by Felicia Lynn
TY’S SMILE BROADENS WITH approval. He likes me in his lap. This has been a tough conversation, and we both got a little testy, but imagining the possibility of a baby with Ty softens the mood to mushy goodness.
He clears his throat in a mock authoritative attempt. “Moving on to number three. I was planning to seal the most important deal of my life by asking you to marry me and finally getting that ring on your finger. It was special. I have no regrets about hiding that. It paid off, and I’d do it all again tomorrow to see that look on your face again. But I’m sorry if I’m supposed to be sorry, and I’m not.”
His trademark worthy side-smile almost melts me to nothing. I want to throw in the towel now on clearing these cobwebs. I’m not even sure I care anymore. I just want to hurry and get to the part where he promised to take me to bed. “Gah . . . You’re sooooo lucky I love plus you, Mr. Stone. Stop being adorable. I accept your unapologetic apology since it was definitely worth it. Now can we move this along? I heard we have plans later.”
“So next is number four. All of that very important shit has been happening all at once, but never in a million years would any fragment or sliver of information pertaining to you, good or bad, be an added burden. I want to know. I want to hear all the good stuff, and I want to be your shoulder when it’s a struggle. Even if it’s a struggle that’s under control and you want to handle, don’t keep me in the dark. I promise to try to respect your wishes the best that I can. But you should know, I’ve been appointed by the highest authorities possible to be your protector. In addition to keeping you safe, my primary task is keeping a smile on those juicy lips of yours. I take my job very seriously, so I want it all, buttercup. I don’t ever want to get to a point where arrogance allows me to take you for granted, or stop earning and working for the privilege of having you in my life, and I won’t. Which means the rules above apply to me as well.” He pauses, and I feel his playful banter slip and the seriousness fall into place. It scares me a little, but before my mind has time to think of what he might be hiding, he begins again.
“I have been hiding something important from you. I justified keeping you out of this by believing I was protecting you, but the double standard isn’t fair. So it’s time to come clean. No more dark corners to hide things even if I don’t like it.”
He pauses, concentrating and looking at me cautiously before he speaks. “I’m just going to get all of this out, so let me finish before you comment or ask questions. Also, I’m going to tell you this again, buttercup. Maybe I need the reminder sometimes too. We’re in this together. This isn’t either one of us against the world. It’s us together. Always.” I nod my acceptance, afraid of what he’s about to tell me with that warning.
“On the day I was planning to propose, while George and Jamie were out setting up all the signs, I was here anxiously waiting for you to get home. I was about to jump in the shower when I saw an email that captured my attention. I wasn’t sure what to think when I saw it was a message from the governor’s office, but it definitely got my attention. I wanted to ignore it, but in all honesty, it pissed me off. I read the email over and over, trying to figure out what to do. I’d be lying if I told you I ever considered telling you the truth then because I didn’t. I wanted to protect you at any risk, even at the risk of you being upset with me for hiding it later. I wanted to forget they existed and make sure you got the proposal you deserved without any interference. You can read the email from your father and my response to him whenever you want. I’ll admit in advance that I probably could have handled it better,” he confesses, studying my reaction to what he’s telling me before he continues.
“I wanted them to see I loved you and would protect you from them, but more than anything, I wanted to chase them away. When I didn’t get a reply, I mistakenly thought I had successfully shut him down, but this afternoon, he replied and didn’t leave me much choice in the matter with his ‘request’ to call him immediately. So I did what I had to do, wanting to shield you, and called him. I learned some things, and this is where it gets a little tricky, but the talk with your dad took longer than I’d hoped. That’s why I was late getting to George’s.” I’m shocked to complete silence and couldn’t comment or ask a question if I wanted to. I don’t even know if I want to know what he’s about to tell me, but I listen anyway.
“I’m going to give you the important facts right now, buttercup. I know this is going to be a lot to take in. Your father didn’t know anything about what happened with your mother and Morgan. He was contacting me out of fatherly duty, thinking he was within his rights to check out the man his only daughter was seemingly attached to according to the press. Your mother convinced you that your parents were a unified front in their decision to remove you from their lives, but that was a lie. He’s been digging since he got my response to his email, and whatever he found was a red flag to bigger issues. At first, I didn’t believe it was possible for the man to be so clueless about what was happening within his own family, but I’ve talked to him, Charlie. He was clueless and thought the two of you were on good terms since he didn’t know the truth. I suspect that’s why the deposits are coming to your account and why your tuition is prepaid. My guess is your mother has less control over your father than she’s made you believe, specifically with the finances. I’m also guessing the crap your mom pulled ended up backfiring when she lost control in her manipulative game. I’m sure she never expected you to actually pull away. Morgan was probably supposed to reel you back in and smooth things over after you’d learned your lesson and bent to their will. Your dad didn’t know many of the things your mother had said and done over the years, and I only touched the surface of that part of the conversation. He was shocked to hear about Morgan’s part in all this too. Tonight, he wanted the cold, hard truth, so he made sure I couldn’t refuse a conversation. He didn’t know how to proceed in making amends with you without more information. It’s a mess, Charlie. I couldn’t tell him everything I knew because it made me feel like I was betraying you to begin with. But I can tell you that the parts he does know about now have the man seeing red.” I’m in shock; in reality, I think I finally get it.
The missing piece of the seriously screwed-up puzzle of my life.
When a person learns something new, specifically if it’s a tough subject or an advanced task, there’s the metaphorical light bulb moment when you finally figure it out. I suppose in most cases that light bulb moment warrants a pat on the back for the achievement. This is not one of those cases. Nope. Not today. Today, the light bulb moment came in the form of a neon flashing sign that read ‘Why Me.’ The alarm bells inside my head are ringing loud on high alert.
“Charlie, when you’re ready, your dad would really like to speak with you. He said you could call him on his private cell phone anytime. Knowing what we all know now, my guess is we’ll all be having more conversations soon. We don’t know everything, but we know enough to realize the situation is tainted, and you both were manipulated,” he finishes. I bite my lip, attempting to control the sob teetering at the edge.
I’m not sure what to be upset about first. Am I angry that my mother has duped me by pretending my father was a participant in making my life hell? Maybe I should start with the resentment I feel toward my father for being so far removed from my life that he wasn’t aware of what was happening—not just in this latest instance of drama but for my whole damn life. If he were a part of my life, this wouldn’t have been an issue. And Ty . . . am I upset he’s kept this from me for days? Yes. I’m definitely not happy, and the reason is blatantly obvious and ironically scary given the subject topic.
My parents didn’t communicate my whole life, and this was what happened. Fast forward ten plus years—if Ty and I can’t learn to work together and talk about issues or whatever without secrets, we’ll be in the same boat as my parents. No matter how we excuse it. And that’s not okay with me. It’s about time our actions speak as loud as our words because today, they definitely don’t.
We both deserve a better life with each other than our parents lived because they weren’t willing to fight for better. Well . . . I am. I’m not just fighting for a better relationship and life. Tyler Stone is my world. I’m going for the best.
“Charlie, you okay? Talk to me.”
“This is just so much to take in, Ty. I’m having a tough time processing everything,” I explain with a little added sass.
“Yeah, babe. I get it, and I know you’re upset with me too. That’s okay. I’ll take whatever you got. But I asked if you were okay, and I’m worried. I’d appreciate an answer, buttercup. Then you can go back to being mad at me.” How he’s able to soften my mood is a mystery to me, but he does. And instead of climbing off his lap and storming out of the room like I wanted to minutes ago, I snuggle in closer to him and let myself feel comforted by his arms embracing me.
“I’m okay, I guess. But Ty, I think we have some things to work on. We can’t let things we can prevent hurt our relationship. We’re both guilty of it, and we both need to commit to trying harder.”
“Charlotte, try is a form of commitment, but it is the lowest. We’ll do better than try, sweetheart. We’ll commit to doing our best. I really am sorry.” He gently runs his hands up and down my shoulders and back, comforting me.
“I’m sorry too, Ty. First things first, we’re putting nightlights in all the dark corners. No more secrets but thank you for loving me enough to want to protect me. I know your heart was in the right place, but the execution of it was a little off. Now we can move on and trust each other to make better choices. Right? I love you too much to allow mistakes like this affect us long term.”
“I’ll never stop loving and protecting you, Charlotte. But I won’t keep it a secret next time. Before we close up downstairs, would you like to call your dad or do you want to wait?” he asks. It should make me feel warm and fuzzy that my father is making these concessions in his very busy schedule to deal with the family drama and wants to fix what’s broken, but it doesn’t. I’m really not sure what to expect. It’s not like my father and I have an extensive history that includes any sort of unbreakable father-daughter bond.
Shaking my head, I reply, “No. I’m emotionally drained and just not sure what to say or how to deal with him right now. I think I might need a little time to wrap my head around that one.”
Pulling me into his chest a little tighter, he says, “Whatever you need. No one will pressure you to do anything before you’re ready. I promise.”
I’m not really sure if I’m happy or sad, but I don’t feel either. I have no idea what’s going on, and my emotions are all over the place. But I do know Tyler fucking Stone is truly the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
“Ty . . . I think I’ve had enough of clearing the air for tonight. Can you take me to bed now, hotshot?”
“Fucking gladly, buttercup. I thought you’d never ask.”
“TY, I HAD MORE confidence in you, asshole. I placed that bet confidently. I can’t even believe you’re here. Since when do you willingly let the media into your private life?” Bobby asks accusingly. Not worried a bit about him losing the bet, I just laugh. Attempting to ignore him, my eyes move around George’s Kitchen and Pub. The bar area is roped off for the private party, and the cameras are set up on the far side of the room next to the big screen that will televise the draft. The bar is crowded with the people who made the cut on Charlie’s invite list. I’m surprised to see so many faces, but my girl was obviously convincing.
“He finally got that ring on her finger and now look at him. I don’t even recognize this guy.” Turning to face me, he grasps my shoulders and shakes. “Who are you and what have you done with the asshole we liked? You didn’t even last one damn week. What the fuck happened to you?” Bobby rants the questions, but I just shove him off and shoot him a warning stare. I know he’s really just pissed that he wasn’t able to predict my reaction.
Bobby turns to my so-called friends standing around us. Looking from me to the other men, he’s expecting them to support his response. Unfortunately, my look doesn’t intimidate him as I’d hoped. The spectacle he’s trying to make of me is really only making himself look like a clown.
I probably shouldn’t encourage him, knowing it just fuels him more, but I can’t help but laugh at the dumbass. “Dude, how’d you get invited to this party anyway? Everyone knows my girl thinks you’re an idiot. Maybe she did it to save money on the entertainment.”
Puffing out his chest like a damn bird in a mating ritual, he looks up proudly. “Yep. True fucking story. That’s what I’m here for. Surprise, I’m the new and improved version of Magic Mike. They call me More Than Magic Bobby,” he claims boisterously. “Dude, your girl probably has a thing for me but don’t freak out. They all do. It’s normal,” he says seriously with a smirk. Stealing the beer from my hand, he swiftly drinks it down in two gulps. It’s moments like this when I realize it’s actually possible to have a guy who’s a good friend and still want to kick his ass just for fun sometimes. In this case, it would be a lesson first—for even considering Charlie could have a thing for him—but breaking his nose would be fun too.
Everyone within earshot of his statement is in hysterics, enjoying the comic relief. If only they realized he mostly believed his own bullshit. Bobby, completely misunderstanding the laughter, relishes in the spotlight. Sneering my direction, he watches as I return a sly smile, witnessing his overconfidence. Poor guy; his head is going to explode before he realizes his adoring fans are laughing at him and not actually with him. Smacking him upside the back of the head, I consider it a gift before heading to the bar for another beer.
I see Scott standing next to the man who is quite possibly the reason I’m even an MLB draft prospect today. He was never just a coach to me. He went over and beyond any duty or obligation. I have no idea what made him believe I was capable of living every young boy's dream, but he did.
Baseball became the missing part of me. The first time I got my hands on that little white ball with red stitching, I finally had something in my life that meant something. I was a latecomer to the sport but would later end up committing my future to the sport and sacrificing whatever was necessary for the dream.
Matthew Jacobs came along after I had somehow successfully fumbled through one season in the recreational ball league, becoming the starting pitcher for my team. With unnurtured talent and not much coaching, I wasn’t great, but I was good enough to get noticed. Coach Jacobs recognized my hidden talents and knew I had the fiery passion to match. He took a lot of heat for recruiting a kid like me to the all-star travel league that summer.
At thirteen years old with almost a decade of growing up through the foster care system, the probability of my success was low. I was too much of a gamble, and I realized the likelihood of becoming the product of my circumstances was strong. The all-star league was for kids with enough talent, commitment, and support to travel the country, competing with our peers.
The league wasn’t free, and I wasn’t good for the hefty price tag necessary to get a position on that team, but that didn’t stop Coach Matthew Jacobs. He was the coach with a vision, and I was a kid who just wanted a chance to prove myself. He gave me that chance before I really understood what the chance meant and how hard I was going to have to work for it. We laid the foundation that summer, but over the next few years, he was anything but just my coach.
Walking toward the bar where the most influential man in my life stood, a long overdue realization hit me like a ton of fucking bricks, stopping me abruptly in my tracks. Needing some space to breathe for a second, without onlookers, I escape out the staff-only door. The hall to the kitchen and storage areas is empty, thankfully, but wanting privacy, I head for the storage room. I just need a minute.
For years, even when I was young, I’ve had a chip on my shoulder. I was on my own and could take care of myself. I didn’t need anyone. I’m not sure I’ve ever really trusted anyone except myself. Until Charlie, lett
ing anyone into my life in an emotional capacity was reckless and a mistake, so I didn’t. I convinced myself love wasn’t permanent and a waste of time. Love was an unnecessary distraction; therefore, it was worthless.
Yet as I was walking toward Coach Jacobs, feeling nostalgic about the events that brought me here and grateful that he’d come to sit by my side today, I realize all that I missed. That man believed in me despite what others thought. I wasn’t a part-time project for him that he forgot about when the season ended; he gave me a support system I could rely on. My start in life was rocky, but he didn’t allow that to define my capabilities or me. With a future that was unpredictable to most people, Jacobs refused to let others use that against me. I was smart, and I knew it, but he reminded me anyway, never wanting me to doubt it for a second. The talent I was born with was not the same talent I earned with focus, commitment, and pride while he was by my side watching, coaching, or even just cheering me on. My family wasn’t a part of my life, but I had a family with a designated spot at their dinner table anytime I wanted it. I was only ever truly alone when I chose to be.
Today, we find out if it’s all going to pay off. The only thing I wanted in life was to live the dream of having a baseball career, and I never felt like I missed out not having the other stuff—family, love, trust, support, friends.
I’ll never know how I’ve been able to make it as far as I have living that lie because I’ve fucking had it all along. I was just too selfish and blind to see past myself to realize it. I’m just not sure the man who deserves the credit for giving me everything knows the difference he made. I’m not sure he knows how much I appreciate him. Does he know I love him as much as any son could love a father? I doubt he does because I think I just figured it out myself.