For Momma's Sake

by Bonnie Gardner

  Right for Momma anyway.

  He wasn’t at all sure if it would be right for him and Darcy.

  * * *

  “I’M GOING TO go in to Doc Williamson’s in the morning,” Darcy told Bill as they were sitting down to a late supper of sliced tomatoes and cold cuts. She didn’t wait for him to comment, but forged ahead. “He’s shorthanded with me out. It was supposed to be my turn to work Saturday, and I don’t want to make somebody else work for me when they had other plans. I wouldn’t be able to sleep late anyway.” If I get to sleep at all, she didn’t say.

  “All right,” Bill said, putting his fork down. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the ladderback chair that creaked in protest. “I’ll drive in with you. You can drop me off at the hospital and I’ll bring Mom’s car home.”

  Darcy looked up. She hadn’t even thought of Nettie’s car still taking up space in the hospital parking lot.

  “I reckon you’ll have to come get me after work, so we can go back to the hospital together.” His mouth quirked as if he were trying to hide a smile. “You’ll have to come home and change out of your uniform, anyway.”

  Darcy started to protest, but Bill stopped her. “We promised Momma we’d get some rest. If you show up in your uniform, she’ll know you didn’t.”

  Bill was right, even if that smirk had turned a little too smug. “I had forgotten all about Nettie’s car,” Darcy said, unwilling though she was to admit Bill was right.

  Bill shrugged. At least, he wasn’t gloating over her lapse.

  They ate the rest of the meal in silence as thick and heavy as deep winter snow.

  Finally, after enduring more of the strained quiet than she could stand, Darcy rose to clear the table, and Bill yawned and stretched. “I’m calling the captain to let him know what’s happening.” He shrugged, then went on. “I want to see how the night jump I was supposed to be on when Momma got sick went. And I need to check on the dates for NCO Academy. It’s a course to prepare higher-ranking non-commissioned officers for their new leadership responsibilities.”

  “That’s probably a good idea,” Darcy said, scraping the plates into the trash can. Neither one of them had eaten much, but at least they’d made the effort. And the cold cuts for supper tasted a great deal better than the cardboard sandwich she’d had at lunch. “There’s not much to do here, you go ahead.”

  Darcy had had more than enough of Bill’s silences for one day. She had a lot to mull over, and right now all she could think about was taking a hot bath to soak out the aches from her long days in the hospital waiting room. Then she could go to bed. She might not sleep, but at least she could lie down and hope some of the kinks from her two long days would settle out somehow.

  She finished the light cleanup in the kitchen and dried her hands. As she hung the dish towel over the handle on the stove she caught a glimpse of Bill out of the corner of her eye.

  He was hanging up the phone in what seemed to be slow motion, and something about it sent prickles of uneasiness down her spine. The expression on Bill’s face was blank, almost unreadable. He walked slowly toward her with the vagueness of a sleepwalker.

  “What is it?” Darcy tried to temper the panic she felt, but the expression on his face was frightening. “Is it your mother?” Had call waiting clicked in while he was talking? Was it bad news?

  Bill shook his head, still showing that dazed, slow-motion effect. “No,” he said, his voice strained, strange. “My roommate and another guy almost bought the farm the other night,” he said, as he sagged against the doorjamb, a look of stunned disbelief on his face.

  Darcy covered her mouth to stifle her gasp of shock. “They bought the farm?” Went in and bought the farm were paratrooper euphemisms for being killed when a parachute didn’t open or when a parachute jump went disastrously bad.

  “They’re alive. Block’s gonna be okay, he just screwed his leg into the ground, but Ski’s critical.

  “Back injury,” he said, then he balled his hand into a fist and slammed it against the wall. “They don’t know if he’ll walk again. If I’d been there, maybe I could have done something.”

  “Ski is your roommate?” Funny, Darcy thought. She ought to know that. But then, Bill probably hadn’t told Ski about her, either.

  “Yeah,” he said hoarsely. “I called the apartment before I called the captain. Ski didn’t answer, and I just assumed he was whooping it up at some bar somewhere with a girl on each arm.” He drew in a long deep breath. “I left a rude message on the machine for him.”

  Darcy reached for him, but drew her hand back. She wanted to attend to his hand which surely hurt, and wanted to comfort him. If it were her, she’d need a shoulder, and she sensed that Bill did, too, but she didn’t know how he’d take the gesture. “I’m sure he’d understand,” Darcy finally said.

  Bill closed his eyes as if shutting them would shut off the recriminations that must be running through his mind. “He’ll never hear it,” he said. “I will definitely erase it as soon as I get back.”

  He reached for Darcy and drew her to him. “Can things get any worse?” He tucked her close to him and kissed the top of her head. “Darcy, I was supposed to be on that plane. I was supposed to jump that night, but…but that’s when I got the call about Momma. It could have been me.”

  Darcy stepped out of his embrace and looked up into his clouded green eyes. “Now listen here, William Hays, that has nothing to do with you. You’re here where you’re needed. Where you belong. Don’t you go thinking you could have prevented it if you’d been there. You don’t even know what happened. Don’t go blaming yourself for something you had no control over.”

  Bill managed half a smile. “Yes, ma’am, Darcy sir. I reckon you’re right, but still. I wish I could have been there. I just wish I knew the whole story.”

  “It’s hard to sit around and not know the details,” Darcy said, trying to be comforting. “But you are needed here. Focus on that.”

  “Yeah. I suppose you’re right,” Bill said. He heaved a big sigh, then pushed away. “I think I’ll go for a run.”

  Darcy stood there as Bill went to his room to change into his running clothes and wondered if she should try to talk him out of it. She didn’t like the idea of him out there alone in the dark, but she shook her uneasy feeling away. That wasn’t a congested city road out there. Traffic was light and most of the time non-existent. She bit her lip to keep from saying anything.

  Bill returned in short order, wearing running shorts and shoes. “Don’t wait up,” Bill said, then he pushed the screen door open and disappeared into the night.

  * * *

  THE RUN DID the trick. He’d gone all the way up the hill to Parson’s Corner then walked the downhill stretch back. It must have been four miles to the top, but it had achieved what he’d been looking for. Release.

  He’d been bottling up all his frustrations for too long. When he’d gotten to the top, he’d stood in the churchyard at the top of the hill and shouted out his anger, safe in the knowledge that no one would hear him.

  Exhausted, he stumbled on the loose gravel at the end of the lane, but caught himself with his hands when he fell. Picking the dirt and gravel out of his palms, scraped and raw, he felt vaguely satisfied. He was alive. His hands hurt, but he was alive. Maybe that was what all these trials were meant to show him.

  They were supposed to tell him to stop putting his life on hold while he waited for everything to be perfect. Look what had happened to Momma. Look what had happened to Ski!

  And, at least Momma had lived a full and happy life. She’d loved and lost and raised a family that loved her back. That was something to be proud of. She and Daddy hadn’t sat around and waited for everything to be perfect, they’d reached for the brass ring and caught it, even if life hadn’t quite been the t
all cotton they might have dreamed about.

  What would he have to show for it if he died tomorrow? Nothing. Not a stupid thing.

  He trudged up the steps onto the porch and sank onto the swing. He was still hot and sticky, and he needed to cool off before he stepped inside.

  He would convince Darcy to marry him. He had to. That decision made, he got off the swing and went inside. Maybe Darcy would want to stay married once it was over; maybe she wouldn’t. All he knew was that he was certain that this marriage was meant to be. For better or worse.

  Darcy had already gone to bed by the time he stepped inside, so he didn’t bother her. He’d have all weekend to work on her, to convince her to be his wife. After all, they couldn’t get married until Monday anyway.

  He showered quickly, then went to bed. He figured he wouldn’t sleep, and that didn’t bother him. He had plans to make.

  As he tried to figure out the next step in his attempt to win Darcy over, he drifted to sleep, wondering… .

  * * *

  DARCY DROVE BACK to the house after putting in her half day in Doctor Williamson’s office. It had surprised her that the man still closed on Wednesday afternoons and stayed open on Saturday mornings when most doctors now tried to work only four days a week. But then, after going to school in urban North Carolina, working in Pittsville seemed like stepping into the past.

  She hadn’t spoken much to Billy this morning. He seemed to have something on his mind, and had answered in moody monosyllables. Of course, that was a no-brainer. He was still thinking about his mother’s request to see him married before she… . And if that wasn’t enough, he had to be worried about his friends back in Florida.

  Darcy shook her head as she slowed down for a cow in the road. She hated to think about Nettie dying, but she had to face it. Bill’s mother was going to die. And soon, if her frank talk with Doctor Williamson this morning meant anything. He’d taken her aside and told her without any of the sidestepping and whitewashing he’d done for the rest of the family just what Nettie’s condition was.

  Bill’s mother’s time on this earth was limited. If Nettie experienced another episode like the one she’d just gotten through, it wasn’t likely that she’d recover. Or she could just not wake up some morning.

  The thought was sobering, but Darcy was glad to know. Not that she hadn’t already understood that reality somewhere in the back of her mind. She’d come to love the woman. Darcy hated that their time together was destined to be so short, but she was glad that their paths had crossed so that she could ease Nettie’s final days.

  But she still wasn’t sure she could marry Nettie’s son. She wanted to make Nettie happy, but Darcy was already bothered enough about lying about being engaged to Bill. It wouldn’t be any easier to go through the motions of a marriage that wasn’t intended to be permanent or real.

  Even if she did wish it would be.

  That stopped her. Did she really?

  Would it make a difference if she had any inkling at all that Bill might have some feelings for her? Darcy sighed.

  Kissing Bill had been more than she ever would have imagined a kiss could be. More than she’d ever felt with Dick. But was this electricity, this spark, this magnetic attraction love?

  If Bill would just give her some little sign that he cared about her more than just as a means to make his mother happy, the decision might be easy. Well, easier. There was no way this situation was ever going to be easy.

  And could she do it?

  After all, she had left a man she’d known forever at the altar. Did she really think she could go through the motions with a man she barely knew?

  She pulled into the drive and looked ahead to see Billy swinging idly in the glider on the front porch. Her breath caught in her throat.

  After yesterday, she knew Bill better. She was beginning to get an idea about what made him tick. But she still didn’t think she knew him well enough to marry him. Even if the marriage had an escape hatch built in.

  She parked by the shed and turned off the engine. Bill had come down off the porch and waited for her in the yard. Darcy liked that, but she couldn’t help wondering why?

  “Lunch is ready. Do you want to change first or eat?” Bill announced as Darcy stepped out of the car. He offered her his arm, and escorted her up the steps.

  Bill’s odd behavior had her wondering, but Darcy decided to enjoy it, nonetheless.

  * * *

  A NURSE STOPPED Bill in the hall before he and Darcy entered his mother’s hospital room, and a vague feeling of alarm shuddered through him. Bill clutched Darcy’s hand as they waited for the woman tell them what she wanted.

  “I don’t want to alarm you,” the nurse said, doing exactly what she’d said she didn’t want to do. “But I wanted to prepare you, Mr. Hays.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Go on.”

  The nurse splayed her fingers out in front of her in a gesture of supplication that Bill suspected was supposed to be calming. If it was, she’d missed the mark. “Nettie had a bad night and looks a little sicker this morning than she did last night. I didn’t want you to go in there without being warned.”

  Darcy touched his arm. “Nettie probably just had a hard time sleeping because of the strange surroundings. The first night she was sedated. Now that she’s feeling better, she probably noticed noises that kept her up.” She smiled, but Bill was quick to note that the smile didn’t reach the corners of her eyes. “I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  Bill drew in a deep breath. “Okay, you’ve told me. Now can I go in?”

  “Yes. Go ahead.”

  Bill grabbed Darcy’s hand, turned and strode into his mother’s room with Darcy in tow.

  Compared to yesterday, Momma did look ill, but certainly not on death’s door as he’d first imagined she might. She did look haggard, and blue-black circles rimmed her eyes. But when she saw who her visitors were, she perked right up, a grin brightening her pinched face. “Good morning, son. Daughter,” she said.

  Bill didn’t see the need to point out that it was afternoon, but he kissed his mother’s forehead, then took her hand as he settled into the chair next to her. “The nurse tells me you had a bad night,” he said simply.

  “Nothing new. I’m an old lady. Nothing’s as easy as it used to be.” Momma managed a chuckle. “Some nights I can’t sleep a wink, and other days I just don’t want to wake up. I just had some heavy thinking on my mind.”

  “Like what?” Darcy asked, situating herself on the other side of the bed.

  “Thinking about my past. Your future. A little bit of everything.” She sighed and managed a weak smile. “Life’s been good to me, for the most. But, I’ve had my time. It’s your time now to…” She let the words trail off, and Bill wondered if she had forgotten what she’d intended to say or whether she’d left it for him to fill in the blanks.

  Darcy gasped slightly, then seemed to regain her composure. She patted his mother’s hand and swallowed. “You still have plenty of time, Nettie.”

  Nobody in the room believed that. Bill loved Darcy for saying it. For at least trying.

  “No, I don’t. And you, of all my children, should know it better than most,” she said, directing her comment to Darcy. “My heart’s failing me. I might go tomorrow, or I could hang on for months.” She paused to catch her breath and coughed, the sound wheezy and wet.

  “Just between you and me and the bedpost, we know I didn’t have pneumonia. My body’s tired. It’s shuttin’ down.” She sighed again, her eyes bright.

  “I don’t mind goin’,” she whispered, turning back to Bill. “I really don’t. I just want to know that my youngest is happy.” She smiled, a longing expression in her eyes. “I might not be able to dance at your wedding, son, but I would surely like to be there.”

 
Bill’s heart seemed to skip a beat, and Darcy drew in a quick breath. The following silence seemed to echo too loudly in his ears. What could he say?

  He wanted to tell her yes. If it were only up to him, he would shout it to the rooftops.

  It was no longer a matter of putting it off until later; it had to be done now. It was clear to him as a target in his gun sight that Momma had lain awake all night worrying about him…and Darcy…and that she wouldn’t live to see their wedding.

  Bill swallowed and glanced at Darcy. Seeming to be as uncertain as he was, she wrung her hands.

  Why hadn’t they told Momma the truth from the get-go? If they had, they wouldn’t be in this fix now. Momma wouldn’t even be thinking about whether or not he was going to get married sooner instead of later. She wouldn’t be thinking about him in terms of marriage at all. And she sure wouldn’t be lying awake at night making herself sicker by worrying about it.

  Suddenly Bill’s head throbbed, and he rubbed at his temples, then scrubbed his hands down his cheeks. What were they going to do now? How could he and Darcy have known that their well-intentioned charade would backfire?

  Darcy quietly got up from her chair and came around the foot of Nettie’s hospital bed to stand behind Bill. She knew that what they said to Nettie in the next few moments might make the difference between her recovery this time or giving up too soon.

  She’d come to love Nettie in the past few weeks, and she didn’t want the woman to die, now, or later. But Darcy knew Nettie’s death was inevitable. And she knew that granting this one wish would make her going easier.

  She and Bill had set out two weeks ago on a course that they couldn’t change. Every moment since she’d stepped out of that Jeep, yawning and stretching after her aborted wedding, had led them irrevocably to this moment.

  They’d set the course. They’d have to follow through.

  Wherever that final destination might be.

  Darcy moistened her lips and drew in a deep breath. She didn’t know whether a marriage to Bill would be for better or for worse, but it probably wouldn’t be forever. She let out the breath she’d forgotten she was holding. If she knew it going in, it wouldn’t be so bad coming out.