“Is kissing a girl on your bucket list?”
Kathryn didn’t have a bucket list. She tried to think of a few things that she might include on it and if kissing a girl was one of them. It might not have been a week or so ago, but it probably was now. “Yeah, I guess it is.”
“Then I can help you with that.”
“Are you always this smooth with the ladies? How many times has this line worked for you?”
Claire looked a little hurt. “None, actually. I just feel…”
Kathryn swam toward her. “What. You just feel what?”
Claire disappeared under the water and burst through like a mutant dolphin metres away. “I feel like we should have brought a towel.”
“Claire,” said Kathryn as Claire disappeared again. “Claire.”
Claire emerged close by. “I feel like the door is open when I’m with you. I know we’ll only ever be friends, but with you I feel like I can step outside again and outside is the entire world.”
Kathryn shouldn’t have been surprised to realise she felt the same. Yet she was. Her eyes remained firmly on Claire’s. “And about that kiss?”
Claire smiled. “It’s just for your bucket list, right?”
“Right.” Kathryn had no idea exactly what it was for; she just knew she wanted it.
“Tongues?” asked Claire.
“Might as well.”
Before she had time to process anything, Claire swam toward her, placed her hand behind Kathryn’s neck, and allowed their lips to meet gently. She daren’t touch Claire, they were naked after all and her courage only extended so far. Within moments, she felt Claire’s tongue enter her mouth only slightly before the kiss ended and she pulled away. Again, Claire disappeared under the water.
Kathryn swam directly to the side of the pool, arriving before Claire’s head bobbed up. She was breathless and electrified all over. What the hell just happened?
“One more tick for the bucket list.”
Kathryn tried to act cool. “Yep, ticked that big, bad baby right off the list.”
Claire laughed. “Come on. We should probably head back now.”
They dressed and left the pool in silence. After what had just happened, even the fence climb proved a minor obstruction. Suddenly, Kathryn was invincible.
Somewhere, in the recess of her mind, Kathryn’s new invincibility would be her downfall, but for now, she loved the feeling.
Chapter Sixteen
The following Monday morning, Claire and Kathryn sat waiting for Claire’s scheduled appointment with Murray. Thankfully, this time it was in her office, not a café.
Since her bold move at the pool, Claire had taken a less candid approach with Kathryn. She really wanted to be friends, and although she was only half joking about the kiss, she realised it could have backfired and Kathryn could have told her to fuck off. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but something in Claire wanted to challenge Kathryn. She wanted to open her eyes to all the possibilities in the world, and since she believed it was Kathryn who was providing her with the same motivation, she was keen to repay the favour.
She had been selfish suggesting the kiss; she was at least being honest about that. She suggested it because it was exactly what she had wanted to do at the time. She hadn’t recalled feeling so audacious since high school. The heady flitter in her stomach and the almost drunk-like sensation of courage left her saying things she only ever dreamed of saying. That night she had lived in the moment and she loved it. Everything with Victoria had been pre-planned and scheduled, never spontaneous.
The way Kathryn looked at her naked was a heart breaker. If she were being honest, she hadn’t really believed Kathryn would want to leave the house at near midnight and break into the local swimming pool. She never once imagined they would kiss, not until it happened. The difficult part now was keeping her feelings in check. Kathryn was Jess’s sister, and she was out of bounds for anything other than their little midnight adventure. Flirting, on the other hand, was allowed. It was safe and wouldn’t go any further. It certainly made her time off interesting.
Alex had taken Claire’s blood pressure twice daily, and by Thursday evening, it had returned to normal. Even with the heat fluctuation and storms almost nightly, she and Kathryn worked all week to bring the garden back to its former glory. Thoughts of Victoria rarely entered Claire’s mind since the dreams had stopped. Uncomfortable memories rarely surfaced, and she used the coping mechanisms Jean taught her to move forward.
Kathryn poked around Murray’s stuff. “What are these used for?” She held aloft a long, slender, stainless steel set of forceps.
“Pap smears.”
“Ew, really?” Kathryn quickly replaced them, wiping her hands down her smart khaki pants.
Claire didn’t feel inclined to tell her they were just your normal, everyday forceps, and while Kathryn scanned the spines of the medical books on Murray’s shelf, Claire found herself taking in the view.
Kathryn’s sleeveless navy polo shirt was plain, but coupled with the pants and a pair of flip-flops, not to mention her dark, flowing hair, Claire liked her style.
Her eyes were focusing on Kathryn’s backside when Murray charged into the room.
Very little slipped past Murray, and in the split second it took Claire to pull her gaze away from Kathryn, she knew Murray had seen exactly where her eyes were focused. “Hi, I’m Murray. You must be Kathryn.”
Kathryn nodded and gripped Murray’s outstretched hand. “Lovely to meet you, Murray.”
“I hear you’ve been keeping an eye on my best ED nurse?”
Kathryn smiled warmly at Claire. “It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it.”
Murray grinned and turned her attention to Claire. “Righto, Paddy, off with your top and on the table.”
Claire pulled her T-shirt over her head.
Kathryn rushed for the door, her eyes lowered. “I’ll leave you two to it then.” She disappeared.
Claire grinned and stripped off her top. “Do you enjoy ordering me to take my clothes off?”
“Maybe.” Murray busied herself with the blood pressure sleeve. “What do you care?”
A quick and fruitless poke of Claire’s glands justified the topless examination, and with the news that her blood pressure, pulse, and temperature were normal, Claire felt a little deflated. She was pleased everything was back to normal, but she had lost any urgency to return to work.
“How old is Kathryn?” Murray made notes on her computer.
“What?”
“Simple question, Paddy. How old is she?”
Claire calculated for a moment. “Thirty-nine, I think. Why?”
“Just curious. Your eyes were all over her arse when I walked in.”
“What?”
“Look me in the eye and tell me they weren’t.”
“I’m gay, Murray. I perv on women all the time. I perv on your arse all the time. What’s the big deal?”
“You do?”
“Of course. You’re hot. What’s not to perv on?”
“Should we sleep together and see what happens?” Murray’s expression gave nothing away.
“I beg your pardon?”
“You heard. Should we?”
“No, of course not. I like looking at you, but you’re a straight, married woman. I don’t think I like you like that.”
“Good. Wanna sleep with Kathryn?”
Claire’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “She’s my ex-lover’s sister, for Christ sake.”
“I didn’t ask you that.”
“And she’s also married and straight.”
“Again, not the question I asked.”
“We had a misunderstanding a week ago.”
“Still nothing to do with my question.”
“Are you insane?”
“Are you interested?”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Claire slumped into the chair. “Whatever.”
“Look.”
Murray sat opposite, resting her hand on Claire’s knee. “I don’t want to tell you what to do or how to feel, but not so long ago you were in the midst of a breakdown, and if you wanna get laid, Claire, perhaps Jess’s straight, older sister isn’t the best option. And before you interrupt”—Murray raised her finger to hush any input—“I saw how she looked at you. You shouldn’t mess with this, Claire. Not now. Not yet.”
“How did she look at me?” Had she missed something?
“You really don’t know?”
Claire shrugged.
“Just leave it, Paddy. I’m warning you.”
Claire found Kathryn in the ward waiting room. She was sitting between an obese man with a worried expression and a young girl with her eyes fixated on her mobile phone. Her relief at Claire’s arrival was palpable.
“So.” Kathryn slung an arm around Claire’s shoulders. “All good to get back to work tomorrow?”
“Yep.” Claire felt an urge to numb her senses. “Let’s celebrate with a drink.”
“I’ve got an idea.” Kathryn’s hand slipped down to Claire’s waist. “Let’s head home, call into the deli, grab a wine, and I’ll make you lunch.”
It was a good idea because Claire was driving and it was hardly fair to expect one of them to miss out.
The drive home was subdued. Playing repeatedly in Claire’s mind was Murray’s warning. She had it under control, and regardless, Kathryn wasn’t interested in her.
“Hey, what’s up?” Kathryn had been watching her for a while now.
Claire pulled into the local Italian deli and switched off the engine. “Nothing. Just thinking about work I guess.”
Kathryn eyed Claire. “Would you like to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“You don’t really want to talk about work, or you don’t want to talk about what’s really bothering you?”
“Will you be offended if I say both?”
“Of course not. Will you be offended if I ask you again later? Just in case you want to talk then?”
The pressure that had been building behind Claire’s eyes began to dissipate. “I’m fine, honestly, but sure, you can ask.”
“Great. Just that question or can I ask others?” Kathryn exited the car in the direction of the deli, followed by Claire in the direction of the bottle shop.
“Do you have other questions on your mind?”
“Maybe.” Kathryn shrugged.
“Then maybe you should ask them.”
*
Lunch was a smorgasbord of salads, fresh focaccia, olives, cheese, and wine.
Claire spread full length on the couch, relaxed and content thanks to the two empty wine bottles on the bench. A warm breeze whispered through the huge screen door, and Kathryn, flushed from the wine, leant against the couch marvelling at the music collection on Claire’s iPod.
“I’ve never heard of half this stuff.”
“But do you like it?”
“I do. It’s a treat to find out what’s coming next.”
They remained silent for some time, listening to Claire’s music.
“Let’s play a game.” Claire sat bolt upright, clocking Kathryn in the back of the head with her knee. “Shit. Sorry.” She roughly rubbed it better.
“What sort of game?” Kathryn sounded wary, but Claire was already in the kitchen. “Claire?”
Claire returned to the lounge with two shot glasses and another bottle of wine.
“Oh, no. No way.” Kathryn shook her head. “There’s no way we’re doing this.”
“Come on, old girl.” Claire knelt near Kathryn and playfully rubbed her shoulder. “What’s the matter? Can’t keep up with the young ones?”
Kathryn took Claire’s chin in her hand. “Name the game, you little smart-arse.”
“Okay.” Claire winked. “Here’s the deal. I play my eighties playlist. Random, of course, and you get a five-second head start to name the song. You name the song, I shoot the wine. If I name the song after that, you shoot. If I can’t name it, then we’re both back in, okay?”
“We’re going to shoot perfectly good wine?”
“Yep. You scared?”
“I’ve seen you drunk on a drop of ouzo. The only thing I’m afraid of is you passing out.”
“You know I’ll get you up dancing before the afternoon is over,” Claire threatened.
“And you know what happened last time.” Kathryn’s look was unreadable.
“Well, we’re not at the pool ticking things off your bucket list, so I think we’ll be safe,” said Claire.
Kathryn smiled. It was a million dollar smile, and it nearly knocked Claire over. “I know you like to kiss me, but you’ve run out of tricks to make it happen.”
Claire hesitated. It was a little bit true.
“Not such a little smart-arse now, are we?” Kathryn winked.
Claire refused to meet her gaze and busied herself filling the shot glasses before selecting her four-hundred-song strong Classic 80s playlist. She didn’t want the conversation about the kiss to be over, but she didn’t know what else to say. Kathryn fixed that.
“It’s all right.” Kathryn reached to cover Claire’s hand with hers. “It was nice. I know it wasn’t one of those kisses, but I’ve never been properly kissed by a woman before.”
Except, it was one of those kisses, and nothing she could do would alter the fact that she wanted to do it again. The urge was often overwhelming, and the one annoying thing that flashed before her eyes every time she thought of it was the vision of Murray warning her off.
“A shot to begin.” She held her glass aloft, so did Kathryn, and the wine slipped down. “Let the games begin.”
Within twenty minutes, Claire on five shots and Kathryn on only two, it was becoming clear that Kathryn had spent a significant amount of time listening to the radio in the eighties. She guessed most songs immediately, with many others often on the cusp of five seconds. They spent considerable time arguing about who should shoot when they named songs simultaneously.
Inevitably, Claire pleaded with Kathryn to alter the rules. “Ah, c’mon, I’ll be drunk soon. You don’t need a five-second head start.”
Another song began and Kathryn guessed it. “Shoot it down, baby!”
“You’re a cruel woman.”
“Aw, poor little smart-arse Claire, you’re all cute when you’re sulking.” Kathryn clearly loved every second of gaining the upper hand. “Perhaps if you beg me, I’ll reconsider.”
“You wish.” Claire manned up and took the shot. “I only beg for one thing, Kathryn, and I’m pretty sure I won’t get that from you.”
“Try me.” Kathryn’s voice was low and laced with intent, her gaze intense and unwavering.
Something in Claire snapped. She possessed courage beyond her capabilities now, and she leaned into Kathryn, dangerously close, before offering up her challenge, her words as clear and deliberate as she could manage. “Let me get this straight. You want me to beg you to make me come?”
Silence.
The iPod remained paused. Claire stared into Kathryn’s eyes. Kathryn looked stunned to hear the words. After what felt like a year, Claire smiled, shook her head, and turned away.
“Uh-uh.” Kathryn grabbed the neck of Claire’s T-shirt. “Don’t you dare say that and turn away from me.” She roughly pulled Claire to her and their lips met.
At first, Claire was stunned, but Kathryn’s urgency was addictive. The kiss continued chaotically, lacking synchronisation, and their teeth clashed more than once, bringing Claire to her senses.
She pulled away, breathless. “Kathryn, what are you doing? What are we doing?”
“You seemed to think it was okay at the pool.”
A heady haze of arousal clouded Claire’s mind. “We’re not at the pool now.”
Kathryn was leaning against the couch, and her smile melted Claire, who sat astride her. “So, this is all on your terms, is it?”
“Jesus.” Claire pulled away, overcome
with a wave of nausea.
“Hang on.” Kathryn looped her fingers inside Claire’s jeans pockets and pulled her down, her voice soft and gentle. “What’s the matter?”
Claire remained speechless. This shouldn’t happen.
“Look,” said Kathryn, stroking Claire’s cheek. “I can’t name what I feel for you, and I don’t particularly want to try. I know what I want, and right now that’s you.” She sighed. “I’m losing my battle here, Claire. You know I’ve never been with a woman, and I’ll probably be crap at it, and while I’m being honest, I’m happy to admit I’m shit scared. But I’m going completely insane with all this flirting and innuendo. The first time I allowed myself to think of you and me in bed was the last time I remember my head not being mushy.”
The soft, almost non-existent stroking on her cheek was drawing Claire in. She was thinking with her groin, and she needed something to dissolve every trace of the last four years of her life. Kathryn’s admission was all the permission she needed.
She stood.
Kathryn looked mortified. “Claire, just think about it. Can we really go on like this?”
Claire held out her hand. “No, we can’t. Let’s fix this right now.”
She hauled Kathryn to her feet, grabbed the remaining wine, and led her to her bedroom. The long walk down the passageway felt like forever.
*
Shaking with desire, Kathryn watched Claire shut and lock the door before drawing the curtains halfway.
“You don’t want to close them all the way?” Her voice was barely a crackle.
“I’d prefer to see what I’m doing, thanks.”
Kathryn wasn’t sure she did, but left it up to Claire’s better judgement.
Claire was taking charge now. From this point on, Kathryn only vaguely knew what would happen. It was up to Claire to fill in the blanks.
“Come here.”
Timidly, Kathryn moved to within inches of Claire. She was frightened about what was going to happen but not frightened enough to stop it.
“Closer,” said Claire.
Kathryn had never been moved by anything Andy had said to her, sexual or not, but to hear Claire simply speak the word “closer” sent waves of arousal through her core.
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