by K. S. Thomas
“I bet you say that to all the guys you make coffee for,” he teased and I was half relieved, half disappointed he hadn’t taken my accidental confession more seriously.
“Not exactly. Blaise and Derek aren’t really into hearing that sort of thing from me.”
Hudson grinned. “What about Angel?”
“Doesn’t drink coffee. Not healthy enough for him.” The awkwardness melted away and his hand returned to my back, encouraging me to start walking toward his apartment again. We were halfway up the stairs when I realized he wasn’t the only one who could be a potential victim to someone’s charms here.
“These pictures you want to take of me? Are they naked pics? Am I about to be seduced here?”
His hand reached past me to open the door and let me in. “Only if you want to be.”
Shockingly, I wasn’t really sure what my answer was. I mean, I’d happily be seduced by him, but if his intentions were to nail me and leave me, well, I could think of less uncomfortable ways to spend a tour than to have a one night stand follow me around with a camera.
Right around then, it occurred to me that he might not have actually intended for me to answer that proposal with a real response, so I bypassed giving one by searching his apartment for something new and random to comment on.
“So, big movie buff?” I nodded toward the case of DVDs on the back wall.
He shrugged. “Sort of. I’m less attached to the actual movies and more into the cinematography. So, you know, don’t judge me based on some of those titles.” He laughed and it was contagious, as was the ease with which he carried himself, and I felt myself relaxing again. Then I felt his fingers twine with mine as he took my hand and I went back to being tense as a motherfucker in an instant.
“Come on,” his camera over his shoulder already, he tugged me toward a door I hadn’t seen before, just off the kitchen. “I’m feeling inspired and the roof will work perfectly.” He turned to look at me. Apparently, I was making a face that suggested I was less than thrilled with the prospect. “What’s wrong? You’re not afraid of heights, are you?”
“No.” But I was becoming increasingly afraid of him and how willing I was to follow wherever he went.
***
We stepped out onto the roof, my hand still holding Royce’s, and I was giving myself a big mental pat on the back for having had the balls to make that move. He was an interesting contradiction of sorts. One minute he was openly admitting he was attracted to me and the next he seemed tense and nervous just at the mere mention of us hooking up.
Clearly, Royce had been with other men in the past. All things considered, the list was probably longer than most, so it seemed strange to think that he’d be anxious at the thought of sex, period.
“What exactly do you want me to do?” He was standing near the edge, the moonlight shining down on him perfectly, like the whole fucking universe understood that he was destined to stand under a spotlight.
“Just keep doing what you’re doing right now. And keep talking to me. In fact, if you could somehow forget that the camera is even here, that would be ideal.” I had to fight back a laugh. Even I knew how ridiculous the request was. Given the smirk and slight roll of his eyes, Royce agreed.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll just totally space that little detail. It’s like I can’t even see it anymore. Nope, wait, there it is still blocking your face. Which is unfortunate, really. It’s a nice looking face.”
He smiled and my finger was permanently glued to the shutter release, taking one gorgeous shot after the next. The light was amazing. His mannerisms were beautifully un-posed and he...well he, was total perfection.
“You know,” he started slowly, “I can’t help but think about how you mentioned all the things you see from behind that camera. Flaws and what not.”
“Feeling naked?” I winked, remembering how he’d asked about having to get bare for this photo shoot.
“So much so, I actually kind of would have preferred just taking my clothes off.”
I was about to respond with something that was bound to be both incredibly witty as well as flirtatious when I heard the sounds of a car door being slammed coming from down below. Temporarily moving the camera so I could see where I was going, I came up beside Royce and glanced down the side of the building. Down in the small alley, parked directly behind my car was my mother’s rusty red Cadillac Seville.
“Who’s that?” Royce checked his phone. “You expecting company at five o’clock in the morning? Do I need to shimmy down a drain pipe or something?”
I didn’t know which was funnier, the image of Royce sliding down the side of my building or the fact that he thought my mother was a booty call.
“Not necessary. It’s just my mom.”
His brows shot up in disbelief. “Your mom?”
I turned and headed back toward the door. “Yeah. She gets into these crazy moods where she holes up in her studio for days on end, working on things, then when she finally comes out she has no concept of what time it is anymore. Probably thinks it’s just after dinner or something. Watch. I’m going to go down there and she’ll ask me why we’re closed already.”
Royce chuckled. “So, I’ll just wait up here for you then?”
I nodded. “That’d probably be safest, yeah.”
I rushed down both flights of stairs and arrived down in the store just in time to find my mother struggling to get a massive new vase up onto one of the display tables.
“Hey, baby. Come give me a hand, would you?”
I already had a grip on the thing and moved it gently into place.
“I really wish you wouldn’t try to do stuff like this on your own. You could have demolished half the store trying to balance that thing. It’s almost as big as you!” There wasn’t really a point to my little speech. She’d heard it all before and ignored me every time.
“Don’t be so dramatic. Meanwhile, why is the store closed? Slow business tonight?” She glanced around the abandoned shop.
“Ma, its five o’clock in the morning.”
She appeared frighteningly shocked considering she was facing a wall displaying custom clocks at that very moment. “You’re kidding!”
“Nope.” I slid my hands into my pockets, rolling back and forth from my toes to my heels, just passing the time until my mother decided to leave again and go home to bed so I could run back up to spend whatever I had left of the night with Royce before he had to take off as well.
Apparently, drawing attention to the fact I even had pockets was a bad move on my part though.
“Kieran, honey, why are you fully clothed at this unearthly time of morning?” She squinted at me suspiciously.
“Same reason you are. Busy working.”
She didn’t buy it. “Who with?”
“What do you mean, who with?”
She pointed over at the sofa and table where Royce and I had been earlier.
“Coffee cups. There’s two of them. Who’s here with you? And don’t you lie to your mother a second time.”
I sighed. “If I tell you, do you promise to leave again without saying another word?”
She contemplated it for a moment. “Alright.”
“Royce Lemmi.”
An audible gasp escaped her lips as she clutched her chest dramatically. My mother, the artist, had a flare for, well, everything, but, she was also a woman of her word. So, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, spun around on her heel and marched straight out the door without so much as a peep.
I barely waited for the sound of her engine starting before I raced back up those stairs and to the man of my fucking dreams, who just happened to be waiting for me at the top of them.
Chapter 8
Hudson and I had stayed on that roof for several hours, and, by some bizarre miracle, I had, at some point, forgotten about the camera in the midst of our conversations. And there’d been many. Random topics, one more entertaining and interesting than the next. Some intimate even.
By the time the sun was coming up, we were standing there in silence, holding hands – this time I’d made the move - and watching the spectacular view.
Even though I’d wanted to, I’d held off on kissing him. We had time, I’d told myself. Was still telling myself. Of course, it’d been seven days now since I’d seen him and holding off on that kiss had seemed like a bad idea for the last six.
But being apart hadn’t meant he was really gone. Hudson had texted me less than thirty minutes after I’d left him that morning. And the messages and calls hadn’t stopped since.
Of course, after today, I wouldn’t have to lunge for my phone every time it jingled anymore because he’d finally be joining us on tour.
“You’re up early.” Angel came out from the back of the bus where the bunks were. Given his love for the gym and five a.m. work outs, he was the only morning person in the bunch. Except today. Although, I wasn’t sure if it counted as being up early if I hadn’t actually been to bed yet.
“Couldn’t sleep.” I glanced out the window, along with a steady stream of passing headlights, a reddish glow was now creeping up on the horizon.
Angel slid into the bench across from me. He tapped the empty mug in my hands. “You gonna blame it on the coffee?” His smirk was even more annoying that early in the morning.
“Can’t. Wasn’t drinking any.” I leaned back, stretching my arms behind my head. I’d been sitting there for over an hour already and various parts of my body had started to get stiff or fall asleep, only adding to my overall discomfort.
Angel crinkled his brow. “Then what was in the cup?”
I laughed. “Sleepy-time tea. The shit don’t work.”
He snorted. “Where did you even find this stuff?”
I pointed at the cupboard above the sink. “Derek’s stash. Dude, we’re the worst rock stars ever. When we get hung up on someone, do we go out and get shitfaced? Do ungodly amounts of drugs to help us forget? Fuck a ton of hot ass? No. We drink a cup of sleepy-time tea like a bunch of pathetic pussies.” I slammed my hand on the table. “And then cry about how it doesn’t work. Holy shit.”
Meanwhile, Angel was laughing hysterically, trying hard to muffle the sound to keep from waking the others. I pointed at him. “You’re the last one. You’re all we have left. Without you out there whoring your way through our loyal groupies, all we are is a bunch of boring guys in our mid-twenties who like to get together and play a little music.”
Once upon a time, we’d known how to get down. We’d come crashing into the scene, every intention of living it up, being the hype. Then Derek had gotten married. I’d gotten less stupid and even Blaise had miraculously cleaned his shit up. Angel hadn’t ever partied hard, but when it came to giving the fans that special one on one attention, he’d always been more than happy to screw each and every one of them in the name of the band.
“Well, you’ve got nothing to worry about there. You know me. I like my freedom. Last thing I’m looking for is someone to turn me into you or Derek. Shit. You look at him closely lately? Boy’s dropping weight now left and right.”
I’d noticed it too. “Yeah, I know. Ava’s worried as well. She’s even tried reaching out to Sammy, but said she got shut down in two seconds flat. It’s weird. They used to be tight. Like, Ava was her ally when it came to Derek, keeping her in the loop whenever we were on tour, and now she wants nothing to do with her? I don’t get it.”
There was no longer any sign of laughter on Angel’s face or mine. None of this was funny anymore.
“They’re going to make it through this though, right? I mean, I’ll be the first one to say that relationships are bullshit, but Derek and Sammy, man, they’re like one person. They’ve been together so long I don’t even know how to think of him without her.”
I nodded. “It would destroy him.” I sat up straight, rubbing my eyes. “Shit, this is depressing.”
My phone vibrated. It was on the table beside my mug, so it didn’t go unnoticed by either of us.
“That Hudson?” His expression had changed instantly, but I felt guilty being so easily swayed to my happy place when I knew my friend was so ungodly miserable at the same time. Even guilt couldn’t erase the grin on my face though.
I picked up the phone and checked the message. “He’s at the airport getting ready to board the plane. Only six more hours and we’ll be meeting him in Michigan.” I’d never been so excited to arrive in that fucking icicle in all my life. We were barely into October and already they’d had several feet of snow there. Thankfully, it had eased up enough to let flights in and out again, but there was no telling what the roads would be like the further North we traveled.
“Nervous about going from one date to living together?” Angel chuckled.
“You think?! And I can’t decide which is worse. That we’re about to be stuck on a bus for the next ten days, or that we’re going to be stuck on a bus with all of you for the next ten days.” The tour’d be far from over after that, but once we hit New York we’d be leaving the bus behind and taking off by plane to begin the international portion of our world tour. All in all, we had another two months to go before we’d be headed home again.
“Who’s going to be stuck with all of who?” Ava was rubbing her eye as she stumbled along the moving bus, still half asleep and bearing a striking resemblance to some of the Zombie extras we’d seen in a movie the night before.
“Hudson is going to be stuck with all of us and Royce is scared we’re going to ruin him.” Pretty sure Angel got some sort of sick satisfaction out of egging her on. As expected, Ava’s eyes went from barely there, to popping out of her head.
“You say that like we have a history of corrupting people. Name one person who was in some way harmed by over exposure to us.”
“Well, there’s Francis.” Ava’s assistant. She’d been a really sweet girl once upon a time. Conservative. Wore clothes that actually covered her body. Never swore. These days she dropped the f-bomb at least once in every sentence. Twice if she could make it fit. And the last time I’d seen her, she’d busted out her breast to show me a brand new nipple ring. No need to express how I reacted to that one. Pretty sure there’s still a hole in her office door from where I ran through it.
“Francis doesn’t count. She was a beast waiting to be unleashed. All we did was set her free. And look how happy she is now!” She slid into the booth beside me, determined to see the argument through. “Name someone else. Someone whose life is worse now, not better.”
“I’m pretty sure Gary thinks his life sucks big balls with us in it.” I had a list. I could go on and on with this all the way to Michigan if I had to.
“Gary was miserable before he met us. All we did was redirect his pain and frustrations. Who else you got?”
Then the only legit person on my list wandered in and the game came to an abrupt halt because he’d never been supposed to be on it in the first place.
“What the fuck are all of you doing up so early?” Derek stretched his torso back and forth, revealing in an almost painful way how thin he was getting. Apparently, it was too much for Ava.
“Making you some goddamn breakfast. What do you want? Name it, I’ll get it for you. And then I’ll fucking spoon feed you myself if I have to. This shit is getting unhealthy.”
He stood there frozen in mid stomach scratch for a moment. “Um, some eggs maybe?”
Her brows went up so high they nearly touched her hairline. “And?”
He glanced over at us for help. “Toast?”
Ava grunted. “It’s a start.” She slid out of her seat just as he cautiously moved past her to take his seat beside Angel.
“Is she forcing her cooking on everyone or just me?” he whispered.
“Just you, buddy. Word to the wise, start eating more when we’re out. Don’t nobody here want to even smell that girl’s cooking.” Angel twitched his nose back and forth as he reached up to crack the window because Ava had already managed to burn the butter in her fryin
g pan.
Six hours later and I was pacing back and forth in the penthouse suite we’d be staying in for the night. Ava had sent a car to pick up Hudson. Part of me knew he’d be expecting to see me at the airport, but I just couldn’t risk being seen there. Now that Garrett was popping up all over the media thanks to that part he’d landed on some soap opera, I was already terrified enough people would start connecting the dots between our past ‘friendship’. Unlike me, Garrett saw no reason to keep a low profile regarding his sexual orientation, as was now all too clear after having seen him strolling down the red carpet hand in hand with Gay Clooney.
I hadn’t yet broached the subject with Hudson, although, I knew he was aware of the fact that I wasn’t out on a public level. What he didn’t know, was just how motivated I was to keep it that way. And to be perfectly honest, I wasn’t anywhere near ready to explain it to him.
Not because I thought he wouldn’t understand, but because I didn’t want him to see me as a coward, the way I saw myself.
I checked my phone for the hundredth time, wondering if I’d hear from him or if he’d just come strolling in. Then the door opened to the penthouse and there he was. God, he was gorgeous.
Every previous thought was magically erased from my mind as he came toward me, arms stretched out and a smile that danced on his beautiful lips, as well as his chestnut colored eyes.
Then, I was breathing him in, my face resting near the nape of his neck, body wrapped in his embrace and it flashed through my mind how out of all the places in this world I’d seen and been, this was now my favorite.
“I can’t believe you’re finally here.” I reluctantly stepped out of his arms.
“Me either.” He laughed. “For a moment there, I wasn’t sure I’d make it. My mom said she’d have a replacement for me no problem. When it turned out to be her, I began to panic. Last time the woman worked in her own shop she gave half the shit away for free. Woman can’t say no to people.”
“Shit. So, who did you get to cover for you?” I couldn’t help but notice that Hudson was still holding my hand. It took everything I had to still focus on the words he was saying versus all the things he was making me feel.