by John Byrne
“I just don’t think that would be the reason. But Asher.” Faith looked up, her blue eyes seeming to see right through to his soul. “I’m not here to help you figure out how to seduce your girlfriend. But I can help you learn to be patient and maybe you’ll start to see there’s no reason to rush. Boys always look at sex as the end all be all of relationships. Like that’s the finish line. They’re confusing love with sex. But I think falling in love—truly and deeply. Well, that would be so much better and would be worth any wait.”
During the next week, Asher thought a lot about Faith’s words. And falling in love sounded awesome. That’s what he wanted. Love. Incredibly, Faith made perfect sense. For sure, waiting was increasing his own anticipation. In fact, the way Faith explained it, waiting was kinda hot. Although, that could be because Faith herself was kinda hot.
For the first time since he met Vivianne, Asher started to think about another girl. It didn’t happen very often. He still loved Vivianne, but occasionally he found his mind drifting back to Faith, the way her lips parted, her tongue darting out to lick the corner of her mouth.
God, he needed to get some.
Asher was studying in the library with Vivianne the night of the third Abstinence Club meeting. All thoughts of Faith were pushed firmly out of his mind as Vivianne sat close to him. Asher silently watched her out of the corner of his eye, noticing the way her brow furrowed with concentration and how she absentmindedly tucked a stray curl behind her ear. Once, her hand drifted down to lay against his knee.
Asher sucked in his breath and held it, savoring the way her hand seemed to burn through his jeans.
Vivianne glanced over at him. “Is something wrong?”
Asher looked around. None of the tables near them were occupied. Slowly, so he wouldn’t startle her, he covered her hand with his and guided it up his thigh.
Vivianne snatched her hand away.
“This is a library. Have a little respect.”
With stiff, jerking movements, she packed up her book bag and added, “You know—I’ve been thinking, captain hormone. I need a break from all this—all this pressure.”
Asher felt like the ground had just opened up underneath him. “Viv, I didn’t mean anything.”
“But you did, Asher, you did.” She moved closer, until they were practically nose to nose. “You’re one great big walking gonad and I can’t take it any more. I can’t take all this—all this—pressure.” The last word exploded out of her and Asher reached up and caught her arm in his hand.
“Don’t touch me,” she seethed. “That is the problem. Just. Give. Me. Space.”
She stormed away without another word. Asher sighed. The alarm on his cell phone went off—time for another AC meeting and not a moment too soon. He needed to talk to Faith, to hear her soft soothing voice. No one else in the world would be able to comfort him now.
The AC room was even stuffier that night than it had been the week before. Half-way through the meeting, Asher opened the window again and pulled his sweater over his head.
“Better,” he muttered to himself as cool air washed over his arms. “What were you saying?” he asked Faith.
Faith stuttered nervously, “I—I was just saying—guys aren’t the only ones who have fantasies. Society just expects girls to suppress them.”
“Um?” Asher said, walking back to his chair. He stood over her a second longer than necessary before sitting down, catching a nice shot of her cleavage. She filled out every inch of her blouse. Before he had a girlfriend, Asher would have been all over her. How is it he hadn’t made a move last year, when he and Vivianne weren’t together? He must have been blind. Smart and hot was his favorite combination.
But he has a girlfriend. A perfect, gorgeous, girlfriend who all the guys at Colebrook worship. From afar. Like she’s a stained glass window or a priceless porcelain vase locked safely away behind glass at the MET. Coldly beautiful and utterly out of reach—even to him.
Think of Vivianne, Asher told himself as he wrenched his gaze away from Faith and sat down. He shouldn’t be looking at any part of another girl’s body, much less wondering what it would be like to run his fingers across the creamy skin at the base of her throat.
He forced his mind back to that morning’s practice. His stroke wasn’t getting any better. Asher would have to find another guy to be stroke. He would have to…think of something that did not involve the word “stroke”, for one thing…He would have to…
Faith ran her hand through her long hair, flicking it over her shoulder. “I have them. Fantasies. All the time. It’s technically a sin. I know it is. But I can’t help myself.” She took a deep, shuddering breath that Asher matched.
…would have to ask a couple of the guys to try out for that role…
“I thought maybe it would help me if I shared one with you?” She tipped her head down.
No. If abstinence was the order of the day, a hot girl’s fantasy was the last thing on his list. Asher had to remind himself to swallow. It had to be eight million degrees in that room. Like they were sitting on the surface of the sun.
He tried to make a joke. “I thought I was here to get help from you? Not the other way around.”
“We have to help each other. Please, Asher, I need help, too.”
“O—okay,” Asher stuttered.
Keeping her eyes on the floor, Faith said, “All week long, I keep thinking about this one fantasy. It’s always the same one. I’m in here, in this room. This guy walks in. He’s really tall with the most beautiful brown eyes. But the best thing about him is his—”
Faith looked down at the desk in front of her. She licked her lips and Asher felt it in his pants.
“His body. He’s athletic, you know, the type who really takes care of himself.” Her gaze flicks up to his face and stays there. Asher wouldn’t look away for anything. Not even if the building burned to the ground around them. “He doesn’t say anything, we just look at each other across the room. And it’s hot, you know, really hot. We want each other even if we know we shouldn’t. I’m Eve. My lips brushing the apple. You know?”
Oh, he knew alright. Sweat beaded his forehead. Asher also knew he should break their eye contact. But he didn’t. Faith licked her lips. He’d figured out it was a nervous tick. And the hottest thing he’d ever seen.
“Then all at once, we rush together, into each other’s arms. He doesn’t even pause to undress me, just rips my blouse open. Buttons flying and everything.” She runs her fingers down the front of her shirt, pantomiming. Asher’s mouth goes dry. “He picks me up and sets me on the desk. And my legs wrap around his waist.” She flushes. Her eyes cut to the teachers desk that’s suddenly dominating the room from it’s position between the two of them.
“And then what happens?” Asher asked. His voice broke and he hoped to God Faith didn’t notice. He had a girlfriend. A perfect girlfriend. And he was not a cheater. That was for losers like his stepfather Skip.
To Asher’s total astonishment, Faith launched into one of the dirtiest fantasies he’d ever heard. It was hotter than any fantasy he’d ever had, that was for damn sure. His eyes grew bigger and bigger while Faith climaxed…er, finished her fantasy.
When she was done, she flashed an embarrassed smile at him. “Do you ever wake up from a dream feeling like it was real? So real that it’s a little embarrassing to see the person you dreamed about?”
Asher somehow managed to nod—he felt like he was dreaming right now. Were they even talking about a dream anymore? Because he was thinking there was something else going on—a double meaning behind all of Faith’s words. And she was staring at him like she was waiting for him to puzzle it out.
“So you see him?” Asher’s voice was too breathy. Like it was being pumped out through a bellows. “If he’s a real person you should, I don’t know. Go for it.”
Faith stared at him for a long moment before dropping her gaze to the desk in front of him. “He’s unavailable. Besides, he’d never wa
nt someone so like me. Someone so country. He likes slick city girls.”
Asher’s mouth went as dry as the Sahara. Think of Vivianne, he told himself again. Unavailable could mean anything. It didn’t mean it was him. Then the truth slammed him in the chest. He wanted it to be him.
Faith looked away. “Is it wrong? To want to someone to want me? I’m so tired of always having to be perfect. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m faced with a real temptation and I don’t know if I want to resist it. I don’t think I’m strong enough to.”
She looked frustrated. Sad. Disappointed with herself as tears welled in her bright blue eyes. So it seemed natural to Asher that he should reach out and pull her into a hug. As he did it, he told himself it was no different than the time his cousin started to cry last summer when she caught her college boyfriend cheating on her. He slid his hand up and down her back to soothe her, but instead felt the ridges of her bra under his hand. She arched closer until her chest pressed against his.
God, talk about temptation he wasn’t strong enough to resist.
Her hands slid up his back, along his spine and the muscles that tightened around it. They came to rest on his shoulders. She was pressed so tight, clinging to him. Immediately, Asher’s body reacted. It’s been too long, he thought.
He kissed the top of her head, the pale skin below her ear. Her blond hair smelled like strawberries and before he realized what he was doing, his hands were tangled in it, guiding her face up to his. Until he kissed her.
“Asher, no,” she said, pulling back. “What about Vivianne?”
“We’re on a break,” he breathed. “Broken up. And the truth is, ever since I set foot in this room, you’re all I can think about.”
Faith’s eyes brimmed with tears. Then Faith tilted her head up, her lips gliding across the base of Asher’s throat, and Asher slid his hands around to her stomach to play with the front edge of her blouse. The next thing he knew, they were on the floor. Kissing like crazy. His hands were everywhere and somehow—he couldn’t say exactly how it happened—they both lost their pants.
Ironically, Asher didn’t remember the rest of that encounter too clearly. To be honest, it had all been over in a couple of minutes. It should have been over in a couple of minutes. But it wasn’t. Because two months later, he would have to tell Vivianne that he got the Abstinence Girl pregnant.
Chapter 2
(Two months later)
Despite the snow that drifted down from the hazy sky, Asher felt like he was marching through a sauna. He forced himself to speed across the fields, trampling dead leaves on his way to the bleachers. Somewhere in the ring behind him, Audi was competing in the equestrian finals, but Asher couldn’t see her. He didn’t want to. He was focused with all his being on a lone figure sitting high up in the bleachers, her short black hair curling out around the edges of a grey cashmere cap.
Asher would have gladly opened his veins for Vivianne, yet at this moment, he would give up everything to never reach her. What he had to tell her was going to kill their relationship. Even though they were still on a break, he missed her as a friend—and this transgression was something she’d never forgive.
As Asher reached the bottom of the bleachers, a roar rose up from the crowd. Vivianne’s face flushed red. Her arms jerked up quickly, bringing her hands together as if to clap. Just as suddenly, she pinned them back to her sides. Following her gaze, Asher turned around to see Audi jump her horse over a final fence in flawless form.
The cheering died away. Vivianne glanced down. Asher caught her eye and gave a feeble wave. Before he could lose his nerve, he charged up the stairs. His feet slipped on the slick metal steps but he caught himself before anyone else would have noticed. Asher half-wished he could just fall and break his neck before he ever reached her. But in next to no time, he found himself standing by her.
He leaned over to kiss her perpetually cold cheek. She barely acknowledged his touch. Her eyes never left Audi. That was one of the things Asher liked best about Vivianne. She was one of the most loyal people he knew. Take today…the first, snowfall of the season had hit. But Vivianne was here, huddled on a cold bleacher, to cheer on her roommate. The question was, why didn’t she feel that same loyalty to him after all they’d shared. Instead, she’d treated him like the enemy from the moment they’d started dating.
Below them, Audi finished her jumps and led her horse over to the side of the ring to talk to some guy. Vivianne’s lips pursed together into a thin line.
Does she know what I need to tell her? Asher wondered. He had only found out himself that morning. But Vivianne often knew things before others found out. Asher thought that probably had something to do with Markham Savoy; Markham practically knew things before they happened.
Asher opened his mouth. He had to tell Vivianne. Now. The words were clawing their way up his throat in a kind of strangled sound. They were at his mouth, on the tip of his tongue. But looking at Vivianne with her heart-shaped face, her beautiful eyes so focused on her friend’s competition, Asher found his courage failing. He swallowed hard on the unspoken words and asked instead, “Who’s that talking to Audi?”
“Dane,” Vivianne said quietly.
“Oh, really?” Asher did a double take. Vivianne was right. “What’s Dane doing here? I thought they were through.”
Vivianne didn’t answer him. That was okay. Asher usually dreaded Vivianne’s silence, but right now he was grateful for it. He looked past the ring to the river behind it. He couldn’t believe it was only that morning that he’d been on the river, not a care on his mind, his whole being focused on feathering the oar in perfect unison with his crew. Following the rhythmic surge of the boat as he slowly glided forward in his seat, anticipating the coxswain’s call to “drive!” before he dropped the oar into the water and pushed hard against the footrest with all his might. But then he’d gotten off the water, to find Faith waiting for him. Elation quickly gave way to horror and he knew that given the scandal to come, he had to seize his chance to tell Vivianne the truth. He’d never cheated. They were on a break. Still, he knew the news would wound her deeply and he had to be the one to deliver it.
“I made a mistake,” Vivianne’s soft words ripped him away from his thoughts. She laid her hand against his knee and slid closer until her thigh was flush against his. “This break, this pause in our relationship—let’s erase it. Let’s go back to the way things were that first week when we were both so happy. I’ll even—.” Her hand slid up his thigh.
“What?” he breathed.
Her lips brushed against his ear. She whispered, “You heard me. I don’t want to wait anymore. I want—,” Her voice faltered. She pulled back slightly, staring down once more at Audriana and Dane. With a visible shiver, she turned back toward Asher. “I want you.”
Asher cringed. If she’d said those words two months ago, he wouldn’t have wasted any time. They would have been under the bleachers, in the snow, where he would have gladly given her everything she’d asked for and more. On second thought, Vivianne probably wouldn’t do anything under the bleachers—he would take her somewhere classy, like a hotel. But she hadn’t said the words, not when he had desperately needed to hear them. Instead, she’d broken things off. And he’d made a mistake. Only it hadn’t felt like a mistake—it had felt like the first time he’d been happy in his entire life. Lying in Faith’s arms.
He must have blurted something out because he was suddenly aware of Vivianne’s lips pursed into an ugly line. “Pregnant? Who’s pregnant?”
So Asher told her the story. “Viv, I swear to you that’s the only time we—you know,” Asher said. But even as he said it, a barrage of memories streaked through his mind…in the boat house after practice with his arms wrapped around a half-naked Faith, the two of them hiding out in the janitor’s closet, Faith whispering in his ear, “We shouldn’t be doing this,” right before she pulled his mouth down to hers. Sure, they hadn’t done it. They’d just done everything but.
“Okay, okay,” he confessed guiltily, throwing his arms up to ward off the blows he knew were coming. “We fooled around after that but, I’m telling you, that’s the only time we ever did it. And, really, I mean, one time? What are the odds you get a girl pregnant from having sex one time?” The words left his mouth in a rush to fade on the cold wind.