“Shall we go inside?” Dean asked.
“Yeah, let's,” I said before anyone could say anything else and keep us standing here talking. The light would be low inside the auditorium. I kind of counted on that to obscure my belly for a little longer.
“Alright then,” my mother agreed and we entered the school, which was already filling up with parents and siblings of all ages. I spotted Eli, Matt, and Shane sitting in the front row, waving at us. “Over here!” Eli called out.
I exhaled as I flopped in the seat next to him. “Going well so far?” Eli whispered as our parents sat down.
“So far, no one's said anything,” I gave back.
“Good. The kids are excited. Jake’s been running in circles around me and Matt all day.”
“I hope he burns all that energy off in the play,” Matt remarked, holding Livvy, who marveled at the stage lights and the toddler in Shane’s lap.
“I wish Conner was that excited,” Shane chimed in, worry lines creasing his forehead. “I mean, he is, but not in a good way. He wouldn’t eat all day, really.”
And almost as soon as he said it, a small child came running to us. Conner. He came straight for his dad.
“Aren’t you supposed to be back-stage?” Shane asked.
“I want to go home.”
“Really? But then they’d be short one dwarf.”
“I’ve thought about it. Snow White can have six dwarfs. That’s okay. It’s a new adaptation, an original re-telling.”
This kid…
Shane stood and handed Mary to Dean. “Watch her for a minute?”
“Sure.”
Shane nodded to him, then took Conner by the arm. “Why don’t we step out for a minute?” He led his son off. I looked after them, wondering how Shane was going to solve this. I felt for Conner. The limelight was definitely not his favorite position, and not everyone could be like Jake.
But then I was thrown off by a weird comment my mother made.
“You look good with a toddler in your arms,” she told Dean.
What was that supposed to mean? Was it supposed to mean anything? I knew my mom just said whatever came to mind, but still… Her words made me paranoid.
“That’s because little Mary is the cutest,” Dean said. “She makes anyone look good. Don’t you, sweetie?” He kissed the little girl’s cheek. She laughed.
“I wear pretty dress,” she said.
“Yes, very pretty,” my mom agreed. “You know I’m almost a little sad I only had boys. I never got to buy cute little dresses! Don’t you think having a little girl would be marvelous?”
Okay, this was definitely more than my own paranoia, wasn’t it? She was not so subtly trying to make Dean slip up and tell her something incriminating.
Dean was too glib for her, though. “I think little girls are the greatest,” he said. “But boys can be fun too. My mother always said she was happy to have both boys and girls.”
“That’s nice. Which would you like?” my mom asked, but Eli spoke over her.
“Having one of each really is great. Don’t you think so, Matt?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” he said, rocking Livvy. “I wouldn’t mind having more than one of each.”
“That’s just because our children are the best.” Eli gave him a kiss. Then he turned to our parents again. “Have you gotten a good look at Livvy? I think she has your lips.”
Wow, Eli was really going far to throw her off my track, but it worked. Once given the chance, our mom was cooing over Livvy like she was the most wondrous thing in the universe.
Crisis averted. For now, anyway.
And it seemed Shane had mastered his own crisis as well. He came back with Conner after another minute, and the boy seemed a bit calmer than he had before as he went backstage again. “How did you manage that?” Dean asked as soon as the boy was gone.
Shane smiled sadly. “Told him his daddy was watching him.” By the way he said it, I knew he wasn’t talking of himself.
There was a small pause as none of us knew how to respond.
“Let’s hope his daddy is gonna see a great play,” Eli said then, and we all agreed.
“Wasn’t Jake just the cutest in his little dwarf costume?” my mother asked after the play was over and we were done clapping.
“Oh, totally,” I responded, just glad that she was too distracted by her existing grandchildren to think about the possibility of future ones. There were no more weird looks. Indeed just a few minutes after our exchange, she was completely enraptured with Jake, who came bounding off the stage to talk to his parents.
“How was I?” he asked, staring up at them with big eyes and a wide grin.
“Absolutely amazing,” Matt said. “You’re a little star.”
Jake’s grin threatened to split his face apart. Conner walked over as well. He looked relieved most of all. I patted him on the back as he passed me. “Good job!”
He gave me a smile. “Thank you.”
“Jake,” Eli stood and addressed his son. “These are your grandparents. I told you they were coming to see the play tonight.”
Jake turned to them and gave the pair a curious glance. “Thanks for coming! Did you like it?”
“It was lovely,” my mother said. “You’re the cutest dwarf I’ve ever seen.”
“You did a good job, kid,” my father added.
Jake beamed. “My daddy made the costume!” he said in his proudest voice, instantly capturing my mother’s heart and making her forget all about my existence.
Thank God I had such an adorable nephew.
“That went well, didn’t it?” I later said to Dean when we were emerging from the school.
“Better than expected,” Dean agreed. “Somehow I feel like we were let off the hook too easy. I was sure your mother had noticed something.”
I shrugged and gave him a kiss, joy bubbling up in me now that this evening was nearing its end and I could spend the rest of it with my alpha. “Let’s just be happy she didn’t dig any deeper.”
But she did, of course. The very next day.
I’d barely gotten out of bed when the doorbell rang and I found my mother standing in front of the house. Jesus Christ, I thought, seeing her. I was still in my pajamas and Dean hadn’t even woken up yet. The only reason I was awake was that I liked to catch the early morning cartoons with a bowl of Cheerios.
“Mom?” I muttered, trying to get my brain to work in spite of the early hour. “What are you doing here?”
“I want you to tell me what’s going on with that bump of yours,” she said, matter-of-factly.
Bump? I looked down on myself. Oh no. I’d opened the door for her in my pajamas, and now that I wasn’t wearing the baggy clothing I’d had on yesterday, my condition was pretty obvious. “You noticed, huh?” I tried a joke.
She wouldn’t be distracted, though. “Are you pregnant?” She didn’t put her hands on her hips, but I could tell she was close to it. I felt transported back to my childhood, to days I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Something that had happened way too often, by the way. My mother had an uncanny ability to sense when I was up to no good. But perhaps all mothers did.
“Did you really come all the way out here this early in the morning just to ask that?”
“It’s no small question, is it?” She walked past me into the house.
I closed the door, probably to the disappointment of at least one neighbor. “No, I guess not,” I said.
“Do you have coffee?” my mother asked, making her way into the kitchen. I followed.
“There on the counter,” I pointed at the nearly full pot I’d just made for Dean and me.
“Good, good.” She took it and poured herself a cup, and that was all the respite I got before she laid into me again. “You know you shouldn’t be drinking too much coffee if you’re pregnant.”
“I know. I only have the one cup to wake up,” I defended myself. “I’m not stupid, Mom.”
“But
you are pregnant?”
Damn, I’d admitted it, hadn’t I? Still, at this point, I’d lost the battle anyway. She’d known the day before and seeing my baby bump now only confirmed her suspicions. “I am,” I said. So, what now?
“Is it Dean’s?” she asked without further ado. I couldn’t read from her expression how she felt about any of this.
“It is.” No reason to hide that.
She smiled, but only for a brief moment. Then she sighed, seeming tired even with the coffee in her hand. “I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell us about this.”
“I was going to tell you,” I said quickly.
She only raised an eyebrow at me. Yeah, I wouldn’t have believed me either. I’d screwed this up, hadn’t I?
I should have listened to Dean.
“Were you going to tell us before or after the birth?” she asked.
Her question hit me like a knife twisting in my heart. Did she really think so little of me now that we were finally starting to feel like a family again? “Before! I promise!” I tried to convince her, but then my mood shifted the other direction and I felt myself get angry.
What business of hers was my pregnancy anyway? After the way she’d treated my brother, how did she expect me to trust her with news like this?
“I just hate the thought that you’re still trying to shut me out of your life,” my mother said as if I’d hurt her in some deep way by waiting to tell her about this pregnancy.
“I’m not trying to shut you out of my life. These past months I’ve been trying my hardest to make this family a family again!” I burst out. How couldn’t she see that? The only reason I hadn’t told her about my pregnancy was because I was scared it would lead to arguments that would tear us apart all over again.
I just couldn’t stand that thought, and I couldn’t stand to argue with my mother now either. I was so tired of it.
“We’re not going to be a family by keeping secrets like that,” my mom pointed out. “Are you unhappy with your pregnancy? Is that why you didn’t say anything? Because it should be good news. Especially when it’s Dean’s baby you’re carrying.” She tried to give me a smile.
And I exploded.
“Oh, my pregnancy is a good thing, is it?” I went off on her. “Because it’s Dean’s baby? Fuck that. You should be happy about any baby I’m carrying. Any baby Eli and I are bringing into this world, they’re all your grandchildren! You should love them no matter what! No matter if we have partners or not or if we plan to marry them or not!”
My mom’s eyes grew wide, but I wasn’t done yet.
“You’re proud of Eli now that he’s married and he’s about to become a vet, but you should have been even prouder of him when he was a single dad. He worked so hard.” I stopped to take a breath because I felt myself choking up. Damn pregnancy hormones.
My mother looked like she was close to crying too, and that made it even harder for me to keep my emotions in check. “Maybe we should talk at another time,” she muttered.
“Yeah, maybe that would be best,” I replied, trying to keep my voice calm.
And then, just as quickly as she’d come, she left, and I found myself standing in the kitchen by myself, wondering how I was going to fix this and if I even wanted to. I honestly couldn’t say. My emotions were a mess.
Times like this, there was really only one thing that calmed me down. Taking a deep breath, I went into the living room and picked up the clothes I’d discarded by the couch last night when Dean and I hadn’t quite made it to the bedroom before getting down to business. The memory made me smile even now, but I didn’t linger on it. Instead, I wrote a short note for Dean.
Had to go out and get some fresh air.
See you later.
Love,
Griff.
I paused for a moment, then picked up the pen again.
PS: You can have the last bowl of Cheerios, but don’t touch the pickles.
With that important note added, I got dressed, picked up my photography gear and headed out.
36
Dean
When I woke to find Griff gone, I wasn’t immediately worried. No, I got up, found the note in the living room, and figured he’d be back any minute while I ate my breakfast, which consisted of yes, a bowl of Cheerios and no pickles.
Seriously, only someone pregnant could worry about having their pickles stolen.
When Griff was still not back by the time I finished eating, I started wondering where he might have gone, and how long ago. I liked to sleep in late on the weekends when I could, while Griff often got up quite a bit earlier. He said he did it to catch the cartoons on TV, but I knew that he was just really in love with the morning sky. Not that he would ever tell you that.
After another hour passed without a peep from him, I looked around the living room. It was nearing noon now, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing outside for so long. Like a detective, I looked for clues. Griff had evidently dressed in his clothes from yesterday—probably so he wouldn’t wake me. His camera was gone as well. I concluded that he must have gone out to take some pictures. If he’d decided to go all the way out into the woods for that—which I knew he loved to do—it wasn’t odd that he wasn’t back yet.
Still, worry grew in the back of my mind. It wasn’t like him to just up and leave like that. Not for so long. Normally, he would have at least waited until I was up to tell me if he was going to be gone for hours.
I decided to call him on his cell phone, since there was no reason for me to pace the living room and worry needlessly when I could just ask him what he was doing.
But only a moment after I’d dialed his number I heard his ring tone coming from the bedroom.
Of course.
He hadn’t taken his phone. I sighed. One day I was going to have to glue the phone to his hand or something. Or put a tracker on him. His brother joked about doing that sometimes. I didn’t find it so funny anymore.
Calm down, Dean. You have no reason to worry. Griff is going to waltz in through the door any minute and you’re going to feel silly.
I stroked some hair back from my face. The voice inside my head was right. My boyfriend was a grown man, and he didn’t need me to worry about him when he’d simply gone out to take some photographs.
Trying to take my mind off the issue, I turned on the TV. It couldn’t hold my attention. Still, I kept my eyes glued to the screen. I wasn’t going to leave this house before Griff came back and I could hold him safe in my arms again.
I held out for exactly thirty minutes before I decided to call Eli. I didn’t have his number, but it was on Griff’s phone, and maybe my boyfriend had decided to hang out at his brother’s after taking a stroll in the woods. It was possible, right?
Eli answered his phone after a few rings. “Hi. What’s up?”
“Hey, it’s Dean. I was just wondering if you’d heard from Griff today.”
“Oh, hi, Dean. No, I haven’t heard from Griff. Don’t tell me he forgot to take his phone again.” Eli’s irritation was apparent in his voice, though it was still light-hearted.
“I’m afraid he has.”
“I see. I’m sorry I can’t help you. I haven’t heard from him,” he said again, then he paused. “I’ve heard about him, though.”
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“Our mother came by here earlier, totally out of the blue and crying.”
“Your mother?” What was she up to now?
“Yeah, I was shocked too.” Eli gave a little laugh before turning serious again. “She said she’d been in a fight with Griff and wanted to tell me how much she loved me.” I heard the frown in his tone. “She was really upset.”
“She and Griff had a fight?” I licked my lips. If this fight had left his mother at the point of tears, it must have devastated Griff as well. He was such a sensitive soul. Especially now that his hormones were out of whack. “Did she say what they were fighting about?”
“She w
asn’t really coherent, honestly. She babbled on about babies, though, so I'm pretty sure it had something to do with that.”
I groaned. “She must have confronted him about the pregnancy.”
“I guess so, yeah.” Eli sounded less than happy himself. “I was afraid there was going to be a fight about that sooner or later.”
I couldn’t argue with him there. I’d seen it coming too. I just hadn’t done enough to prevent it, or maybe it couldn’t have been prevented. I wasn’t sure. That didn’t matter now, though. What mattered was finding out where Griff had gone. Damn it, why couldn’t I have woken up early? “When did your mother show up at your place?”
“Uh… a few hours ago while I was making breakfast for the kids. It was early. Around eight?”
“Eight…” I sighed. Griff must have left here earlier than that. “That means he’s been gone for almost five hours. If he left right after the fight, anyway.” But something told me that he had. It was the kind of thing he would do. If he’d taken the time to calm down first, he would have woken me, or waited until I woke up by myself. No, this had been a spur-of-the-moment decision brought on by his argument with his mom.
“Five hours? Where did he go?”
“I don’t know. He took his camera, but not his phone.” And wherever he’d gone, he wasn’t coming back. Anxiously, I stared at the front door, but nothing happened. Where was he?
“Sounds like he needed to blow off some steam,” Eli said, but I could tell that he was starting to worry as well. The two of them were close, and Eli had to know this wasn’t normal behavior for his little brother.
“I figure he’s probably gone into the woods,” I said.
“Yeah, that’s possible. You want to go have a look? See if we can find him?”
I exhaled. “Yes. I’m gonna go. I’m tired of waiting.”
We decided on where to meet up and ended the call. As soon as I was done talking to Eli, I headed out the house, bent on finding the man I loved and bringing him home.
37
A Baby for the Firefighter Page 20