When she met Flint’s gaze, he faltered, his face also filling with emotion.
“I’ll leave.” Flint thrust his gift and plate toward Mrs. Nakos and Dakota. “But please accept my gifts as an initial offering of faith.”
Dakota looked at her mother and in a silent agreement, they accepted his offering. Relief was evident on his face as he retreated from the line and then turned and walked back to his car.
As the link of support broke apart, Blue Cloud began summoning people forth to begin the ceremony.
The children sat on blankets and the adults stood gathered around this family.
Forming a smaller circle in the center, Dakota held firm to my hand on one side and her mother’s on the other. Kai stood on the other side of Mrs. Nakos next to Rachel. It felt so symbolic to also have Blue Cloud, his wife, and children there.
* * *
Blue Cloud spoke in both English and his native tongue and I only partially caught what he was saying—something about a blessing from four directions—the oceans, trees, mountains, and ether. It was beautiful to witness as he finally called Dakota and Mrs. Nakos forth while drums were beating in the background and he wished them healing and peace and protection from negative spirits.
The singing and dancing and celebrating lasted until dusk. Once a fire was built, the elders sat around telling ancestral stories while the younger kids ran around catching lightning bugs and playing flashlight tag.
That night as I folded Dakota in my arms, she seemed lighter somehow, like a weight had been raised from her shoulders, a dark veil lifted from her soul.
“Today was a good day,” she whispered.
And she was right. It felt like a new beginning.
Chapter Thirty-six
DAKOTA
Lifting the creamer from the refrigerator, I mixed some in with my coffee. A plate of scrambled eggs with cheese and avocado was waiting on the counter and I’d admit, I was getting used to being served breakfast by my man.
Shane was in the shower, his laptop was fired up on the island, and an empty plate of food sat next to it. If there was one thing I had quickly learned, it was that Shane knew how to whip up a good meal, but didn’t necessarily remember cleaning up after himself in the kitchen. I shook my head as I picked up his plate and placed it under running water in the sink.
Then I sank down in the seat Shane had vacated and took a long sip of my coffee. Digging into my eggs, I heard a ping coming from his computer screen alerting him of a new e-mail. He’d left his in-box open and my eyes glanced in that direction. I knew that I shouldn’t but I couldn’t help my gaze from homing in on the subject line of the message: Transfer Request Complete.
My shoulders remained stiff as my eyes scanned down to the body of the message.
Shane,
Good work on the Linden Nakos case, glad you nailed the bastard. I know how much that case meant to you and as a reward, I have some great news. Your paperwork went through. They’re impressed with your skill set and you’ll immediately be transferred to the witness protection division in Honolulu, Hawaii.
I know this is the change you’ve been waiting for. I remember how much you liked visiting that island on one of your runs, so it might be a new start for you.
My door will always remain open. Good luck to you.
Best wishes, Hank Walters
Chief Deputy U.S. Marshal
My fingers gripped my coffee cup so tightly I was surprised it hadn’t shattered in my grasp. Shane and I had never fully discussed exactly how we’d negotiate our relationship and now I wholly regretted that decision. I figured the conversation would be forthcoming now that Charlie and Alex had headed back to Atlanta.
But Hawaii? It seemed a world away from the Midwest. At least I could drive to Atlanta in several hours, if Shane was going to return to his apartment there.
My stomach bunched into a dense ball as my mind went to that dark place filled with shattered dreams and painstaking doubt. Is this what he had been waiting for all along? Was he biding his time at home until a better job came through? Or was he using my father’s case to prove himself, to get this transfer approved? Maybe we’d just been playing house, pretending to have a future together. He didn’t even tell me, talk it through with me, or give me any options.
My heart hurtled painfully into my throat. I left my coffee and eggs, grabbed my keys and bag, and bolted out the door before I had to face him. I needed time to think it all through and prepare myself for his inevitable departure. I was afraid I would crumble into dust right before his eyes, that’s how attached I had grown to the idea of sharing my life with him.
The moment I reached the office, my phone buzzed with a text from Shane.
Shane: What happened, Dee? Where did you go?
After everything we’d been through it would be wrong to leave him hanging, even if he was considering leaving again. Anyway, knowing Shane, he’d come looking. So I decided to text back, to buy myself time to get used to the idea.
Me: Had to run. Forgot I had a meeting.
I spent the day with paperwork as well as out on the floor, attempting to meet the needs of my staff. Outside of a couple of texts back and forth, I was able to avoid talking to Shane in depth all day. I told him I had a dinner meeting and that I’d be home late.
We spent most nights together, but we did sleep apart at least one night a week. And I wanted to use this night to get accustomed to the notion of being alone in my bed. I had come to rely on him too much.
Me: Too beat tonight. Going to bed early.
Still he would figure out that something was up. I’d have to talk to him about it eventually. Tomorrow seemed like a better day. It allowed twenty-four hours for me to get used to the idea. As if that were even possible.
Shane: Sure you’re okay?
For now I was licking my wounds and preparing my brain for an eventual good-bye. For him to be the one to leave. Again.
Me: Fine, just tired.
As I crawled into bed, my stomach was churning, my chest was throbbing, and I felt like I could barely inhale a decent breath.
Shane: Okay baby, I’ll let you get some sleep. I have some things I need to take care of tomorrow, unfinished Marshal business. Call you when I can.
Well there you have it. He was going to follow up with his new position. I wondered when he had planned on telling me. And if he’d ever considered asking me to go, to leave, to be with him. I felt so gutted I could scarcely shut my eyes, so I just stared up at the darkened ceiling and then drifted in and out of a fitful night of sleep.
The entire next day, I went through the motions and Stuart immediately noticed the difference. “Just not feeling well,” I told him as I passed right by him to get to my office before I had a nervous breakdown.
I knew I was acting irrationally, but I couldn’t help beating myself up for getting too used to Shane being around. Having him back in town had been too good to be true.
It was like the last couple of months were only a placeholder for our real lives—or maybe just his real life. What was I thinking? He was on a hiatus from his job and had been hanging around the casino so that he could help solve a case.
That had been a temporary thing—he was still a United States Marshal. What did I think would happen? That he would give up everything he’d trained for to work again in my casino? I was such an idiot. I should’ve come straight out and asked him exactly how long he was staying. But the longer time dragged on, the more he seemed to fold into my life.
I met Rachel for lunch, but barely. I almost cancelled. But she was champing at the bit to tell me some kind of news.
I was absently slathering butter on a roll when she walked into the restaurant and sat down across from me. I attempted to put on a brave face.
“Hey, you okay?” she asked immediately. I was never great at masking my feelings from her.
“Just tired,” I said. “What’s up? I know you have some kind of news for me.”
“I do,”
she said and her eyes instantly moistened.
I sat straight up. “Well don’t keep me waiting.”
“We found out the sex of the baby. It’s a boy,” she said, and my hand swiftly covered my mouth. Because my brother and best friend were one step closer to becoming parents. And that was huge.
“Oh gosh, Rachel,” I said, standing up and reaching across the table to hug her. “I’m so happy for you.”
“We’ve already decided that . . .” she said, choking up as I took my seat. “That his name is going to be Linden. After your father.”
I squeezed her hands across the table as a bubble of tears rose up in my throat and escaped my mouth in a whimper. Tears dashed out of my eyes. “Oh my God.”
Rachel rose from the table, concern etching her brow. “Sweetie?”
She sat down on the chair next to me and threw her arms around my neck.
I cried into her shoulder, tears of joy as well as sorrow. I couldn’t hold them at bay. “I’m so damn happy for you guys. You’re going to have your hands full but it’ll be a good kind of full.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” she said, laughing. Then she pulled back to look into my eyes. “But, Dakota, something else is wrong with you. Tell me.”
I shook my head not wanting to ruin her good news.
“Yes, tell me now. Is it Shane?”
A sob tore from my throat.
“Oh my God, what happened?” she said, her hands gripping my arms. “Is he okay?”
I pulled back and wiped my eyes needing to get ahold of my damn self. “He’s fine.”
“Then what is it?” she said as the server came near and she waved him off.
“He’s leaving,” I whispered, as if I’d said it low enough that it wouldn’t be true.
Her whole body became still. “What do you mean? Did you have a fight?”
“No, nothing like that,” I said, in a humorless laugh. I would’ve almost welcomed a knock-down, drag-out fight in place of this suffocating feeling in my chest, if it meant he would stay. “He got transferred to Hawaii.”
She didn’t move for some time. Just stared at me with fists clenched as anger and worry coursed through her eyes.
“How did he tell you?” Her words were gentle. Cautious. “What did he say exactly?”
“He didn’t say anything yet,” I said. “He was in the shower when an e-mail popped up on his laptop telling him about his transfer and how it was the position he’d been waiting for. I couldn’t stop myself from reading it.”
Her eyebrows rose and her lips drew together in a tight straight line. “And you didn’t talk to him about it?”
I shook my head.
“Not this shit again.” She grasped at my shoulders. “You need to talk to him.”
“I will,” I said. “I just needed time to prepare myself for the inevitable.”
“Maybe he’s not even going,” she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “Maybe that’s old business.”
“I don’t think so,” I said, quietly. I refused to allow any type of hope to seep through. “I mean, what would he do here, in this town? He’s a trained United States Marshal.”
“He loves you, Dakota.” She jabbed at the table with her finger to make her point. “If he asks, will you go with him?”
“If he asks,” I whispered the truth of my words, so that maybe they were light enough to carry on the wind. “If he asks, I would definitely consider it. I don’t want to be apart from him anymore.”
“Good,” she said, moving back over to her side of the table, as if satisfied by my answer. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Dakota, it’s that you make your home with the person you love. And everything else will fall into place.”
Chapter Thirty-seven
DAKOTA
By the time I got home, it was late and I hadn’t heard from Shane all day. Wearily, I walked inside my condo and discarded my heels by the entryway. I felt numb and exhausted and decided on a tall glass of wine out on my balcony. Hell, I’d take the whole bottle.
As I headed past the couch in the dim light of the living room lamp my pulse spiked at seeing a lone figure on my balcony.
Shane faced away from me with his legs resting on a chair and a beer dangling from his fingers. Just seeing him lounging there, with his untucked shirt and his bare feet, made my pulse pound raggedly in my veins. How was I supposed to live without this man again?
My steps were heavy as I slogged toward the door. The idea that this thick cut of glass was the only obstruction between me and the man I adored felt so simplistic when in another five minutes, many other things would be blocking our path—things I’d be forced to accept.
Sliding it open, I held my breath for the split second before he twisted in his seat to greet me. I wanted to remember him just like that. Serene, beautiful, perfect.
Except when he turned I saw similar turmoil in his eyes. He was gearing up to tell me his news. And I braced my fingers on the chair in front of me, my knuckles turning colorless. I wondered how he’d break it to me. How he’d explain away everything that had been built and nurtured between us these past few weeks.
“Angel,” he whispered as he pinned me with his devastating gaze. I nearly lost it right then and there. He reached for my hand but I stepped back, afraid to even feel his skin next to mine. Terrified my fingers and my mouth would never forget. That I’d be sentenced to live with only the memory of him.
He stood up immediately, his long legs eating the space between us to back me against the door. Still he kept a respectable distance, as if testing the temperature between us. “I know something’s wrong. I could feel it all day.”
I shut my eyes tight. How could he not see that he was about to crush me? Did we not know each other at all?
“Let’s just cut to the chase,” I said, gritting my teeth for leverage. “I know you have news to share.”
“You do?” he said, his eyebrows slamming together. “How . . . did Stuart tell you?”
Stuart knew? No wonder he’d been so amenable all day. I hadn’t realized those two had become so chummy again. But I guessed it made sense.
“Look, it’s fine.” I rushed the words out before they bled through my skin. “We both knew it would eventually lead back to this. I guess . . .” I swallowed back a sob and then braced my spine against the cool glass. “I guess it always felt too good to be true.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” he roared, and my fingers flew to my lips to conceal a whimper. Badass angry U.S. Marshal Shane was a sight to behold. I had nowhere to move, so my fingers rifled for the door handle. “So you don’t want me to take the job?”
“What a question. God. I would never stop you from doing what you want to do,” I said, throwing up my hands in frustration. “Same problem, different decade.”
“You would never stop me, yeah?” He advanced on me and my fingers gripped the knob, ready to make my escape. His face swung down, his gaze ensnaring mine. “So if I said I wanted to marry you someday soon, you wouldn’t stop me? Even though it feels like that’s exactly what you’re trying to do?”
I inhaled sharply through my nose, and the influx of oxygen made my head fuzzy.
“Marry me?” I whispered.
“Of course, angel,” he said, his voice softening, his eyes warming. “I’d feel lost without you. My lips, my fingers, my skin. Fuck. Even my damn soul would be lonely for you. Don’t you get that?”
I nearly wilted to my knees. “Shane—”
He thrust his fingers through his hair out of frustration. “I thought you’d be happy about this opportunity,” he said, as short and choppy breaths expelled through my nose.
“So, are you asking me to leave, to move away with you?”
His face became a puzzle of confusion. “No, of course not.”
The air stalled in my lungs. “So we’d be long distance?”
His thumb came up and brushed across my cheek. His other hand latched around the nape of my neck.
“Dee, you’ve got to start making sense.”
“I . . . I saw the e-mail on your laptop yesterday.”
His shoulders lifted in a shrug. “What e-mail?”
“The one about your transfer to Hawaii.”
His eyes widened, and his lips drew together in a thin line. He threw his gaze behind him as if matching up pieces of information in his head. Then unexpectedly he tossed back his head and released a startling laugh.
My back tensed, a line of heat climbed up my cheeks, and I attempted to move from beneath his grasp. “I don’t see how this is funny.”
His gaze shifted back to mine and all at once he lifted me off my feet and swung me around, as if I weighed nothing at all.
“What the hell are you doing?” I said, grasping onto his arms. “Put me down!”
Still grinning, he planted me against the balcony railing and hemmed me in with his arms. “Shane—”
He kissed my forehead, his gaze—now intense—dipping down to mine. The smile had faded from his lips. “So you’d move to Hawaii if I asked you to?”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat because this was the hardest to admit. I’d miss my family and my job so much. But not as much as I’d be lost without him. “For you, I would.”
His jaw unclenched. “You would leave all of this behind for me?”
I nodded. “Is that what you’re asking?” I whispered, my chest tight.
“It’s nice to hear,” he whispered back. “But no, I’m not asking. Because I’m not going anywhere. I turned down that transfer.”
The air rushed my lungs and I felt so dizzy with relief, I nearly collapsed in his arms.
“I thought . . . Isn’t that what you were doing today? Prepping to leave?”
“No, baby,” he said, brushing his lips briefly across mine as my lips trembled. “No way. Today I was meeting with Chief Red Hawk. I was offered a job.”
My palms flattened against his chest. “What kind of job?”
“Deputy Marshal for the Indian territory. Under the Bureau of Tribal Affairs.”
Two of Hearts Page 24