“As you have probably guessed, I have some concerns about Joseph,” said Mrs. Cameron. “He is clearly confused about boundaries, and when we see that, it usually means ambiguous rules and a lack of accountability at home - a sign of domestic strife.”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” said Lily. “I’m very sorry. I will work with him on that.” Lily had no idea what that meant, or how she might accomplish it, but it sounded like the grownup thing to say. It seemed ridiculous even to her, as she sat with her knees scrunched to her chest.
“Mrs. Diotallevi,” said Mrs. Cameron. Her tone made Lily shrink just enough to feel better suited to her chair. “We have a cooperative relationship with children’s services through the school district.” She handed Lily a card.
Lily glanced at the card: Rachel Jacobi, Ph.D., School Psychologist.
“A psychologist?” Lily’s stomach lurched. “Isn’t that a little drastic?”
“If there are issues that need attention,” said Mrs. Cameron, “it’s generally more efficacious to address them early. I’ve taken the liberty to make a preliminary phone call,” she said, leading Lily to the door. “Dr. Jacobi was able to squeeze you in at four-thirty tomorrow afternoon.” Mrs. Cameron looked at Lily over the top of her bifocals. “I do hope you can make it.”
“I don’t know what to tell Joe,” Lily told the women at PTW during sharing time that afternoon. “He gets furious if the teacher blames us for anything - he says it’s their job to teach the kids how to behave. I shudder to think how he’ll react when I tell him that she wants me to talk to the psychologist.”
“Now there’s no sense in telling your sweet husband anything of the kind,” said Bethany.
“But I can’t lie to him.” Lily may not have known as much about these things as Bethany, but she knew this one.
“You’re not lying,” said Bethany, with a snort. “It is your duty as a Godly wife to protect him from unnecessary exposure to worldly irritants, to provide him with an oasis; a fortress of peace. He’s got enough on his mind, what with his job and everything. Go see the psychologist, and then if they decide there’s an issue, just pray to the Lord and He will provide you with the perfect opportunity to bring it up. Lying and using discretion about what he needs to know and what he’s better off not knowing are two different things. No sense in both of you worrying about it now, is there?”
“No, I guess not,” said Lily. “When you put it like that.”
The next day, Lily woke to a flat and unrelentingly gray sky. She strained to conjure up even a memory of the sun. She didn’t feel like wrestling with her jeans, so she resigned to wearing her maternity pants, even though they were a bit long, for lack of a fully pregnant belly to take up the girth. Who cared what she looked like at the psychologist’s anyway; all she cared about was getting it over with. She rummaged through the front closet for an umbrella. The one she finally found had three bent spines detached from the fabric. She couldn’t imagine a scenario in which arriving for her appointment with such an umbrella over her head would be better than not having one at all. She tossed it back into the closet.
Rachel Jacobi was about Lily’s age. Several inches taller than Lily, she displayed broad shoulders and wide hips, but in perfect proportion. She moved especially gracefully for her size and looked as if she were walking en pointe. She welcomed Lily into the office, set about offering her a drink, placing a box of tissues within reach, and finally taking a chair opposite the red leather one Lily had chosen.
“Thank you for coming in to see me, Mrs. Diotallevi,” said Rachel. “I know this isn’t a pleasant task.” Her voice was smooth, sweet, and fragile - like ribbon candy. If she yelled, her words would surely shatter into a million pieces.
“Oh, sure,” said Lily. “Please call me Lily - and I’m sorry I’m soaked - I couldn’t find my umbrella.” As she smoothed the fabric of her white blouse she noticed a dark splotch just over her right breast. By the time Lily had cleaned both the boys up and dropped them off at Donna’s, her only concern had been getting to the appointment on time, and getting home again. Lily used her fingernail to scratch at the mysterious stain – was it Pierce’s vomit or a splatter from the ice cream that Joseph had begged for, which she had given him just so he would stop crying and let her get out the door? Lily looked up to see Rachel smiling at her the way one might smile at a mentally challenged child who was trying to force a square block into a round hole.
“I know you are aware that I’ve spoken with Ida Cameron,” said Rachel.
“Yes, she told me she called you, but I’m not really clear on why.” Lily sat up, pulling up out of her torso, expanding it to its full length, as if the added stature could compensate for her sense of inadequacy.
Rachel made a note on a pad of paper.
“Sometimes we just like to check in with our parents, make sure everything is OK. As you know, Joseph has been acting out a bit. Sometimes it’s just a matter of personality, or of having too much sugar, or too little sleep - but sometimes it can be a sign of other things.”
“Oh.”
“Why don’t you tell me a little bit about what’s going on at home?”
“I’m sure it’s nothing out of the ordinary. My husband does work a lot, but he still sees the kids as much as possible. He just adores them.”
“That’s great,” said Rachel. “And how about you?”
“Well, of course – they’re my children.”
Rachel smiled her special-child smile again. “No, I mean, how are things between you and your husband, if you don’t mind my asking? Do you have a respectful relationship?”
“Oh, yes, of course,” said Lily. That definitely falls into the “doesn’t need to know” category.
Rachel asked a few more questions, and Lily provided whatever answers she expected would lead to a dismissal.
“Again,” said Rachel, standing up and straightening out her dress. “I do appreciate your taking the time to come in this afternoon - now that we’ve gotten to know each other a bit, I’m hoping that you’ll feel more comfortable reaching out to us if you ever feel the need. OK?”
“Yes, sure... I will do that.” Lily was relieved to gather her things and head for the door.
“My goodness,” said Rachel, looking out the window. “I can’t believe it’s getting dark out already - and it’s still raining. Wait just a moment, and I’ll walk out with you.” Rachel lifted a beige trench coat from the rack and slipped her arms into the sleeves. She flipped off the lights to her office, closed the door behind them and turned the key. “My car is in the shop, so my husband is picking me up tonight - I’m so relieved.” She cinched the belt of her coat around her waist. “I hate driving home in rush hour traffic, even when the weather is good.”
A gold Dodge Intrepid sat along the curb just outside the entrance to the school. Before Rachel had the chance to step out into the rain, her husband jumped out of the car, opened an umbrella and ran to her side.
“Good night, Lily,” said Rachel.
“Good night,” said Lily.
“Lily?” said Rachel’s husband. His face was partially obscured by the umbrella, and while she didn’t immediately recognize his voice, the sound of it evoked a flourish of butterflies in her stomach. “Lily Capotosti? Is that you?”
Lily took a step toward the voice, and as she did, she landed her foot in a puddle, filling her shoe with cold water. The man tilted the umbrella slightly to the side and stepped into the glow of the flood light that hung over the door.
“James?” The concerned look on Rachel’s face was the only thing that kept Lily from reacting by running to him, embracing him with laughter.
“What are you doing here?” he asked. Rachel cleared her throat.
“I had, um, an appointment with, um, your - wife?”
“I retained my maiden name - for professional reasons,” said Rachel. She turned to James. “Lily and I were just having a chat.” Rachel winked at Lily.
“I wasn�
��t sure if that was you, but I heard Rachel say your name, and you’re the only person named Lily I’ve ever known.” James looked Lily up and down. “I don’t know what’s more bizarre - the fact that we’re running into each other right now, or the fact that it hasn’t happened before today.”
“Wow,” said Lily, staring at him. He was just as handsome as Lily had remembered. His smile was just as charming, his eyes were as brown and warm, the tiny crow’s feet adding a delightful dimension of surprise to looking at him. “You live here in town?”
“Sure do.” James put his arm around Rachel’s shoulder and drew her close to his side. “We’ve been married six years.”
“That’s - wow, that’s really amazing.” Lily’s chest radiated with heat as she realized that not only had James married, but he’d settled down in Rochester. “Wow.” His wife is a doctor, Lily thought. Stop saying “wow.”
Lily looked from James to Rachel, Rachel to James, huddled together under their perfectly unbroken umbrella, perfectly dry, looking like an ad for diamond rings. Both of Lily’s shoes were soaked through. The rain beat down on her, plastering her hair to her head and face. Rivulets of water trickled down her neck and into her stained blouse. A shock of arousal shot down her spine.
“We really should be on our way,” said Rachel. “The traffic is going to be horrendous in this downpour.”
“It was great seeing you, Lily,” said James. He turned and opened the car door for Rachel, and closed it again after helping her inside. He turned toward Lily one last time. “Here,” he said, holding the umbrella out to her. “Take this - I have two more in the car.”
Lily reluctantly took the umbrella from James, wondering how much of the past it was intended to make up for. Too late. She was already drenched.
“Take care of yourself, OK?”
James and Rachel drove away, leaving Lily standing in the teeming rain under the glow of the floodlight, the opened umbrella at her side.
That evening after dinner while Pierce was sleeping and Joseph was engrossed in watching a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie, Lily brewed a cup of tea, and grabbed her latest copy of Christian Family News. As she pulled the drapes closed over the living room window, she noticed a large black car parked in front of the house, the front seat illumined by the dome light. When the driver turned and noticed Lily in the window, the light flicked off and the car inched away down the street. Lily double-checked the window locks, the front door, and the sliding glass doors to the back patio before sitting down to read, but her mind was crowded out by memories of James, and of how thrilled he must be tonight. After seeing Lily, he was surely safe in the knowledge that he had made the right choice, and thrilled at having ended up with a successful, beautiful wife.
“Glad I could help,” Lily said to herself.
“Anything exciting happen around here today?” Joe gave Lily a peck on the cheek and handed her his coat.
“Nope,” said Lily, “not unless you count the mail coming early.” Or seeing a psychologist. Or running into an old boyfriend. Or watching a strange black car out in front of the house – all of which fell into the category of protecting him from unnecessary exposure to worldly irritants.
“Daddy!” shouted Joseph, as he ran toward Joe and launched himself into his arms.
“Ow!” Joe grunted in mock pain.
“Be careful, you guys,” said Lily.
“Did I hurt you, Daddy?” asked Joseph.
“You can’t hurt me - I’m Superman!”
“Oh, yeah?” said Joseph. “Bet you can’t catch me - I’m Donatello!”
Joseph squealed and ran away, with Joe in exaggerated pursuit as they headed for the family room.
They engaged in a battle to determine whether Superman could in fact beat Donatello in a fight, the result of which was one broken lamp and an extremely wound-up child. It was after eleven o’clock when Joseph was finally settled into bed.
Lily washed her face and then collapsed onto the bed next to Joe. “It’s not healthy for him to go to bed so late, Joe. He needs his sleep.” And Lily needed hers, even though the Proverbs 31 wife “gets up while it is still dark.... her lamp does not go out at night.” Lily wondered what the Proverbs 31 husband was up to all that time. “And all that sugar doesn't help, either.”
“I hardly think that Joseph is going to grow up to be a murderer because I let him stay up late and drink juice, Lil,” said Joe.
“But maybe it really is a contributing factor to his behavior. He’s really just so wild much of the time.”
“He’s all boy, that’s all it is. He’s like his Daddy.”
“I’m just saying that maybe we could try to make sure he gets a little more sleep and a little less sugar late at night and see if it helps.”
“And listen to him moan and cry while I’m wishing I could spend time with him? I am not going to come home to that every night.”
“Can’t you please work with me on this?” Lily had to be sure Rachel Jacobi never asked to see her again.
“I have a job already, Lil.” Joe flicked on the TV. “I can’t do your job too.”
Accepting that the conversation was over, Lily rolled onto her side. She hoped Joe was also so worn out from his play that he would just go to sleep tonight. She listened as his breathing slowed, becoming deeper, finally decorated with the rattle of a snore that meant she was alone at last. The nagging feeling in her gut was closely followed by memories of the day. The embarrassment of talking to Dr. Jacobi, the humiliation of running into James, and the way he looked at her. She remembered getting lost in his eyes, once upon a time. She savored the image of him smiling at her, his delight at seeing her. Her body grew warmer and her breath quickened. The worries of the day were obscured by the fantasies that filled her mind, as she comforted herself in the way that she had always hoped James would one day.
The next morning Lily found herself staring out the window studying the branches of her tree as they bobbed and swayed in the wind, flipping feathery leaves over, showing first their silvery underbellies, then their shiny green top coats. Silver, green. Silver, green. Silver, green. Like a thousand tiny hands waving hello, perhaps saying “thank you” for all the times Lily had saved them from the wrath of Joe’s clippers.
The morning sun hid behind stubborn black clouds. Gusts of wind intermittently roused the branches of the tree, inciting them to animate their dance, to double their cadence, to take their part in the storm that seemed to be brewing just beyond the horizon.
Again Lily thought of them, of James and Rachel, an attractive, clean-cut, polite couple who probably chatted about their day while stuck in traffic on the 490 expressway. Of them. Of Rachel and Lily. Rachel with her tailored dress, her gentle voice, not an errant hair on her head; Lily with her scraggly hair, stained blouse, and baggy maternity pants sagging in soggy folds around her puddle-soaked shoes. She and Rachel had nothing in common. Except for the experience of loving James. Of them. Of Lily and James. Seeing James made Lily wonder what she could have done, how she might have been able to cause things to turn out differently so they might have ended up together. James was surely thanking his lucky stars that things had turned out exactly as they had.
Lily used to imagine having a chance meeting with James, but in her fantasies, she was visiting Rochester from New York City or Los Angeles, where she would be working as singer or an actress. She would look fabulous, and he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off her. She may not be able to do anything about her status as housewife, but she could try at least to lose her baby weight and get into shape. She wondered if she still had that exercise tape that Marguerite had given her. It was probably still in a box in the crawl space. After all, she just might run into James again one day - at school, or even at Tops Market. He must go to the grocery store every now and again. Next time she saw him, regret would register in his eyes instead of relief.
Bethany always said that having social relationships with men was a dangerous proposition. Maybe
this was the sort of thing she was talking about. An idea about a man gets into your head and before you know it, he’s living there, following you around - to the grocery store, the school, out to the mailbox, even up to bed with your husband by your side. “Venture out into the world when you must,” Bethany would say. “But remember that is where temptation lays in wait for you.” Lily wondered what Bethany’s fantasies were like - since she always said she acted like she was married to Jesus, maybe she dreamed about making love with Him too.
Over the next several months, Lily added two additional Jane Fonda tapes to the one Marguerite had given her, which she rotated through daily during Pierce’s nap time. By Pierce’s second birthday, she had sweated and grunted her way to her pre-pregnancy weight, and found that she enjoyed her new muscle tone and stamina. Sweet treats were saved for special occasions and she was looking forward to a small slice of the yellow cake with chocolate frosting that she had made from scratch for their family birthday celebration. Joe had promised to try and get out of work early so they could all sing “Happy Birthday” together. As evening fell, Joseph, Pierce, and Wishes happily occupied themselves by playing fort under the kitchen table. Lily draped a red plaid blanket over the tabletop, and anchored it down around the edges with the legs of the chairs.
The front door bell rang, which was a rare occurrence at any time, but especially at eight-thirty at night. It wasn’t Halloween, and it wasn’t Girl Scout cookie season.
Lily peered through the peephole to see a heavy set man in a navy blue pea coat and dark woolen hat standing on the doorstep. His image was distorted through the lens of the peep hole, making his nose appear comically disproportionate, leaping out from his face. A long black car was parked in the street.
Wishes faithfully rushed to Lily’s side, wagging her tail. She looked up at Lily. “I appreciate the effort, girl,” Lily whispered to the dog, “but a nice bark would really come in handy right about now.”
The Complete Series Page 87