Chapter 13
I wake up in the morning, feeling pretty good for the amount of alcohol that I consumed. I stare at the ceiling. It’s been two days, just two days. A part of me wants to turn on my phone and listen to the messages left by Corbin. I miss his voice. No, I chastise myself. You will be strong. You will not listen to those messages ever.
It’s Monday, and I decide to shower and go to work. Work will keep me busy, and at this point, I'm sure that I need to keep my mind occupied. I don’t even want to think about the state of the office. A week without me in it probably means it’s a disaster.
After I shower, I grab my phone and head over to the shop. My worst fear comes to fruition. There are order forms everywhere. Boxes of parts are half opened, and I can tell the guys just dug through each box until they found what they needed. It’s now past two in the afternoon. I have yet to eat anything. I know I should eat, but my stomach is still a ball of nerves.
I stare at my phone. I need to text Jenny. I can do this, I give myself a pep talk. I open the phone and power it up. It immediately dings to signal new texts. I'm just going to delete all of them and not look. At least, that’s what I tell myself but my hand seems to have a mind of its own. I read the second half of the last text Corbin sent.
Corbin: in love with you
I can't look any more. Why did I just do that to myself? I grab a hold of the edge of my desk. I close my eyes trying to will away the hurt. You can do this Maura, just delete them all. Hmph. If this is love, I don’t want to love. Love hurts. With all the willpower I have, I open my eyes and go to texts, settings, then delete all. It’s done. My next step is a little harder. I scroll through contacts, and I do what needs to be done; I delete him. I wish I could delete him from my brain, maybe then this would be easier. If my head never knew he existed, then maybe my heart wouldn’t be in shambles.
I text Jenny.
Me: Where did you go last night?
A moment later my phone chimes.
Jenny: Your drunk ass was snoring, plus I had to work
Me: Was not! OMG! You will not believe the nasty shit I walked in on.
Jenny: I get off at five I can meet u later.
Me: Still stuck here, can you meet me?
Jenny: Sure
I’m interrupted from my texts as Dawson comes through the office doors. He throws a takeout box from Benny’s on my desk.
“What’s this?” I question.
“Cut the crap. I know you haven't eaten. There’s nothin' in that fridge of yours. You need to eat.”
“Look Daws, I appreciate everything you have done for me in the last few days, I really do, but I’m good.”
“You don’t look good; you look fucking hungry. Eat something.”
I peek into my takeout box and see my favorite burger from Benny’s.
“Thanks.” I open the box and start to pick at my food.
“About last night...”
I put my hands up in a “stop don’t go there” gesture.
“No, Daws. No explanation necessary.”
He narrows his eyes at me, “Business isn’t totally settled, so you’re stuck here a little longer. Prez sent Tripp to go get you some food for your fridge. It’ll be another few days ‘til Mickey gets back.”
I nod at Dawson, acknowledging what he has told me. I've learned over the years to not ask questions and to do as the club says as far as my safety is concerned.
Dawson left and I was grateful that we didn’t talk about what I witnessed last night. I finish up at the shop and wait for Jenny in the clubhouse.
*****
Jenny spits out her beer and little spurts come out of her nose as I tell her about Rhonda the Taint Licker. Just as I finish recounting last night’s experience, Little Titty and Big Titty change shifts. We now have Taint Licker Rhonda pouring drinks.
Jenny calls Rhonda over, “Two more Budweisers.”
Rhonda sets the beers down in front of us.
“Taint you very much.” Now I'm the one spitting my beer out, in a fit of laughter. It feels good to laugh. Jenny smiles at me, and her smile says mission accomplished.
“Let’s sit at a table, so you can tell me what happened.”
I knew the time was coming where Jenny would question what happened. I tell Jenny about the bed and breakfast and how amazing it was.
“Jenny, we had these moments where everything was sweet. Then we had moments that were hotter than hell. I swear to you if he would have said, “let’s go to Vegas and get hitched,” I woulda been there.” Jenny reaches over and puts her hand to my head pretending to check for a temperature.
“I opened up to him in ways I’ve never done before. I've never felt more sexy, cherished or loved than with him. We would literally stay naked for hours upon hours. After the hottest sex, we would talk and I mean really talk. He grew up in the military, but in so many ways I think we had a lot in common, you know? It’s like he had this life his dad was in, and he had to go with the flow. Sound familiar?”
Jenny nods her head as she listens to me recount the best experience of my life.
“Then, we had to go to his home and things were still good, but then I met this bartender who seemed shady, like she knew more about Corbin, and I asked him about it, and I could tell he was hiding something. We were at this fancy ass cocktail party. Yeah, I know...me at cocktail party in a fuckin’ dress with pretentious ass military snobs. Then I was in the bathroom, and I overheard that same bartender talking in the bathroom about how she fucked him, and he always comes back for more. I swear, my heart broke a little, but I was trying to give him the benefit of doubt. So I went to find him, only to overhear him telling another lie.”
A tear leaks out of my eye. I can’t tell her about his involvement with this Raul Sanchez and how that plays into whatever it is going on with the club. It’s club business and that means that I can’t talk to Jenny about it even though I want nothing more than to confide in her.
“It was like, whoever I thought he was, he wasn’t. I called Daws to come get me, and here I am.”
“Well, have you talked to him?”
“No, I wouldn’t give him a chance. You know how important it is for me to trust someone, especially growing up in this.” I wave my hands around signaling to the clubhouse.
“I did see one text from him before I deleted the rest.”
“What did it say?”
“Said he is falling in love with me.”
“And how did you feel about that?”
“Well, if this is what love feels like, I don’t want it. I may have been horny before he showed up, but I’d rather be needing a fuck than feel like my whole life just got ripped open. ‘Cause the pain I’m in right now…,” I stop and take a large swig of beer, finishing the bottle. “This is the worst type of pain, and I would gladly have lived my life never being loved if I knew the kind of damage love could inflict.”
“Oh honey, come here.” She grabs me in a hug. “I think that you should’ve listened to what he had to say, that way you would have no regrets, but the damage is done now. So, you know what? Fuck Him! You’re right. Who needs a man? I’m just going to have to introduce you to the rabbit. There are seven types of pleasure.”
Giggling, I move away from her and wipe my eyes. I lift my beer in the air signalling to Rhonda to bring another round. Rhonda comes over with our beers.
“Hey Rhonda. How was the weather when you got in? I thought it looked like rain?” Jenny asks.
“Well, it wasn’t raining yet, but I wouldn’t want to be on a bike.”
“Taint that the truth.” The mood is immediately lighter as we shift into fits of giggles. This is why I love Jenny.
Chapter 14
The next few days go by quickly. I immerse myself in work. The guys have left me with an endless amount to do. I swear, one week without me and one would think that they could survive, but no, every bike almost came to a standstill., thus leaving me with customers to contact, orders to fill,
and an office that needs so much work.
Mickey is not back yet but Draygon assures me that he will be back soon and that the trouble will be over.
By Thursday, I have managed to not cry or get drunk for two whole days. I think that I'm doing an okay job holding it together. And that’s what I'm doing, holding it together and getting by, but just barely. It’s working, until I walk back into the shop. I just finished lunch and sitting on my desk is a large brown box. I open the box and inside is my helmet, coat and the other items I left at Corbin’s. There is no letter. There is no postage, just my box with my stuff. I call out to Jarrod, one of the guys in the shop.
“Hey, where did this box come from?” Tears prick my eyes and my voice quivers. It feels so final.
“I don’t know. Daws dropped it off.”
I hunt him down in the clubhouse. He is leaning against the bar drinking a beer laughing with Skaggs.
“Daws, where did my stuff come from?” I ask weakly.
“He dropped it off yesterday?”
“He was here?” Oh God! He was here. He did come.
“He came to the gate. I wouldn’t to let him back. So he left it.”
“Why are you just giving it to me today?”
“‘Cause I didn’t want to see you get all upset?”
“Did he want to see me? Did he say anything? How did he look?”
“Chill the fuck out. I was ready to beat his fuckin ass for how you returned home. I wasn’t about to let him in here.”
Skaggs pipes into the conversation, “Yeah Maura, I had to call in some of the boys so those two didn’t rip into each other.”
“Skaggs, did he say anything?”
“Nah, he wanted to see you, was pretty pissed when Daws tried to pound him, then gave us your stuff. He did say something about having to leave the country and to make sure you were safe.”
That was it, he came to drop off my stuff before leaving the country. The thought crosses my mind, what if he never comes back? As angry as I am, I don’t want anything to happen to him, and if I'm honest with myself, I guess I thought I would be able to have some other type of goodbye. I’m hurt. I’m angry. Angry with Corbin for the lies. Angry for the way things ended. Angry for the way my heart hurts. Angry at Dawson for not letting me say goodbye, or for not being him. Confused and angry
“Daws, you should’ve said something to me.”
“Don’t whine, Maura. It doesn’t suit you. I made a call. It’s done.”
He turns away from me and back towards Skaggs, to signify that this conversation is over. It pisses me off and makes me feel completely alone.
I bring the box back to my room and set it on my bed. I sit down beside it and take the items out one by one. I take my helmet out of the box and set it down next to me. I sift through the box, taking out my clothes. I'm almost to the end of the box and I pull out the black Marines t-shirt that I wore the night of the shooting. The last thing I pull out of the box is my soft black leather jacket. I slip the jacket on, close my eyes and remember the last time I had the jacket on. I think about how it felt to have the wind blowing in my face and my body pressed against Corbin’s. I inhale and swear that I can smell a hint of Corbin. I lay back with my eyes closed and breathe in his scent. Slipping my hands into the pockets, wanting to immerse myself in the leather as much as possible, my fingertips graze something, soft yet brittle. I pull out a wilted and semi dried flower. It’s the white flower that he tucked behind my ear at the pond. The message here is loud and clear. He is silently telling me to remember us.
With the flower in my hand I roll towards the wall in my room and let all of the emotion roll off of me. This time with a clear head, I let it out. I miss him, but I can’t let go of the fact that he betrayed me. I think of his arms wrapped around me by the pond as I drift off to sleep.
I wake up to the most welcoming sound.
“Baby Girl. Wake up. Baby Girl.”
“Dad?”
“Aye girl, it’s me. Heard Daws had to go get you. Need to know exactly what happened right now and if I need to go hunting.”
I sit up in my bed and Mickey is sitting next to me. I throw my arms around his neck. “Daddy,” I whimper. He swipes his thumbs under my eyes, wiping away the moisture that’s leaked out.
“Maura, what the bloody hell is going on?”
So, I tell him everything. I tell him how I saw Corbin beating the guy, and I heard him ask about Raul, and then how I was almost shot and he blew the guy’s brains out. I tell him how we went to the bed and breakfast and how good everything was. I tell him about going to Ray's and the waitress and then hearing her in the bathroom.
“So, here is the kicker. After I left the bathroom, I went to look for him. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I went outside to look for him and that is when I overheard him.” I pause, fearful that I'm going to be sentencing Corbin to death.
“Daddy, before I continue, please promise me something?”
“What’s that?”
“Remember that he saved my life and spare his.”
“He done something worth taking him out?”
With a deep breath I continue, “He was talking to a superior and I heard him mention Raul Sanchez and a shipment. So I knew. I knew that right then he lied to me. He knows who was after me Daddy. He is involved in whatever this is going on with the club.”
“Did you ask him about it?”
“No. I was so pissed, I got the hell out of there, hid out, and waited for Dawson to come get me. He tried to call me, but I wouldn’t listen. Our trust is shattered. I can’t tell you how bad it hurts, Dad, to know that the first time I was stupid enough to let a guy in, he used me to get to the club. I’m sorry. I know I should have said something to Draygon, and this puts the club at risk, but I needed to tell you first. Promise me, Daddy. Don’t kill him,” my voice trembles, “please?”
He cups my face with his hand. “I’m not going to kill him.”
“You’re not?”
“No. I’m going to tell you a story, Maura.” Uh-oh, I feel a new Mickeyism coming on.
“A wee lad and his Dadai were crossing a busy street. The Dadai says to the lad, “Take my hand so that you are safe.” The wee lad says, “No Dadai, take my hand.” “What’s the difference?” The Dadai asks. The lad responds, “If I hold your hand and a car comes I might let go, but if you hold my hand I know you will never let it go.” You see Maura, trust in relationships isn’t always in its bind but in its bond. You should hold the hand of the one you love rather than expecting them to hold yours.”
“What are you saying?” I ask, not quite understanding, and I'm pretty sure I've seen this quote floating around social media, but I won’t let onto Mickey. Hell, somehow the story probably originated from him.
“The first time your trust was tested, you ran. You let go of his hand. I'm probably responsible for that in some ways. I know growing up with the club hasn’t been easy, but I thought I taught you how to see the truth in people. That night when we showed up at the cottage, I went with Corbin to our cottage. Do you remember?” He waits for me to nod my head acknowledging I understand the timing of events. “He told me that he was here because of his friend who died.”
“Garrett,” I say, filling in the name.
“Yes, that was it. This Garrett was also a Marine who had a bit of a gambling problem, and by bit, I mean huge. In real deep. Corbin said he was working some recon in South America, fighting the war on drugs, except apparently Garrett had decided that teaming up and getting the drugs here would be better for his pocket and his gambling problem. Thought it was a win win. So, he worked behind the Marines’ back and smuggled a bunch for cartel. In the end, he pissed off the wrong man and someone put a bullet in his head. But, this Raul Sanchez liked the money coming in here, so he sent his crew to try and push it. They looked to Draygon to push. He refused. That’s why they came at you, to scare us into running drugs. Corbin told me all this. He wasn’t working the club, he knew about it and
was doing his job, but he wasn’t after the club. We’re not running drugs for the cartel. Now, about those girls. I don’t know. Maybe they were trying to rile you up? Why that man let you go so easily, that’s one I’m not sure about.”
“Oh shit! Fuckin’ shit! He didn’t let me go easy. I did like you taught me and shouted fire in a movie theatre.”
His eyes go wide, “You didn’t? Baby Girl, what did you do?”
“I warned him not to come near me and he did. So, I shot one in the air and yelled gun, creating mass panic.”
“Jesus with all those Marines, you are lucky to be alive.”
“No one saw me. I fired the gun and got it hidden pretty quickly, and it was just Corbin and me. I took a chance that he wouldn’t say anything.” I take a deep breath. “What did I do? I fucked up.”
“Aye Baby Girl, ye’ fecked up. Good news is we got the cartel situation handled, so ye don’t have to worry about being stuck here, but ye stay as long as ye need. I love you.” He kisses the top of my head and walks out of the room. I don’t ask him about how the situation with the cartel was handled. It’s not my business. I just know that I trust my dad and when he tells me it’s done; it’s done. It might not be easy for some woman to live the life I live and not ask questions, but for me it’s just the way it is. I accepted it a long time ago.
What kind of woman am I? I thought that Corbin betrayed me and let me down, but in reality, it was me who betrayed him. I betrayed what we built. Dad was right. The first time what we had was tested, I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt. I didn’t trust him. I assumed the worst. I threw him away. Deleted him. Wished that I had never met him. That look in his eyes the last time I saw him, it was agony. I hurt him. I did this to us. The first man to love me and see me for just me, I broke. If I had only looked at my text messages, or listened to my voicemail, I wouldn’t have hurt him. I took this beautiful love that we were building and I painted ugly all over it. It was beautiful and real and I didn’t respect it enough, or apparently value it enough, to even give it a chance. I wasn’t good enough. It was never Corbin who let us down. It was me…..and I think I kinda hate me.
Wreck You Page 13