“Fuck. You listen here, angel,” he said, tugging my head up to make eye contact with him, his gaze hot as a brand on my skin. “I wanted you so damn bad, I had the taste of you, the smell of you, the feel of you on my skin for years. Only you. Nobody else even came close.”
Those simple words did something to me. Made my pulse thunder in my ears, my heart twist viciously in my chest and my neck tingle with a tantamount rush of heat. “I would dream of you, but I was too much of a chickenshit to break down your walls, to come after you, to force you see what you were doing to me.”
That confession bloomed so painfully large in my chest that my breath burst through my lips and my gaze darted to the ceiling to get some relief.
“Look at me, baby.” His voice was so commanding I couldn’t not obey. “I’ve been trying to show you since I’ve been back how much I want you. I fucking wanted you every minute of every day from the first moment we’ve been apart.”
He gathered my face in his hands, his fingers stroking over my cheeks. My hands gripped his arms and I stared into eyes filled to the brim with emotion. “I didn’t fight for you because I wasn’t man enough to own my feelings. In some ways, I don’t think I was ready for you back then. Not like I’m ready now.”
“Shane—”
His mouth came down hard on mine, his hands and teeth and tongue sending my senses over the edge.
“You still pissed at me?” he asked, kissing the hollow of my throat.
“I . . . I don’t know.”
Our shirts were flung off at a frantic pace, following by the rest of our clothing as our fingers grazed any patch of skin we could reach.
As soon as we were completely bare, he lifted me up and my legs circled around his waist. “Still mad?”
“I’m just—”
He carried me down the hall but we never made it to my room before he was plunging inside of me against the wall. The fullness of him made me feel whole and complete and grounded.
“This is how bad I want you,” he continued to murmur as he thrust inside. “Do you get me?”
“Yes. Oh God, I get you.”
He adjusted his position, driving me higher and higher into a mind-numbing frenzy. “I don’t ever want to let you go.”
“Me, neither,” I grounded out through the haze of my own orgasm.
“Say it again,” he growled.
My gaze fixed onto his and I whispered, “I don’t want to let you go.”
His head fell back, his fingers tightened on my thighs, and he groaned out his release.
Afterward he slid behind me in bed, pulled my back to his chest and tucked the covers around us, his fingers trailing lazily over my arms.
Then he began talking. And I kept my mouth shut and listened because this was the Shane I wanted to know. The man I had missed out on for the better part of five years. “I heard about your dad while I was hunting down this fugitive named Mendez. Traipsed halfway around the country to find him. One of the most vicious criminals I’d ever come across. Been on the Most Wanted list for years.”
I sucked in a breath because right then I realized, maybe for the first time, how dangerous his job was. These were criminals who had long records, maybe strings of robbery and even murder and he was with the division that hunted them down at the drop of a hat. No wonder my Shane had turned into this big and bad and hot specimen of a man. And still, I felt a profound pang of fear for him.
When he eventually returned to his job, not only did I not know how we were going to continue this relationship long distance, but I didn’t know how I was going to survive hearing that he was off trying to locate somebody who had a whole arsenal at their disposal. Would I always be afraid for him, now that I knew exactly the kind of criminals he was up against?
I tightened my hold on his fingers as he continued. “I felt so angry and empty and I wanted to be there for you and Kai. I had a good lead, was closing in on Mendez and I knew I had to catch him and bring him in, so I could get to you guys.”
I stifled a gasp because the idea that I was on his mind during this chase was overwhelming.
“I knew that this asshole had a family. A wife and kids. He had what I wanted, what I didn’t have. And he was throwing it all away.”
This was the first I’d heard from him that maybe he wanted that kind of life. “Shane—”
“Fuck, I don’t know what happened,” he said, torment in his voice. “I had him in my grasp and I wanted to pound some sense into him. I wanted him to know that he wasn’t fit to live on this earth. Not when he was alive and your dad was dead.”
His words sat solid as a block of ice in my chest.
“So what happened, honey?” I whispered.
“Alex told me it wasn’t worth it. That I needed to distance myself. And I saw it in this guy’s eyes. He knew that I could probably take him down. And there was a split moment of fear that flashed across his face. Like I held his future in my hands.”
My fingers stopped moving; I was so hypnotized by his story.
“And that’s when I knew I had to go. All I wanted was to leave. Come home and be with my friends and family.”
“Honey—”
“Alex’s eyes locked on mine, and he knew. He knew I was completely done.”
“Shane—”
“So I just shoved him real hard toward Alex . . . and walked the hell away.”
I turned in his arms but stayed silent, stroking his jaw and forehead and eyebrow. My eyes filled with tears over the fact he had felt that deeply, had experienced that much anguish over my dad’s death.
I pulled him tight. “Honey.”
“It’s okay because now I know,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose.
“Know what?”
“That just being near you feels different. Working this case from home does, too, even though it’s personal. Because you fill me up. That place inside of me that was hollow.”
“Honey,” I whispered, my lips brushing along his eyelids, his cheeks, and his lips. “You do the same for me.”
His fingers braced my neck to draw me forward as his lips moved over mine and his tongue slid deeply inside my mouth. I had never felt more connected to him than in that moment. We kissed for several long minutes before he pulled away and arranged us front to back, so we could get some sleep.
“So I got to meet Charlie,” I mumbled. “Will I get to meet Alex?”
“Maybe,” he said. “You should’ve never met Charlie. Their job is to be in the background. The less you know about them the better.”
“Do they have families?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Charlie had a boyfriend but that was a while ago. He broke her heart, and she’s been getting over him.”
My stomach was in my throat. “I was just surprised that Charlie was a woman.”
“She’s a damn good Marshal. You guys would probably be friends in another life.”
Why was I feeling so jealous? I had plenty of male coworkers. Maybe it’s because I knew they worked so closely together. Until late into the night.
“Go to sleep, Dee,” he said as if he could command my mind to shut down. He tucked me closer beneath the covers like he always did and kissed the top of my head. “I know that head of yours is ticking away. If anything were going to happen between Charlie and me, it would’ve happened years ago. It’s always been you, angel.”
That was sweet. But still I had to push like an impulsive child. “Are you saying she’s attractive?”
“To this day, you’re still the most stunning girl I’ve ever laid eyes on. Every time I see you, you take my breath away.” I shivered in his arms. “I only want you, Dee. Get that through your skull, yeah?”
“Shane—”
“Now go to bed, before that brain of yours starts dreaming up other things.”
I was drained physically and mentally from my emotional night and felt safe enough tucked inside Shane’s arms to fall asleep. And I stayed asleep all night.
Chapte
r Twenty-eight
SHANE
“I gotta take off,” I said, standing up from my chair across from my father’s cluttered desk at the station. As usual, it was littered with case files, making me wonder how he ever found anything. I could be messy, in my apartment and especially in the kitchen, but my desk was always under control. “You working late again?”
“Probably,” he grunted out. “We’ve got a couple leads we need to check out.”
My father was a man of few words, always had been. He also seemed to work around the clock, a habit that he’d definitely picked up because he was a detective, but one I hoped to not fall into with my future family.
If there ever was a future family. For the first time, I could actually see one. With Dakota.
Dakota and I had similar habits, so we’d have to figure out how to manage our time to even raise a family.
“I see you decided to travel to the dark side,” Lance, Dad’s younger partner on the force, said, slapping me on the back and driving me out of my very domesticated thoughts.
“Yeah, right,” my dad said, giving a humorless laugh. “He’s only here because he needs something.”
I was used this kind of bullshit so I just laughed and played along. “Maybe if you guys had better coffee and donuts, I’d visit more often.”
“Says the fancy-ass fed,” Lance said, and my dad laughed. “What do they serve you over there, espressos and croissants?”
“Yeah, right,” I said. “Like I’d have time to enjoy it if they did. Traveling too much.”
“I heard you nabbed that big-name fugitive, Mendez, on the Mexican border,” Lance said as he sank down at his desk and pulled up some files on his computer.
I tried not to cringe when I heard his name. The stupid motherfucker. I hoped I didn’t have to see that ugly mug again for a long-ass time.
“That’s right,” I said, trying to play it off. “I was so stealth, he didn’t even see me coming.”
He laughed and swung his legs up on the chair next to his desk.
I was glad that Dad’s department had allowed us to share info on the Nakos case, because it could be hard to get through all the red tape. Some departments no longer allowed favors because too much had gone wrong based on hearsay or misunderstandings between officers and agents.
My father had been keeping an eye out for any news on Mr. Nakos and so far, the only eyewitness that might’ve seen the suspect flee the parking lot had changed her story and failed to identify anybody in the lineup.
That was nothing new, though. Sometimes witnesses got scared or mixed up vital information and ended up being dead-end sources.
Lance had been a tribal gaming detective before joining my father on the narcotics squad, so I figured he might also have some good insight, given the information that Charlie had just uncovered for us earlier today. “What do you know about the Whitman Corporation?”
“They been meddling in tribal cases again?” he asked.
“When I spoke to Elan Nakos, he affirmed that they had fronted the money to a new casino owner who was attempting to build on sacred land.”
“I remember that case, over in Hamilton County,” Lance said. “Elan and Linden Nakos had filed an injunction on the land and were able to halt construction. Apparently they had already broken ground and were relocating the graves of some chiefs. It was a huge mess.”
“Yeah, fuck,” I said. “Any way to see those files? I already saw the public records, which didn’t give me much.”
“The detective over there is a guy by the name of Artie Miller,” Lance said. “You can tell him I sent you. But I’m not sure if you’ll get anywhere without pulling federal rank.”
“Cool, thanks,” I said, making a note of it. “You know anything else about the Whitman Corporation?”
“They’ve got their money tied up in several businesses, including casinos, and are apparently making a hefty profit,” Lance said before answering a call. Then he swung his body away from me to talk into the phone.
After what happened to Dakota, I was now suspicious that the Nakos case witness had also been threatened. At first my father has resisted the connection that I was trying to make to Mr. Nakos’s murder, but now he seemed to be impressed with my thoroughness.
“What’s your link?” my father asked.
“The strongest seems to be Flint Thornfall,” I said. “The questions are how and why.”
“Greed?” Dad said. “Plenty of people get carried away for money.”
I nodded, because we had already deduced that ourselves.
“So you really on a break or are you just pretending to be while you’re working this case?” my father said, eyeing me suspiciously.
“Both,” I said, shrugging. “Don’t you ever get burned out, Dad?”
“You haven’t even been working long enough to need a break.”
I sighed. I knew he would make light of it. But this one time I had hoped we could at least have a heart to heart.
“Yeah, right,” I said, attempting not to sound too disappointed. “See you later, Dad.”
“Son,” he said, calling me back.
“Yeah?” When I turned, his eyes darted to Lance, as if to make sure he was still on his call.
“It’s easy to get fried in this field,” he said, lowering his voice. “It’s good to take a break, get your head back in order. Evaluate your priorities.”
I nodded. “That’s what I’m trying to do. Besides, it’s kind of nice being home.”
“Well,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “It’s been kind of nice having you around.”
“Yeah?” I said, trying to hold back my smirk.
“Yeah,” he said, picking up the handset on his phone. That’s when I knew this conversation was over. “Just . . . take care of yourself, Shane.”
Short and sweet. But at least it was something.
After a quick errand, I drove to the bakery where Mr. Nakos had taken his last breath. I scouted out the parking lot, which only provided enough light from one street lamp and then went inside the worn, depression-era building. The delicious smell of fresh baked goods hit me instantly.
An older Eastern European lady came up front from the back room. She must’ve been the owner. “How can I help you?”
“I’ll take a dozen oliebol,” I said.
She got this strange look in her eye as if maybe she’d remembered Mr. Nakos’s weekly visits, but that was ridiculous, given that the bakery was popular with plenty of the locals. She nodded and turned, pulling out a tray of the delicacies and then wrapping them in a bakery box tied with a string.
“I’m bringing these to the Nakos family,” I said, going on gut instinct as she stood ringing my order. She looked stricken and then took a step back from the register. “I figured they would enjoy having them.”
“That poor man,” she whispered as if to herself. Then she slid the box toward me on the counter. “Please, no charge. The doughnuts are on me.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind.” I slid my badge from my wallet and quickly flashed it her way. “Now that several weeks have gone by, I wondered if you remembered anything else from that night?”
Her head began shaking before I could get my entire query out. “I’ve already been questioned by the police. Now, I’m very busy. Good day.”
She disappeared again behind the back door, but not before I could see the raw fear in her eyes. Someone had gotten to her, too.
* * *
I parked in the Nakos family driveway, and tucked the white box beneath my arm. I still wasn’t sure whether my offering would go over very well, but Dakota assured me that it was a meaningful and considerate gesture.
Kai held open the door and my nose was assaulted with familiar scents. Mrs. Nakos was making her famous fry bread, using the recipe Dakota’s grandmother used to bake with years ago. A feeling of nostalgia hit me square in the chest, as if I had been walking into my own childhood house.
“Welcome,” Mrs.
Nakos said, and then her eyes darted to the box in my hand. When the blood seemed to drain from her face I nearly faltered but my gaze sought Dakota’s across the room, and the tenderness reflected in her eyes was all the encouragement I needed. “I . . . I thought he might want you to continue the tradition.”
Mrs. Nakos took the box from me, her fingers trembling. I swallowed roughly, wondering if I had just screwed everything up. Maybe it was a terrible idea and would bring too many painful memories. God, I was an idiot.
“Thank you.” She placed the dessert on the kitchen island, turned and then drew me into a tight hug. “I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to . . . but that helps . . . it helps me remember how thoughtful he was.”
Kai clapped me on the back and when I turned toward Dakota, her eyes were round and shiny. “Thank you,” she said in a watery voice.
She looked so damn pretty in her casual jeans and girly top that I was tempted to take her mouth in a fierce kiss. But we were entering that gray area of publicly displaying our relationship. Would she be okay with me doing that in front of her family?
Though Rachel had run into me in Dakota’s apartment that one morning, Kai hadn’t said a word about it. He might’ve just been giving us our space to figure it out. I knew he’d be cool no matter what we decided. Besides, he had bigger things to think about.
But all my anxieties were laid to rest when Dakota reached up on her tiptoes and slanted her lips across mine. I was so relieved, I nearly thrust my tongue inside her mouth but I restrained myself. She grabbed onto my hand and led me into the living room where Kai was already seated, while she finished assisting Rachel and her mother in the kitchen.
“Cannot wait to eat whatever you’re cooking, Mrs. Nakos,” I said, after taking a swig of the beer Kai had handed me. “I’ve missed this.”
She smiled from over the kitchen island. “Glad to hear it.”
We all sat down at their large dining room table, which over the years had welcomed many guests. The seat at the head of the table had been left vacant and I couldn’t help remembering Mr. Nakos’s booming voice and boisterous laugh.
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