Luke nodded. “Thanks for everything, guys. I’ll never forget any if it, I swear.”
Dallas waved his massive hand. “It was no problem and you know it. Now, go find out about your girl.”
Luke walked over to Griff now, thinking about Dallas’ words: was Selena his girl? Based on their last conversation, he’d say no fucking way, but maybe Griff came bearing good news?
Griff watched Luke approach, took in the other man’s exhaustion. Yeah, he’d been through it – and nothing that Griff had to say was going to make Luke’s mental state any better. He took a breath, braced himself for what was sure to be an awkward conversation.
Luke stopped right in front of Griff. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Despite the crappy circumstances, Griff grinned at his friend, relieved that he was free and his name was cleared. “How you doing?”
“OK.” Luke shrugged. “Being falsely accused of a crime sucks, man.”
“I just bet.”
They regarded each other now, saw both questions and answers there. Luke’s stomach clenched up tight at what Griff was saying without uttering a word.
“She’s not here, is she?” Luke asked softly.
Griff shook his head. “No.”
“And she’s not coming?”
Griff paused. “No.”
“Where is she?”
“She’s gone.”
Luke stared, horror-struck. “Gone? Gone where?”
“I don’t know. She told me that she needed some time.”
“How much time?” Luke held his breath, praying for something that he wasn’t sure he had any right to want. God knows he didn’t deserve it… but that wasn’t going to stop him from hoping for it anyway.
“She said at least a month.” Griff held out his hands, palms up. It was a gesture of both supplication and hopelessness. “Probably closer to two.”
“Where’d she go?” Luke asked again.
“I don’t know.”
“Would you tell me if you did?”
“If Selena said not to tell you, I wouldn’t, no matter how fucking hard you begged.” Griff’s green eyes were unusually cold as he looked at Luke. “You messed up, man. Bad.”
“I know.”
“But she didn’t tell me, so it’s a moot point.”
“Got it.” Luke struggled with himself for a few seconds. “Did she leave me anything? A note? A message?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Luke’s heart plummeted to his stomach. “Right.”
Griff stared at his friend, decided to just go ahead and ask the question that he’d been stomping down on through this whole mess. “What the fuck were you thinking, Luke?”
“I – I don’t really know now.” Luke rubbed his eyes. “At the time, it made sense to not say anything to anyone, and most especially not Selena. I mean, me and Natalie were so fucking over… she’d kicked me in the balls by cheating, then by leaving when I needed her the most, and there was exactly zero chance of ever getting back together with her. Her calls were annoyances and I just ignored her, but when she showed up at Curves, I set her straight. Or so I thought. The night she – she died, she begged me to forgive her and give her another chance. She practically got on her goddamn knees in that diner, just lost her ever-loving mind. But no fucking dice, man.”
“I get all that, OK? I do. But why not tell Selena? You really think she’s the jealous, insecure type? If you think that, man, then you never knew your own girlfriend.”
“No. No, I don’t think that, but –”
“But what?” Griff prompted.
“But she was still working through some things… some things about her body. Things that I was worried about getting derailed if Natalie came up on her radar.”
“OK. Go on.”
“Well, you remember Natalie, yeah? A Barbie doll come-to-life and fuck knows, she played that up.”
“Yeah. So?”
“So. Look at it from Selena’s perspective. We were together and I told her that I loved her body… but she was struggling a bit sometimes. She just didn’t see herself the way that I did, and I’d catch her looking at other women when we were out. She’d just stare at their chests and get this look on her face – this weird and heartbreaking combination of envy and sadness. She’d get quiet and I’d try to reassure her that she was gorgeous and sexy, but she’d take some convincing. I mean, she was seriously thinking about working through it all with a therapist, but she wasn’t ready to commit to therapy. Not yet.”
“Aw, shit,” Griff muttered. “I had no idea.”
“So how would she react to Natalie throwing herself at me, in her crotch-high skirts and nipple-grazing shirts? Selena would have compared herself to Nat, and she’d have found herself lacking in every way. She’d have been fucking wrong, of course, ‘cause Nat didn’t have one one-thousandth of Selena’s appeal for me… but she’d have been hurt, hurt by a woman that I didn’t care if I never saw again. If I’d told her that Nat had shown up at Curves half-naked and flirted with me and got all up in my personal space, Selena would have tried to be cool with it, but she’d have been deeply wounded and worried. I believed it then, and I still believe it.”
“Yeah.” Griff sighed heavily. “Yeah, I see. You were trying to stop her from going to a bad place in her head over nothing at all.”
“I was. I really was.” Luke stared at the ground. “But now I look like an untrustworthy asshole, keeping all my contact with my ex-fiancée from the woman that I care about. I straight-up lied to her, and I withheld crucial information, and I made decisions for her without discussing a single goddamn thing. She said that she didn’t believe for one second that I was killer – but she did believe that I was a lying bastard and that was bad enough. That was why she walked away from me, man… because she said she couldn’t trust me.”
“She told you that?”
“Yeah.” Luke gave him a bleak, little smile. “Word for word, pretty much.”
“Shit.”
“So.” Luke shook himself a bit. “I’ve been cleared of Natalie’s murder and they’re hauling in this hitman and Brad right now, but I’ve lost Selena. I know I should be happy to be free and clear and for justice to be served eventually – but I’m fucking miserable.”
“Well.” Griff pushed himself off the SUV. “Give it some time, yeah? Maybe she’ll get away and think things through.”
“Could you forgive a woman who did this to you?” Luke asked him, point-blank. “A woman who was seeing her ex-fiancé without your knowledge? A woman who neglected to mention that that ex-fiancé was spending all his time throwing himself at her, trying to get her back? A woman who cancelled plans with you at the last fucking minute, said that she was with a friend in crisis, but was really meeting her ex… her ex who then fucking turned up dead in an alley? Could you forgive being humiliated by the cops, and accused of killing off your competition, and finding out the truth about your girlfriend’s whereabouts from strangers? Could you forgive any of that?”
Griff paused, really, truly seeing it from Selena’s side for the first time. Suddenly, he wasn’t sure at all that things were going to be OK between two of the people that he cared about most in the world. He froze up, realizing that he didn’t have a clue what to tell Luke.
But Luke knew exactly what he was thinking: he saw the look on Griff’s face and he smiled grimly.
“Yeah,” Luke said. “I couldn’t either.”
Chapter Nineteen
Her e-mail came six weeks later. It contained no information about where she was, no warm fuzzies, not even his name. Just a date, a time, a flight number.
Luke was at the airport two hours early, jittery from nerves and caffeine and lack of sleep. He paced the floor incessantly and watched the arrivals board like a fucking hawk. When he saw that the flight from L.A. had landed safely, he al
most high-fived the first person who wandered past.
It took another ninety minutes for her to emerge through the sliding doors in to the arrivals hall, dragging a large suitcase behind her. Luke stood back, just for a few seconds, and took her in fully. Seeing Selena was like drinking a long, cool glass of water after trekking through the desert for a week. She refreshed him, she soothed him. She restored his soul.
She looked around now, an expectant, hopeful look on her gorgeous face. That look was fading, though, and he realized that she thought that he hadn’t shown.
He almost ran at her, eager to relieve her fears. He was never going to let this woman down again, not ever. Assuming she gave him the chance to be with her – that part was still way up for debate, he’d bet. He’d do anything she asked of him, including ripping out his own damn heart and offering it up to her on a platter.
Selena saw a large man charging through the crowd at her and she glanced up. Her first look at Luke in almost two months knocked the wind out of her body, completely and totally.
He looked hard and worn down… and damned if it didn’t look hot on him. The dark stubble on his cheeks and chin gave him a dangerous, rugged edge and brought those blue eyes out like crazy. It looked like he’d lost some weight, and he looked tired. He looked like every single thing she’d ever wanted or dreamt about. He looked like the only thing outside of her family and work colleagues that she’d ever really love.
He skidded to a halt in front of her, longing to take her in his arms, but sure that she’d never allow it. So instead he peered down at her, shifting a bit and opening and closing his hand, wondering what the fuck to say. He’d only thought about this moment a thousand times a day ever since he’d received her e-mail the week before… and now that the moment was here, he was at a loss.
Selena stared right back at him, feeling incredibly nervous. This was a man that she’d made love with, a man who’d seen her naked and vulnerable… and right now, he felt like a total stranger. She wondered at that, wondered what had changed so much about him, and then it hit her: Luke looked wary, unsure, even a bit shy. He looked like he had no idea what to do right now, like he thought she’d turn and run, and it tugged on her heart to see him this way.
This was Luke as she’d never known him… and she’d made him look this way by leaving him. She’d hurt him badly, she saw that now, and she was surprised that she could do that. She didn’t think she had the power to do that to him.
But it wasn’t all her, she knew. She’d talked to Griff a few times and asked about Luke, and he’d told her that Luke was struggling with a boatload of guilt. He’d told Griff that he’d do anything to be able to go back to that night in the diner and take Natalie home with him. He’d have done his damnedest to keep her safe, to keep her alive. He’d have believed her, this time, and the fact that he sent a woman off to her brutal, violent death was going to be something that Luke would have to carry for the rest of his life.
Looking at him, Selena thought that he wasn’t carrying it well, right at this moment.
“Hi,” he said at last in that rough voice.
“Hi,” she said. “Thanks for coming to get me.”
“Did you think that I wouldn’t?”
“I – I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure.”
“Never doubt that I’ll show up for you,” he said, those eyes blazing in his handsome face. “I’ll go to the ends of the earth, if that’s what you need me to do.”
Selena bit her lip, taken aback at the passion in his voice. She’d assumed that he was as angry at her for leaving without a word as she’d been at him for lying, and maybe he was. But even if he was, he still came when she needed him. That wasn’t a small thing, not at all.
“I – are you – can I take your suitcase?” Luke asked, wanting to do something for her. Anything, really. “Take you home?”
She gave him a small smile. “Please.”
His heart jumped that she’d agreed to let him help her, and he forced himself to get a grip.
Cool it, man. As much as you’d like to, you can’t build an entire future or relationship on the fact that she’s letting you carry her bag and drive her back to her place.
Selena handed him her suitcase and he hefted it up and over his broad shoulder easily. Her stomach clenched as she remembered the raw power and strength of his body – how it had felt to be held against it. She looked away, trying not to think about how damn good it had felt to be close to Luke.
They walked out of the airport to Luke’s truck. Selena climbed in, did up her seatbelt, stared out the window at the snow. OK, so, here they were. Trapped in a moving vehicle for at least forty minutes… so the time had come to talk to the man.
She shot him a quick glance as he pulled out on the highway. God, the weirdness between them was so weird. Even at the beginning, back when they’d been sniping and snarking and sparring, there had still been an easy flow between them. Now it was gone; it was all dammed up. She wondered what it would take to unblock it, to set it free again.
OK. Time to reach out.
“Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“Can we talk?”
He looked at her. “Yeah. Coffee?”
She nodded. “But takeaway, OK? We can talk in here?”
He spun the wheel and headed in to a coffee place that had drive-through service. “Sounds good.”
Six minutes later, they were parked in the farthest corner of the lot, sipping their coffees. Luke turned in his seat to face her.
“So,” he said. “Were you in L.A. this whole time?”
“Yes.”
“With your family?”
“Yes.” She paused. “I told the truth, at last. I told them about the gene and my surgery.” She hesitated. “And about what really killed my Mom and sister and aunt and grandmother.”
“Damn,” Luke said softly. “How’d they take it?”
“My Dad took it surprisingly well. He said that he was relieved to finally have an answer, that it brought him a bit of peace. He was worried about me, asked me a million questions about the hysterectomy and what it all means. But my brothers… well. They weren’t so understanding.”
“What? Why not?”
Selena squirmed a bit. “They were furious with me that I hadn’t said anything before. They accused me of withholding important information and of lying to them. They did quite a bit of shouting, actually.”
“Lying?” Luke sat straight up, not liking the thought of anybody shouting at Selena. “About what?”
“About everything being fine in my life recently. And it’s true, you know. I’ve called my Dad twice a week for years, and not once have I said a word about the doctor’s appointments or the mastectomies or the recovery. I – I have been lying. I had my reasons, but I was still lying.”
Luke was silent.
She looked at him now, fighting to get out the words that she needed to say. “My brothers… what they said to me. It was almost exactly what I said to you that day at my apartment. About you keeping things from me that I had a right to know.” She gave a small laugh. “It was a real shock to have my own words thrown back in my face.”
“It’s not the same,” Luke said. “What I did –”
“You did to protect me,” she finished for him. “I think that you thought me knowing about Natalie would hurt me, make me feel insecure. And do you know what, Luke? You were right. It would have.”
He was very still, just staring at her. He was barely breathing.
“Before the mastectomies, no way Natalie hitting on you would have fazed me. But after? Yeah. Yeah, I’d have compared myself to her and found myself lacking, and yeah, I’d have been hurt and upset. I’d have pretended otherwise, but it would have been a lie.” She hesitated. “In fact… when the cops showed me some photos of her that they found at her apartment? When I saw pictures o
f her in a bikini and laughing over drinks and smiling? I did compare myself to her and I was so goddamn jealous of her amazing looks and body.”
“Oh, God. Selena.” He hated to think about anything making this woman insecure. “I’m sorry.”
“She was just so beautiful, Luke, and she made me feel so badly about myself even before I knew a single thing about her being in contact with you. If I’d known that that woman was your ex-fiancée and she was back and hitting on you? I’d have had a really hard time with that. I’d have felt petty and pathetic, but I’d have felt badly anyway.”
“Selena…”
“No. Let me just say what I have to say, OK? Please?”
He nodded.
“I understand why you did what you did, Luke, because I did what I did for the exact same reasons. You and I, we were motivated by the desire to not hurt… to protect. We lied and we concealed and we shouldn’t have done that – but we did it with the best of intentions. We did it with love.”
Luke felt hope rising in his chest for the first time in almost two months. Holy fuck… was she going to forgive him?
“Having my brothers holler at me was a very unfun experience, I can assure you. But they showed me that people make big mistakes when they’re trying to protect the people that they care about. Those mistakes can be stupid and hurtful, for sure, but they aren’t malicious. And that’s a big difference, I think. Maybe it isn’t an important distinction for everyone, but for me, it is.”
“It is?” he breathed.
“It is.” She gave him a smile now, one of her brilliant, beautiful, wide smiles. “I don’t like what you did, Luke, and I won’t say it’s OK, and you’re never to do it again. But I do understand it… and I can get past it.”
“Oh, babe…” He reached for her hand and she let him take it. “I can’t believe this. It’s like a fucking miracle.”
“You thought I’d still be angry?”
“Hell, yeah.” He traced circles in her palm with his thumb. “I thought you’d hate me forever. I’m gonna hate me forever, for hurting you.”
Solid Steel (Unseen Enemy Book 6) Page 18