Linda’s parents walked her down the aisle to where Eamon was waiting, hands folded a little nervously in front of him.
The ceremony itself was sweet and simple. Dakota, in a very pretty boho dress, gave a reading, and one of Eamon’s friends sang an Irish folksong.
The only thing that was formal about the ceremony was that they had a minister. Eamon was Presbyterian, not Catholic, Linda had explained, which was lucky because otherwise they would have had to jump through all sorts of hoops to be married in the Catholic Church.
Tears welled up in Zoe’s eyes as the minister took them through their vows. She was emotional not because of the words the minister spoke; that was just generic wedding verbiage, to have and to hold, to cherish and to love, etc., etc. It was the look on Linda’s face, and Eamon’s too. But mostly Linda’s. She looked euphoric, but also exceedingly grateful, as if even though she had hoped for this, she had never actually imagined it would come true.
Linda deserved the love of a good man and the blessing of a child on the way more than anyone Zoe could think of. In Linda, Zoe saw how things you didn’t think possible could happen. How life could surprise you . . . if you let it.
Everyone clapped when the minister told Eamon he could now kiss the bride and he put one hand behind her head and pulled her to him, kissing her exuberantly.
They walked down the aisle with everyone standing and cheering. Horse show people couldn’t help themselves from cheering. Zoe even heard a few whoops.
Eamon and Linda went off to have a few photos taken and people trickled over to where the caterers were firing up the grills.
Zoe, Hannah, and John walked over together.
“So what shows are you doing this winter?” Hannah asked John.
“Did Zoe pay you to ask me that?”
Before Hannah could deny it, he said, “Actually, I haven’t told Zoe this yet but I might go to Gulfport for a few weeks.”
“That’s cool.” Zoe was glad to hear he wouldn’t be sitting home all winter, although Gulfport was a far cry from Wellington. “Would you bring all the horses?”
“Probably. If I can scrape together the cash. I have my eye on one more too. I saw one I really like.”
“Jumper? Eq horse?” Zoe said.
“I thought he’d be an eq horse but I don’t know. I might have another hunter on my hands.”
“Really?”
“Well, maybe, we’ll see,” John said.
Hannah saw Dakota and excused herself to go talk to her. Zoe gave Hannah a quick, annoyed look because she knew Hannah was leaving her on purpose.
“Well, you totally proved you can do the hunter-rider thing at Derby Finals,” Zoe told John.
“That might be a bit of an over exaggeration,” John said. “Let’s just say I didn’t totally embarrass myself.”
“You did really well,” Zoe said. “So are you going to keep Gidget and show her?” She was fishing for him to tell her about the offer but he said vaguely, “I don’t really know yet,” and then changed the subject, asking, “What’s going on with your job?” John said, changing the subject. “Are you definitely staying through Florida?”
“It’s a good job and they aren’t crazy people like most horse show people. If anything, it can be a little boring. I can’t believe I’m saying that.”
“Boring’s probably good for you,” John said.
Zoe laughed. “Yeah, no kidding.”
“When do you leave for Florida?” John asked.
“Right after The National. The horses go straight from there. We’ll go back home and pack up and then meet them there. Any movement on the other horses? “
“You know, a few inquiries. I have them listed on BigEq and they’re on my website so I get calls.”
“If I can ever help . . . maybe just mention it to a few people. Florida is when everyone’s looking.”
“Looking to buy something on the show grounds. Not up north.”
“Well, maybe when you’re in Gulfport. If I had someone seriously interested, they could pay to ship the horse over to WEF for a week or two . . ..”
Zoe knew it was a stretch. John was right—if the horse wasn’t at WEF, or maybe Ocala, it wasn’t going to be high on people’s shopping lists.
“I guess I could consider sending a horse to Florida with you. Do you think Grant would go for that?”
“You’d send a horse with me?” Zoe couldn’t believe John would trust her that much. “I mean what if I rode it every day in drawn reins?”
“Very funny,” he said. “And yes, clearly I would trust you.”
A small cheer went up behind them from the Irish guys. John and Zoe turned to see Linda and Eamon walking up holding hands. The Irish guys bellowed to Eamon to come have a drink with them and he kissed Linda before joining them.
Linda came over and hugged Zoe. She said she wanted to introduce Zoe to her parents. While she wanted to meet them too, Zoe didn’t want to leave John. When she had finally extracted herself from chatting with Zoe’s parents, Zoe saw that John was busy talking with Heather. Zoe felt a little flash of jealousy, even though she had no reason to think there was anything between them. For one thing, Heather was much older than he was.
For only a few guys, Eamon’s friends could make quite a ruckus. The drinks flowed and the voices raised and hearty laughter followed. While there wasn’t a dance floor or a DJ, someone set up the barn’s Bose connected to an iPhone and soon there was music and dancing.
At first, Zoe and Hannah danced with the Irish guys. Tiernan seemed to gravitate toward Hannah. He was cute with red hair and green eyes. He and Hannah danced together and Zoe thought she detected chemistry between them. He probably knew who she was because of Chris.
Zoe couldn’t help but think how Chris would be jealous if he heard Hannah hooked up with Tiernan. Zoe didn’t think it would develop into anything more than a hook-up; Tiernan wasn’t one for long-term relationships. But it would probably be good for her.
Or would it? The whole point was for her not to get involved with another horse person. For her to have her hook-ups at school, outside the gossipy world of the show circuit.
Zoe danced with one of the other Irish guys but she found herself sneaking glances at John. He had gone to get another drink and then was walking back over toward the unofficial dance floor. She saw him look at her and then quickly look away. He was definitely watching her. When the song ended, she walked over to him.
“Not much for dancing?”
“You know, when the occasion merits.”
“And this occasion doesn’t merit?”
“That makes it sound like I’m not happy for Linda and Eamon. Or like I’m a buzz-kill. I just can’t quite get into things. It’s a stay-on-the-sidelines kind of night.”
“We’ve all had those kind of nights,” Zoe said.
John raised an eyebrow, implying that Zoe hadn’t had many.
“I have too,” she said.
John looked out over the room. Heather was now dancing with one of Eamon’s friends. Hannah was with Tiernan. It wasn’t a slow song but they were still dancing close, arms draped around each other.
“I think I’m gonna sneak out, actually,” John said.
“You’re going home?” Zoe hardly disguised her disappointment. She worried it was because she had danced with the Irish guy.
“Yeah, I’m just going to slip out. I’ll see Linda next week anyway. They’re only going to New York for two nights on their honeymoon.”
She wanted to convince him to stay but what could she say? That Linda would be sad if he left? Linda was having a great time and probably wouldn’t notice. The only reason he should stay would be if she told him she wanted him to stay.
“I’ll see you around,” John said.
Zoe looked back over the wedding crowd. She tried to remind herself of all the good things in her life. She wasn’t using drugs. Her life was relatively stable. She had a good job and enough money to pay her bills. She had horses to
ride and show in Florida.
So why did it feel so wrong?
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
It took maybe forty seconds before she followed John, breaking into a jog. If he drove out before she reached him, it wasn’t like she didn’t know where he lived, or where to find him. He wasn’t getting on a plane to a foreign country and disappearing from her life forever, the final scenes in some of those romantic comedies she’d watched with him and Molly. This wasn’t the only chance she’d get to confess to him how she really felt about him.
But if she let this moment go, she was worried she’d never get up the courage again.
The spikes of her heels kept plunging into the grass, slowing her progress. She kept having to stop and grab onto her heel to extract them. Her shoes would no doubt be ruined. But she hardly cared. All she cared about was John.
When she had to bend down and unstick one again she pulled it off instead. Off came the corresponding shoe. She left them in a haphazard pile and ran barefoot toward where the cars were parked.
The grass felt cool and thick on her bare feet. She felt like she was a kid going out to the barn barefoot in the evening to peek in on the horses.
She looked for the back of John’s car going down the driveway, thinking he might already be driving away. She was fully prepared to chase him down.
The driveway was empty. Her heart lurched. Was he already gone? Then she looked back at the cars parked on the grass and found him leaning against his car door, his head positioned so it looked like he was staring up at the sky.
What the hell was he doing?
She slowed to a walk, trying to figure it out. Maybe his car wouldn’t start? Maybe he had second thoughts about taking off so early?
Or maybe he was having the same thoughts about her that she was having about him. Maybe he too was kicking himself for not telling her how he really felt about her.
He noticed her, perhaps catching a glimpse of her blue dress. He cocked his head—now he was confused.
She spread her arms out to the side in the universal gesture of I’m-not-sure-what-the-hell-I’m-doing-either.
When she reached him, Zoe knew she had to be the one to speak first. “Sweetie?”
He smiled. “Darling?”
“I like us together. We’re good together.”
“You mean like as riders, or as people?”
“As people. Aren’t we good together?”
“I think we are,” John said. “We might even be fucking amazing.”
He stepped away from the car and kissed her like he’d been planning it for a long time, only waiting for the right moment. There was no hesitation, no slow-mo lean-in where you’re making sure the other person wants to be kissed before you commit.
So this was what it’s like, Zoe thought, as they kissed. This was what it was like to kiss someone whom you felt seriously attracted to but also had a real connection with. It was like bringing two worlds together that had never intersected for her.
But something kept nagging at her. It was that night he’d turned her down.
She pulled away from him. “Wait, why did you turn me down that first time—the night we went out for drinks?”
“I didn’t want to be just any guy to you,” he said. “I wanted to be the guy for you.”
They spent that evening at John’s house. Zoe was so happy to see Molly and be back at his house. He put his arm around her at one point and she thought she saw his mother give his father a hopeful look. Clearly Joanne did not know her history or Zoe was certain she would not approve.
Hannah didn’t hook up with Tiernan, beyond a few impulsive kisses on the makeshift dance floor. She texted Zoe to find out where she’d gone and they planned to meet up later back at the hotel.
With Hannah sharing her hotel room and John living with his parents, all he and Zoe could do that night was mess around in his car in the far region of the hotel parking lot.
It was the next night, when Hannah had gone back to school, that they slept together.
She worried that after all the wild sex she’d had—most of it by no means good—John might be boring. She’d been with boring guys before and having a guy climb on top of you and basically pump away was okay for a one-night thing but she wanted more with John.
But she shouldn’t have worried about any of it, because the moment the door to the hotel room was shut, he was pulling her shirt over her head and leading her to the bed, all the while they were kissing frantically.
He was confident in his actions, but not arrogant, reactive to her responses. It felt good at first and then he changed the angle a little and it didn’t feel as good for her and he repositioned himself again.
They got it right and it felt good for both of them and they were both making noise.
“People are going to call downstairs and complain,” Zoe said.
“I don’t fucking care,” John said, between heavy breaths.
He smoothed her hair back around her face and they continued until it was over for both of them.
Zoe couldn’t stop smiling as they lay next to each other.
“That was amazing,” she said.
“Really? I’m not sure I did anything amazing for you. I mean give me time and maybe I can do amazing things.” John made a self-depreciating face. “Or not, I don’t know.”
“Trust me,” she promised. “It was amazing.”
Of course it was how they felt about each other, and what he didn’t do, that made it amazing.
For once Zoe didn’t find her head filled with the usual questions like, will this only be a one-night thing, does he like me, and how can I get him to like me?
She knew John wanted to spend more nights—and more importantly days—with her.
“Come back east,” he said, as if he knew what she was thinking.
“What do you mean?”
“Come ride for me. I’ll buy only hunters from now on. You can show them and we can sell them.”
“Are you serious?” she asked. No guy had ever offered to change his life for her. Usually she was trying to figure out how to fit into the guy’s life.
“Yes, completely.”
“The money’s not in the hunters. It’s in the eq and the jumpers.”
“Okay, so we’ll do some hunters, and some jumpers and eq.”
“But I told Grant I’d go to Florida with them. Can I do that to Grant? Just leave him like I did to you?”
“No, you shouldn’t,” John said.
“So then what?”
“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he said randomly.
“What?” Had any guy ever said he loved her or was falling in love with her? No, not even drunk and in the throes of climaxing. She was totally caught off guard. “How does that answer my question about Grant?”
“It doesn’t. Or maybe it does . . .”
She crossed her arms. “Can you stop speaking in riddles?”
“We’ll make this work. Maybe you work for Grant through Florida and then come back here in the spring.”
Zoe liked his optimism, his faith even though the future felt uncertain and the odds were probably stacked against them.
“What about Morgan and the bad stuff I’ve done? I mean when I told you about everything that happened in Florida you looked like you were freaked out.”
“I was a little freaked out but that was before I got to know you. Shit happens. Shit happens that you didn’t really want to happen or plan for it to happen. I think I’m okay with letting your past be in the past.”
“Okay,” she said, still a little tentatively.
“Okay—what are you saying okay to?”
“Okay to making it work.”
“What about the part where I said the love thing—not sure I should repeat that. Too much, too soon, too crazy?”
There was so much she’d done in her life that had been too much, too soon, too crazy but John was the first guy she’d been with that made her feel good about herself and the p
erson she could be. Wasn’t that what finding the right person could do—make you your best self?
“I think I’m falling in love with you too,” she said.
T H E • E N D
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KIM ABLON WHITNEY lives with her husband and three children in Newton, Massachusetts. In addition to writing fiction, she is a USEF ‘R’ judge in hunters, equitation, and jumpers and has officiated at the Washington International Horse Show Junior Equitation Finals, the Capital Challenge, the Winter Equestrian Festival, Lake Placid, and the Vermont Summer Festival. She also runs the blog Below the Cutoff: A Look at the Horse Show Life.
Keep in touch with Kim on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and at www.kimablonwhitney.com and the blog www.belowthecutoff.com.
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Hunter Derby: (Show Circuit Series -- Book 3) Page 23