The fresher the blood I drank, the stronger and better I felt. I tore open his throat and drew as much out of him as I could. It was an instant euphoric feeling and J.T. went painfully rigid.
My headache was retreating and the buzz in my mind was quieting. I had my fill and released Gage’s body, which face-planted on the ground. I stumbled back and crashed arse over tits to the ground myself.
I needed to stay still for a minute and enjoy the fresh life running through my tainted body. “Bloody hell. That was brill,” I whispered.
My mind was swirling with a flurry of activity. I felt my body temperature rising slightly, my joints were loosening up and, for the first time in a few weeks, I felt as if I were alive. I was high—absolutely and utterly high. The endorphin rush was making my nerves dance all over my body.
Fuck me. Time was moving slowly. Tick-tock. I felt like I was tumbling down the rabbit hole in slow motion. My thoughts were dragging and my eyelids were half-closed. It was the most glorious feeling, and I hadn’t felt it in such a long time.
I waved my hand in front of my face and it left a trail of hands behind it. I chuckled. My skin felt super sensitive against my dirty, gore-stained clothes, making me itch. I shifted around in the brush, trying to scratch that impossible itch. I closed my eyes, trying to settle down.
“Gunther! Gage! Where are you?”
My mind clicked back to reality. It was Josie. “Shit.” I sat up. I looked down at myself and saw I had blood splatter all over me. In a panic, I wiped my face on my sleeve, trying to rid myself of any evidence of the mind-blowing ingestion of Gage’s blood.
“Gunther! Gage!” She sounded more worried.
“Shut it, Josie! You will attract them.” I struggled to a standing position and my brain spun opposite of the earth. “Shit.” I leaned down and put my hands on my knees to help catch my breath and steady myself. I heard a branch snap a couple feet away. I turned around and Josie was standing there, jaw dropped and trembling all over. “Josie, it’s not what you think,” I mumbled. For a moment, I thought I had been exposed.
She raised her gun. “Stay away. Don’t come near me.” I held my hands up in front of my chest, noting the haze around her. I was still in a euphoric state. I did my damnedest to focus on her. I jammed my forefinger and thumb into my eyes in effort to coax them into working properly.
“Josie, please, let me explain.”
When I was finally able to get close enough to get a proper look at her face, she had tears running down it. “You killed him?” Not that she liked Gage, or he liked her. He didn’t like anyone. “What’s wrong with you? You look weird.” Her voice was shaking as much as the gun in her hand. Obviously, she had seen enough death to last a lifetime.
I needed to think fast about the euphoric look on my face. “When I came up on him, he clocked me in the head. Josie…put the gun down.” I spoke calmly, but assertively as I tried to collect myself.
“Why did you kill him?” she trembled.
“Put the gun down and I will explain everything.”
“No.” She seemed somewhat empowered standing there, holding it.
“Josie…” I started walking toward her again.
“Stay back!” she screamed.
“Okay, okay.” I took a step back. I didn’t feel like eating lead for dinner. A nice filet would have been delectable, though. “I had to kill him. He tackled me from behind and threatened all of us. I was out of options. It was either let him take us over, or I would be dead. I had to protect you two.”
I knew I sounded believable. After all, it was the truth. My feelings for Quinn were developing into something more than I understood, and I couldn’t let anything happen to Josie. She was too young and too innocent in all of this.
“Why should I believe you?” she was shaking all over.
“I would not betray your trust. You trust me, don’t you?” Josie swallowed hard.
Quinn came down from the road. “What’s going on?” She gasped when she saw me all bloodied, then let out a loud scream when she saw Gage in a crumpled pile on the ground behind me.
“Shhh!” I said. “Please don’t scream again. You will attract undeads.”
“What the hell happened?” she asked in the most heated voice I had heard from her yet.
“He claims Gage tackled him from behind and threatened to kill him and take over,” Josie retorted.
Quinn examined the situation, and you could see she was running the words over and over through her head. She put her hands on her hips and thrust her chest out, chewing on her bottom lip. Jesus Christ, she was sexy as hell, even in her tousled state.
Come on, beautiful. Side with me. I need you to side with me, my love. Wait. What the fuck was that? My love? Shit. I scrubbed my face with my blood-stained hands.
“Is that what really happened?” Quinn questioned.
“Yes. You’ve got to believe me.” My eyes ticked back to the barrel pointed at my head. “Please, Josie, lower the gun,” I plead.
Quinn turned to her, placing her hand tenderly on Josie’s forearm. “We have to trust him. It’s okay. I’m sure he’s telling the truth.” Quinn stepped in front of the gun and locked eyes with the girl. She reached out and tucked a strand of dirty hair behind Josie’s ear. “Hand me the gun, sweetheart.”
Josie reluctantly handed Quinn the gun. I breathed a loud sigh of relief. Quinn tucked the Sig in the back of her pants as Josie fell into her and cried. “I’m sorry,” she said through her tears.
“It’s okay. This is a lot for someone your age. Frankly, for anyone.” Quinn was trying to console her as she would her own daughter. I admired her ability to be compassionate. It was something I needed to work on more.
I put my hand on Quinn’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” I said with sincerity. “It wasn’t my intention.”
Quinn turned to me. “It’s okay. I was tired of his cocky attitude. He was an asshat.” Her statement stunned me a bit. That was the first time Quinn really spoke her mind about Gage. I smirked. “I knew he was trouble from the beginning. He was pushing you to your limits. He questioned everything you did, and I could see it coming. You two clashed big time.”
“I could see it coming, as well, but what’s done is done.” I touched Josie’s cheek in a smooth effort to add compassion. “Josie, are you okay with this?” I made sure my voice was even and calm in the hope that she would accept what I did. She nodded into Quinn’s shoulder. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I didn’t intend for any of this happen. What do you say about heading back up to the truck and working out a plan?” I was feeling limber and less fatigued.
“Sounds good,” Quinn murmured. Josie turned so Quinn could wrap her arm around her shoulders and they silently walked back together.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of Quinn’s backside. I was determined that, someday, I would stake my claim. That arse would be mine.
Chapter 18
After searching numerous abandoned vehicles, Quinn and Josie found a lot of water, food—mostly snack items—clothing, and medical supplies. I had been able to siphon enough gas to fill the truck up, then we started pushing vehicles off the side of the road so we could get through.
While I was driving back to the house, I growled to myself. I kept thinking about what a clusterfuck everything had turned out to be. Not that living life the way I did wasn’t a clusterfuck to begin with, but I never imagined it would go as far as it had. I wasn’t prepared as much as I thought I was.
Fucking Roger and his bloody fucking program.
“You okay?” Quinn seemed worried. I looked over at her and then turned back to watch the road while I was driving. We never knew what was going to stagger out in front of us.
“I don’t know. It is a lot to deal with…the responsibility, that is.” Christ, said too much, Erikkson!
“Responsibility for what? You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
Bloody hell…if she only knew. I sat in silence for a moment, trying to hold i
n my emotions. The guilt from my involvement in the situation was feeling overwhelming. There was no way I could tell Quinn and Josie the truth.
As much as I didn’t need it to happen, I had grown to care for Quinn and I knew if she found out the truth, she would try to kill me. At the very least, she would run with Josie, and I knew that would be a death sentence for both of them. I couldn’t do that to anyone else.
At that moment, I realized I regretted following orders. I never thought I would feel that way. Quinn was eyeing me, and I was shattering.
She reached out and touched my arm. Just as quickly as she touched me, she pulled her hand back. “Why are you always so cold? Are you sick? You want me to drive so you can rest?”
“No and no. I’m just cold. Have been for years. Like I said before, poor circulation.” Oh god, I wanted to tell her the truth. I was fucking cracking. My hands gripped the steering wheel.
“What’s going on? This is the first time I have seen any weakness from you…besides that night you woke up screaming.” I glanced in the rearview mirror. Josie sat quietly in the back seat, listening to the conversation, obviously trying to absorb all that was being said.
“I just need to stop thinking.” We continued down the highway toward a turn-around. There wasn’t too much blocking us since there wasn’t another ramp for miles. “I’m going to take this U-turn up here so we can head back to our camp. We need to make plans about heading north.”
“Why is it so important for you to find this Henry person? Is he family or something? And, honestly, I think it would take months to get to wherever he may be, if he is even where you say he is supposed to be. And I have no idea where he was before!”
Quinn seemed a little panicky. If the person who is leading can’t keep it together, maybe it’s time for everyone else to start falling apart. I needed to get tight…for her. I hadn’t fully convinced my mind that I didn’t have the luxury of unraveling.
Breathe and focus. “We’re connected in more ways than one, and it’s important I get to him.”
Nothing else was said the entire drive back to the home camp.
Chapter 19
It felt like it had been too long since Gage’s timely death because the physical pain I was experiencing was becoming overwhelming once again. My spine ached. Every time I turned just so, I would hiss.
Josie had already gone to bed. I was peering out the side window in the living room, wondering when I was going to get my next fix, all the while trying to stretch out my back. In my head, I began to toss around the idea of telling Quinn about my diminishing predicament. I had run out of options.
“Gunther, are you all right?” I turned around. Quinn was standing a short distance behind me. I inhaled sharply, admiring how beautiful her body looked in the dimness of the candlelight. The shadows and highlights that traveled around her stellar body left me with such dirty, unchaste thoughts.
Fuck me. “Achy. I’m an old man, you know.” I softly smiled at her.
“Well, if you are an old man, I’m an old woman.”
I walked up to her, one pain-filled step at a time, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, and my John Thomas started to act up. I licked my lips, wishing I could taste her.
“Quinn…,” I whispered as I got close to her ear. “You are anything but.” I dragged my lips across her cheek and she swallowed hard. Her swallowing wasn’t the only thing that was hard at that point.
I placed my hand on the small of her back and pulled her as close as I could. I wanted her badly and I knew she felt the same. I could feel it in her body. Every time we touched, it was as if she was melting into me. I nuzzled my face into her neck. She smelled glorious, even in her unkempt state.
I’d take her right there on the couch, against the wall, over the table, the kitchen chair, the counter, anywhere. I’d take her any way I could. Tipping her chin up, our lips were a millimeter apart. She put her hands on my chest and pushed me away.
Jesus Christ, why couldn’t she just surrender to it? I spun around to adjust myself so she wouldn’t see J.T. saluting her. Not that she couldn’t have felt him pressed against her abdomen.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured.
“It’s all right.”
Really, it wasn’t. Turning back around, I sat down on the couch. I pushed my hand through my hair that was freakishly too long for me. I laid my head back on the cushion and hissed. My neck was so stiff.
“Be honest. Are you okay?” She sat down at the opposite end of the couch. She was so far away and I was aching to be near her.
I had no idea what was going on with my feelings, but I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to be honest with her. I wanted to tell Quinn my deepest, darkest, dirtiest secrets.
Looking up at her, she slid a little closer as I leaned forward, elbows on my knees. I rubbed my eyes as she rubbed my back with her warm, slight hand. It felt so good that I groaned.
“Talk to me,” she insisted.
“I’m torn up on the inside.” Truth. I begged myself not to get emotional. I begged and pleaded my body to stop. I needed more from her than just fucking.
I needed life from her.
A fresh start.
Acceptance.
“Please. You can talk to me.”
Out of options, I turned and faced her. “What I’m about to say to you is going to scare you, but I assure you, I mean no harm.” Here it goes. She shifted so she was away from me, telling me that I had already scared her. “I’m not who you think I am. I’m not some heroic man who is merely here coincidentally.” The fear in her eyes was evident, but she worked hard at being stoic.
“Go on.”
I should’ve stopped, but I couldn’t. It was already too late. I had to let it out. “I’ve already frightened you.”
“I can handle it.”
I cleared my throat and got down to it. “I grew up in England. I was raised in a program. Not a program for kids who had no parents, but a program to destroy what we knew before the outbreak. I was trained to fight this virus, hence my knowledge and the reason behind me having so many weapons.”
I searched her face for any sort of emotion or signal. Only her eyes held what she felt…fear. The hard part was yet to come—the truth. I looked away, ashamed.
“Go on,” she coaxed.
“I was verbally and physically abused. Then I did the same to the younger recruits that were ushered into the program. I beat them with my hands.” I looked down at my scarred fists. “I abused them with my words. The same that was done to me.” Oh fuck, I couldn’t back out. I just had to keep going. “I injected them with this undead virus…like I was injected before them.”
The silence was deafening. While admiring the wall in front of me, I rubbed my hands together in front of my mouth. I couldn’t look at her because of the shame I felt for myself and what I had done.
I couldn’t stand it anymore. Through the thick silence, I whispered, “Say something.” I begged for her to feel sympathy instead of telling me to leave. Although, I would have left if she said to.
“So you are one of those.”
“Sort of. Obviously, I’m not completely turned. We were injected with a small amount versus the full-blown virus.”
“How does it work?”
“It’s a man-made virus that lives in my brain, feeding on my blood. If I run low on clean blood, I start to turn. One sure sign is achy joints and muscles. My eyes turn gray. Eventually, if I don’t drink clean blood, I will turn.”
“Are you being for real, or is this another one of your jokes?”
I whipped my head around to her. That pissed me off. Why on Earth would she think that I would be joking about something as serious as being half-fucking-dead? “Does it look like I’m fucking joking?” I bit out at her.
“Keep your voice down,” she bit back.
I pulled a small flashlight out of my pocket and showed her my eyes. She gasped. “Gray, yes?”
; “Yes…” She sat silent for a moment. “Are you turning?”
“I will in the next few days if I don’t have any clean blood.”
“Where have you been getting your blood from?”
I turned and looked at her. “Gage was my last fill. After I killed him, I drained him.”
“Holy Christ. Is that why you killed him…just for his blood?”
“No, but it was convenient and I was hurting. Look, I’m ashamed of who I am and what I’ve done. I don’t want to be like this. I… Fuck.” I scrubbed my face and held it in my hands.
She shifted on the couch, moving closer to me. Her warmth seeped into me, filling my body with a feeling of hope. She grabbed my hands and pulled them down off my face just in time to see a tear trickle down my cheek.
I rarely cry. Admitting my true self to Quinn was not only an act of desperation, but I felt like I was being honest for the first time in my godforsaken life. Humiliated, I turned my face away from her.
“Gunther…”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I fought my emotions, but they were grabbing hold of me and dragging me down into the hole of sickness, need, and desire.
“Gunther…” I got up and she grabbed me by the waist of my jeans, pulling my big arse back down. “Sit. Look at me.” Completely disgusted with myself, I turned to face her, feeling unworthy to even be in the same room as her. “How can I help you?”
“No. No way.”
“Tell me.”
“No. I won’t do it.”
“You saved me. Now it’s my turn to save you. Tell me what I can do to help you.”
It was overwhelming that she wanted to help me, which was something no one ever wanted to do. I sagged my shoulders and cried like a fucking baby. It felt so good when she pulled me into her body and held me.
Awakened Desires Page 20