Nealy stared across the room at the picture wall. The Derby wall. Her picture hung there with all those who had gone before her. She stared at it, wondering if the club would have a second picture to hang next year.
The restaurant was quiet, with just a handful of guests. She let her gaze rake past the tables but not long enough so she would either have to nod, smile, or mouth a greeting. It was dim, with the only light coming from sconces lined up around the walls. A small candle sat in the middle of each table. They gave off just enough light to read the menus. The tables and chairs were dark mahogany, the tableclothes a deep burgundy. The bar was dark mahogany with polished brass, the barstools were high and upholstered in dark red leather. The carpet was old and probably the most important thing in the dining room. The pattern in the center was the racetrack at Churchill Downs. Woven into each corner of the rug were the most famous Triple Crown winners of all time, Secretariat, Citation, Seattle Slew, and Whirlaway. Definitely a man’s room.
“Is your picture hanging up there?” Hatch asked.
“Bottom row, third from the end. Next year they’ll have to start hanging the pictures on the next wall. I’m honored to be here.” She wiggled her bottom into the cushiony softness of the chair, the same way she did when she was trying to get her seat in a new saddle. “What should we talk about, Hatch? I can hold up my end of the conversation if we talk about horses or the kids. I’m not real good with that chatty stuff. Do you want to talk about Hunt and Sela so we can kind of go on from there? It’s okay with me if you do. You have such sad eyes.”
Hatch looked down at the table as though deciding what it was he wanted to say. “Sometimes I feel like I want to talk about Sela and my son, but I always feel if I do that, then they won’t be mine anymore. I’ll have shared them. They were my life. Everything I did, every thought, every action was for them. I couldn’t wait to get home at night to be with them. I miss them with every breath I take. I’ve let go. I packed away all their things. I suppose I should have given them away, but I wasn’t ready to do that. I try to do what Sela wanted by getting on with my life. When Nick showed up, it was like it was meant to be. I plunged into that with all my might. Believe it or not, he helped me get over the last hurdle. I’m okay now.”
Nealy looked at him over the rim of her glass. “That’s good, Hatch. I mean really good,” she said with sincerity. “Life is for the living. I wish I had been more worldly when Hunt came into my life. I was so sheltered it was pitiful. At least you’re going forward without regrets. I have a bushelful. Let’s talk about something else. Like what we’re going to order.” She opened the menu and studied the entrees.
“Six desserts,” Hatch reminded her.
“I’m going to have the macaroni-and-cheese casserole. It has little onions in it. Nick loved it. It’s soft. That’s what I’m having. I have to watch my weight. It’s okay if you want to go over and look at the pictures. I’ll just sit here and drink and smoke a cigarette. I quit, but sometimes I smoke when I’m nervous. I’m nervous, so I’m going to smoke. This is the smoking section. Do you smoke?”
“On occasion,” Hatch said, getting up to walk over to the picture wall. “I’ll be right back.” Nealy heaved a sigh of relief as she gulped at her drink and signaled for another. Another hour and they could leave. She wondered if she could hold out that long.
Nealy stared across the room at Hatch. He was a big man. A gentle man. Yes, he had sad eyes, but there was laughter in those eyes, too. She wished she knew what he thought of her.
“Your picture is awesome. How did it feel, Nealy, when you were in the winner’s circle?”
Nealy stared into her glass as she tried to come up with the answer. “Like a thousand Christmas mornings.” She paused, reliving the moment, then looked up and met his gaze. “The best part, though, was when Flyby found that tiny little hole and made his run for it. At that precise moment I thought we really were flying. It was like this giant explosion of sound and sunlight and exhilaration. I don’t have the right words to tell you. I won the Preakness and the Belmont, but they can’t compare to the Derby. For me it was the Derby. I hope I can do it again next year. They’re already talking about me being too old. I worry a little about that. I’m training. Tonight is . . . I’m smoking and drinking because . . .”
“You’re nervous.” Hatch smiled.
Nealy’s head bobbed up and down.
The waiter appeared to take their order.
“I’ll have the macaroni-and-cheese casserole. Coffee, too.”
“Apple pie with pecan ice cream. Banana cream pie, praline pie, peach cobbler, chocolate thunder cake, and crème brûlée,” Hatch said. “And coffee for me, too.”
“No entree, sir?”
“Only if I’m still hungry. You know what they say. Life is short, eat dessert first.”
Nealy grinned at him as she felt a warm glow flow through her.
Two hours later, Nealy looked across the table at Hatch. “I can’t believe we ate all that food. We talked, too. Ruby was right. Maybe it was Smitty. I’m ready to go now.”
“I’m ready if you are.”
“Didn’t I have a shawl with me?” Nealy said, bending down to look under the table.
“We left it in the car.”
“Okay. I guess we can go then. Are we going to sit on the front porch and look at the stars? Sometimes I give them names. Do you ever do that?”
“All the time,” Hatch said, cupping her elbow in his hand to lead her from the restaurant.
“Remember now, don’t look at anyone.”
“There’s no one here to look at, Nealy. Everyone’s gone. We’re the last to leave.”
“How’d that happen?”
“We had six desserts, they only had one.”
“Oh.”
In the car, with her ankles crossed demurely, her seat belt secure, the dirty shawl on her lap, Nealy fell asleep. A smile settled on Hatch’s face and stayed there until he brought the car to a stop by the back door of Blue Diamond Farms. He exited the car and loped down to the barn, where he found Ruby and Metaxas.
“Our friend is . . . a little under the weather. If you show me where her room is, I’ll carry her upstairs.”
“Carry her upstairs!” Ruby bleated. “What’s wrong with her?”
Hatch laughed. “She just got nervous.”
“Nervous? What’s that mean?”
Hatch threw his hands in the air. “I don’t know. I never did understand women. She said she had to cross her ankles and then the shawl was choking her and she said she had to eat soft food and nothing sweet or sticky and she always does what she’s told to do and a lot of pink shopping bags. I tried to keep up but gave up when I had to eat those six desserts.”
“Was it a fun evening?” Metaxas asked carefully as he watched his wife for her reaction.
“Hell, yes. I haven’t laughed like that in a couple of years. Well, that’s not quite true. I wanted to laugh, but I didn’t laugh. She’s funny. I have to say, I had a good time.”
“Did Nealy have a good time?” Ruby asked.
Metaxas rolled his eyes, a warning that Hatch should think before he responded. The big Indian missed the message.
“I don’t think so. She was too nervous. Why she was nervous is a mystery. I guess women get nervous for no reason.”
“Shut up,” Ruby said as she marched toward the house.
“What did I say?” Hatch demanded.
“You said Nealy was nervous. Don’t you know anything about women, Hatch?”
“Not a whole hell of a lot. How much do you know?”
“Probably less,” Metaxas groaned. “I guess we aren’t supposed to use the word nervous. I learned a long time ago not to ask questions. Women stick together. Like glue,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Where are you sleeping, big guy?”
“I thought I was sleeping here. I guess now I’m not. I can go back to town and get a hotel room.”
Metaxas placed a hand on Hatch’s shoulder
. “Sleep here in the barn. I’ll fix you up a stall. We used to sleep in a stall until Nealy let us have a cottage. Still do occasionally. Trust me, you’ll love it. We get up at four. We work till seven, and then it’s breakfast. So, do you want to stay or not?”
“Sure.”
“Well, it’s bedtime as soon as Ruby gets back.”
“It’s only nine o’clock,” Hatch said.
“Yeah, I know.”
“I think I’ll go up and sit on the front porch for a while. Show me which stall is mine.”
“This one,” Metaxas said, pointing to a stall three doors down from the one he and Ruby used every once in a while. “There’s a bathroom and shower at the end of the breezeway. There’s a ton of beer in the fridge in the kitchen. Help yourself.”
Upstairs in Nealy’s bedroom, Ruby struggled with a sleepy, limp Nealy. “So, how did it go, Nealy?”
“Pretty good I think. I did everything you and Smitty said to do. I really was nervous, though. Did Hatch say anything?”
“Just that you were nervous. Did you start to twitch or something?”
“I don’t know what gave it away. I was trying to be so careful. He said he knew I was nervous because he’s Indian and he could tell. I think that’s bullshit. I didn’t swear. I don’t think I did anyway. Can I go to sleep now, Ruby?”
“Sure, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night, Ruby. Thanks for all the advice. He’s a nice man. Maybe he’ll come back sometime when I’m not so nervous.”
“Sleep tight, honey,” Ruby said, turning off the bedroom light.
Nealy woke with a start. She knew instantly where she was and what time it was. Her head pounded as she rolled from side to side. She knew she had to get up to take some aspirin, and she also knew there would be no more sleep for her on this night so she might as well make some coffee and sit on the front porch and wait for the sun to come up. Should she shower or not? Maybe the steam would help clear her head. She walked down the kitchen stairway, plugged in the coffeepot Matilda had gotten ready before bed. She hiked back upstairs to wash down four aspirin and showered.
Feeling almost human, she pulled on some of her new Victoria’s Secret underwear and her old ratty chenille robe. She’d timed her descent into the kitchen just as the coffee finished brewing. She poured a mugful and carried it out to the front porch.
“Hatch! What are you doing out here?” she asked in surprise.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t sleepy. I didn’t feel right going upstairs and picking out a room. Metaxas fixed a stall for me in the barn, but I had a few beers out here and dozed off. My sleeping habits aren’t the best. The big question is, what are you doing up at this hour?”
“I just woke up. I’m only up an hour ahead of schedule. Four o’clock is my normal time for waking up. I have a terrible headache, so that has to mean I had too much to drink. Normally I don’t drink. Tonight I was . . .”
“Nervous. I was, too. You were my first date since . . .”
“Maybe that’s where we went wrong. You know, thinking it was a date. Maybe if we had thought of it as just two friends going out to dinner, some of the anxiety would have been alleviated. At least for me.”
“You’re absolutely right. The stars are beautiful, aren’t they? When I was a kid on the reservation I gave them all names.”
“I used to do the same thing. I always looked forward to that one peek out the window before I went to bed. Sometimes, if I’m not too tired, I still do it. I had a mean, bitter childhood. Anything make-believe, naming stars, wishing on stars made the days and nights a little lighter if you know what I mean.
“There was this one time I named three stars because on a really clear night it looked like they were hugging each other. I called them Diamond, Ruby, and Emerald. I didn’t even know what those gems looked like. I just used my imagination. I think I named Emmie for the Emerald star. Then Maud Diamond came into my life. Then Ruby. So, maybe wishing and naming stars wasn’t such a waste of time for a little girl.”
“I don’t even remember what I named mine,” Hatch said. “Medusa, the woman who runs my office, tells me that when you pass over, a star forms in the sky. I hope that’s true because it would please me no end to know Sela and my son are up there winking down on me. All those who have gone before us are up there. Do you believe that, Nealy?”
“I think so. Thinking about it like that gives one a measure of security. They’re gone, but they aren’t gone.”
“Do you miss the place where you grew up? Sometimes I miss the reservation and I have to go back and walk around.”
“Sometimes. Sometimes months go by and I don’t think about it at all. Sometimes I positively dwell on it. I’m so glad that my brothers and I have reconciled. I always wanted them to be these big, tough guys, and they aren’t like that. They could never be like that. They’re warm and shy and caring in their own way. To other people they probably seem cold and aloof. We were never around people much growing up. Yes, we went to school, but that doesn’t mean we were around people. We had to get up early, do our chores, get on the bus, go to class, get back on the bus, and go home to more chores and schoolwork. By eight o’clock I was dead on my feet, and all I wanted to do was go to bed. I’m afraid I did just enough to get by. I let that attitude carry over into my life here. Let’s not go down that road, okay?”
“Okay. You love this farm, don’t you?”
Nealy sighed. “God, yes. Love, though, is too tame a word. I don’t know what the right word is. It’s part of me; it’s in my blood. I guess I’m trying to say it’s my life. To the exclusion of all else. I know, I know, that’s not good. It’s the way it is. Maybe someday things will change. Maybe someday Emmie will come back and want to raise her daughter here the way I raised her. I’ve accepted the fact that Nick won’t come back.”
“If that were to happen, Nealy, what would you do?”
“That’s just it, I don’t know. I guess I could travel, read books, go to the movies, shop. Maybe plant a garden and watch it grow. Take up flower arranging. I might take some cooking lessons, but I don’t know if I would be happy doing those things.”
“Are you happy now, Nealy?” Hatch asked quietly.
“Yes and no. I would be a lot happier if my kids were here. Let’s just say I’m content. What does it feel like to be really happy? Do you know, Hatch?”
“God Almighty, yes, I know. It’s a wild, euphoric feeling. Like if you flapped your arms you could fly, that kind of feeling. You’re ecstatic, you’re invincible and giddy all at the same time. Nothing or no one can rain on your parade. You want to hold on to the feeling forever and ever.
“I never knew, never expected anyone to love me the way Sela and my son loved me. Take a good look at me and tell me women would stand in line to date a big ugly Indian like me. There were no lines. The day I met her I knew. She said she knew, too. That was the magic of it.
“I had that feeling twice and held on for dear life, but it got away from me. That short time in my life was so wonderful, so cherished by me that I thought I was like God. As quick as it came, that’s how quick it was taken away.”
Nealy reached for his arm. “I’d stand in line for you. You’re a nice man, Hatch Littletree.” She withdrew her hand and clasped it around her empty coffee cup.
Hatch smiled in the darkness. “I suspect you’re a rather nice lady yourself. Life is to be lived. It should never be a duty or all black or all white. Life is the whole spectrum, bright colors, laughing faces, work, happiness, sadness. It’s just life. I think I’m trying to tell you I like you.”
Nealy could feel her neck grow warm. Obviously, he was expecting her to make a comment.
“I like you, too. I’m not very good away from here as you probably noticed this evening. Last night actually. I . . . If I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh?”
“I would never laugh at anything you said, Nealy, unless it was a joke.”
“I feel inferi
or around people. I feel like they’re all looking at me and talking about me. That’s why I never go to the Derby Balls. I make an appearance and then leave. Smitty said I had to start doing good deeds so we came up with this idea to have our own Derby Ball and sell tickets with the monies going to different charities. We raised, these past few years, almost ten million dollars. Everyone came. I was so stunned. I stayed the whole night because I was the hostess. I even had a good time.
“Smitty said I would have had a good time at the other balls if I had given them a chance. Back then in the beginning, I did give them a chance, and they all thumbed their noses at me. You only have to do that to me once, and then you go on my short list.
“Then when I won the Derby and the Triple Crown, things changed. For them. That’s when they all wanted to get to know me, to have their pictures taken with me, to buy stud from me. If I wasn’t good enough for them in the beginning, I didn’t want them in my life after I became famous. The ball Smitty arranges is for charity. It’s a big dinner with a lot of speeches and then the actual ball itself. I soak them what I think they’re willing to pay just to come to one of my balls. I pay for the affair out of my own pocket, but I give the proceeds away. I don’t know what that makes me in your eyes, but it’s what I do.”
“Does it work for you, Nealy?”
“Yes, it does.”
“Then the way I see it is that’s all that is important. If you’re wondering if I’m judging you, I’m not. I understand exactly how you feel. I went through the same sort of thing to a lesser degree when I went off to college. I was this big, dumb Indian. It hurt. Sometimes it still hurts.” He reached for her hand and squeezed it tight. This time she didn’t let go.
Nealy looked up at the stars, trying to find Diamond, Ruby and Emerald. “I wonder if Emmie and Nick ever named the stars. If they did, I don’t know about it. I asked Smitty to search out the best detective agency in the country to try and find Willow, Nick’s wife. She literally fell off the face of the earth. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have told her I was cutting off Nick’s access to the trust fund I set up for him with Hunt’s insurance money. I don’t know if it was my imagination or not, but her eyes were so cold and hard. I don’t care what anyone says, she wasn’t the right choice for Nick. And, yes, I know, it was none of my business. He made a mistake, Hatch, and I know he’s never going to forgive me for that.”
Kentucky Heat Page 17