As cheerily as she could she said, “You must be looking forward to getting back to your life in London.”
Philip was quiet for so long she wondered if he had not heard or perhaps she had said something wrong.
Finally, he said, “I have not really thought about going back to London. I suppose it is rather inevitable that I return though.”
His head was down, looking at the path before glancing over at her briefly. “Perhaps you will come to London and let me take you to the opera.”
“I do not know,” Caroline told him nervously.
“It would only be right since you have done so much for me.”
“Philip, you do not need to feel beholden to me. I am only happy that I was here to help you.” Caroline continued on when he wanted to interrupt. “I do not like going to London. It is doubtful that I will participate in any other events of the Season.”
He set his jaw. “Yes, of course. I did not mean to be a sod. After what happened to Nathaniel it is quite understandable that you do not want to be part of the festivities.”
Caroline was not sure what to say. She had cared for Nathaniel and she had believed that he would make a good and responsible husband. She did not like to speak ill of the dead but she had often questioned Nathaniel's involvement with Lord Fallbrook. In her opinion, it had not spoken well of his sense of decorum and responsibility. Nathaniel had been good to her and he did not deserve to die alone in the snow, but the truth of it was she had never loved him.
“It is true that Nathaniel's death precipitated my decision. My choice to distance myself from London society was due more to the apathy of those that participate rather than because of unpleasant memories.”
“Well in that case, I will do my best to convince you that I am much different than other members of London society.” He raised his hand and a fist over his head. “It is a challenge I will rise to, I assure you.”
“I can hardly wait,” Caroline said with a laugh.
She was surprised to realize she meant it, too. As much as Caroline disliked London, she might relent if it meant that she could spend more time with Philip.
Chapter Fourteen
“I heard that Mr Notley has arrived,” Caroline's mother said suddenly breaking the silence in the drawing room.
“Oh? I did not realize.” Caroline hated not being completely honest with her mother but it was clear that Philip had made a complete recovery. She was very thankful that he was doing so well but the news also made her quite sad. She was sure that it would not be long before he would be leaving Stratford.
Dreading the day that he would leave Stratford, she had already started to prepare herself. She had spent less time with Philip over the last several days, telling him that she needed to check on her brothers or speak with her mother about some important topic.
It had only made her sadder, that she was missing even more time with Philip. Stratford would be much different after Philip had gone. It was her own fault, though, she had let herself fall back into acting like a foolish girl. Caroline would pay for it with a broken heart as she would surely feel Philip's absence like an open wound.
“Caroline, dear, are you well?”
“Yes, of course, Mother. Why do you ask?” Caroline's looked up from her embroidery.
Her mother tilted her head and finally said, “I was watching you just now and you looked rather in pain. Are you sure you are well?”
Caroline held up her finger. “My thimble slipped off and I pricked my finger. It is nothing to worry over.” She turned her head back to her embroidery, an activity that she normally enjoyed quite a bit. At the moment though, it was nothing more than a distraction. It was simply something to keep her busy so she would not think about what Mr Notley was telling Philip.
It seemed like a cruel joke since she had done little else than think about him. Her mother's questions had certainly not helped. Her last answer seemed to have appeased her mother and silence fell over them again. Caroline looked up as voices could be heard outside in the garden. It must have been some time later as the flowers she was embroidering were beginning to take shape.
“I wondered what your brothers had gotten up to,” Mother said quietly.
“Have they gotten away from Anna?” Caroline asked looking toward the windows. “I thought they were behaving much more since Anna and Birks were looking after them.”
“Oh yes, Birks has promised to teach them how to jump their horses.”
“Jump the horses?” Caroline could not believe it. “Are you sure that would be safe?”
Mother laughed. “I am certain that Birks knows that it will be a long time until the boys exhibit the type of responsibility required to start training. In fact, Birks has assured me that even if their training began today it would be nearly a year until either of them would be actually jumping.”
“Well, that is a relief,” Caroline admitted. “Pretty clever too.”
“It was your clever idea to have Birks and Anna look after the boys.”
“Miles and Simon are not mischievous because their hooligans. They simply lack for something to do. Birks has clearly given them a purpose for behaving.”
“Given the noise in the garden, it is unclear if that purpose is currently working,” her mother said with a sly smile. Before Caroline could reply the door burst open, Simon and Miles nearly fell down in front of them.
“I found her!” Miles hollered behind him.
“What? Oh, splendid,” Philip said looking surprised and delighted.
“Good morning,” Caroline said as calmly as possible. She hated that she was so happy to see him.
“We have a surprise for you,” Simon blurted out.
“Shh,” Miles said loudly and pushed him on the shoulder. “We are not supposed to tell.”
“Tell what?” Caroline asked Simon leaning forward to look at him.
His eyes shot over to Philip and he shook his head. “Oh, no. I promised Lord Holgrave that I would not tell.”
“And I thank you both for your magnificent discretion.” Philip bent into a deep bow in front of her brothers. “You are fine gentleman that I now count among my most valued friends.”
Caroline watched her two brothers stand up taller and tried to act as though they were not pleased as punch by Philip’s comments. “We were rather happy to help,” Miles said returning Philip’s bow.
Caroline's heart warmed at the sight of Philip with her brothers. Their admiration for him was clear and she felt that Philip was equally pleased with them. She could not help but think of what a wonderful father he would be someday. Almost immediately the joyful thought plunged her heart into sadness.
Philip turned to her then and she hoped her smile did not reveal her melancholy. “Lady Caroline, would you honour me with your company on a walk through the gardens?”
Caroline looked to her mother, unsure if she was looking for permission or a reprieve.
Her mother nodded. “Go on. I believe the peonies have come into bloom. Quite the beautiful display.”
Philip waited for her to set her embroidery aside and stand up before he moved closer to offer his arm.
“Thank you, Lord Holgrave,” Caroline told him not daring to look at his face.
He led her out to the garden and then along one of the paths.
“Where are we going?”
“In time,” was all he said.
He stopped at the tall wooden gate in the hedge. He opened it and stepped back. She looked in to see a table set up next to her grandfather’s beautiful earns.
“What is this? She asked.
“I thought it would be nice to take our midday meal here.”
It was such a beautiful thought, and Caroline tried to ignore the tears that were gathering behind her eyes. She only managed to say, “Thank you. It is lovely.”
Chapter Fifteen
“This was a very nice surprise. Thank you,” Caroline said after Rosemarie had taken their plates away.
“I am so glad that you enjoyed it.” It had taken some work to surprise her. Philip had enlisted the help of Caroline’s brothers to talk to Rosemary and get the table moved into the small area by the urns.
“I simply wanted to thank you for everything you have done for me. I cannot ever repay you for the care and kindness you have shown me.” He hoped she truly understood how thankful he was.
“Philip, you did not have to do all of this. Anyone would have done the same in my place.”
“That is not true,” he argued. “Fallbrooke left me in the library after he collapsed and if it was not for you one of your servants would have dumped me in the bushes.”
The most darling look of horror crossed Caroline's face. “Oh! Lord Holgrave, I do apologize. I have no idea what he was thinking.”
Philip held up a hand to stop her. “He was thinking I was a drunk, which nearly any other night I very well could have been.”
“Still I am rather dismayed that you learned that one of our servants very nearly contributed to your death.”
Philip laughed, he could not help it. “Caroline, please do not give it another thought,” he told her taking her hand.
“But,” she said beginning to protest again.
He told himself he did it to silence her protests but it was something he had wanted to do for many days. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to hers, marveling at the softness he found there.
Caroline was startled at first and he expected her to pull away. Instead, she surprised him by leaned into him for a long moment before ultimately pulling away. The kiss had been everything that he had hoped it would be and more, it took everything he had not to lean forward once more. Her face was flushed and she quickly averted her eyes and stepped away.
“I apologize. You must think me a rake. You were most distressed, and oh, I was not thinking.” Philip had not wanted to scare her or upset her.
Caroline was clearly flustered. She walked toward the gate. “I promised Mother I would look at the peonies.”
Yes, of course,” he said taking her arm again.
“Have you written to your sister yet?” Caroline asked once they were back in the main garden.
“No,” Philip answered. He did not want to talk about his sister, as he was quite distracted thinking about Caroline and their shared kiss.
“She has written several times asking about you. Your family is quite looking forward to seeing you.”
“Yes, I have been meaning to write,” he said distractedly. He had long suspected that Caroline cared for him and her reaction to his kiss seemed to confirm his suspicions. He could think of nothing else but what he should do to keep Caroline in his life.
Caroline dropped his arm to leave the path saying quietly, “The peonies are over here.”
Philip wondered if he had imagined the sadness in Caroline’s voice and tried to catch up with her.
“Mother said that Mr Notley came to see you today.”
Philip had thought it odd that Caroline had not been around when the physician had arrived but he understood now that she had done so with purpose.
“Your mother was quite right. Mr Notley was indeed here. He has determined that I am fully recovered and fit to travel.”
“Are you to return to London then?” Caroline had managed to stay ahead of him. “Or perhaps to Castborough?”
“I have not decided, as of yet. I have discovered that I like Brighton very much.” Philip could not bear the thought of leaving Stratford.
“I am afraid I do not understand.”
She had paused in front of a large raise bed of flowers. Her copper hair and blue gown bright and alive against the mass of white petals.
He fell silent and he was sure her confusion was growing but he was thinking about what he was about to do.
“Marry me,” he blurted out.
“What?” She said her eyes wide.
“I should apologize for being so impetuous but I do not feel like I can wait another minute to tell you how I feel.”
Philip knew it would be more proper for him to have spoken to Caroline's father first but somehow this seemed right. She had endured the loss of Nathaniel not so long ago but Philip knew that she cared for him. It was his belief that they would be happy together.
Caroline said nothing so he rushed on. “You are wonderful, caring and kind. Beautiful beyond any words that I could utter. I want to look upon you always.” He took her hands in his. “Please say you will marry me. Be mine for the rest of our days.”
Caroline looked up with him tears shining in her eyes. “Philip. Dear, Philip. I care about you far more than I ever imagined that I could care for anyone. Marrying you would make me the happiest of women.”
Philip’s heart soared. “Then you will marry me?”
“I am sorry, Philip. On this day, I cannot. As much as it hurts my heart, I must refuse you.” Tears streamed down her face as she spoke.
Philip wanted to brush them away but he found that he could not move. She had refused him. He could not believe it.
“I do not understand. You say you care about me and yet you say you cannot marry me.” He had a sudden thought. “I know I did not speak to your father first. I will do so once if it pleases you.”
“It is not my father that I wish you to speak to but your own. You have responsibilities there that you must attend to. You cannot continue to run from them. I will not be another excuse for you to run away.”
“You believe that is why I asked you to marry?”
“I do not know.” The misery in Caroline's eyes nearly broke him. “The only way for me to know for certain is for you to make amends with your family and assume your responsibilities.”
He could bear to look at her no longer for fear that he would break down. His heart rent in two, he left her in the garden. The sound of her weeping stayed with him well after he reached the house.
Chapter Sixteen
“I did not think I would ever see this.”
He looked up to see James standing in front of him.
“And what is that, or should I even ask?”
“You,” he said and sat down in one of the chairs. “Here at Father's desk.”
Philip had been back at Castborough for nearly a month's time. He was fortunate that his father had not made him grovel or lecture him about his irresponsible actions. Father had simply asked him if he was feeling well again. Philip had answered that he was quite recovered and looking forward to assuming his duties at Castborough. His father had happily clapped him on the shoulder and taken him around to show him all of the recent changes to their entailed land.
Philip had not seen James since their fight in the stables months before and he had been dreading their first meeting. Philip looked around the desk. “I am sure it is odd for you to see me here, rather than you.”
“New, perhaps, but not odd. You are well suited for it and I have already heard good things,” James told him and laughed. “Showing me up already, as usual.”
James' reaction was not at all what Philip had expected. Normally, he would have responded with a snide remark. He did not want to argue with James. Philip looked down at the paper in front of him.
“I doubt that is possible. Father has always been proud of the assistance that you gave him in my stead.” Philip looked up again to lock eyes with James. “And I am immensely thankful that you were able to step in when I was unable.”
James seem surprised by the change in Philip but only said, “I am thankful as well, I have finished my studies at the Inns of Court and will very likely become a barrister in the next year.”
Philip nodded. “It is more than simply likely. I have heard your name mentioned several times in regard to some appointments at Parliament.”
It was clear that James had not heard the same rumblings. Not long ago, James had been unsure of his future but now he had a profession and a bride to marry. At the thought of James’ betrothal Philip realized that he had more to say.
He stood up from the desk to face his brother. “I find that I cannot speak another word until I make this right. James, brother, I apologize for my wretched behaviour and how I treated Lady Elizabeth. I was blinded by jealousy and misery. My actions were inexcusable. I hope that one day you and Lady Elizabeth will be able to forgive me.”
James held up a hand. “You need not say another word. You are already forgiven.”
“You are too kind,” Philip said, relieved by his brother’s words. He gave James a hopeful look. “And Lady Elizabeth?”
James laughed. “She tells me often about how thankful she is of you.”
“Surely, as a joke.” Philip could not see any reason for him to have gained Lady Elizabeth’s good favor.
“Lady Elizabeth and I owe you are most humble thanks.” James smirked. “If you had not misbehaved to the point that forced Father’s hand. There may have never been a house party. I might have never met my betrothed.”
“That certainly would have been a tragedy.” James raised an eyebrow at that. “You and Lady Elizabeth had a connection that even I could see.”
James relaxed. “I knew how I felt but I was uncertain as to what Elizabeth was feeling. Thankfully she was much smarter than I.”
“Well, I am glad that I have been able to help someone achieve their happiness,” Philip said with a wry smile.
James gave him a curious look. “You sound as though you are unhappy yourself. Is life here at Castborough so bad?”
“No,” Philip assured him swiftly. “I am happy to be home.” And he was not lying, coming back to Castborough had been beneficial for him. He was miserable though, he missed Lady Caroline more than he thought possible. Her refusal had hurt him far more than any physical blow had.
“Is it Lady Caroline?” James asked.
Philip’s head snapped up to look at his brother. “How would you know that? I have not said a word to anyone.”
The Wayward Heir Page 6