The rumors had soared when people learned who Jake's father was last year, but eventually, the public had lost interest in a secret that wasn't a secret anymore.
“You again?” Frankie, the owner of the town's liquor store, asked when I walked in. He was a middle-aged, sometimes grumpy but mostly friendly man. When I'd come here on my 21st birthday, he'd given me a bottle of beer for free. And then he’d refused to sell me any more when I was so drunk that I could hardly tell my hands from my feet since I needed both of them to walk.
Good memories.
“I need another bottle of that stuff you sold me earlier,” I told Frankie.
“Are you sure you do?” He eyed me skeptically.
“C'mon, man. I need this right now.”
“You look like you're plenty drunk already.”
“I'm not,” I insisted. Okay, maybe I was a little drunk. But how else was I supposed to cope with the situation I was in? My best friend was back in town, he was hot as hell, and he was dating some other omega because I didn't have the guts to be with him that way.
He probably didn't even know how much I wanted him.
“Tell me honestly, is something troubling you, son?”
“Life sucks,” I said with emphasis.
“Yeah, life can suck alright.” He glanced at the liquor cabinet behind him, then back at me. “Tell you what, you take a nice long walk, and then if you still feel like you need another drink, I'll fix you up. How's that sound to you?”
“Okay.” Maybe a walk would help. Or maybe it wouldn't, but then I could still come here. That sounded fair, and I would have liked for something to be fair just then. “See you later,” I said to Frankie, and then I walked out the door again.
The sun had sunk a bit in the sky and I figured it would set soon. It was almost golden hour. I loved this time of the day. It made for beautiful pictures, and I found some solace in the fact that the sun continued to set every day. Even the shitty ones, like this particular Saturday.
I decided to head up to the hill just outside town to watch the sunset from there.
But on the way there, I walked past an Italian restaurant, and, thinking nothing of it, I looked through the window—only to see Dean and his cousin and their goddamn dates.
All thoughts of sunsets fled from my mind. All I wanted to do anymore was to waltz in there and drag Dean out with me. To this day, I'm amazed at the self-control I displayed by not doing that.
Sadly, I can't claim that I had myself so tightly under control for the rest of the night.
As if on autopilot, my feet took me to the foot of the hill, but then I couldn't go on. I didn't want to watch the sunset anymore. I just wanted... I wanted to be with Dean. As stupid as that was. And I can only guess that it was the liquid courage flowing through my veins that made me abandon reason and take out my cell phone. I dialed Dean's number.
It took him a little while to answer the call. He was probably just too engrossed in what his stupid date was saying.
I bit my teeth together. And then I heard a clicking in the line and Dean's deep, masculine voice.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it's me,” I said, trying not to slur the words. I wasn't sure how successful I was.
“I know. That's why I answered the phone even though I'm kind of in the middle of something.”
“Yeah, uh, about that...” I had to get this out quickly, because my courage was already fading again and I was starting to feel like the idiot I was. “Remember how I said I had no problem with you going on a date?”
“Yeah.”
“I uh... changed my mind about that.”
“What do you mean you changed your mind?”
Time to be honest. “I saw you in the restaurant and I do have a problem with it. I hate it.”
“You saw?” Dean paused. “Where are you right now?”
“Uh...” I looked around myself. “At the foot of the hill just outside town. Maybe fifteen minutes from the restaurant.” That was how long I’d lasted.
“Stay where you are. I'll be there in a few.” And with that he hung up, leaving me to contemplate what I’d just done, basically confessing my crush to my friend.
With every minute that passed while I waited for Dean, I thought about running away. I wasn't even sure where I would run, just...away. To some place Dean would never find me so I wouldn't have to face him. That was ridiculous of course, and I didn't move, but I did think about it.
In the end, it took Dean about ten minutes to get to me. I knew he'd come quickly, even though I felt like I'd been waiting forever. My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest, and I had the hardest time meeting my friend's gaze as he approached me. Not even the wine could help me now. I was too aware of what I'd done, too sober all of a sudden. Had to be the adrenaline.
“Hey,” I managed to mumble.
“Hey.” Dean gave me a smile so warm my heart couldn't decide whether it wanted to calm down or beat even faster—if that was possible. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just um...” What was I doing out here? “I was going to watch the sunset.”
“Really?” Dean glanced up the hill, then back at me. I could see what he was thinking; the hill wasn't very high—we could still get up there and catch the show if we wanted to. Still, I was surprised when he grabbed my hand and started walking. “Let's go then,” he said.
It had been a long time since I'd held hands with anyone, and the sudden contact sent a shiver down my spine. Dean's hand was as warm as his smile as he led me up the hill like he didn't think I was some sort of monumental fool.
We didn't speak until we reached the top a few minutes later.
The sun was really starting to set now, and the sky above us shone in a brilliant gold that I kind of wished I could capture on film. Especially the way it painted the rooftops of the houses when I looked back in the direction of the town. Oceanport seemed so serene in the warm glow of the setting sun, like a place where nothing bad could ever happen to you. I knew the image was deceptive, but I loved it all the same. And I loved standing here with Dean.
“I'm glad you called,” he spoke.
I glanced at him a bit shyly because he still hadn't let go of my hand, and I sort of didn't want him to. “I'm sorry I interrupted your date,” I lied, because I wasn't sorry at all. Embarrassed, yes. Sorry? No.
How could I be sorry when my call had led me here? Watching the sunset with Dean holding my hand.
It was too good to be true.
Dean shook his head. “To be honest, it wasn't going well anyway.” He took his eyes off the red and orange spectacle in the sky to look at me. “I just couldn't get you out of my head.”
I stared. My heart skipped a beat. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?
He couldn't possibly be saying that.
But he was holding my hand. And he'd ditched his date for me, so...
I swallowed past the nervous lump in my throat. “You were thinking about me?” I forced a laugh. “You know I almost ran away after that phone call I was so embarrassed. I wanted to escape somewhere you couldn't find me. Like, hide in the forest or something. Lots of trees to hide behind.” I could never stop myself from rambling my way through a tense situation.
Dean took it in stride, though. “Yeah?” he asked, his lips tugging up. Briefly, he scanned the forest that stretched out beyond the hill, then his eyes met mine again. “I would have found you.”
That moment, I had absolutely no doubt that he would have. “And then what?” I asked. “Would you have told me off?”
“Oh, absolutely.” His eyes gleamed with amusement. “And then I would have dragged you back home and...” He trailed off as heat entered his gaze, ratcheting up my nerves.
“And?” I prompted, because I couldn't deal with the anticipation. He smelled so alpha right then. Like all the things I wanted, and all the things that scared me. I couldn't move, torn between my desire to be with him, and my desire to run from every alpha
who got close.
Dean wasn't just any alpha, though. He was my friend. I'd known him since we were children. I wasn't scared of him. I didn't want to be scared of him.
So when he leaned in, I didn't stop him. No, I closed my eyes and focused on the feel of his lips on mine, on the way my heart fluttered at the contact, pumping adrenaline through my veins. Kissing Dean was beyond exhilarating. I felt like I was about to jump off a cliff and like I'd just won the award for best photographer at the same time. I felt like I was standing at the edge of something terrifyingly beautiful—something that would change my life forever.
And then I opened my mouth to him and took the plunge.
The way Dean kissed me wasn't the way alphas usually kissed me. There was nothing aggressive about it, nothing threatening. Just the feel of his lips and his tongue, brushing against mine and making the fine hair on my neck stand up.
This was... nice. Better than nice. I was in freefall, and I never wanted to land. I wanted to lose myself. But then I caught another whiff of his scent. I could feel myself respond to it, could feel that need to submit, to be claimed rise up in me. Heat rushed though me and my head spun with all the things I wanted this alpha to do to me, and I had to... I had to breathe.
I thought I could deal, but it was too much. Too fucking intense. I’d never reacted so strongly to anyone.
“Are you alright?” Dean asked as I broke away from him.
“I'm awesome.” Super awesome. “Just had too much to drink.”
“I see.” Dean gave me a sympathetic smile, then he put an arm around my shoulder. “C'mon, I'll take you home. We can talk tomorrow.”
Talk, right. I laughed, and hoped the sound wasn't too hysterical.
God, I needed help.
9
Griffin
It was Sunday morning and I was going to die. At least, that’s what I felt like waking up and remembering everything I’d done the evening before. In the semi-darkness of my bedroom, I fumbled for my phone and called my brother.
“Eliiii,” I whined into the phone as soon as he picked up.
“Griff?” He sounded sleepy. “What's wrong?”
I glanced at the clock on my phone. It was barely past six. No wonder he sounded like he'd just rolled out of bed. For a second I felt sorry, then I went back to being miserable. “I think I'm going to diiiiie.” Okay, maybe I was being a little melodramatic, but on top of my love life problems, my head felt like it was going to explode. Goddamn alcohol. I was never going to drink again. Ever.
“What's going on?” My big brother seemed a little more awake now. “You sound like that morning after your 21st birthday.”
“It's woooorse.” Maybe not the hangover, but everything else. Although to be fair, on the night of my 21st, I'd also made out with a guy. That hadn't ended well either, but at least with that guy, there hadn't been any feelings involved.
And dear God did I have feelings now. All the feelings.
“It's six in the morning, bro, go back to sleep. You're going to be fine.”
“No, wait, I need your help.”
A moment of silence, then, “What do you need me to do?”
“You told me to tell you if... uh... I had a problem.”
“Yeah, but I didn't mean a hangover. What did you even do last night?”
“I crashed Dean's date. You know my friend Dean? With the cupcakes.”
“You crashed his date?”
I clutched my pillow in my arms. “I told him I don't want him to date anyone else. And now I don't know what to do.”
“Oh Griff.” My brother's voice was so full of sympathy I almost started to bawl. “Do you want me to come over so we can talk?” he asked.
“Would you?”
“Of course I would. Let me just get dressed and I'll be right over.”
“Thank you.”
“No need to thank me.”
He hung up and I waited. I figured that maybe I should get dressed too, so I heaved myself out of bed. At least the only hangover symptom I was dealing with was a headache, no nausea, so that was good. Still, I brushed my teeth extensively before getting dressed.
How could Dean stand to kiss me the day before? Ugh.
Maybe that was why he hadn't tried again. Because I was gross. I spit into the sink and washed my mouth out.
Better.
Next I put on some clothes and prepared coffee. By the time Eli walked into the house, I felt almost like a person again.
“I'm in the kitchen,” I called when I heard him in the take off his shoes in the entrance.
“Coming!”
I poured a mug of coffee for him and myself and put a more than generous amount of sugar in my own cup. I really needed that this morning.
When my brother came into the kitchen, I handed him his mug and we sat at the counter.
“Tell me what happened?” Eli asked.
“Well...” I closed my hands around my mug. Where to start? “Do you remember Dean?”
“Dean?” Eli furrowed his brow. “Wait, is that the kid you hung out with in school? Who was over at our place sometimes?”
“Yeah.”
“That's the Dean you were talking about? He's the one feeding you cupcakes?” Eli's eyes widened, and I tried not to blush.
“Yeah.”
“Wow, I thought he'd moved away or something.”
“He did. But he came back a couple of months ago.” Which Eli would have known if he kept up with the town's gossip at all. Everyone talked about the hot new firefighter in town who wasn't new after all.
“I had no idea. Why did you never say anything?”
“Because I know you. If I'd said anything, you would have assumed I was into him or something.”
Eli just looked at me. “And would I have been wrong?”
“No,” I admitted grudgingly.
Eli's expression turned sympathetic. “Is having a crush really such a bad thing?”
I didn't know what to say. It wasn't inherently a bad thing; it was only a bad thing for me. But how could I tell my brother that without admitting to everything that was wrong with me? I'd called him with the intention of doing just that, but now that he sat beside me, speaking the words turned out to be a lot more difficult than I'd thought.
“Tell me what happened last night?” Eli said when I remained silent.
I took a sip of my coffee to gain a moment to think.
“He went on a date with someone else, so... I got drunk. And then I called him and told him I didn't want him to be on a date with some other omega.” It had seemed like a good idea at the time.
“How did he react?”
“He ditched his date and came to meet me.”
“But that's great!” My brother's face lit up. “He must like you! From the way you sounded on the phone, I was afraid you'd been rejected.”
“No, that's... not what happened.” But I couldn't get myself to look as happy as my brother. “He does like me, I think…” I said. “He told me he couldn't get me out of his head... and then he kissed me.” And that memory made me blush furiously.
“Awwww.”
I glared at Eli. He was loving this. It was like he'd completely forgotten that he was here to help me.
“Did something else happen that makes you look like that?” Eli asked.
“No, it's just...” And this was where I had to explain.
“Your crush kisses you and you look like the apocalypse is waiting right outside the door. What's up with that?”
I took a sip of my coffee. And then another one, but still my mouth was dry. “I'm... I don't know if I can do this.”
“Do what?” Eli looked confused. “Have a relationship?”
“It's not just that, it's...” I took a deep breath. There was no easy way to say this, was there? I just had to get it out. “I'm scared.”
My big brother leaned in, his face full of concern. “What are you scared of?”
I felt transported back to a time in kinde
rgarten when I'd told Eli about a mean kid who had tried to bully me. He'd been able to help me back then, but I wasn't so sure he could solve this problem. Still, I didn't know who else to talk to.
“I'm scared of... um... You know that feeling you get when you breathe in an alpha's scent and you kind of want to throw yourself down at their feet?”
Eli nodded slowly. “Yeah.”
“That scares the shit out of me.”
“Really? Is that why you haven't had a boyfriend?”
I hung my head in shame. “When Dean kissed me last night I didn't know whether I wanted to pull him toward me or push him away. I'm so fucked up.”
“Oh, no.” Eli laid an arm around my shoulders. “You're not fucked up. It can be pretty intense and overwhelming. Maybe you just need some time to get used to it. Maybe you and Dean just need to take it slow.” He rubbed my back.
“I don't know.” I took another deep breath. “How do I even tell Dean? I don't want him to think I find him disgusting or anything.”
“I'm sure he won't think that. You two have known each other for a very long time, haven't you?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you enjoy the kiss at least a little bit?”
“It was amazing. When I wasn't scared.”
Eli laughed softly. “You'll be fine. But you and Dean will have to talk about this. Don't make my mistake. Don't let him go because you've convinced yourself you can't be what he needs.”
I sighed. “He shouldn't have to deal with my issues.”
Eli stroked my hair. “What he wants to deal with is for him to decide. There's more to relationships than just sex, you know.”
“Yeah, I know from watching you there's also having babies and getting into fights over who has to take the trash out.” I grinned at my brother.
He gave me a playful glare. “Oh, you.”
I stuck my tongue out at him.
“Yeah,” he said. “You're going to be just fine.”
I hoped that he was right about that, but what if he wasn’t?
A Baby for the Firefighter Page 5