by Ava Ashley
I thought I had enough to worry about without adding Nate into the mixture. Although he was creeping me out, it was probably nothing new. He probably wanted to taunt me, to punish me for hitting him and for trying to be happy when he wasn’t.
What I needed to think about was Hunter, how badly I wanted to tell him about my past, and how frightened I was to do it. I wasn’t sure what to do about the situation, but I wanted more than anything to talk to my friend Ben. He had helped me so much when I was going through cancer treatments, and then dealing with all of the consequences afterwards. I checked the time: it was eleven o’clock in the morning in Australia. I didn’t know if he’d be free, but it was worth a shot.
He picked up on the second ring. “Is this who I think it is?” he asked, and I was so happy to hear his voice that I almost burst into tears.
“Yes!” I cried in delight. “It’s me!”
“Well, well, well,” he said. “It’s awfully swell to hear from you, little lady. I was wondering what became of you.”
“Oh, I know, I’m sorry!” I said. “I know I should have called you weeks ago. I’ve just been crazy busy, that’s all.”
“Oh, it’s quite all right,” he said. “Everything in Sydney is exactly the same, except that you aren’t here. So, shoot. Tell me everything. How is your life?”
And then, as requested, I told him everything. I told him all about how Hunter and I reunited, how Nate had come by and threatened me, taken pictures of me and gave me that horrible sex tape. I told him how Nate was fooling me the entire time we’d dated, which thankfully wasn’t that long. Ben was pretty impressed when I told him about how I’d punched Nate in the face a few nights before.
“Punched him?” Ben said, nearly choking with incredulity. “I can’t believe it.”
“It’s true,” I told him. “Gave him a bloody nose and everything.”
“Wow,” he said. “I applaud you. Now, go on.”
“So, the thing is,” I started, “I haven’t told Hunter yet about anything. About cancer, about how I can’t have kids, all of that.”
“Oh wow,” Ben said. “Why haven’t you told him?”
“Well, mostly because I’m scared,” I admitted.
“But why are you scared, Anna?” he asked. “You’ve never been scared of anything, at least that I’ve seen. I mean, just a few nights ago you punched a professional fighter in the face.”
“Yeah,” I said, laughing. “That’s true. I’m scared, though, because he’s always wanted children, you know? And I’m scared he’ll be disappointed, and that eventually it will break us up.”
“Oh, sweetie,” he said. “You just have to tell him. You’ll feel so much better when you do.”
“I know,” I said. “But what if he’s disappointed?”
“He loves you, right?” Ben asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, I think so.”
“You know he does,” Ben assured me. “And I’ll tell you what I think, from the perspective of a guy who also wants to have children someday: it’s going to be fine.”
“You really think so?” I asked.
“Of course,” Ben said. “If the woman that I loved couldn’t have kids, then we’d adopt. Simple as that. And our adopted kids would be great, because we love each other and we’d love them too. Just because he wants kids doesn’t mean they have to be his, biologically speaking.”
“Wow,” I said. “I hadn’t even really thought of that. Thanks, Ben. You always know exactly how to make me feel better.”
“My pleasure,” he said. “So, anything else going on?”
“No,” I said. “But what, is that not enough? I mean, I got back together with my high school sweetheart, my ex-boyfriend is stalking us, and I punched a guy in the face. What more do you want?”
“Oh, it’s plenty,” Ben said, laughing. “Just checking. Anyway, it was great hearing from you. We sure do miss you over here.”
“I miss you too,” I told him. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime, sister,” he said. “Call again soon.”
“All right,” I said. “Bye, Ben. Take care.”
“You too. Bye, Anna.”
I hung up the phone, feeling at least a million times better than I did when I first dialed Ben’s number. Of course, I knew he was right. Hunter loved me, and he wasn’t going to stop loving me just because I couldn’t have kids. We would find a way to work it out. Later that night, I slept easily, determined to tell Hunter everything when I saw him the next day.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Hunter
I met Anna outside of her office, as promised, and I was happy to see that she seemed to be in much better spirits than when I had dropped her off the day before. She stood up to kiss me sweetly on the cheek, and then got into the car.
“How are you feeling today?” I asked her.
“I’m good,” she told me. “I had a good day at work. What about you?”
“I’m good too,” I said, taking her hand into my lap and holding it. “I’m glad to see you. I missed you.”
“Since yesterday?” she asked, laughing.
“Yeah, I know it hasn’t been that long,” I told her. “But I did miss you last night. And all day today.”
“I missed you too,” she said, leaning over and kissing me on the lips as she held my cheek with her hand.
“So, what do you want to do?” I asked.
“Let’s go back to my place,” she suggested. “I’ve got some food I could make you for dinner. And I’d like to have a private place to talk.”
“Oh?” I asked. “You want to talk?”
“Yes,” she told me. “There are a couple of things I really need to tell you.”
“Good,” I said. “I need to tell you some things too.”
It seemed like this would be the perfect opportunity to tell her about Jane. We both had things we needed to say to each other, and there would be nothing to prevent me from telling her what I needed to say.
We got back to Anna’s house and she immediately started getting out ingredients for dinner.
“I’m pretty hungry,” she explained. “Would pasta be all right with you?”
“Sure,” I said. “Who doesn’t like pasta?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she said. “People with a gluten intolerance, I guess.”
“Well, don’t worry,” I told her. “I am extremely tolerant of gluten in all its forms.”
“Perfect,” she responded. “I’m going to make a red sauce with spinach and mushrooms. How does that sound?”
“Amazing,” I said.
Anna smiled and started chopping up onions and garlic for the sauce. I stayed in the kitchen with her, helping to wash the vegetables and anything else she asked me to do. It was so comfortable, just hanging out with her at home and making dinner. I thought then, not for the first time, how happy I would be to spend the rest of my life with her. That was the key, I thought. To find someone who made the mundane, everyday aspects of life seem magical. For me, that was Anna. There was no doubt in my mind, and no other possibility. She was it.
After about forty-five minutes of chopping, sautéing, simmering and boiling, dinner was ready. Anna had also whipped up some garlic bread on the side that made my mouth water and my stomach grumble.
“It smells so good,” I said. “I’m dying. Can we eat now?”
“Yes,” she said, laughing. “Here, take a bowl and help yourself.”
She handed me a dish and put the garlic bread on a cutting board, carrying it to the table. I served her a portion too, with lots of sauce just the way she liked it, and brought it to the table. Anna was about to sit down, then got up suddenly.
“Oh, I forgot,” she said. “I have some wine.”
She poured us two glasses and brought them back to the table.
“You think of everything,” I said, raising my glass to her. “To the most beautiful woman in the world, and the love of my life.”
“Thank you,” she s
aid quietly, touching her glass to mine and taking a sip.
We finished the meal, talking only about small, trivial things, both of us thinking about the important conversation we were about to have. I didn’t know what Anna was going to tell me, but whatever it was I knew it couldn’t make me love her any less. What I was worried about was what I had to tell her.
After putting the dishes in the dishwasher, Anna took me by the hand and led me to the couch. We sat down, and she put her hand on my knee, taking a deep breath.
“All right,” she said. “I think I’m ready.”
“Do you want to go first?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course,” I said, and just then my phone started to ring in my pocket. “Not again,” I muttered and took out my phone. I looked at the screen: it was Jake. I thought it was a little weird, because he didn’t usually call me. We’d see each other at the gym, or text, that was about it. But I didn’t think too much of it. I turned the ringer off and turned back to Anna.
“Sorry about that,” I said. “Go ahead.”
“So, first of all, I lied to you nine years ago, and I’m sorry,” Anna said.
“Lied about what?”
“I told you that I was moving to Australia because my dad got a job transfer,” she said slowly. “But that isn’t why. We moved because of me.”
“Because of you? What do you mean?” I asked.
“The truth is, Hunter, I was really, really sick.”
“Sick?” I said, completely taken aback. “I had no idea.”
“I know,” Anna said. “It was a surprise to all of us. I had a very rare type of cancer, Hunter. And it was bad. And we had to move to Australia because that’s where my best hope for treatment was.”
“Oh my God,” I said, my heart sinking. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe that she was that sick and didn’t even tell me. “You’re all right now, right?”
“Yes, I recovered,” she said. “Eventually. It took a few years for me to be completely in remission, but that was seven years ago now, and there has been no sign of it since. Of course, there is always the chance it will come back. But my chances for that are extremely low at this point.”
“OK,” I said. “I still don’t understand why that made you refuse to speak to me.”
“Like I said,” she continued, “it was really bad. It was advanced. We caught it late. No one thought I was going to live, including me.”
“Oh, God,” I said, turning away, terrible realization washing over me. Anna had thought she was going to die, and she kept it from me. “To save me the pain of knowing you died, you mean?”
“Yes,” she said quietly, taking my hand. “And I’m so sorry for that.”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said, confused. “I just don’t know what to make of all this. I mean, mostly I’m just glad that you’re alive.”
“Me too,” she said.
“But, at the same time, what if you had died?” I asked. “And then I would just never know? I’d spend the rest of my life wondering about you?”
“I know, Hunter, I wasn’t thinking straight,” she said, taking my hand. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you’d forget about me after a while, and just move on.”
“Man,” I said, still totally stunned. “I don’t know, Anna. I mean, I guess that makes sense.”
I didn’t want to be mad at her, especially as this whole time I hadn’t yet told her that I had a two-year-old daughter. What would she think about that? I still didn’t know, but I hoped she would forgive me. I was upset that she would hide something so big, so fundamental from me. I was upset that there had been the possibility of her dying, and she didn’t let me spend more time with her.
“I really am sorry, Hunter,” she said. “In my defense, for what it’s worth, I was just a kid, and I was scared to death. Not really thinking straight at the time.”
“I know,” I told her, taking her hand. “I just, I wish I could have been there for you. I always want to be there for you. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”
“I wished I’d told you too,” she said, her voice growing more frantic, like she was about to cry. “It was hard. I wished you had been there.”
“Me too,” I said, pulling her close to me for a hug. “But it’s OK, Anna. You made it, thank God. That’s all we need to think about.”
“Thank you,” she said, giving in to her sobs. I stroked her back, feeling so terrible for her I thought I might cry myself.
“You poor thing,” I said. “That must have been terrifying.”
“It was,” she said, with her face still pressed against my shirt. “Hunter, there’s more to it that I have to tell you.”
“What?” I asked, a sinking feeling in my gut. What more could there possibly be?
“It was ovarian cancer,” she said slowly. “They had to take out my uterus to save my life. I can’t ever have children, Hunter.”
“Oh, God,” I said, my heart breaking in two for her. I knew how much she wanted to be a mother, and what a great mother she’d be. “Oh, Anna, that’s so awful. I’m so sorry.”
I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head as she broke down again into more tears, saying nothing. Now I understood why she got so upset every time I mentioned that she’d be a great mom, and I felt awful. Why did I keep bringing it up? I could see that it upset her, even though I didn’t understand why. I was such an idiot.
“Anna, I’m so sorry about those times I said—”
“I know,” she said, interrupting me. “You didn’t know.”
“You poor, poor thing,” I told her, stroking her back. “It’s going to be OK though.”
“Really?” she asked, looking up at me. “I was afraid to tell you, because I knew how badly you always wanted children, and—”
“Oh, Anna, of course it’s OK,” I said, suddenly understanding why she hadn’t told me before. “I can’t believe you worried about that. I love you. You and me, we’re a family. Together.”
“Thank you,” she said, squeezing me tight. “Thank you so much. God, I feel a million times better.”
“I’m glad,” I told her. “And I’m sorry that you were afraid it would be any other way.”
“I’m sorry too,” she said, and smiled. “So, now that that’s over with, what was it that you had to tell me?”
“Oh,” I said, my heart sinking. How could I tell her I had a daughter, after she just poured her heart out like that, telling me that she couldn’t have kids? I couldn’t tell her now. It would be too painful, too cruel. “That can wait for another time.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“Yeah,” I said. “I think it’s probably best that way.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Anna
Although I felt much better, and greatly relieved, I was pretty emotionally drained from telling Hunter about all of that stuff. It was painful, and it took a lot out of me. It was still fairly early in the evening when I told him that I wanted to go to bed.
“Are you tired?” I asked him.
“Not particularly,” he said. “But I’d be happy to lie in bed and cuddle with you.”
That sounded like exactly what I needed. I took Hunter’s hand as we headed up to the bedroom. I found some pajamas in the closet and started to go into the bathroom to change, but Hunter stopped me.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asked.
“Just in here to change,” I said. “Why?”
“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable naked?” he asked, smiling impishly. “I mean, you’ll have all those clothes bunching up around you when you turn over. You don’t want that, do you?”
“I’m not sure what you have in mind,” I said, trying my best not to smile, “but sure. I could sleep naked.”
“Perfect,” he said, stripping off his shirt. “That is, of course, all I had in mind. Some innocent, peaceful sleep.”
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br /> I smiled and started taking off my clothes as well, and then Hunter pulled back the covers and patted the mattress for me to lie down. I dutifully obeyed and he slipped in behind me, wrapping his hard, muscular arm around me. It was wonderful to have him there; I felt so safe and secure and loved. He kissed my shoulder and squeezed me tight.
“I love you, Anna,” he said, kissing me again. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. And I’m so glad that you ended up OK.”
“Thank you,” I said, reaching back to stroke his arm.
“We’ll make it work,” he told me. “I can’t imagine life without you.”
Hunter swept up my hair to kiss me on the neck, and I felt my fatigue disappear suddenly as waves of desire started to wash over me. I let out a soft, quiet sigh. He brushed his lips against me again, and this time I reached back to pull him closer, pressing myself against him. I could feel that he, too, was starting to feel something.
He ran his hand down my side, tantalizingly slow, and I could feel his cock pressed against my backside, getting harder and harder.
“You make me want you so much,” he whispered, cupping my breast. He started to rock his hips against me. I didn’t say anything, but pressed myself harder against his body. “Oh yeah? Do you like that?” he said, his voice deep and raspy.
He reached up to my face, and touched my parted lips with his fingers. I opened my mouth further, and he slipped his finger inside. I closed my teeth down on it, gently, and ran my tongue along his skin.
“Fuck that’s hot,” he said, and started running his fingers in and out of my mouth, along my tongue. “Oh, Anna.”
He took his fingers from my mouth, still wet, and brushed them along my skin, down my torso until he reached between my legs. I took a deep breath as he stroked his hand against me, teasing me. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I reached behind him to take his hardness in my hand and put it right where I wanted it, between my thighs. He lifted my leg and expertly slid inside me with one smooth motion, taking my breath away.
He stayed just like that, holding my thigh and pushing himself inside of me, over and over. I swiveled my hips into him, wanting more of him, wanting him to fill me up completely.