” Mama just never understood drive and passion.
“If that were true, the chair wouldn’t be almost forty miles away. It would be here, because you wouldn’t be able to stand the idea of anyone thinking you capitulated. That isn’t the case. You’d rather have them think you could’ve won, than that you actually didn’t. Because in your heart, you don’t really think you can at this point.”
“Mama.” Her heart ached where it pounded against her ribcage. “Don’t you believe in me?” All her life she’d had to prove she was just as capable, just as good, just as normal as everyone else. Didn’t her mother even believe it?
“Do you have another explanation?”
That was unexpected. Mama’s word had always been the end of the matter. Of course, she wasn’t ten anymore. “Yes.” How could she admit to mama that she’d put Duncan in danger just to force him to choose her over his job. It had seemed so harmless when the idea played through her head, but now that it had to come out of her mouth, it was more bitter than two-day-old coffee.
“Duncan told me he couldn’t be here today. I’ve never raced without him. I’m not even sure I can. I need him here. This is possibly the biggest race of my career. If I don’t finish first, if others don’t fall behind, I’m done. Forever. There will be no more qualifying. I’ll only race next year to keep in shape for the Paralympics if I qualify.”
“I’m proud of you for making such a decision, but I’m not proud of the situation you’ve put Duncan in. Does he know?”
Isla closed her eyes. He would barely be out of bed unless he’d had trouble sleeping with the stress of his meeting today and the weather. “No. I planned to call him in a few minutes.”
“I think you should do the adult thing and tell him to stay home. You put yourself in this situation and he shouldn’t risk his neck to get you out of it. You didn’t drive those roads last night, I did. I’m going to go down and get us some breakfast. Call him, and then we can check out and make it slowly over to the arena on side streets.”
While Mama’s heart was in the right place, there was no way she could tell Duncan not to come. He had to come. She had to race. It could be her very last, or it could be the best of her life, propelling her into a new realm of competition. She waited until the door clicked behind her mother and pulled her phone from under her leg where she usually kept it.
Sorry, Duncan. You’ll be just fine, once you get here. She tapped her recent calls and his number was right on top. She pressed it and he answered in two rings.
“Hello beautiful. Missed you at church yesterday.” The smile in his voice carried over the miles and right to her heart.
“I was resting up before the race today. Speaking of which, you know when we did the car to van switcheroo on Saturday…”
“Oh, no. No. Why didn’t you come to church yesterday and get it?”
Isla flinched. She’d have to work out her plans better in the future, or just never plan to skirt the truth again. She wasn’t good at it. “I forgot.”
He was silent on the other end and she heard him scrape his hand down his face. “I don’t know what to do. My meeting is in a few hours and by then, the roads will be closed. I can’t bring it and risk getting stranded or worse.”
She didn’t want to think about worse. The roads couldn’t be quite that bad. She turned to see, and the snow seemed to have slowed down a little. “My race is at 4:15. I’d like to have the chair before that to warm up a bit, but I can warm up the best I can without it.”
“You may not be able to race, Isla. I’m surprised they didn’t cancel it. I can’t get out of this meeting. Your race might be the biggest thing you’ve ever done, but this meeting determines whether or not I can trust myself to do my job. It’s my Olympic trial. This kid, he’s just like I used to be, only he has parents who could step in and save him from making the choices I had to, because I didn’t have parents to direct me. After Christmas will be too late. He’ll run before then. I’m sorry. I can’t abandon him. This is life or death.”
“How can you say that? You survived!” Her memories spiraled back to her senior year when Duncan had disappeared. Yes, it had been terrifying, but he’d come back. He’d survived. It had changed his life for the better. He would choose others over her, just like everyone else always did. Leave her behind when she was inconvenient, just like all the teachers and friends of her past. Hadn’t he tried to prove to her the last two weeks that she was precious? Why didn’t his actions speak as loud now?
“I survived because God brought me to your parents at just the perfect moment and I found Him. I survived because Ms. Nina got to me when I thought I would die. I owe her my life. I have to be that moment for this kid. I’m sorry Isla. You know I care about you deeper than the sea, but God is telling me I have to do this. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
He hung up and Isla stared at her phone, unsure of what to do next. Yes, she knew he cared. He felt so far away just then. He was wonderful, but only a man, not God.
“That didn’t sound like, ‘stay home’ to me,” Mama’s voice came from the doorway.
Isla glanced up and found her standing just inside the door with two plates of bagels and fruit balanced in one hand.
“I had to try. But it doesn’t matter. He won’t make it. You’re right, it’s my fault, but it made me realize something. I’ve been believing in myself, then for a brief time believing in Duncan, but neither of us is perfect. We’ll both fail.”
“Si. You will. It’s okay to trust in man, but it’s not okay to expect perfection of anyone. Not even yourself, or you will be disappointed.”
Isla snorted. “Yes, again and again and again. Always coming in second. Maybe that was my problem the whole time. I expected perfection from myself and
this was the only way that God could teach me I will never achieve it. Kind of sad that a woman who’s never walked would have to be taught that she isn’t perfect.” The deep hurt didn’t sting quite as much this time as it usually did.
“I think it says great things about you, that you don’t think of the way God made you as wrong, but right. All of us have things we need to work on, Mija.”
“I’m so sorry.” The tears came before she could even stop them. First place had been her goal for so long, she’d missed the fact that she was already first place in Duncan’s and Mia’s eyes and that the Lord saw her failures and thought of her as better than first anyway.
Mama set the plates down on the table and sat on the bed near Isla’s chair. She took Isla’s hands in her own. “It’s not too late to do the right thing.”
Isla glanced down at her phone. “I hope not.”
18
If his phone didn’t quit buzzing, he’d throw it out the window. Not really, but it was so difficult to drive on the glare ice that he wanted to. He had to be to the church early to make sure that he was there when Jordan’s family showed up. If they showed up at all in this weather. He’d leave that part up to God.
Though he’d prayed that Isla was wrong about her racing chair, he’d known instantly that she wasn’t. He’d forgotten about everything but her that night. What they’d done earlier that day had completely slipped his mind as he’d thought about kissing her one more time before leaving. Now that he thought about it, she had acted a little strange, almost pushing him to leave without making sure she got inside. Once inside, with her pictures and trophies, he may have remembered. Had she set him up? He didn’t even want to consider it. It would be so unlike her.
His car slid to a stop on a hill, just before the intersection. Only another few blocks and he could relax. The roads were no joke. He would much rather have stayed home. Hopefully, Isla’s mother would keep their room and just stay one more night instead of trying to drive back. It would be better once the plows were out with salt, but that could be a full day with the sheer number of roads and highways that needed attention.
The parking lot was empty and Duncan fished in his pocket for the set of keys he had for the church. He’d told Jordan’s parents to meet him at his office in the HUB, so they would know which door would be open. He turned on a couple of lights and went over to the thermostat to turn it up a few degrees. Usually the secretary would be there, but with the weather how it was, he didn’t blame the support staff for staying home. He should’ve stayed home.
When they didn’t show up after an hour, he worried and picked up his phone. He’d gotten a call from Isla, then about four texts, and another call. He couldn’t stay focused on his task and talk to her about why he couldn’t hurry. The roads were bad enough that he didn’t even want to think about driving all the way out to Apple Valley. For her, he would, but it wouldn’t be easy.
He dialed the number he’d called so often it was now memorized, but Jordan’s parents didn’t answer. He sent them a text and waited around a little longer. After ten minutes, he got the text he’d been dreading.
Duncan, Jordan left in the night. We’ve been out looking for him all day. The storm isn’t helping. Please pray. If you have any idea of friends he might have turned to, or places he may have gone, please let us know. Jan
The text hit him in the gut and he sat at his desk for a minute to process it.
“Lord, I don’t understand. I listened. I did what you asked of me, I tried to meet with them. Why didn’t we make it in time? What am I supposed to do now?” He scrubbed his hands down his face. Failure laid heavy on his shoulders.
“Now I’ve let everyone down today. I don’t have any way to help them and Isla doesn’t have her chair.” He wasn’t prone to physical anger, but he pounded his fist on the desk. Why had God directed him to meet with these people? If they had planned to keep pushing him off until it was too late, why would the Lord orchestrate it on the one day he didn’t want to miss with Isla?
He grabbed his phone and furiously tapped a text back, letting them know he would think about where Jordan might be and that he’d prayed. After shoving his phone into his pocket, he quickly shut off all the lights, turned the heat back down and, locked the door. His car was covered in snow again and it took a few minutes to clean it off. The roads were difficult to see now that many people were either at work where they didn’t want to be, or home where they didn’t have to leave. This whole situation seemed opposite to the God he knew. Things had always seemed to click together for him. Hadn’t he always been found exactly when he needed to be? Didn’t Jordan matter to the Lord?
Instantly, a verse from Matthew came to mind, the one about the Lord taking care of the sparrow. Duncan couldn’t be God. He could pray for the outcome he hoped for, but ultimately, the choice was Jordan’s whether to come home or not.
He glanced at Isla’s last text:
Are you all right?
He would be. Maybe God would help Jordan’s parents find him without Duncan’s help, and it was just the opening he needed to bring Isla’s chair. All he had to do was get there in one piece.
It took longer than he wanted to get to 35W, and he’d have to go slow once on it. Though there was semi traffic, the trucks were heavier than he was and could go faster, so he’d want to stay out of their way if possible. He merged easily onto the highway, thankful the road was almost barren. It was surreal to see the usually bustling freeway so empty. As soon as he was sure he was in the right lane, he concentrated on the road and staying out of everyone’s way. Just east of Edina, he got off 35W then onto 77 which would take him right into Apple Valley.
A semi came up from behind, and instead of making the huge truck move, Duncan put his blinker on in plenty of time to let the big rig know he would get out of the way. As soon as his tires hit the slush between the left and right lanes, his car swerved. He turned the wheel to correct and heard the semi hit his brake behind him, the chugging screech even more terrifying than the snow. The car overcorrected, and the rear end of his car swung back into the semi’s lane. He heard the crunch and scrape as he held tight to the wheel. His car spun in circles, and just before he slammed into a construction median left over from the construction season a few months before, he closed his eyes.
Dear Lord, help…
* * *
“I’ve called and texted so many times. It’s not like him to ignore me.” Isla stared at her phone and the little bubble icon for text, which was still blank. As if she could’ve missed the buzz or ding—she hadn’t let the phone leave her hands for two hours. They would have to go to the arena soon and tell everyone who needed to know that she wouldn’t be racing. Probably not ever again.
As much as that weighed heavy on her heart, it wasn’t as worrisome as Duncan. He did care for her and she’d pushed him into doing something he shouldn’t have had to do. All to appease her. And even if he had made it, if she’d gone right on believing as she had before, it still wouldn’t have been enough. He would’ve eventually failed her, no one was faultless. The Lord’s timing was perfect, keeping him at his meeting and even using her falsehood for good. She’d seen the light. Though she still wanted to compete, she wouldn’t at the expense of Duncan.
Her phone buzzed—Duncan’s number. She pressed the button and didn’t even wait for him to speak. “There you are! I’ve been so worried about you. Please don’t come. The roads are just too bad. Go home and stay there. I’ll see you at Christmas.”
“Ma’am? I’m sorry. This is Evelyn, I’m a nurse at Fairview Ridges in Burnsville. Duncan was in a car accident and your number was listed as family in his phone. Are you his family?”
She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. What could be done? Was he all right? First things first, she had to answer the question. She was the closest he’d ever had to family. “Yes.”
“He is currently in the ER and you can’t see him, but we will be admitting him. Can you please let any
other necessary family know?”
Other necessary family? There was only herself and her parents. Though, she supposed Pastor Paul would want to know. “Of course. We’ll be there as soon as we can.”
“Don’t rush. The roads are the reason he is where he is. You don’t need to be in the next bed. We’ll call you when he’s out of the ER and admitted to a room. If it appears like he will not make it, does he have a health directive?”
Not make it? A sob welled from deep within her. How could he not make it?
“Miss?”
Isla shook her head and dug through her memories. Duncan had never mentioned anything to her, but she couldn’t lose him. Not yet. He loved life and he was needed to help more wayward kids. “No, so do everything you can.”
“I can assure you, we are. Thank you.” The nurse cut the line.
Mama came over and draped an arm over her. “What’s the matter?”
“It’s Duncan.” The sob that had been building for a minute burst forth and her shoulders quaked. “He’s been in an accident. And it’s all my fault.”
19
The call didn’t come for hours, and by then the race was long over. Isla hadn’t gone to the arena, and couldn’t even pull her thoughts together enough to care. Mama hustled her to the van, but her limbs felt frozen and her brain couldn’t form words or thoughts, other than the need to see Duncan, touch him, make sure he was still all right.
The main roads had been cleared and Mama turned down a road that didn’t look like it led to anywhere, but there, behind some snow-filled trees, was a hospital. They pulled around to the visitor parking and made their way to the front desk. After finding out where he was, they made their way to Duncan’s room.