I imagined her laughing, mocking me. Her phantom traipsed around my things, crept toward me in the vanity. Despite knowing she’d hung herself after a psychotic break a few years prior, the memory of her lingered within me.
I spun back to the mirror, gazing at my image as I imagined her creeping up behind me and ducking down beside me, surveying the man I had become…at least, a man compared to the child she’d known.
Katherine was my friend, my savior, my enemy.
“Liars, all of them,” she told me. She was one to talk—maybe the greatest liar who had ever deceived me.
I cringed as tears welled in my eyes. “Boss isn’t a liar.”
“Not yet, but he would be, same as the rest.”
That didn’t make it any easier to endure his rejection, especially after I’d learned he could give me what I needed. Oh, he had hurt me so much, shaken me to my core, to the point where I’d forgotten to shout spade. He was one of us. Had always been one of us, whether he wanted to believe it or not.
“Guys don’t leave you, Nick. You leave them.” She was right. Guys didn’t fucking leave me. I decided when the game was over, just as I had with Two…and Assface…and all those other bastards.
Boss had driven a blade right through my chest. Why had he hurt me?
Why had Two hurt me?
“Because they all hurt you,” Katherine said, picking the thought right from my brain. She’d been the master of reading my thoughts…or manipulating them, I could never be sure. In a way, I’d always been her apprentice, even long after we escaped, even after her death. She’d taught me the ways of the mind, through my own. Through every door she crept through, I’d learned the weaknesses of my enemies, and throughout my life, I had learned how guys like Boss operated, how to crawl inside their heads and burrow there to drive them mad.
It wasn’t just about my skill in infecting the human mind, no, but about doing as Katherine had done with me—finding that special person, the one who would let me in, crack the door open enough for me to shove the rest of the way through. Just as she had done with me.
I reached out and caressed the vanity mirror.
A mirror, yes…that’s all I was, pushing into their minds to reflect their real selves back to them.
My wicked liars.
My fucking liars.
You goddamn liars!
All I could see was Katherine’s phantom, laughing, practically cackling at my failure.
Where had I gone wrong with Boss? How did I fail where I had succeeded with so many others?
I imagined seeing Boss and Two around campus, out at the bar. They would hold hands, kiss, do anything to flaunt their freedom in front of me.
Two, you lost.
And yet, if he was a part of Boss’s victory, perhaps they were both to blame for my pain.
Faggots, both of them.
He left me.
“He left you,” Katherine said, still laughing at me.
I grabbed the cylindrical container of pomade resting on the vanity table and bashed it against the mirror. Again and again, striking and succeeding at breaking through the glass.
“You. Are. Mine!” I called out to a world that couldn’t hear me, that had never heard me when I cried out.
I bashed the mirror recklessly, feeling broken shards cutting into the sides of my hand as they tore free.
When I was done, I tossed the container aside and grabbed what remained of the mirror, yanking it free of the table, tearing the wood that connected them, then hitting it against the table repeatedly to finish off what remained of what I had made a villain, the personification of Boss’s transgression.
No, not transgression. He hadn’t passed the test yet. I hadn’t even given him a chance to fail it, but why? I’d known, somewhere within me, that he wasn’t ready. Maybe I’d acted too soon, too impulsively, out of fear of Two sharing the truth with him.
Only a slim piece of broken wood remained in my hand, and I chucked it to the other side of the room, against the wall, which it drove into for a moment before plummeting to the floor with the rest of the debris.
I assessed the mess once again, then looked to my feet, where a long, curved shard of mirror reflected my face back to me.
“It’s not over,” Katherine seemed to be saying, but I knew it was just some inspiration within me, some determination to keep on fighting.
“No, it’s not over until I fucking say it is.”
I clawed at my arms, arching my spine and gnashing my teeth, as though transforming into some sort of monster.
In the back of my mind, a child named Nick called out for me to stop…but King couldn’t.
Not yet.
Four days passed from Two’s exile and Boss’s slight against me.
Time, yes…taking time was everything. If anyone knew the importance of patience when it came to this delicate game, it was me. Time was my friend, just as it had been when I’d delayed each encounter with Boss, same as I had done for Two, One, Hole, and all those who had come before them.
There’s a special cruelty to leaving a man waiting, wanting, desiring.
Oh, the tricks it plays on the mind, even my own as I bided my time, my thoughts waging war against one another as I convinced myself again and again that it might be over.
Yet, I had to have faith.
Faith in the process.
Faith in my talents.
When I finally messaged Boss, it was a simple exchange:
ME: Meet me at the house.
BOSS: ?
ME: Come on, Boss. I want to talk to you guys.
BOSS: So I can bring Ryan?
Why did he use his real name? Fuck him! Fuck him!
ME: That’s fine. Just come for a chat. :)
My hands trembled through the exchange. Adrenaline coursed through me, excitement about the game being back on.
Patience, I had to remind myself all the way up to our meeting, when I sat, nude, in the sling set up in the basement, Hole kneeling before me.
One let Two and Boss in, then found a place opposite Hole and knelt before me.
Two and Boss eyed me from the doorway, glancing around the room, as though fearing some physical trap. I was certain they both knew the trap was set…and it would slip so effortlessly from my lips.
You’re mine, Boss, not Two’s.
Two had crossed the line, and fortunately, my One had caught him chatting up Assface, in a way that roused his suspicion, and reported his crime to me so we could keep watch and expose his treachery. Two sins he had committed against me, but I chose to exile him for the one publicly to keep Boss from knowing about the other.
I am his ruler. I decide what he should know.
“Are the guys gonna stick around while we chat?” Boss asked.
I sat up in the sling, resting my hand on one of the poles by my side.
“One and Hole, you are excused. I’ll let you know when I need you again.”
They excused themselves, walking between Two and Boss, eyeing them with the contempt they surely believed they needed to display on my behalf. They had been good to me the past few days, when I needed reminders that I could reclaim my throne in Boss’s heart and mind.
I wouldn’t lose to a traitor, no.
But it wouldn’t be much of a fight. Two appeared weak. Boss was far more confident, though his confidence was what I’d used to draw him in the first time, and I assured myself I could do it once again.
“Close and lock the door and come closer, boys,” I said, not respecting them with their previous titles.
Boss glanced me over, in that familiar way he had of trying to read what I was thinking…something he wasn’t terribly good at.
They stepped inside, closing the door behind them, leaving us in the quiet of the space, the only sound the humming of the air conditioner. As they approached, I didn’t get up from the sling. I reveled in the silence, if only because for a moment, all those voices that had been activated by his abandonment had finally qui
eted.
Boss said, “Did you want to talk, or should we just stand here staring at you?”
“But don’t you like staring at me? Don’t you like how hard I’m already getting just from seeing you?” I lounged in the seat so he could get a look at everything he and Two were missing as they kept to themselves.
Two bit his bottom lip. In his gaze, I could feel that fucking deceitful bastard’s hunger for me.
Why had he failed me? Why did they all have to fail me?
I reached back and glanced at one of the cuffs I’d affixed to the contraption to bind my wrists.
I noted the way Boss’s brows pulled together. “Ah, my suspicious Boss…reminds me of when I first met you. Trying desperately to figure out what I’m thinking by asking you both to come here tonight.”
“Doesn’t take a psychic for that one. I should go ahead and let you know, I didn’t respect your privacy.”
I ground my teeth.
“Guess that makes me a liar, same as Two,” he continued.
“Not quite the same as what Two did, though, is it? You walked away from the knights before Two talked to you, so there wasn’t a way for you to break your oath anymore. A little like breaking up with a boyfriend and then going and fucking a stranger. Can’t call it cheating anymore, can you? No, Two’s crime is his own. Although, I have been considering his crime and your loyalty to your fellow knight. Admirable, really. What if I offered you both a chance to return?”
“You would never,” Two said.
“Wouldn’t I, Two? Have I always seemed such an unjust king to you? Harsh, yes. Hasty, even, but if anything, I have always been fair. When the rules are broken, I must punish. Boss has reminded me that as the ruler, I have the power to redeem as well.”
“Why now?” Two asked.
Because no one leaves me.
“I have my reasons, but of course, among them, is the awareness that if my loyal knight saw so much in you that he would pledge his loyalty to you, perhaps I should see it within myself to give you another chance.”
Two’s expression relaxed, as though the mere suggestion of allowing him to return was enough to set his distressed mind at ease.
Yes, yes. I still have power over them.
“Come back as my knights. Take my body tonight. Bind me and pledge your loyalty once again with a fuck, and the crime will be not forgotten, but forgiven.”
“And we start again?” Boss asked. “With the rules, I mean. And you wait for us to misstep all over again? Is that the plan?”
I worked to hide my motives, even from myself, as he assessed my expression.
“You set this game up to be lost, by each knight. You make rules we can’t possibly play by forever, and why? To set yourself up for disappointment? To keep telling yourself that you’ll always be able to find another fucking liar? After all, what use is an honest man to a King of Liars?”
My hands trembled as the blood in my face drained.
Damn him, if he could read me in that moment. Damn him!
“You haven’t lied to me,” I explained. “You and Hole and One have been loyal.”
“But it’s only a matter of time until we’re exiled, same as you did with Ryan and Corey and who knows how many others.”
“What’s the point of taking an oath to keep rules if you can’t keep them?” I asked, but I was upset with myself for the way I practically spit the words at Boss.
I was slipping, losing my cool. I had to stay in control. And I knew where I had the advantage. “Two, I know you care about me. You want this, to be a knight. I saw the expression on your face when I kicked you out. Don’t you want Boss to join us and for us to go back to the way things were?”
“I… King…” he stammered.
“Leave him alone,” Boss said. “We see this for what it is now. You’re fucked-up therapy for your past with this Katherine—”
“Stop,” I said so quietly it even surprised me, but really because I was screaming within.
I could feel her hands on my body, her lips around my shaft. Helping me, she’d said. Protecting me. The mystical forces of the universe had urged her to violate me…so many fucking times.
Boss rolled his eyes. “Fine. You keep playing your game. But you’re doing it without us.”
“Two?” I asked, making eye contact with him.
His gaze shifted between Boss and me before settling on me once again. Yes, he just needed to look at me, remember all I could give him, all I had already given him.
“King, you need help,” Two said.
“Then stay with me. Stay and help me.”
Two shook his head, his eyes watering. “This isn’t the way, and you know it.” He swallowed, clearly struggling. “We have to go.”
Boss turned and took his hand, heading toward the door.
As they neared it, I leaned forward in the sling and pushed to my feet. Now Boss was leaving me again, and Two had the chance to walk away as well.
No, no, no!
Rage surged through me. “Stop!” I demanded, which halted them in place.
Boss glanced over his shoulder as I started toward them. He turned around, surely intimidated by how quickly I approached.
“Stay and fuck me,” I went on. “One last time. That’s all I need. One more sick fuck for the road.”
Boss took in my expression, just as he’d done so many times before.
“You know it feels like fire when we touch,” I added. “You know no drug can give you what you get with me. Don’t you want to feel that pleasure? Don’t you want a moment to escape all your pain? Let me be your escape.”
“No one’s falling for it anymore, Sy,” Boss said, starting to turn.
“You’re running because you know you’d fail me,” I snapped back. “It’s inevitable, because you’re both the liars I knew you for when we first met. You’re fucking bastard liars! Just accept it!”
“Yes, we’re liars,” Boss said, “because we’re fucking human. Goodbye, Sy.”
He turned, and Two held my gaze for a moment before turning with him.
I felt as if Katherine were standing just past them, shaking her head in shame.
Unless I did something drastic, it was over. Really over.
Never.
20
Two
Aiden wasn’t wrong about any of it. King wanted to see us fail. He wanted to prove we were the liars he claimed we’d been all along.
Before I knew about his past, I could tell myself everything was okay. I was fucked up and looking for an outlet for my pain. But now that I knew about King’s darkness, to keep playing his game was only hurting him that much more.
Aiden and I had to go before we made a mistake.
As I grabbed hold of the doorknob, I heard a sound—something primal—and turned to see King lunge at Aiden.
He punched and kicked, his body going through a violent tantrum unlike anything I’d ever seen from him. His face locked in a cringe, he kicked Aiden in the crotch.
As Aiden bowed, King took advantage, knocking him to the floor and pouncing on top of him. He was shouting the whole time, though I only seemed to make sense of the words as he began punching into Aiden’s face. “You ruined everything! You destroyed everything!” he yelled, his voice shrill.
“King!” I stooped down and seized his arm, yanking him away from Aiden. “Stop it! Stop it!”
But the thrashing continued, and his nails dug into my cheek.
“Fuck!” I called out as he drew blood.
Aiden recovered from his attack and hurried to his feet, grabbing King by his other arm to restrain him.
“No! No, let me go!” He managed to get away briefly, but then continued his attack on me.
As soon as Aiden managed to pull him away, King clawed at his own face.
“This is what you do to me! Don’t you see how you’re hurting me!”
I seized his wrist to keep him from hurting himself.
“Get him to the sling,” Aiden said, and
I immediately knew what he was up to.
“Let me go! Let me go, you traitors! Fucking lying traitors!”
We lay him in the sling and cuffed his wrists, hoping to restrain him, keep him safe while he had his outburst. His face was red, the marks on his cheeks visible, surely matching the ones he’d given me.
“Is this what you want, Two?” His brown eyes glistened as they watered. “Do you want to control me like this? Go ahead! Fuck me! Give it to me! You know that’s what you want! Go ahead. Show your master how much you despise him truly! The reason why you fucking lie! Why you all fucking lie!” He rattled the cuffs as he continued to struggle against them.
I could tell by how aggressive he was that he was only hurting his wrists the more he fought. “Please stop, Your Majesty!”
“Don’t act like I am your King as you betray me! Ahhh!” He howled like some kind of animal.
I heard a knock at the door, then another.
“King?” One’s voice came from the other side.
“Let us in! If you hurt him, you’re both dead!” Hole shouted, followed by the sound of one of them—Hole, I imagined—thrusting himself against the door.
King howled again, then chuckled. He continued until it escalated into a laugh. “They’re coming to save me, but they’re just like you, aren’t they? Just waiting to fucking tear me apart. Two, you know what you are. You know what you did to me.”
“Stop it. Just stop it!” Aiden said, moving right before King and leaning into him.
King sucked in before spitting, the wad landing on Aiden’s forehead. “This is what you did to my kingdom! You fucking ruined everything! You think you’re better than the rest, but you’re not. You’d do the same thing as the rest. All of you will.”
Another thud came from the door. The frame snapped, and Hole and One hurried inside.
Aiden raised his hands.
“He’s hurting himself!” I called out.
“No, you’re hurting me,” King said. “You’re fucking killing me!” He continued twisting in the sling. He shouted, unprovoked, as though waging some war in his own mind.
Hole and One moved closer, but it was evident by their expressions that they were as shocked as Aiden and I were to witness King in the middle of some psychotic episode.
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