Yvonne watched Vicky’s shoulders droop, and asked. “What was that about?”
Vicky thought of explaining it to Yvonne, but she was suddenly so drained, and more upset than she wanted to be, “Oh, Yvonne, I don’t have the strength to tell you right now. I just want to see my father and go home, and soak in a hot bubble bath.”
Quickly running over to Samantha, Aidan said in a winded breath, “Sam, I’ve got to run upstairs real quick, okay. You’ll be fine with these doctors, just let them take care of you. I’ll be right back.” Before Samantha could object, Aidan ran to the stairwell and disappeared.
So that’s how it’s going to be, Samantha thought. She didn’t have a problem playing the game, if it meant fighting for her betrothed. She learned to play those games the hard way, while she was kept as a slave in Syria. She either learned how to manipulate her way to safety, or she was beaten to within an inch of her life. But she’s free now, and no one was going to beat her again, in any sense of the word.
Aidan ran up the two flights of stairs, as fast as she could, and arrived on the cardiac floor just as Vicky and Yvonne entered Leonard’s room.
“Daddy!” Vicky ran to her father’s bedside.
“Vicky, is that you honey?”
Vicky pressed her cheek to her father’s, and then kissed him on the forehead, her tears excitedly flowing down her face.
“Are you okay, Dad?” Vicky’s mother came from around the bed, and gave Vicky a tight hug. “Mom!”
Aidan watched as Vicky reunited with her parents, and they all talked at once. Not having had any kind of a family life herself, save for what she could gleam from Vicky’s family, she marveled at the love between the three, and deep down wished that she could know that kind of love, be a part of that kind of family.
“But where’s Aidan, honey?”
Vicky hedged her answer. She didn’t want her father to be as disappointed as she was. Aidan was with her other fiancée.
Aidan stepped out from behind Vicky, and replied, “I’m right here, Pop.” She goosed Vicky in the ribs, and walked to the side of Leonard’s hospital bed. Yvonne noticed the elation on her boss's face.
“I knew you would be here, Aidan,” Leonard smiled proudly, “Did you complete your mission? Did you bring the soldier home?”
“Yes sir, we sure did.” Aidan marveled at the sudden wash of emotion across his face.
“I knew you would. And I’m grateful that you didn’t let anything happen to my little girl.” He held out his hand, and Aidan clasped it in a firm handshake.
“I think it’s more like she didn’t let anything happen to me,” she replied with a grin. “You would have been so proud of her, sir. If she hadn’t of been there, the mission very well might have ended in disaster. She even delivered a premature baby, in the middle of the Syrian desert, using nothing but some tape and string.”
Leonard’s eyes grew large with pride, “You don’t say?”
Vicky shook her head and squeezed Aidan’s arm, “No, it was Aidan who built an incubator out of that string and tape, and that’s what saved the baby’s life.”
“No, kid, I just did what you told me to do. If you weren’t such a good nurse, that baby might not be alive right now.”
Vicky’s parent’s beamed with pride, “That’s my girl,” her father proclaimed, “tell me all about it, honey.”
Vicky’s mother, Alice, could see the weariness in her daughter’s eyes, “Vicky dear, you looked tired, why don’t you go home and rest first. Your dad is doing fine, and you can tell us all about it later.”
“All right, Mom. I am exhausted. I’ll come back later this evening. Is that all right, Dad?”
“Sure honey, you get some rest, I’m not going anywhere.”
“Thanks Dad. Now you behave yourself while I’m gone, you hear me?” Vicky leaned over, and kissed his forehead.
“Yes ma’am,” Leonard saluted his daughter in jest. Being a retired First Sergeant in the Marines, usually he was the one who gave out the orders. But when it came to his wife and daughter, he was the private, and they were the generals. He wouldn’t have it any other way.
Alice walked Vicky out, but Leonard called to Aidan.
“I am very proud of my little girl, Aidan. I don’t mind telling you, I was pretty worried. Vicky has such a big heart, but now I know just how truly brave she is. And you. I know how brave you are Aidan and I’m very proud of you too, very proud.”
“Thank you sir, uh, that means a lot to me,” Aidan wasn’t kidding; it meant more than he would ever know or understand.
“I know you want to skedaddle after Vicky, I just wanted you to know how thankful I am that you’re all home safe.”
“I’d like to check in on you later this evening too, if that’s all right?” Aidan felt that the relationship between Leonard and her, was still in its infancy stage, and she did not want to presume or do anything to jeopardize that. She really wanted their friendship to stand on its own, because she really wanted him to like her for who she was. As a child, he filled the void her father never would, and now, as an adult, she still sought Leonard’s approval and love.
He nodded and said, “I’d like that, now get going.”
Aidan ran out the door and down the hall, catching up to Vicky and her mother at the elevator.
“I love you too Mom, and I’ll see you both in a couple of hours,” Vicky hugged her mother and stepped into the elevator, but Aidan gave Alice a wide birth as she walked around her to join Vicky on the elevator.
As soon as the doors closed Vicky said, “It’ll be good to get home to a hot bath. I think I still have sand in my underwear.”
Laughing, Aidan nodded her head in agreement, but then she changed the subject, “Listen, I hope you understand, I need to go check on Sam. She’s pretty shaken up right now, and afraid to be in this big place all by herself.”
Though disappointed, Vicky tried her best not to show it. Her fantasy of coming back home and being alone with her fiancée, was not manifesting its self the way she had envisioned.
“Of course, Aidan. Let me know how the baby is, will you?”
“Are you mad?”
“No honey, just tired. Go on, I’ll catch a cab to the house and rest for a couple of hours. Maybe we can get together for dinner later?”
“I’d like that. I’ll give you a call in a couple of hours then.” Aidan had a feeling, down deep in her gut that she was losing everything she had ever dreamed of. She felt helpless because she no longer knew what the right thing to do was. She was so insecure about things the way they were now, that it was almost as if she had regressed into a child again. She didn’t know if she would ever get her confidence back.
The elevator door slid open and the two women stepped out, and went in different directions, this time without so much as a kiss goodbye. Vicky was truly worried now, because she was not feeling like she was the center of Aidan’s universe anymore. One minute she had butterflies inside at the mere sight of her lover, and the next minute she had bumblebees stinging at her heart.
Aidan saw the look of disappointment in Vicky’s eyes, and felt the weight of uncertainty on her shoulders, like the rope in the tug of war games, being yanked from side to side by her own doing. She was ready to scream because of it. She went around the corner and jumped back on the employee elevator, pushing the eighth floor button. It was still early yet, she thought, maybe Dr. Kline was still in his office.
Her therapist, Dr. Richard Kline, Chief Hospital Psychologist at St. Frances, was assigned to her case by the Army, to help her regain her memory. She often found that she looked forward to her sessions with him, because she always came out of them a little more focused. But that was when she didn’t know who she was. Now that she had the majority of her memories back, would he be able to somehow restructure her thoughts, and help her see more clearly. Dr. Kline liked her a lot, and tried to give her every opportunity he could. He also considered himself her friend, and even attended her medal
awards ceremony, something very important to him, as he was a retired Marine.
“Is he in?” Aidan asked his unit secretary, who nodded and picked up the phone, announcing Aidan.
His office door swung open, almost immediately, and Dr. Kline greeted her with a pat on the back, “Aidan, you’re back.”
“Doc, I’m sorry to barge in like this, but I need some advice before I lose my mind.”
He showed her into his office and asked, “What’s going on, Aidan?”
***
In a hurry to get out of the hospital and into her waiting taxi, Vicky didn’t see the man until she ran into him. “Oh gosh, I’m so sorry.” She apologized to the scraggly looking, gray haired man, who looked to Vicky to be a vagrant. Vicky didn’t want to be rude, so she helped him pick up the newspaper he had dropped.
“Hey, didn’t I see you on the Maggie O’Hare Show the other day?” The man had on a shabby, torn overcoat, even though it was warm outside, and a face that looked worn down from years of being angry. He smelled of old, cheap liquor. “You were sure dressed differently.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but my taxi is waiting. Have a good day, sir.” And with that Vicky ran out the front door and into her waiting cab. Does everyone own a TV for Pete’s sake, she wondered. Vicky found that she wasn’t enjoying being recognized as much as she originally had, but she wasn’t quite sure why. Nevertheless, that was the least of her concerns now, and it quickly left her mind as thoughts of Aidan pushed them to the side.
Was she doing the right thing, in letting Aidan find her own way through this mess they found themselves in? Should she be fighting harder to prove her love? After all they’d been through together the last few months, hadn’t she already proven that? Again she told herself it wasn’t Aidan’s fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, but then why did she feel like she was about to lose everything she had ever dreamed of, because of this other woman.
***
“Okay, Aidan, talk to me, what’s going on?”
“Doc, you were right. Before I left to find Sam, you asked me if I was afraid of finding her because I loved her. I do love her and I don’t want to. My feelings are so strong, and I wasn’t expecting them to be. It’s eating away at me, Doc. No matter what I do, I’m going to hurt one of them, and I can’t stand that thought. This is all my fucking fault, but I don’t know what to do. What the hell am I supposed to do?” Aidan was pacing by then, running her hand through her hair, to the point that Kline thought she might actually pull it out.
“Okay, first of all, I want you to calm down. It’s going to be okay. When your memories of Samantha came back, it’s like time had stopped for you. You tried to push those memories away, when you proposed to Vicky, and you probably were succeeding for a time, but now, with Samantha in the same room with you, you can’t deny it anymore. Aidan, you will have to choose sooner or later, but don’t decide now, not when you’re this upset.”
Aidan sat down, and said to him, “But I don’t know how long Vicky will put up with it. I mean I wouldn’t blame her if she never talked to me again. Did you know that she went with me even though she knew her father might die? That she knew about Sam and me? She risked everything for me. I mean what the hell is my problem, Doc?”
“Aidan, sometimes these things reveal themselves when you least expect it. When a person is at their weakest point, they will reveal their strongest emotion, be it love, pettiness, even jealousy. And in turn, you will recognize your strongest emotion for them. But don’t force it now; it will come in its own good time.”
But Aidan didn’t understand what he was saying, she couldn’t. She was too caught up in the dynamics of it all. “Man, Doc, I am so screwed…”
“No, you are not, Aidan. You just need to rest and regroup. You came straight from Syria didn’t you? You can’t think clearly and fight jet lag too. Go home, get some rest, tomorrow will be a better day, I promise you.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right, I’ve been going non-stop for two months now, I need some down time.”
“I’ve got some time in the morning after I make rounds, why don’t you come find me. I think you’ve got a lot more to say.”
“Sounds good, thanks.” Just having that life-line Dr. Kline held out to her, helped Aidan calm down enough to decide she didn’t have to decide anything right that minute.
“One second, Aidan.” Kline took out his keys and walked over to his locked desk drawer, where he pulled out two small boxes, covered in soft plush velvet. “Here are your medals. I took good care of them for you while you were gone.”
“Excellent, thank you, I sure appreciate that,” Aidan looked at them briefly, then stuffed one each, in her back jean pockets, and walked out the door.
Kline shook his head, impressed with how little Aidan was impressed by the two most prestige’s medals in America.
But it wasn’t the medals Aidan was thinking about. It was the fear that she had just destroyed everything she held dear in her life. Could she hang on to both women? Should she?
Chapter 3
Dreams are like a weather forecaster. Sometimes they tell you the future and how to prepare for it, and sometimes they confuse you with possibilities of what could happen, but may not. The trick is to decipher the dream and see it for what it is. And the trick to that trick is to know what to do about it, especially if the dream is a nightmare and you are thirteen years old again.
It was pitch black in Vicky’s bedroom, as she slept with her favorite doll snuggled up in her tiny hands. Suddenly rousted from her slumber, the thirteen year old, watched as the left corner of the ceiling above her, began to peel away, debris falling everywhere. Timidly curious at first, Vicky’s feet suddenly became frozen to the floor, as if encased in cement. Her fear became so great, that she gasped for air, as a hand, larger than the room its self, came towards her. Then she saw the evil beady eyes, peering through the crack between the wall and the ceiling, and she screamed in terror.
“AIDAN! HELP ME!”
“Vicky, I’m here!” When she couldn’t reach Vicky by phone, Aidan drove over to her house, and just as she entered, she heard Vicky scream. She immediately rushed to her side and sat down on the bed.
“DADDY!”
“Vicky, its Aidan, wake up, baby, you’re having a nightmare.” Aidan shook her gently, but that only seemed to make things worse.
“NO!” Vicky screamed, “Don’t touch me! I want my daddy!” Vicky flailed her arms in the air, trying to break free.
“Vicky, its Aidan, you’re having a bad dream kid, wake up.”
Vicky fluttered her eye lashes as she fought to escape the nightmare, “Aidan?” Vicky pulled herself into a sitting position, and looked at Aidan.
“Are you okay? That was a pretty intense nightmare you were having. Do you remember any of it?”
“I was so terrified. There was a man coming at me through the ceiling, and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t move, Aidan,” Vicky was breathless, still shaking from fear.
“You’re trembling…” Aidan took her into her arms and held her until the trembling stopped.
“I’m okay. I remember now, I’ve had this nightmare before, after I was…, um, when I was a child.”
Aidan knew Vicky was referring to when she was thirteen years old, and Aidan’s father raped her. After Aidan had run away, Vicky went looking for her, and asked Aidan’s father, Harold Cassidy, if he knew where she was at. But instead of helping the trusting girl, he pulled Vicky into his house and raped her. Then he threatened to hurt Aidan if Vicky told anyone about it. Vicky never did, until just recently, and then it was only to Aidan and Dr. Kline.
Aidan thought out loud, “What brought this on again, I wonder?”
“Well I don’t have time to worry with it now; I’ve got to get to the hospital.” Vicky jumped up out of bed, and headed to the bathroom, leaving Aidan alone with her thoughts.
Damn my father, damn him to hell! Anytime that her father was mentioned, Aidan�
��s anger funneled down to her fists, and she wanted to strike out at him, but before, she was to young and afraid, and now, that opportunity was taken away from her when he disappeared. Everyone believed he was dead, because his epitaph was on the tombstone, beside her mother’s.
In the ten minutes it took to drive back to the hospital, both women were quiet and contemplative.
“I’m going to check in on Sam, but I think we should talk, okay?” Aidan parked the car in Vicky’s assigned parking spot, and the two walked into the hospital together, but more a part than ever before. There was a disconnect that they both felt, like a wall going up between them faster than either had the power to stop it.
*
“Dad, are you sleeping?” Vicky leaned over and kissed her father.
“No, just resting my eyes,” Leonard replied, as he sat up in bed.
“So I checked with your local cardiologist, the one who worked with Joyce on your surgery. He’s discharging you tomorrow, isn’t that wonderful news?”
“It’s about damn time; I’m tired of being cooped up in here.”
Vicky smiled at her father, happy to know he’s feeling well enough to be grumpy, “Listen, I want you to stay at my house, I’ll hire a nurse to take care of you while you recuperate.” Vicky’s parent’s house-sat for her, while she was away.
“Honey, there’s not enough room for all of us at your place. It’s time your mother and I went home anyway.”
But Vicky could read between the lines, she knew he was referring to her mother being that near to Aidan for any length of time. Alice blamed Aidan for everything that she felt was wrong with Vicky, specifically the fact that she was a lesbian, though Alice vehemently refused to accept that as fact.
“If it’s Aidan you’re worried about, you needn’t be. She’s…, um, to busy these days.”
“Busy? With what? Oh, is it that girl you two rescued?”
Remember, You Love Me: Little Girl Lost Page 3