by Taylor Fray
She was at the Haven, browsing through books again. It was a fairly large store, even had a second floor where there were rooms reserved for all manner of yoga classes, healing sessions, and who knew what else. True to its name, the store was overwhelmingly decorated in purple, with some white shelves and light colored wood to offset the dark color.
In only a few weeks, Emily had managed to make a huge dent in all the books at the store. However she was quickly realizing the most of these books were utter nonsense. They were entirely contradictory. Some books said that vampires were vulnerable to garlic and crosses while others said these were mere superstitions. Some said that vampires were fairly new to the world and had resulted from a secret experiment during World War II, others said they were as ancient as humanity, however long that was. Some authors spoke of how the world was made up of 12 dimensions other said there were three planes of existence, still others said there were seven. And on and on it went. Emily felt for some strange reason that there was some truth at the heart of it all. She had experienced it for herself. So she was quickly becoming one of those New Age ladies who wear crystal pendants and burn herbs to protect themselves from evil spirits. She was realizing that as she caught a glimpse of herself in one of the store mirrors. Her hair was even more scraggly than ever, her skin the same shiny bumpy mess. She sighed for a moment wanting to give up on the whole thing as pointless. Maybe she should just lock the memory away forever and live a completely normal life. A normal life had its upsides. Maybe she could get a boyfriend like Dominic. Who was she kidding… Vincent was the only boy who ever showed interest in her. Why he did, she couldn’t really understand. Were there actual good guys who liked intelligent girls? Intelligent and hot, of course there were guys who liked that, but intelligent and so not hot like her?
She was running her finger along a row of book spines, contemplating her predicament, when one particular volume caught her attention. It was very thin, hardly 30 pages. It seemed almost a homemade stapled pamphlet, rather than a book. However, there were no staples and the paper was made of some material she couldn’t identify. It was a strange yellow color that could become rigid when folded and it could easily roll up into a scroll. Though she had never touched a batwing, she imagined this was what it would feel like. She began flipping through its pages, reading bits here and there. She was intrigued. Flipped back to the first page.
The one who I am meant for will understand me. Someone who I am not for will discard me. I am small but become large with time. I shrink with perception. I expand with knowledge. I am a leaf. I am a name. I am a woman alone by a lake at night…
The volume went on like this. Emily saw that later on there were some strange diagrams and symbols. Though she couldn't understand any of its meaning something about the volume made her hold onto it and stare, made her relish the words. It was a feeling like finding something she had written long ago but had forgotten.
Emily looked all over for the price, for the author’s name, for a title even, but could not find any of it. On the front cover there were only some strange symbols. There was a triangle contained within a circle and in the middle of this was a letter of an unknown language. It made her want to stare at it for a long time. She took the book to the front counter, to the pleasant, thin guy with long sideburns who recognized her by now.
“Hey,” Emily said, putting on a very casual tone to cover up how shaken and intrigued she was by the book. "I want to get this but I don't see a price on it.”
“Alright. I'll look it up for you,” the counter guy said in his practiced pleasantness. Emily waited, rapped a couple of fingers on the counter unconsciously. Something about this interaction made her annoyed. "You know I am not finding a barcode or item number or anything like that. Let me ask Sandy.”
By now Emily knew who Sandy was. She was the large, energetic woman who owned the store. She watched as the counter guy took it towards the back office. A few moments later he came back empty handed.
"You know, it wasn't actually an item from the store. Sorry about that."
"What do you mean?"
"Somehow it was wherever you found it but we never ordered it, and we were never selling it.”
“Wow. Alright, can I still buy it from you?”
“Sorry, the item has to be in our system for us to create a receipt and to record the transaction and all that stuff.”
“Well when are you going to have it in your system?”
“Oh, we’re not.”
“What?”
“Yeah, Sandy said to toss it. Said it wasn't worth the hassle. No one would want to buy it.”
“I want to buy it!”
“Oh, sorry I already threw it away."
“But it was a perfectly good book.”
He shrugged. “I don't know. I just work here.”
“Look if you get it from the trash, I’ll just give you the money. How much do you want for it? $20 $30?”
“I don’t want to get in trouble.”
“Let me talk to Sandy then.”
“I’m sorry, she said she didn’t want to be interrupted the rest of the night.”
“Look, I’ll give you..” she searched frantically through her wallet, “$80 dollars for it!”
“I can’t. I’m not supposed to sell things that aren’t part of our stock.”
“Will you shut up and take my money?!” Emily said as she waived some bills at him.
“Sorry… but we can't. I really should help the other customers unless you need anything else…”
Emily looked back and realized there were a couple of people waiting in line to buy something. She walked away more frustrated than she had been in a long time and the words "the one who I am meant for will recognize me. Someone who I am not meant for will discard me" ringing in her mind.
She never imagined that she would find herself digging through a stranger's dumpster in the middle of the night, but there she was. She had lingered in the store for a while thinking of a plan. She had come up with all kinds of scenarios trying to get the book. She could simply try and speak to Sandy tomorrow, but it might already be in a landfill by then, and then again if the book truly was some kind of magical tome it had said the ones who it was not meant for would discard it. It didn't say that they would sell it or give it away, but that they would discard it. So if it was a truly arcane book, it explained why the owner had done the irrational thing of discarding a book a customer was actually interested in. If not, if it had been the owner just having that bizarre policy, then maybe the book wasn't worth it to begin with.
She grimaced as she hoisted up a leaky trash bag from the metal dumpster. The smell of rotting cheese or some such made her turn away and blink rapidly, but she kept on digging. She did so for a good half-hour, her sleeves getting smeared with what she hoped was barbecue sauce and not something far worse.
It was nowhere to be found. She slammed the dumpster shut in disgust. She was an utter fool. The lady had probably kept the book to sell online for hundreds of dollars, claiming it as an antique of some kind or another. She should have just taken the damn thing and never asked to buy it. She wiped her hands on her jeans. Oh well, life had its tough breaks. Sometimes you dent your car, sometimes your boyfriend turns himself into a vampire, sometimes you dig through a dumpster for nothing.
She climbed out of the dumpster, holding onto the dirty metal walls as she dismounted, began walking away when the realization struck her like a bolt. Why hadn't she checked the recycling? She held her hand to her temples in stress then realized she had just smeared her face with some unknown garbage smudge. Shaking her head, she walked over to the recycling container, opened it and with the ease of picking a book off the shelf, snatched the mysterious volume from the blue metal bin. How could she not realize that a place called the Amethyst Haven would recycle? She walked out from the back alley, gazing at the cover of the book. The one who I am meant for will recognize me, she read again, thinking perhaps finally, something was mean
t for her, and she was meant for something.
She couldn't help but read it all the way through, twice, that night. It was written in a strange way. Like those poems that she had to read her senior year of high school, which seemed to her to be a garbled collection of images with little meaning, though the words sounded pretty to say. She mulled the book’s words over and over again in her mind. She knew the book was trying to tell her something, but what she didn't know. Near the end of the book there were actual instructions it seemed.
The one who I am meant for knows objects come and go like the
new and the full moon. The one I am meant for knows the mind itself is the moon. One I am meant for knows the words “Anuvinaz Anzhati” are the new moon. The one I am meant for knows the words “Anuvinaz Tamavan” are the full moon.
And so on the book went with its veiled language. She kept fiercely contemplating the book until her mind began to lag like an old computer exhausted from its work. It was some ungodly hour and even she needed to sleep sometimes. She drifted off sitting at her desk, her face buried in the open book.
As her mind traveled through the unconscious murkiness of sleep, she encountered a dream. She found herself standing in a circular pool or some kind of pond. All around was darkness and silence. The water rose up to her knees, and was so still that even as she walked through it, it would not ripple. There was a small pillar in the center. If it had been there before or just appeared with her not noticing it, she did not know. After all, it was a dream and where and when things were was a matter of speculation. Resting on the pillar was a perfectly clear crystal sphere. Something about this perfect clarity made her want to touch it. When she did, it lit up like a light bulb. She touched it again and it went back to a lifeless crystal sphere. She realized there were many more of these small pillars all standing in a row. She went to the next. There was nothing on it. Still something in her dream-mind made her want to touch the top of the pillar where the crystal sphere had rested on the other.
She did so with a single finger and suddenly a lit candle appeared. She enjoyed staring at the flame for a moment then felt the urge to touch it again. She did so and the candle vanished. Whether she moved to the next pillar or the dream moved her, she could not tell. Still, she found herself in front of the next pillar. She touched the top of it and suddenly a doll appeared. She recognized it. It had been years many years ago. She loved it, had made the blue dress for it herself. She had accompanied her everywhere as a child. It had been lost during a vacation and she always regretted it. Now with a touch, it was here.
She enjoyed the feeling of conjuring a lost object for a moment, stroked the doll’s hair, then went on to the next pillar. And she stood before the next one she smiled and considered what she could summon up with a touch. Suddenly she felt a strange presence approaching her. She looked over her shoulder, circled her gaze around the pool of water where she stood but all she saw was the darkness.
Still, she felt the presence somewhere in the distance approaching her. While it wasn't true fear it was an uneasiness and nervousness like when a demanding guest is arriving earlier than expected. The uneasiness quickly turned into confusion as she opened her eyes and found herself taking her face off her desk. She didn't have time to consider her dream much before she realized it was morning and she had 10 minutes to get to class. She rushed to the bathroom splashed water on her face grabbed her key card and headed out the door.
7
As she sat in the class auditorium, the professor lecturing in front of the humongous whiteboard, all she could think about was her dream. It had been so vivid. The water. The pillars. The objects flickering in and out of reality. The looming presence.
"Are you alright?" The guy sitting next to her whispered. His thick black hair was cut in a bowl shaped and he spoke with a slight accent. Emily startled out of her reverie.
"Yeah… sometimes I can get lost in my own thoughts…” She trailed off as she rose from her seat. She understood her dream. She was sure of it. She just had to test it. She scooted through the tightly packed row of students. She flung the door open and began running. She ran clear across the quad. She interrupted a game of Frisbee as she sprinted past them, almost stomped on someone's lunch as they ate on the grass. She was short of breath and sweating like crazy by the time she made it back to her dorm room. She went to her desk, snatched the book in her hand. She flipped to the words. Anuvinaz… The dream. It wasn't just her tired imagination. It had come from the book. It was meant for her just as the book was. She was beginning to understand.
She looked around her room frantically. She had to find something to experiment on. It couldn't be all too valuable. She snatched the pencil from the cup on her desk. Held in her hand. She recalled how the words had rung in her dream. The exact pronunciation, exact intonation. She spoke the words Anuvinaz... The breath was pulled from her lungs for a split moment. The entire world seemed to fade like all material substance could be blown away by a gust of wind and all of a sudden the pencil vanished. She was looking right at it as it did. A mingling of excitement and ominous fear came over her. She stared at her empty hand, fluidly move her fingers to make sure she was still intact, that she was still in the world she knew. She stepped to her window and shut the curtains. Locked her doors. It was a bit of paranoia but it seemed right to take every precaution considering what she thought she had just discovered: a way to break the laws of physics, a way to break the laws of life. Letting herself sit on her bed for a moment, she breathed deep and let her mind calm itself from the frenzy of possibilities it was jumbling. She rose, still nervous but more composed. She opened the book once more. Held out her hand. She pictured, truly felt made herself feel with her mind that the pencil was back in her hand. Anuvinaz! She proclaimed. Once more matching the exact accent and intonation of her dream, a kind of static twisted the air around her and in a split moment the pencil was once again in her hand. She felt its smooth wooden surface, felt the rubber eraser. It was real. It was the same pencil she had made vanish.
Others might have been satisfied. Others might have been afraid to go on. She was neither. She knew that book was meant for her, placed for her. By who or what, she had to find out. She knew she had tapped the vein of knowledge. She would drink from it until it could give no more.
Her mysterious, magical patron had found her there. Now she would return the favor. She must have seemed a very strange person indeed as every night she would loiter at the Amethyst Haven. Going up to random customers and whispering as if she were offering or looking to buy drugs, "I know all about the dream. The pillars.” She would unfailingly receive confused looks. She even began whispering "Anuvinaz" to random strangers in the store only to receive even more confused looks. She was always careful pretended she was reading so that counter guy wouldn't be suspicious. She knew her mystery patron would come. He had to. Why would someone go through the trouble of leaving a book for someone only to teach them one small thing? She had made a few other objects disappear and reappear, a cup, a pillow, even a chair, but she realized she should know what she was doing before she proceeded any further. Who knew what could happen if she tried it on living things. And anyway, as dazzling as it was, other than a few casino tricks and possibly moving furniture, there was not much that she could use this trick alone for. She was sure there was more to learn. It was dizzying to think how much more. The depths of knowledge were unfathomable. But eventually she knew she could become something greater than any ordinary person could imagine. She thought back to Vincent, and began understanding why he had become what he became. There was something alluring, once one had tasted a life greater than human. And she knew, if he was still alive, this road of arcane knowledge would eventually lead her to him. What would happen then, she couldn’t guess.
She spotted a gentleman who struck her as different than the rest of the customers. He had graying hair and was dressed in a sharp black jacket with a shawl thrown over his shoulders. He was making his way throu
gh a display case of crystals, studying each one with the care of an archaeologist. Emily made her way to him. Her lips parted in anticipation as she stepped as close to him as she could without being truly rude. She whispered "Anuvinaz." He turned his head slowly. She could see more clearly now into his hazel eyes, his face lined with age and wisdom. "Anuvinaz?” He replied back to her calm and composed. She stood a moment unsure what to do and so she nodded apprehensively and said "Yes. Anuvinaz.” The gentleman smiled back with reserve and said "Anuvinaz Tanavan.” She balled her fists with excitement. She had found him. She had found her patron. She was unsure of what to say. “What a pleasant place to meet you,” he said, and gave a slight bow then extended his hand pointing it toward the staircase inside the store. His mannerisms seemed old-fashioned. She mumbled some greeting and followed his silent instruction and walked toward the stairs, following a respectful distance away.
They both walked down the second floor hallway. “This way young lady,” her patron said.
She followed him as he passed a few doors then arrived to the end of the hall. He opened the door and showed her into a meeting room with a large desk a few chairs exotic plants in the most ornate lighting fixtures she had ever seen.
“Please have a seat," her patron said.
"Thanks. Thank you," Emily replied trying her best to be courteous. They sat across the desk from one another as if Emily was interviewing for college again. But it was an entirely different type of schooling that she hoped she would find.