by Ann Bannon
Vega came out of the kitchen, apparently standing it very well, with some glasses on a tray and a bottle of Seven-Up. She poured it for her mother and handed Beth a glass with two inches of whiskey and an ice cube in the bottom. Gramp got the same and settled back into the cats with a conspiratorial sigh.
'Tell us what you did today, Mother,” Vega said, while Beth made signs to her that she wanted some water in her drink. Vega took the glass back to the kitchen while Mrs. Purvis answered.
"Listened to a book,” she said. “A good one?"
"Good book, but a lousy reader. They cut out all the good stuff anyway. I guess they figure we poor blind bastards will die of frustration if we hear the good parts.” She chuckled. “With me it's all a matter of nostalgia, anyway,” she added. “How old are you, Beth, my dear?"
"Thirty,” Beth said, taking her glass again from Vega. “On the nose? Any kids?” “Two,” Vega said. “Boy and girl."
"Ideal,” said Mrs. Purvis. “Just like the Purvis clan. You know,” she said, leaning toward Beth, “what a harmonious family we are.” There was a mischievous leer in her smile. “I'm sure you are,” Beth said politely. Mrs. Purvis roared amiably. “Everything we ever did was immoral, illegal, and habit forming,” she said. “Until Cleve turned straight and earned an honest living,” she added darkly.
"God, Mother, you make us sound like a pack of criminals,” Vega protested.
"We're all characters. But not a queer one in the bunch.” Mrs. Purvis took a three ounce swallow of Seven-Up. “Too bad you never knew my husband,” she said to Beth. “A charmer."
"Daddy was a doctor,” Vega said, and Beth noticed, uncomfortably, that she was working on a second drink of straight whiskey.
"Yes,” said Mrs. Purvis energetically. “Specialized in tonsils. Once a week he went down to his office—Monday mornings, usually—and sliced out eighteen or twenty pairs.
That was all. Never did another thing and never lost a patient. Made a pile too, all on tonsils. Kept us quite comfortably for years. It's a shame he wasn't around to carve Vega up when the time came."
"My tonsils are the only things they didn't cut out, Mother,” Vega reminded her.
"Well, it was a good life,” Mrs. Purvis said. “Lots of leisure time, lots of money for booze and the rest of life's necessities. Of course, I drink tamer stuff these days. How's your Seven-Up, girls?"
"Oh, it's delicious,” Beth said quickly, but something in the old lady's face told her that Vega's silent boozing didn't escape her mother. Whiskey didn't sound any different from Seven-Up, but it smelled different.
"I hope you split them up fairly, Vega,” Mrs. Purvis said. “There were only two.” She smiled inwardly at herself, slyly.
"There were three, Mother. One in the back of the shelf. You missed it,” Vega lied promptly, with perfect ease.
"Oh.” Her disappointment seemed to remind Mrs. Purvis that it was time for another of her incessant trips to the bathroom, and she heaved unsteadily to her feet.
"Can I help you?” Beth exclaimed, half rising, but Mrs. Purvis waved her down.
"Hell no, dear,” she said. This is one thing I can still do by myself, thank God. When I can't make it to the John any more I'm going to lie down with the damn cats in the back yard and die."
"If they'll have you,” Cramp murmured.
"Besides, she needs the exercise,” Vega said. “It's the only walking she does, really."
"I get more exercise than you, my dear daughter,” said her mother from the door. “You just sit around on your can all day and tell other people how to walk. You should try it some time. Every twenty minutes. Never gives the circulation time to get sluggish. There are many advantages to being old and diseased, as you will soon discover,” she said, chortling with expectation at Vega. “Not the least of them are virtue and exercise."
"All right, Hester, get the hell in the bathroom before you lose it,” Gramp snapped impatiently, and Beth saw Vega's temper rising too. Beth didn't know whether she was amused or repelled by the whole scene: the ugly crumbling old woman, the way Vega lived, the wise-cracking with the hint of violence under the humor. She didn't understand why she said yes when Vega fixed her another drink, then another. And Vega drank two for her every one.
Beth began to forget, or rather to get accustomed to, the hothouse atmosphere. She unbuttoned her blouse at the top and pushed the dark hair off her perspiring forehead, and talked and laughed with Vega and Mrs. Purvis. They were both a little daffy, she decided, but in a macabre sort of way they were fun. And Vega was so beautiful ... so beautiful. Beth saw her now with slightly fuzzy outlines. Vega became animated in a careful sort of way, even laughing aloud, which was an effort for her. Every little while she would disappear with their empty glasses and come back with a couple of inches of liquor in them. Mrs. Purvis had long since finished her Seven-Up.
"No, thanks,” Beth said finally, laughing in spite of herself when Vega offered her another. “I can't, really, I'm driving."
Vega raised an alarmed finger to her lips, and Mrs. Purvis said, “That crap will kill you, dear. It's the bubbles—they're poison, I swear. Whiskey is much better for you, believe me.” And Beth thought her sagging old face looked crafty and pleased with itself—or was it just the effort of trying to figure the two young women out?
Beth rose to go, throwing her coat over her shoulders.
"Oh, wait!” Vega pleaded. “Wait a little while. I'll make some dinner for us.” She put a hand on Beth's arm and this time it didn't bother Beth at all. Or rather, the bothersome sensation was welcome; it was all pleasure. They smiled at each other and Beth felt herself on the verge of giving in. She felt at the same time a warmth in Vega that she hadn't suspected.
"Stay and have some dinner with us, Beth,” Mrs. Purvis said genially. “Vega's a lousy cook unless she has company to fix for. The damn pussies eat better than we do."
"They're healthier, too,” Gramp interposed.
Beth looked at her watch. It was past six o'clock, which struck her funny. “I can't, thanks,” she said. “My kids, my husband—"
"Can't he cook?” exclaimed Mrs. Purvis. “Hell, I used to make the doctor sling his own hash three or four times a week. And we were sublimely happy."
But what happened? Beth wondered. Your family split up and—went all to hell. Everyone but Cleve, and even Cleve drinks too much. Charlie gripes about it.
"Charlie can boil water,” she said, “but that's all. It's past dinnertime now.” She adjusted her coat and headed for the door.
Vega scooped up a couple of mewing cats from the couch and followed her, balancing her drink precariously at the same time.
"Tell her to stay for dinner, Cramp,” Mrs. Purvis said.
"Canned cat food. The finest,” he offered with a grin.
But Beth suddenly felt the need to escape, and Vega, seeing it, took her hand and led her outdoors. “That's enough, you two,” she called back to her family. “Don't scare her off!"
Beth turned and looked at Vega one last time before she left She felt giddy and silly and she was aware that there was a smile on her face, a smile that wouldn't go away. “Thanks, Vega,” she said.
"You know, you don't need modeling lessons, Beth,” Vega said slowly, as if it were something they had a tacit understanding about. “I like the way you walk. It's not quite right for modeling—too free swinging—but I wouldn't change it for anything, even if I could. It would ruin you—the lovely effect you make."
Beth stammered at her, unable to answer coherently, only aware that she was deeply flattered.
"Tell Charlie you had a first-rate lesson,” Vega went on. ‘Tell him you walked three miles back and forth in a straight line and you learned how to treat your hair with olive oil. Tell him anything, only come back on Friday."
Beth, smiling and mystified and pleased, said softly, “I will."
Chapter Six
SHE DROVE HOME like a punch-drunk novice, laughing at the panic she caused and feeli
ng light, giddy, peculiarly happy in a way that almost seemed familiar. She was unable even to feel guilty when she got home and found that Charlie had had to feed the kids and was waiting with stubborn hungry impatience for her to feed him.
She did her chores with a smile. Everything seemed easy. Even the children. The bedtime routine charmed her, the way it would have if she had to go through it only once or twice a year. She put her arms around her children and cuddled them, to their surprise. And Charlie, who was ready to bite her head off when she came in, traded his wrath for astonished love two hours later.
It did something to Beth to be in the company of a desirable woman, a woman whose interest was obviously reciprocal, and the first thing it did was make her happy. Her kids reflected the lighter mood gratefully and innocently, but Charlie ... Charlie wondered where it came from and, knowing his wife, he worried.
Beth was surprised two days later when Cleve Purvis called her. She had been in a state of wonderful tickling anticipation all day, picking out a dress, pondering what to say when she got to the studio. And now, at two o'clock in the afternoon, Cleve called.
"I know this is goofy,” he admitted, “but could I talk to you?"
"Sure,” she said. “Go ahead."
"Not on the phone."
"Why not?” she said, surprised.
"Don't ask me, I feel like enough of an ass already. I'll pick you up in half an hour."
"But Cleve—"
"Thanks,” he said and hung up. So she got her clothes on and decided that whatever it was she'd make him drop her off at Vega's afterward.
Cleve took her to a small key club bar and sat her down at a table in the rear. They faced each other over the table. Strangers? Friends? Acquaintances? What were they exactly to each other? Cleve had left college before Beth met Charlie and they had only known each other fairly well since she had come to California. They had seen each other often, they had exchanged a few jokes, and now and then when Cleve was tight they danced together. But never alone. Never had they had a private talk. Charlie or Jean or the kids or somebody was always with them.
It made Beth feel odd, unsure, to be with him now in a private bar. Nobody knew about the meeting, apparently, and no one was there to see them but a few late lunchers and early imbibers. It gave the meeting something of the character of a secret tryst.
Cleve ordered a couple of Martinis. “I know this must seem funny to you,” he said, and covered his awkwardness with a gulp of gin.
"Does Charlie know you asked me here?” she said.
"Not unless you told him."
"No,” she said, and somehow the fact that both of them could have told him and neither of them had made her feel part of an illegal conspiracy.
"Well, don't, Beth,” he said. “Just keep it to yourself. I may not have any right to stick my nose in your affairs, but when your affairs get scrambled up with Vega's, somebody's got to tell you a few things."
Beth felt the hair on her scalp begin to tingle. “What things?” she said. Cleve finished his drink and ordered another. He drank like Vega—briskly and for a purpose. Beth looked hard at him, studying the face she thought she knew so well. It seemed different now, pensive under the thick dark blond hair. His mustache drooped and the deep cleft in his chin gave a droll twist to his frown. Cleve was not a handsome man, although Vega was a beautiful woman and they looked a good deal alike. It happens that way sometimes in a family. Two of the kids will resemble each other, yet the features that go so harmoniously in one face are awkward and out of proportion in the other. And still, Cleve's face was pleasant enough—not out-and-out ugly. Beth liked it. She liked the tired green eyes and the small wry grin he usually wore, and now and then, when she thought about it, she wondered why in hell such a man would marry a giggling good-natured idiot like Jean. Maybe her endless smile comforted him. Maybe it bucked him up through the dismal periods Charlie said he had, when he was more interested in booze than selling plastic toys.
Up until the present it had not interfered with his business. Charlie was willing to let him drink what he wanted, as long as he could do his job. So far, it appeared, he could. Beth, looking at him, wondered what strange, strong hold liquor held over the Purvises. Vega and Cleve both worshipped the stuff, and Mrs. Purvis was blind and crippled and leaking because of it.
Cleve had trouble telling Beth why he had brought her there this afternoon. It was easier after a couple of drinks, and by that time they were both looking at each other through new eyes.
"By god,” Cleve mused. “I never realized you had violet eyes before. I always thought they were plain blue."
"Is that why you dragged me down here? To tell me that?” she asked.
He grinned sheepishly. “That's probably as good a reason as any. Better than the real one."
"You were going to tell me something about your wicked sister,” Beth said. “And you better had before I get drunk. I have a date with her this afternoon at four."
"A date?” The phrase seemed to rock him a little. “Well, what the hell, drink all you want, you won't be any up on her. She's never sober."
"She's never drunk, either,” Beth said. “Yeah, how about that? I wish I were that kind of a drinker,” he said enviously. “Never sober but never drunk.” “It doesn't seem to make her very happy,” Beth observed. “Maybe it would be better not to be a drinker at all."
"No doubt about it,” Cleve said, grinning, and ordered another.
"Cleve, I can't sit around all day,” she said, giving him a smile. ‘Tell me about Vega, or I'll leave you here with only the booze for company."
"Okay, okay,” he said. “Beth, I—I—Vega's queer.” He threw it at her, curt and clumsy, as if it were hot and burned his mouth.
Beth stared at him, her face frozen with surprise, with a sudden fear and wariness. That's a lousy word, Cleve. Queer."
"It's a lousy condition. I only tell you because she won't."
"Well, give her the credit of a little kindness, anyway,” Beth snapped. “She's your sister."
"Nobody needs to remind me,” he said. “Beth, this isn't a nice way to put it and I wish to hell I could laugh it off or forget it or put it some genteel way. But when Charlie told me she asked you to come in and model I thought somebody had better let you know."
"And that somebody was you? Is this what you tell all her girls? Must be great for business.” She put all her scorn into it.
"No."
"Well, then why tell me? Why not let me find out for myself? If the other girls can be trusted with her, why can't I?” Her temper ignited quickly.
"You're special,” he said. “You're different from the other girls—better, I mean. And she likes you more. That's obvious."
"Well, if Vega's so damn dangerous she probably would have made it clear to me herself.” She was angry; her innocent idyll with Vega was jeopardized by his harsh words. How could she fool around now, just play a little, if Vega's own brother watched every move with morbid suspicion?
"That's the hell of it, Beth,” he said, leaning toward her over the table. “Vega doesn't realize it. She doesn't know she's gay."
Beth's mouth dropped open slightly. “Good god, how can you be gay and not know it?” she exclaimed.
And it was Cleve's turn to stare. “I wouldn't know,” he said finally, slowly, still staring. “I don't know anything about it, frankly. I've never felt that way."
Beth felt her whole neck flush and her cheeks turn scarlet. She was suddenly embarrassed and irritated. “Is that all you came here to tell me, Cleve? Vega's gay? Nobody in the whole world has figured this mystery out but you, of course, and you don't know anything about it.’ Not even Vega knows about it. Just you. Not your mother, not Gramp, not the people who live with her, not the models who study with her. Just good old Doctor Cleve, expert analyst. He doesn't know anything about the subject, by his own admission, but he's willing to damn his sister and smear her reputation on the strength of his own intuition. “Oh, Cleve, come off i
t,” she said, disgusted and disappointed.
He wouldn't argue with her., “I know she's gay,” he said simply. “Shouting at me won't change that."
"Nuts!” said Beth—but she believed him. “Can you prove it?"
He smiled, a melancholy smile. “I'm glad you're defending her,” he said. “I'm glad you're mad about it. I wouldn't have liked to see you take it for granted.... No, I can't prove it. I can only tell you things.... I say this, not because your eyes are violet, not because you have such a lovely mouth, not even because we're both a little high. I say it in honor of your innocence. I say it to spare you shock. I say it because I hope you and Vega can be friends, and nothing more. She needs a friend. She really does. All she has is Mother, and Mother has run her life since it began. Vega adores her as much as she hates her, and that's a lot She can't get away from her, even though she wants to. In her heart, in her secret thoughts—I don't know—maybe she has some idea she's gay. But Mother hates the queers, she's always poured contempt on them. How can Vega admit, even to herself, that she's the kind of creature Mother despises?"
"Your mother doesn't despise alcoholics, or quacks, or physical wrecks."
"Yes, but you see, none of those are queer” he said earnestly.
"Oh, Cleve, that word! That ugly, mean, pitiless word!"
"I'm sorry,” he said, studying her.
Beth finished her drink with a quiver of excitement and desire and disgust—all the feelings that Vega roused in her.
"Vega's going broke,” Cleve said. “That's why the studio's so bare. Looks like a barn. She's had to hock a lot of stuff and return a lot. She used to support Mother and she told me they didn't want my goddamn charity. Now they're getting it—they can't live without it—but they let me know every time I hand them a check that they run right in and wash their hands as soon as it's deposited at the bank."
"Why?” Beth said, shocked.
"Mother thinks I'm a bastard because I didn't study medicine like my father. Gramp thinks whatever Mother thinks. And so does Vega."