by Day, Sylvia
He sighed. “I’m sorry.”
Turning, I faced him. “It’s not your fault you’re news.
You can’t help being insanely attractive.”
“One of these days,” he said dryly, “I’l figure out whether my face is a curse or not.”
“Wel , if my opinion counts for anything, I’m rather fond of it.”
Gideon’s lips twitched and he touched my cheek.
“Your opinion is the only one that means anything. And your dad’s. I want him to like me, Eva, not think I’m exposing his daughter to invasions of her privacy.”
“You’l win him over. He just wants me to be safe and happy.”
He visibly relaxed and pul ed me closer. “Do I make you happy?”
“Yes.” I rested my cheek over his heart. “I love being with you. When we’re not together, I wish we were.”
“You said you didn’t want to fight anymore,” he murmured in my hair. “It’s been bugging me. Are you getting tired of me fucking up al the time?”
“You do not fuck up al the time. And I’ve screwed up, too. Relationships are hard, Gideon. Most of them don’t have kick-ass sex like we do. I put us in the lucky column.”
He cupped water in his hand and poured in down my back, over and over, soothing me with its sinuous warmth. “I don’t real y remember my dad.”
“Oh?” I tried to not tense up and reveal my surprise.
Or my agitated excitement and desperate hunger to learn more about him. He’d never talked about his family before. It kil ed me not to prod with questions, but I didn’t want to push if he wasn’t ready….
His chest lifted and fel on a deep exhale. There was something in the sound of his sigh that brought my head up and ruined my intention to be cautious.
I ran my hand over his hard pectorals. “Want to talk about what you do remember?”
“Just…impressions. He wasn’t around much. He worked a lot. I guess I get my drive from him.”
“Maybe
workaholism—is
that
a
word?—is
something you have in common, but that’s it.”
“How would you know?” he shot back, defiant.
Reaching up, I brushed the hair back from his face.
“I’m sorry, Gideon, but your father was a fraud who took the easy, selfish way out. You don’t have it in you to be that way.”
“Not that way, no.” He paused. “But I don’t think he ever learned how to connect to people, how to care about anything but his own immediate needs.” I studied him. “Do you think that describes you?”
“I don’t know,” he answered quietly.
“Wel , I know, and it doesn’t.” I pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. “You’re a keeper.”
“I better be.” His arms tightened around me. “I can’t think about you with someone else, Eva. Just the idea of another man seeing you the way I do, seeing you like this…putting his hands on you…It takes me to a dark place.”
“It’s not going to happen, Gideon.” I knew how he felt. I wouldn’t be able to bear it if he was intimate with another woman.
“You’ve changed everything for me. I couldn’t stand losing you.”
I hugged him. “The feeling’s mutual.”
Tilting my head back, Gideon took my mouth in a fierce kiss.
In moments it became clear we were soon going to be sloshing water al over the floor. I pul ed away. “I need to eat if you want to go at it again, fiend.”
“Says the girlfriend rubbing her wet naked body al over me.” He sat back with a sinful smile.
“Let’s order cheap Chinese and eat it out of the box with chopsticks.”
“Let’s order good Chinese and do that.”
Cary joined us in the living room for excel ent Chinese, a sweet plum wine, and Monday night television. As we flipped channels and laughed over the hilarious names of some reality television shows, I watched as two of the most important men in my life enjoyed some relaxation time and each other. They got along wel , ribbing and playful y insulting each other in that way men had. I’d never seen that side of Gideon before and I loved it.
While I hogged one whole side of our sectional sofa, the two guys sat cross-legged on the floor and used the coffee table as a dining table. Both were wearing loose sweatpants and fitted T-shirts, and I appreciated the view. Was I a lucky girl or what?
Cracking his knuckles, Cary dramatical y prepared to open his fortune cookie. “Let’s see. Wil I be rich?
Famous? About to meet Mr. or Ms. Tal , Dark, and Tasty? Traveling to distant lands? What’d you guys get?”
“Mine’s lame,” I said. “In the end all things will be known. Duh. I didn’t need a fortune to figure that out.” Gideon opened his and read, “Prosperity will knock on your door soon.”
I snorted.
Cary shot me a look. “I know, right? You snatched someone else’s cookie, Cross.”
“He better not be anywhere near someone else’s cookie,” I said dryly.
Reaching over, Gideon plucked half of mine out of my fingers. “Don’t worry, angel. Your cookie is the only one I want.” He popped it in his mouth with a wink.
“Gag,” Cary muttered. “Get a room.” He cracked his fortune with a flourish, and then scowled. “What the fuck?”
I leaned forward. “What’s it say?”
“Confucius say,” Gideon ad-libbed, “man with hand in pocket feel cocky al day.”
Cary threw half his cookie at Gideon, who caught it deftly and grinned.
“Give me that.” I snatched the fortune out from between Cary’s fingers and read it. Then laughed.
“Fuck you, Eva.”
“Wel ?” Gideon prodded.
“Pick another cookie.”
Gideon smiled. “Pwned by a fortune.” Cary threw the other half of his cookie.
I was reminded of similar evenings spent with Cary when I was attending SDSU, which made me try and picture what Gideon had been like in col ege. From the articles I’d read, I knew he’d attended Columbia for his undergraduate studies, then left to focus on his expanding business interests.
Had he associated with the other students? Did he go to frat parties, screw around and/or drink too much?
He was such a control ed man, I had a hard time picturing him that carefree, and yet here he was being exactly that with me and Cary.
He glanced at me then, stil smiling, and my heart turned over in my chest. He looked his age for once, young and seriously fine and so very normal. At that moment, we were just a twenty-something couple relaxing at home with a roommate and a remote control. He was just my boyfriend, hanging out. It was al so sweet and uncomplicated, and I found the il usion a poignant one.
The intercom buzzed and Cary leaped to his feet to answer it. He glanced at me with a smile. “Maybe it’s Trey.”
I held up a hand with my fingers crossed.
But when Cary answered the door a few minutes later, it was the leggy blonde from the other night who came in.
“Hey,” she said, taking in the remnants of dinner on the table. She eyed Gideon appraisingly as he politely unfolded and stood in that powerful y graceful way of his. She shot me a smirk; then unleashed a dazzling supermodel smile on Gideon and held out her hand.
“Tatiana Cherlin.”
He shook her hand. “Eva’s boyfriend.”
My brows lifted at his introduction. Was he protecting his identity? Or his personal space? Either way, I liked his response.
Cary came back into the room with a bottle of wine and two glasses. “Come on,” he said, gestured down the hal way to his bedroom.
Tatiana gave a little wave and preceded Cary out. I mouthed behind her back to Cary, What are you doing?
He winked and whispered, “Picking another cookie.”
Gideon and I cal ed it a night shortly after and headed to my room. As we got ready for bed, I asked him something I’d wondered about earlier. “Did you have a fuc
k pad in col ege, too?”
His T-shirt cleared his head. “Excuse me?”
“You know, like the hotel room. You’re a randy guy. I just wondered if you’d had some kind of setup even then.”
He was shaking his head as I ogled his divinely perfect torso and lean hips. “I’ve had as much sex since I met you as I’ve had in the last two years combined.”
“No way.”
“I work hard and I work out harder, both of which keep me pleasantly exhausted most of the time.
Occasional y, I might’ve gotten an offer I didn’t refuse, but otherwise I could take or leave sex until I met you.”
“Bul shit.” I found that impossible to believe.
He shot me a look before he headed toward the bathroom with a black leather toiletry bag. “Keep doubting me, Eva. See what happens.”
“What?” I fol owed him, enjoying the sight of his delectable ass. “You’re going to prove that you can take or leave sex by doing me again?”
“It takes two.” He opened his bag and pul ed out a new toothbrush that he extricated from its packaging and dropped into my toothbrush holder. “You’ve initiated sex between us as much as I have. You need the connection as much as I do.”
“You’re right. It’s just…”
“Just what?” He pul ed open a drawer, frowned at finding it ful , and moved on to pul open another.
“Other sink,” I said, smiling at his presumption that he would get drawers at my place, too, and his scowl when he couldn’t find them. “They’re al yours.” Gideon moved over to the second sink and began unpacking his bag into the drawers. “Just what?” he repeated, taking shampoo and body wash over to my shower.
Leaning my hip into the sink and crossing my arms, I watched him stake his claim al over my bathroom.
There was no doubt that’s what he was doing, just as there was no doubt that anyone walking into the room would know right away there was a man in my life.
It struck me then that I had a similar claim on his private space. His household staff had to know their boss was in a committed relationship now. The thought gave me a little thril .
“I was thinking about you in col ege earlier,” I went on, “when we were eating dinner, imagining what it would be like to see you around on campus. I would’ve been obsessed with you. I would have gone out of my way to see you around just to enjoy the view. I would’ve tried to get in the same classes as you, so I could daydream during lectures about getting into your pants.”
“Sex maniac.” He kissed the tip of my nose as he passed me and went to brush his teeth. “We both know what would’ve happened once I saw you.” I brushed my hair and teeth; then washed my face.
“So…did you have a sex pad for the rare occasions some lucky bitch got you in bed?”
His gaze caught my soapy reflection in the mirror.
“I’ve always used the hotel.”
“That’s the only place you’ve had sex? Before me?”
“The only place I’ve had consensual sex,” he said quietly, “before you.”
“Oh.” My heart broke.
I walked over to him, hugging him from behind. I rubbed my cheek against his back.
We went to bed and wrapped ourselves around each other. I buried my face in his neck and breathed
him in, snuggling. His body was hard, yet it was wonderful y comfortable against mine. He was so warm and strong, so powerful y male. I only had to think of him to want him.
I slid my leg over his hips and rose above him, my hands splayed atop the ridges of his abdomen. It was dark, I couldn’t see him, but I didn’t need to. As much as I loved that face of his—the one he resented at times—it was the way he touched me and murmured to me that real y got to me. As if there was no one else in the world for him, nothing he wanted more.
“Gideon.” I didn’t need to say anything else.
Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me deeply. Then he rol ed me beneath him and made love to me with a tender possessiveness that rocked me to the soul.
I woke with a jolt of surprise. A heavy weight crushed me and a harsh voice spit ugly, nasty words into my ear. Panic gripped me, cutting off my air.
Not again. No…Please, no…
My stepbrother’s hand covered my mouth and he yanked my legs apart. I felt the hard thing between his legs poking blindly, trying to push into my body. My scream was muffled by his palm smashed over my lips and I cringed away, my heart pounding so hard I thought it would burst. Nathan was so heavy. So heavy and strong. I couldn’t buck him off. I couldn’t shove him away.
Stop it! Get off me. Don’t touch me. Oh, God…
please don’t do that to me…not again…
Where was Mama? Ma-ma!
I screamed, but Nathan’s hand covered my mouth. It pressed down on me, squashing my head into the pil ow. The more I fought, the more excited he became.
Panting like a dog, he rammed against me over and over…trying to shove himself inside me…
“You’re going to know what it feels like.” I froze. I knew that voice. I knew it wasn’t Nathan’s.
Not a dream. Stil a nightmare.
God, no. Blinking madly in the darkness, I struggled to see. The blood was roaring through my ears. I couldn’t hear.
But I knew the smel of his skin. Knew his touch, even when it was cruel. Knew the feel of his body on mine, even as it tried to invade me.
Gideon’s erection battered into the crease of my thigh. Panicked, I heaved upward with al my strength.
His hand on my face dislodged.
Sucking air into my lungs, I screamed.
His chest heaved as he growled, “Not so neat and tidy when you’re the one getting fucked.”
“Crossfire,” I gasped.
A flash of light from the hal way blinded me, fol owed by the blessed removal of Gideon’s smothering weight. Rol ing to my side, I sobbed, my eyes streaming tears that blurred my view of Cary shoving Gideon across the room and into the wal , denting the
drywal .
“Eva! Are you okay?” Cary turned on the bedside light, cursing when he saw me curled in a fetal position, rocking violently.
When Gideon straightened, Cary rounded on him.
“Move one fucking muscle before the cops get here and I’l beat you to a bloody pulp!”
Swal owing past my burning throat, I pushed up to a seated position. My gaze locked with Gideon’s and I watched the haze of sleep leave his eyes, replaced by a dawning horror.
“Dream,” I choked out, catching Cary’s arm as he reached for the phone. “He’s d-dreaming.” Cary glanced at where Gideon crouched naked on the floor like a wild animal. Cary’s arm dropped back to his side. “Jesus Christ,” he breathed. “And I thought I was fucked up.”
Sliding off the bed, I stood on shaky legs, sick with lingering fear. My knees gave out and Cary caught me, lowering to the floor with me and holding me as I cried.
“I’m gonna crash on the couch.” Cary ran a hand through his sleep-mussed hair and leaned into the hal way wal . The door to my bedroom was open behind me and Gideon was inside, looking pale and haunted. “I’l set out some blankets and pil ows for him, too. I don’t think he should go home alone. He’s shredded.”
“Thanks, Cary.” The arms I had wrapped around my middle tightened. “Is Tatiana stil here?”
“Hel , no. It’s not like that. We just fuck.”
“What about Trey?” I asked quietly, my mind already drifting back to Gideon.
“I love Trey. I think he’s the best person I’ve ever met aside from you.” He bent forward and kissed my forehead. “And what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
Stop worrying about me and take care of you.” I looked up at him, my eyes swimming in tears. “I don’t know what to do.”
Cary sighed, his green eyes dark and serious. “I think you need to decide if you’re in over your head, baby girl. Some people can’t be fixed. Look at me. I’ve got a great guy and I’m giving
it to a girl I can’t stand.”
“Cary…” Reaching out, I touched his shoulder.
He caught my hand and squeezed it. “I’m here if you need me.”
Gideon was zipping up his duffel bag when I returned to my room. He looked at me and fear slithered in my gut. Not for me, but for him. I’d never seen anyone look so desolate, so utterly broken. The bleakness in his beautiful eyes frightened me. There was no life in him. He was gray as death with deep shadows in al the angles and planes of his breathtaking face.
“What are you doing?” I whispered.
He backed up, as if he wanted to be as far away from me as he could get. “I can’t stay.” It worried me that I felt a surge of relief at the thought of being alone. “We agreed—no running.”
“That was before I attacked you!” he snapped, showing the first sign of spirit in over an hour.
“You were unconscious.”
“You’re not going to be a victim ever again, Eva. My God…what I almost did to you…” He turned his back to me, his shoulders hunched in a way that scared me as much as the attack had.
“If you leave, we lose and our pasts win.” I saw my words hit him like a blow. Every light in my room was on, as if electricity alone could banish al the shadows on our souls. “If you give up now, I’m afraid it’l be easier for you to stay away and for me to let you. We’l be over, Gideon.”
“How can I stay? Why would you want me to?” Turning around, he looked at me with such longing it brought fresh tears to my eyes. “I’d kil myself before I hurt you.”
Which was one of my fears. I had a difficult time picturing the Gideon I knew—the dominant, wil ful force of nature—taking his own life, but the Gideon standing before me was an entirely different person. And he was the child of a suicidal parent.
My fingers plucked at the hem of my T-shirt. “You’d never hurt me.”
“You’re afraid of me,” he said hoarsely. “I can see it on your face. I’m afraid of me. Afraid of sleeping with you and doing something that wil destroy us both.” He was right. I was afraid. Dread chil ed my stomach.
Now I knew the explosive violence in him. The festering fury. And we were so impassioned with each other. I’d slapped his face at the garden party, lashing out physical y when I never did that.