And then he flatlines. _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________
It’s like a moment in movie. Everything is in slow motion, and the only thing in focus is Corbin. My legs buckle underneath me and I feel an arm swoop under me to catch me from falling.
“Noooooooo!” My screams echo around me as I watch the only man I've ever loved die.
Chapter 21
It’s been three weeks. Three long weeks since Corbin’s heart stopped beating and I watched him die. Three weeks of sitting here waiting and hoping that Corbin wakes up. They were able to revive Corbin and had to rush him to surgery, luckily he hasn’t had any close calls since then.
Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and Jackson and I had a small dinner here in the room. He tried to get me to go to a fancy restaurant with him, but he had to know I wouldn’t go. I'm staying at a hotel across the street. I only go there for a few hours of sleep each night, otherwise I've spent the last three weeks with Corbin. I had the nurses teach me how to change his bandages and give him sponge baths. The physical therapist showed me how to move his limbs to help prevent muscle damage. I roll him often, in order to prevent any bed sores. I'm doing my best to stay strong for Corbin, but it’s hard. There have been desperate days where I have begged him to wake up, pleaded and yelled, “Get your ass up right now. What kind of a Marine are you? Are you going to let a head injury take you out.” Then I felt bad for screaming at a man in a coma. I mean, who does that? A woman in love who needs to fight for her man, that’s who. If there is a chance he can hear me, a chance at all, I'm willing to try anything.
The doctors tell us that with brain injuries, it’s hard to say if, or when, a patient will wake up. There is talk, however, of moving him to a long term care facility, and I do not want that. I don’t think Corbin would want that. The first four weeks are the biggest wake up window for coma patients, and we are nearing the end. I can tell his Doctor is giving up. I found a specialist in brain injuries, who just consulted with us today.
Jackson has been very respectful of my relationship with Corbin. He has admitted to me that they have not been as close as he would have liked and I can see regret in his eyes that the Marines always took first priority. I'm grateful that he has let me take such an active role in Corbin’s health. I haven’t admitted to him that we are technically broken up, because that really feels inconsequential. I love him regardless of our status.
My dad stayed the first two days, before I sent him home. There really wasn’t anything he could do, and once he saw that Corbin was stable and I wasn’t going to fall apart, he left.
“You love him,” Dad stated before he left.
“Yeah Dad, so much.”
“You fight for him then, and don’t give up.”
“I plan on it.”
He kissed me on the head, “Love you, Baby Girl.”
“Love you.” Then, he rode away, and I rushed back to Corbin’s side.
Rosalina freaked when I called her and rushed here. As promise, my dad had a prospect bring her back her truck. She closed up the bed and breakfast and has been here ever since, saying she felt like Corbin was a son to her.
I've been surprised at how close Jackson and Rosalina have become. She is easy to be friends with, perhaps it’s just that, except when she showed up with dessert to our Thanksgiving dinner I could have sworn that I saw a hint of something more between the two. Not that waiting to see if your son is going to wake up from a coma breeds romance, but it’s something in all of this ugliness.
The three of us have just finished meeting with a set of doctors that have conflicting opinions. Corbin’s doctor, who has been treating him since he was transferred here, believes that it would be in Corbin’s best interest to transfer him to a long term care facility that specializes in comatose patients. The brochures make the facility look like a resort, but who cares. How are a bunch of people in a coma going to really enjoy “vast gardens with tranquil views”? The specialist wants to do an invasive procedure that will cut into his brain, if it works he should wake up, but the risk of cutting into his head is huge.
“Can we risk it? What if we do the procedure and something happens, or maybe he wakes up in a week on his own.” Rosalina pleads her case for long term care.
“Right now, our chance of him waking up in long term care is thirteen percent. Thirteen! You know Corbin! He would never want to be helpless like that. You know that if he had the chance, he would opt for surgery. He is a fighter, so we need to give him a fighting chance.” I'm getting desperate. Ultimately, this decision lies with Jackson.
“I think Maura is right. It’s what I would want. I know it’s a risk, but if we do nothing, what if nothing happens? I’m going to talk with the doctors, and let them know my decision.”
*****
“The doctor’s scheduled the surgery for you in the morning. You are going to fight hard and come back to me.”
I take the washcloth in my hands and dip it back into the water, then wipe it over Corbin’s chest. I’m unable to resist placing a few kisses across the broad expanse of his chest. He no longer has huge bandages wrapping around his body. Just a few scabs are all that is left from the bullets.
I see the familiar tent form under the sheet. I smile recalling the first time this happened.
“His bruises are starting to fade,” I say to the nurse as she teaches me how to give a sponge bath. She is way more methodical than me, but that’s okay. I wouldn’t want anyone else to give him the level of attention I put into each touch of the washcloth.
“You need to make sure you lift his arms and get on the underside, and in his armpits.” I clumsily lean over him brushing my body over his chest, as I lift his arm to clean it. I feel the sheet move and turn my head to see what caused it. I almost run my face right smack into it.
“Erin! Erin!” I scream for the nurse who went to get me ice chips. I look Corbin over up and down, no other movements but his cock is right there pitching a fucking perfect tent.
Erin rushes in the room, “What is it?”
“I think he is waking up, his cock, it’s hard.”
She pats me on the shoulder, “I’m sorry honey. They all do that. It’s similar to a muscle reflex. You may see other muscles sporadically twitch as well, but unless he is conscious, it’s just a reflex.”
I smile at the fact that he is hard, and I run my hand over the top of the sheet.
“You wake up for me, and I will take care of this problem for you. You wake up and you can do anything you want with that,” I whisper in his ear as I continue to clean his chest. I'm not opposed to promising him anything he wants, if he will just come back to me.
If there is a chance he might wake up from the surgery, I want him to be shaved and trimmed up. I know it’s silly, but when I asked Jackson if he could bring his clippers he nodded and said, “You know they are going to shave part of his head right?”
“Yeah, Jackson. It’s just, if this works and there is a real possibility that it might, then I want him to feel somewhat like himself. You know if he saw the amount of hair on his face or how long his hair has grown out, that it will just be something else on top of everything he will already be dealing with.”
“You’re a good woman, Maura. He’ll forgive you, I’m sure of it.”
“Wait. You know? How do you know?”
“Rosalina told me. Don’t be mad at her for telling me. It’s obvious you love him, and I saw his text to you saying he loved you, so I’m betting that he was already more than close to forgiving you. If he was awake, I’m sure the two of you would be somewhere making up.”
*****
It’s been four long hours since they wheeled Corbin back
to the operating room. Rosalina sits between Jackson and me. Every so often, she gives my hand a squeeze trying to comfort me, but there is nothing that can make this easier for me. No Mickeyism can calm my nerves. I sit back with my eyes closed, my head against the wall. Breathe in, breathe out. In. Out. I repeat trying to calm my nerves.
“Maura, honey? The Doctor; he’s coming this way.” Rosalina squeezes my hand to give me assurance that it’s going to be okay. We stand as he nears. I try to read his body language but all I can tell is that he is tired. It isn’t until he is standing right in front of us, that I see it; a hint of a smile in the corner of his mouth.
“The surgery was a success. The next several hours will be crucial. They are bringing him to recovery right now.”
“Thank you for everything,” Jackson shakes the doctors hand.
We head to recovery to wait. And wait. And wait some more, every minute passing slower than the next. And then it happens.
I'm sitting in a chair holding Corbin’s hand, staring at it, as if my gaze has the power to wake him from his coma. His fingertips graze the back of my hand. His eyes flutter for a brief second.
“Corbin? It’s me, Maura. I’m here. You’re in the hospital.”
And then nothing. His eyes stayed closed for another twelve hours. The doctor said that it was good that his eyes fluttered, and that his brain is still healing. It took a lot of effort to open his eyes even for a second. Jackson and Rosalina were excited about the progress and tried to get me to leave the hospital room to rest. It feels like if I leave and he wakes up that I’ll be letting him down if I’m not here. While sitting at his bedside holding his hand, I fall asleep only to be woken by a sound I prayed I’d hear again, “Maura?”
His voice is hoarse and it comes out in a whisper.
“Oh my God! You’re awake.” A tear of relief leaks out of my eye.
“Where am I?” He barely gets out.
I jump up and start kissing him on his cheeks, and finally his lips. Soft gentle kisses, because I'm afraid to hurt him. I’m crying, but for the first time in forever, it’s not a painful broken cry.
“I thought I was going to lose you. You came back. Thank you. Thank God, you came back to me. I was so scared. I can’t believe you are awake!”
His eyes are barely open, squinting from the sunlight, “Maura, where am I?” He asks again.
“I have to get the doctors.” I press the intercom button, “He’s awake. Erin, he’s awake.” I holler frantically.
“Maura!” Corbin rushes out again in a strained voice. I know I have to get myself under control.
“I’m sorry. I’m a little on cloud nine right now. You were shot in the line of duty and have been in a coma for just about a month. It’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving. They were about to transfer you to a long term care facility when your dad and I had a specialist come in, who just did a risky procedure and woke you up, so here you are.” I clasp his hand in mine again settling myself, “I can’t believe you finally woke up.” Another round of tears fall down my cheeks.
“Look who’s up! Glad to see the surgery was a success, Sergeant Marx. My name is Dr. Caldwell. Let’s run some simple tests to see how you are doing?” The doctor says as he takes out his small flash light and shines it into Corbin’s eyes.
“Maura, do you mind giving us a few minutes while I check over Corbin?”
I squeeze Corbin’s hand, “I’ll just call Jackson. He’s across the street. I’ll be right back.”
Rosalina and Jackson were ecstatic when I called with the news, and they promised to rush over. I want to be in the room with the doctor. I hate to leaving Corbin’s side but I also understand and respect that he might need a minute.
“How is he?” Jackson asks as he approaches me in the hall.
“Good, I think. The doctor has been in with him, so I've been giving him privacy.”
“How long have they been in there?” Jackson asks.
“Since I called you.”
“Well, it’s about time we interrupt them, don’t you think?” Rosalina jumps into the conversation.
We walk into the room and Jackson nods his head at Corbin, “Son.”
Whoa. Gone is the man that I've seen worried sick about Corbin. Like the flip of a switch, Jackson went from worried dad to Marine.
“Oh mia mia, I’m so glad to see you awake. Don’t you scare an old woman like me.” Rosalina leans over and kisses Corbin. His eyes are fixed on me.They are hard and unreadable.
“Maura, you need to leave,” Corbin grates out.
His words rip me apart. I don’t know what I was thinking sitting here, hoping he would wake up and everything would be okay. I knew that there was a chance he would still be angry.
“Son,” Jackson has a harsh tone to his voice, “You don’t know what this woman has done. What she has been through with you.”
“No, it’s okay,” I say to Jackson, “I’ll give him some time.” I leave the room and sit in a chair just outside of his room, tucking my knees up to my chin. I will not break down. I will be strong. I take several deep breaths repeating the mantra in my head.
Apparently waiting for him to wake up was only half of the battle. The other half still lies ahead of me. If he thinks he can so easily dismiss me after I've spent the last few weeks by his side, he is mistaken. He is forgetting my tenacity. I gave up too easily once before and I'm not making the same mistake.
I’m not even sure how long I sit completely lost in thought. I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Maura. I tried to talk to him.” Jackson looks at me sympathetically
“Honey, why don’t you go back to the hotel and get some rest? Maybe he will change his mind once he is up for a while,” Rosalina suggests.
“I think I’ll get some coffee and come back.”
I’m devastated by Corbin’s rejection, but I refuse to give up so easily. I say goodbye to the two of them and head to the cafeteria. I text my dad and Jenny to let them know that Corbin is awake.
The night passes on and I sit in the hallway waiting. For what, I’m not sure. Maybe I was hoping he would holler, “Hey I’m just kidding! Come back!” but that doesn’t happen. The nurse on duty looks at me sympathetically and tells me that I have to leave for the night. I don’t need anyone’s sympathy. I need Corbin.
The next day is similar to the last. I sit outside the room, hoping. The day begins and the day ends. All I can do is hope that he will call out for me and I’ll be here. He has visited with his dad. I've seen different doctors come in and I've tried to find out what was going on, but they won’t speak with me. His Dad and Rosalina have also decided to respect his wishes and have left to return to their lives. Rosalina put her business on hold for too long.
“I’m sorry to leave you, Maura. Hang in there. I know he’ll come around,” she said hopefully, but I sensed a bit of trepidation in her voice. “I will see you soon. Your room will be waiting.” I hug her goodbye trying to draw any last bits of strength from her that I can. I'm going to need it.
Another day begins and I'm starting to lose hope. Finally, my favorite nurse, Erin, is on duty. I am hopeful that she will talk to me. I catch her on her lunch break, and call her name as I approach her in the elevator to the cafeteria.
“Erin.”
“Hi. How are you holding up?”
“I could be better. I wish I knew something; anything. This not knowing is killing me. How is he?”
She looks at me with that same look of pity that I've been getting from everyone since the surgery brought him out. I hate being pitied. It’s a bullshit emotion that I am really getting sick of. I refuse to let this pitying crap go on for a day longer.
“You know I can get fired if I talk with you about him, HIPAA laws. But, I will tell you that this isn’t uncommon for a man with his job to push people away. Do you think a man like him would want anyone to see him at less than one hundred percent? It isn’t in a Marine’s nature to be seen as weak.”
/> “I don’t see him as weak….You know what? Thank you. I know exactly what I'm going to do.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m going to tell him how it is whether he likes it or not.”
“It’s about time,” she says as she exits the elevator.
I make my way back to his hospital room. When I walk in, Corbin is staring out the window with a tennis ball in his hand. He is flexing his fingers over it, closing them on the ball. I know he hears me, but he doesn’t acknowledge me.
“I won’t be dismissed. You think you can push me away? Tell me to leave, and I’ll just go? I made the mistake once before to walk away from you, and I refuse to do the same thing again. So, you’re hurt. I’ve been here. Right here, Corbin. For weeks, I've sat here, prayed and begged for you to wake up. I didn’t fight that hard for you to give up now. I’m not giving up on you. I won’t let you.” Finally he turns to look at me, his voice is still a little scratchy, but it has more vitality in it than a few days ago.
“You think you have a choice, Maura?”
“I know I do. You want them to kick me out of here, then I will be right outside this room where I’ve been, but I’m not leaving you, not again.”
I don’t care if he’s going to try and to push me away, I'm not going to let him. And right now, I don’t care that he is hurt. I need to show him that he is strong enough for me. I move to the side of his bed and whip off my shirt. I see his eyes darken. I climb on top of the bed and straddle him. I grab onto each of the siderails and lean close to his face, so close that I can feel the air coming from his flaring nostrils.
“I almost wrecked us. I won’t let you do it. You feel this?” I say as I move a bit further back. Grabbing his hand, I place it heavily on my breast. I spread my other hand on his chest feeling his heart. Corbin’s beat matches mine with strength and ferocity.
“I love you. I love you so much. I feel it here.”
I rub my fingers over his heart, “And you feel it. I know you do. I can feel your heart racing.”
Wreck You Page 19