“Well,” Kashena began, her look conflicted.
“Tell me the truth, mom.” Colby said, his look direct.
Kashena was surprised by not only his words, but by his look.
“Okay,” she said, inclining her head, “I think that your dad sees you and your mom as property of his that I’ve stolen. I think he wants you two back and he wants me dead.”
Colby stared back at Kashena open mouthed. “He’d kill you?”
“Yes, I think he would.” Kashena said honestly, “I think that’s his plan.”
Colby blinked a few times as he tried to assimilate this information.
“Col, you need to be there for your mom,” Kashena said, reaching her hand out to touch his leg, her voice strained suddenly, “If something happens to me, you need to be there for her.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you,” Colby said, shaking his head, his tone petulant.
Kashena looked back at this handsome boy, who called her mom, and her heart broke a little bit more. She couldn’t control the tears that welled in her eyes at that moment. Even though she did her best to look away and force the tears away, she didn’t quite succeed.
“You’re afraid of him?” Colby asked, his voice worried now, “You think he can kill you?”
Kashena looked back at Colby, really wishing she could lie to him and say she didn’t think that, but since her vision had shown her death, she didn’t want to give him false hope. She wanted to prepare him. Because the words wouldn’t come, she finally nodded.
Colby’s eyes filled with tears, and Kashena felt a wave of grief and guilt that wanted to drown her. She reached out her hand to him and he took it, moving to hug her as best he could as he cried, Kashena’s tears flowed as well.
“You know that I love you,” Kashena said, her voice gruff with tears, “And you should know how proud I am of you, of the man you’re becoming. Never forget that,” she said, her voice breaking on the last word.
That had Colby crying harder, which just twisted the knife of guilt in her gut.
“I’m sorry,” Kashena said to him when he finally quieted and sat back, “I didn’t want to upset you, but I don’t want to lie to you either.”
Colby nodded, “You said you’d protect me and mom with your life, well, I would protect you with mine.”
“Colby, no,” Kashena said immediately, her voice coming out more harsh than she’d meant it, “You can’t,” she said, shaking her head, “You have to be here for your mom. She can’t lose you too.”
“Too?” Colby repeated.
Damn it! Kashena thought.
“I meant if something happened to me,” Kashena said, “She couldn’t lose you too. So if anything happens, you need to run, do you understand me? You run, you get away from your father as fast as you can, do you understand?” Again her voice had taken on a sharp tone, but she needed to know that Colby wouldn’t sacrifice his life for her.
It wouldn’t’ matter anyway, she’d be dead in any case and Sierra would be alone and it would be her fault. When Colby said nothing, Kashena narrowed her eyes at him.
“Tell me you understand, Colby.” Kashena said, her tone serious.
Colby nodded, his look cowed. Kashena felt like shit for that, but she couldn’t have him trying to be heroic and getting killed for it. She wasn’t altogether sure that Jason wouldn’t kill his son if he saw that he had more loyalty for Kashena than for him. She didn’t want to find out.
A few minutes later, Sierra entered the room, and could immediately sense the tension.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Nothing,” Colby said, “I’m gonna go to my room.” He said, getting out of the chair and leaving the room without looking back at Kashena.
Kashena’s eyes followed him out of the room, her look tortured.
“What happened?” Sierra asked, her tone all ‘mama bear’ as Kashena liked to call it when Sierra was protecting her cub.
Kashena looked back at Sierra, once again feeling the pain of the distance between them.
“Kashena?” Sierra queried, her tone still strident.
Kashena shrugged, “Nothing, like Colby said,” she said, moving to lay on her back and throwing her arm up over her eyes.
Sebastian walked into the room at that moment, looking between Kashena and Sierra, knowing he was walking into something, feeling the tension still in the room. Sierra glanced at him, then back at her wife, shaking her head.
“I’m going to go talk to Colby,” Sierra said, then left the room.
Sebastian moved to sit down in the chair Colby had exited, “What did I miss?”
Kashena sighed, lifting her arm from her eyes, “My running off at the mouth, and poor Colby taking the brunt of it.”
“Jesus, what did you say?” Sebastian asked.
“He said he’d protect me with his life, Baz,” Kashena said, her tone sharp, “You think I could let him think like that? Knowing what I know?”
Sebastian’s look closed off immediately, “You don’t know anything,” he said, his tone as sharp as hers.
“I got hundreds of ancestors that would beg to differ,” Kashena said mildly.
“I don’t fuckin’ care, Kash, you don’t know anything.” Sebastian said, his voice angry.
Kashena looked back at him, she knew it was tearing him up to know that she was going to die and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. She knew that was what was pissing him off. Fate had taken it out of his hands, somehow.
“It was death, that’s all,” Sebastian said, “It doesn’t mean it’s yours. It could be Jason’s death.”
Kashena smiled sadly at the vehemence in his voice, “Oh, but I do know that.”
“How?” Sebastian said.
“It was the Ojibwa symbol for death, Baz, it wouldn’t have shown that way if it was Jason’s. Besides it was the symbol for a woman, and it was upside down, which means someone kills me.”
Sebastian looked physically sick at that information.
“I fucking hate your ancestors,” Sebastian said.
Again, Kashena just smiled sadly.
“What did you say to Colby?” Sierra asked, when she strode back into the bedroom a few minutes later.
“I’m gonna give you two some privacy,” Sebastian said, moving to stand he walked out of the room.
“What did you say to him, Kash?” Sierra repeated.
“He asked me if I really thought Jason would come after you two, and I told him the truth.”
“And what truth is that?” Sierra snapped.
“That I think Jason wants you two back and that he wants me dead,” Kashena said, her tone matter of fact, what Sierra couldn’t see was the knot that Kashena’s guts were twisting into inside her.
“Jesus!” Sierra exploded, “Why would you tell him that?” she asked, her tone disbelieving, “Are you crazy?”
Kashena looked back at her wife, unable to formulate a reply that wouldn’t lay bare every fear she had for them, and for herself. Finally she just shrugged, “Maybe,” she said.
“Great,” Sierra replied, her tone indicating that she thought that it was far from great, “This,” Sierra said, pointing her finger downward, “This is the kind of thing that I can’t deal with.” She said her tone exasperated.
Kashena didn’t reply, simply nodding.
“It’s bad enough that I’m scared for you all the time now, but now you’re scaring Colby…” Sierra said, her voice trailing off.
When Kashena didn’t reply for a long moment, Sierra glowered at her.
“I don’t know what you want me to say here,” Kashena said, her voice indicating her frustration, “I’m a cop, Sierra, you married a cop, and cops get hurt and people target them, and shit happens, and I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to stop all of that.”
“You could stop being a cop,” Sierra fired back.
“Really?” Kashena said, her voice strident, “It’s that easy, what if I said that you should stop bei
ng a lawyer, Sierra? Could you do that?” She asked, knowing the answer, being a lawyer was who Sierra was. “I’m a cop, I’m good at being a cop,” Kashena said, “And the only other thing I was ever good at was being a Marine,” she said, her blue eyes flashing in anger, “So you fucking pick!”
Sierra stared back at her, like she didn’t recognize who she was seeing. Finally she shook her head and walked out of the room. Kashena lay panting with the effort to calm down, because getting so twisted up in anger had made her wound start to throb and was causing stabbing pains.
“Fuck!” Kashena yelled, picking up a remote that lay nearby and hurled it across the room.
As Sebastian entered, he shifted back in time to missing the hurtling object, watching as it smashed against the wall of the bedroom.
“Nice shot,” he said, his tone even.
Kashena lay back, closing her eyes, trying to calm herself down.
Sebastian moved to sit down on the chair, his eyes on his partner. He knew there was a lot happening in her head, and now it sounded like she was fighting with her wife too. It wasn’t a good direction for things.
“So what’s going on?” Sebastian asked.
Kashena opened her eyes, looking over at him, then shook her head, her look disbelieving.
“My life is falling apart around me,” she said simply.
“With the counselor?” Sebastian asked, “I doubt that,” he said, “She loves you.”
Kashena gave a short sarcastic laugh, “Yeah, except the fact that I’m a cop.”
Sebastian looked surprised, “Uh, she didn’t know that when she married you?”
“I wasn’t that kind of cop then,” Kashena said, her tone snide.
“Only one kind…” Sebastian said.
“I guess she didn’t get that memo,” Kashena said, her tone tired. “She freaked out when I got bruised up last week sometime… now this…” She said, indicating her wound.
Sebastian gave her a sardonic look, “She does realize that the reason you’re hurt now is because of her, right?”
Kashena looked back at him, her look answering the question.
“She didn’t get that memo either?” Sebastian asked, his tone wry.
“Guess not,” Kashena said.
They were both quiet for a few minutes, then Kashena looked over at him, “I need to tell you some stuff,” she said, her tone cautious.
Sebastian narrowed his green eyes, “What?” he asked.
Kashena blew her breath out, knowing he wasn’t going to like what she was going to tell him, but knowing she needed to tell someone she could trust, he was it.
“I took out a life insurance policy,” she said, “For two million.”
“Jesus Kash…” Sebastian breathed.
“Look, I need to make sure that she’s taken care of,” Kashena said, “And this house’ll break her without my income.”
Sebastian shook his head, “I don’t want to hear this,” he said.
“You need to hear it, she doesn’t know about it and I can’t tell her without telling her about the vision, and even if I did that, the fucking lawyer in her would make me give it up because I have prior knowledge of my death, or some stupid legal-eeze shit. I need you to help me here, Baz.”
“To do what?” Sebastian asked, “To fucking help you die? Are you really asking me to do that, because I can’t, I won’t,” he said, his tone strong.
“All you have to do is tell her about it when it’s done, okay?” Kashena said, “And you have to be here for her, Baz, her and Colby… I need to know they’re going to be okay.”
Sebastian looked back at his best friend, he couldn’t believe they were even having this conversation.
“Please Baz…” Kashena said, her voice constricted, because tears were clogging her throat again.
“Fine,” he said, holding up his hand.
The last person whose tears he could handle was hers.
“Okay,” Kashena said, nodding, as she reached for the bottle of pain killers.
“How many of those are you up to a day?” he asked, his eyebrow raised.
“Don’t start with me,” Kashena said.
“So I should let you kill yourself that way?” he asked, his tone even.
Kashena blew her breath out, “I need to sleep, so I don’t think okay? Right now, I just need to not think.”
“About what?” he asked.
“About how my marriage is likely on its way to being over and how that might be the reason I give up and let him kill me.” Kashena said, her eyes flashing angrily.
“Jesus Kash…” Sebastian said, as she took two more of the pills.
“You asked,” Kashena said, moving to put her arm up over her head again.
Sierra had noticed a very definite chill in Sebastian’s eyes since the day they’d gone to the office and she and Kashena had fought. Since that day Sierra had been sleeping in another room, and she hadn’t really gone into to talk to Kashena again. She was still angry about Kashena scaring Colby. Colby hadn’t been willing to tell her what was said, but it was obvious from the way he’d been acting that he was really worried about something. Kashena’s admission to what she’d said to him had made her so mad, she didn’t think it was right that Kashena would put that onto Colby. Yes, Jason was probably dangerous, but murder? She didn’t think that was something he’d stoop to, he’d been a Marine after all, they had some modicum of honor.
After two days, Sierra decided she really should check on Kashena. She felt guilty that she’d been too afraid to fight with her again to risk going into their room. When she walked in, Sebastian was reading a report, he glanced up when she walked in, his eyes icing over immediately, she could almost feel the chill in the air. Kashena was, as usual these days, asleep, with her arm thrown up over her head.
“She seems like she’s sleeping all the time,” Sierra commented softly.
Sebastian’s look was wry as he raised his eyebrow at her. Reaching over to pick up the bottle of pain killers, he waggled the bottle; it was obvious there weren’t a lot left in the bottle. It had only been four days since Kashena had come home from the hospital.
Sierra looked back at him, “She’s taken that many?” she asked a bit aghast.
Sebastian grinned icily, “Well, I’m not takin’ them, sweetheart,” he said.
“Do we have a problem, Sebastian?” Sierra asked him, finally losing her temper.
“Yeah, we have a problem,” he said, his tone sharp, “My best friend is drugging herself into a stupor, because her wife can’t get her head wrapped the idea that she married a cop two years ago and that cops get hurt.”
Sierra stared back at him, surprised by his words.
“Drugging herself into a stupor?” Sierra repeated.
Sebastian gave her a quelling look, “When’s the last time you saw Kash take pain killers, Sierra?” He asked, his look telling her that she knew the answer to that.
Sierra looked back at him, knowing he was right, and knowing she’d been purposely obtuse. She swallowed against the guilt that welled up in her throat. She shook her head slowly.
Sebastian watched Sierra try to reconcile her neglect of Kashena, and it only irritated him more.
“That,” he said, jabbing his finger at Kashena, “Is the strongest person I’ve ever known,” he said, his tone matching the anger in his eyes, “And you’re fucking killing her with this bullshit. Only you could take her out like this.” He said the last his eyes accusing and disgusted at the same time.
He stood up suddenly, driven to his feet by his anger and pain. He knew he needed to get out of that room or he was going to tell Sierra everything, and he knew Kashena wouldn’t forgive him for that, and he couldn’t take that chance. He moved toward Sierra and saw her tense, as if he would hit her, to himself he thought Good, let her think that I just might, as he moved past her and stalked out of the room.
Sierra stood where she was hearing Sebastian slam out the back door. She knew he’d be out
there smoking for a while. She had thought that he was going to hit her. She knew Sebastian wasn’t the kind of man to strike a woman, but she also knew that Kashena was the only thing in the world that meant everything to him, and for her sake, he might strike Kashena’s wife. Sierra’s eyes went to Kashena, her eyes going to the bandage on her side. After a few minutes she sighed and left the room.
Colby found his mother sitting in the front room, staring at nothing.
“Mom?” he queried cautiously, he’d heard Sebastian yell earlier and then had heard him slam out of the house. He was worried.
Sierra looked at her son, then held out her arms to him. He moved to sit next to her, hugging her. Sierra held him in her arms, and closed her eyes.
Colby sat back after a few minutes, looking at Sierra.
“What’s happening with you and Kash?” He asked.
Sierra grimaced, she hadn’t meant for Colby to be effected by the fighting going on, but she realized that she couldn’t keep it hidden from him. He was too old not to notice things anymore, like he’d been when she’d been married to Jason. Even then he’d heard and seen more than he should have.
“Things are kind of a mess right now.” Sierra said.
“Because of dad?” Colby asked.
“That’s part of it,” Sierra said, “But the other part is Kashena getting hurt doing her job.”
“Why is that a mess?” Colby asked.
Sierra looked at him, she sighed, “Because I worry about her, I’m afraid for her.”
“She’s afraid too, mom,” Colby said.
“No, Colby, she’s not, that’s what worries me.”
“She is, mom,” Colby insisted, “She told me.”
“What did she tell you?” Sierra asked, sure that he was going to tell her what Kashena had about thinking that Jason was going to take them back and kill her. She was ready to explain to him that there was a difference in stating what one thought was going to happen, and actually being afraid.
“That she’s afraid of dad,” Colby said, “And I told her that I’d protect her with my life,” he said, then lowered his eyes, “That’s when she got mad at me.”
Sierra was still trying to deal with what he’d said first, Kashena had told her son that she was afraid of Jason? Then it clicked in her head what he’d said after that.
Marking Time (WeHo Series Book 4) Page 14