I sighed… again, “I’m not uncomfortable Landon. It’s just… distracting is all.” I admitted.
This time he laughed, “so you’re mad ‘cause you think I’m hot and you are afraid you can’t avoid temptation?” he asked wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes, and then he continued. “You don’t have to worry. I won’t let you touch me we’re working on being friends. Friends don’t feel up friends. Keep your hands to yourself and stop checking me out. You’ll be fine.”
Bastard. He thinks he’s funny. I turned to lie on my side giving him my back. Discussion over, I heard him chuckling. After a while his laughing stop and he sighed and got comfortable. A second later I felt him arm come around me and he applied pressure to pull me closer. I grabbed his arm and picked it up, “friends don’t spoon with friends Landon.” I sneered.
“Friends cuddle with each other, Lucy. Now come here and stop fucking around so I can go to sleep.”
I shook my head and moved as close to the edge as possible. If he wanted to tease me then he could hold his goddamn self. When he didn’t say or do anything more I tried to get more comfortable and closed my eyes trying to find sleep. The next thing I knew the blanket was tossed off of me. I flipped onto my back and looked to see Landon watching me with his eyebrows raised. I’m not caving. I turned back to my side. I’ll get the blanket back eventually… right now it was all about defiance. I was busy basking in my victory that I didn’t notice when Landon snuck his arm underneath me. By the time I realized what was happening it was too late. He lifted me off the bed and against his chest and then plopped down onto his back. I tried to struggle but he had an iron grip on me. He held me as he sat up to grab the blanket and pull it up over us. I tried to get free some more until a hand landed on my ass, hard. I yelped. The bastard slapped my ass!
“Stay still and go to sleep Lucy. Cut your shit.” He muttered.
“Didn’t I say that we wasn’t cuddling or spooning?” I asked him
“We’re not doing either. I’m holding you against your will. Now that we have that established… stop moving because I’m not letting go and Take. Your. Ass. To. Bed.” He demanded. I huffed but complied. I knew I wasn’t going to win this fight, and if I’m being honest with myself... I really don’t want to.
The next morning I woke up with my legs entangled with Landon’s. My cheek was pressed against his hard naked chest with my hand resting on his godly abs. His strong arm was wrapped around me pressing me tight against him with his hand resting on my ass. Pretty fucking awesome way to wake up if you ask me. I closed my eyes again, because I started having thoughts of licking his chest. I needed it out of my line of vision.
“I know you’re awake,” Landon said and I felt the rumble in his chest against my cheek. I kept my eyes closed and pretended to be asleep. “Luucyyyy” he said in a singsong voice. I smiled, but didn’t open my eyes. “I’m hungry Lucy.” He said, and it’s like his stomach heard him and agreed. It grumbled, loud. We both laughed.
“Fine fatty. I’m getting up.” I told him and went to sit up. His grip tightened and I couldn’t move. I laughed.
“You know I can’t get up if you do that right?” I asked him.
“Ok… food.” He said.
I tried to get up again and he held me down. I laughed harder, “Landon?” I said.
“Lucy?” was his response.
I tried again and he still held me still, “do you want to eat or not? Because we’re not going to get any food this way.” I told him.
He laughed. “Fine.” He said and moved his arm off me.
I sat up and stretched and turned to him, “how long were you up anyway?” I asked.
“About 30 minutes I think.” He said with a shrug.
I was confused, “so why didn’t you get up then if you were hungry silly?” I asked.
Another shrug, “I didn’t want to wake you.” He said simply as if it was the obvious answer. Well shit, what do you say to that? I couldn’t think of anything so I didn’t, I just gave him a goofy grin. I heard Nick’s voice so I assumed Mel was up also.
We got up and got ready for the day. We figured we’d grab food and hit the slopes. We got a huge meal that we shared. Naturally Landon and Nick devoured most of it. We went to a shop and got ski gear and then they led us over to the slopes. Maybe that was a stretch; they took us to the kiddiest one they could find which to them was hilarious. Whatever, I didn’t know what I was doing so I was ok with it. They gave us instructions on what to do but they went in one ear and out the other. I was busy watching the people around us and tried memorizing what they were doing. It looked easy enough. When Landon said for us to try, Mel went first and didn’t do too bad. I tried to go forward and fell down, immediately. I had snow up my nose… it’s not as easy as it looks.
After about 2 or 3 hours we had the hang of it and were able to step up to a decent one. Nick and Landon were excited to finally be able to ski, I felt a little bad they had to babysit us but they didn’t seem to mind. Actually, they were extremely amused while we showed how badly we sucked. We stayed skiing for a few more hours before we grabbed lunch. After that we went back and stayed on the slope until it got dark out. The boys told us that we were calling it a day. They didn’t want us skiing when it was dark since we were still learning. They said it was pretty dangerous if you didn’t know what you were doing. It made my heart warm from seeing their concern for our safety.
We went back to our rooms and changed. The guys said they wanted for us to throw on something nice for dinner tonight… well alright then. We found out why, they took us out to a really nice place. Landon and I sat on one side of the candle lit booth with Nick and Mel on the other. It wasn’t until midway through the meal that I realized that this was like a double date. Landon and I had tasted each other’s dinner. We had a bottle of wine. He never broke contact unless he was eating. His arm was around me or he was holding my hand or his hand was on my leg. After dinner was finished we split dessert since I was full and just being greedy because I mean that cake looked fucking delicious in the picture. He fed me the little I ate and we used the same fork. At one point he even used his finger to wipe some chocolate from the corner of my mouth and then sucked it off his finger… talk about sexy. We took our time at the restaurant and when we got back to the cabin it was a little after 9. We all sat on the couches in front of the TV and we put on a scary movie. The lights were off and we had the surround sound on giving the movie theater effect. Halfway through the movie when I was scared out of my ever-loving mind, I hopped in Landon’s lap so he could protect me. At some point Mel must’ve had the same thought, but instead they moved to the floor where she laid back against Nick’s chest as she sat between his legs and he was holding her tight. Landon held me for the rest of the movie occasionally placing kisses on my shoulders, neck, and hair. We watched Think Like a Man next, we needed some laughs so there were no nightmares tonight. Mel had changed the movie and went back to her previous spot while I stayed rooted where I was. When the second movie was over we all went to bed.
The following day we went to a better slope with a little steeper hill and we rode that until nighttime with just food breaks. Mel and I both had improved tremendously since yesterday. It was really cold out so we ordered pizza tonight instead. We played some cards and had some drinks, it was a really great day overall and we got some awesome pictures I couldn’t wait to upload. Dean called to check-in and we passed the phone around. I was the last to speak to him, and when I hung up I got a glimpse of Landon’s screensaver. It was a picture of me on the slopes with a huge smile on my face. I wasn’t looking at him, but I was facing his way. I’m not sure when he took it, but it was actually a really nice picture. I cut the screen dark before I handed it back. He didn’t tell me about the picture and didn’t mention the screensaver, I think because he wanted it for himself. I’ll let him keep it for him.
It was Sunday morning and our last day here. We’ll be leaving tomorrow. It was the coldest day ye
t, and we were bundled up. We went back to the same slope as the day before. After lunch however, the guys wanted to hit the big one but didn’t want to leave us. Me and Mel being the soldiers that we are, argued that we wanted to try it too so we should go. After 15 minutes of fighting they finally relented and we went over to the big boy slope. I was super excited, this was a real slope and it was then I realized how much they’ve been holding back because of us. When we got to the top and were about to go down, fear struck me. It’s more intimidating than I initially thought. Landon must’ve seen the worry on me and came over.
“It looks worse than it is,” he told me.
I nodded, but I was still unsure. He came up in front of me and grabbed my hands, “Lucy I’ll be there with you, right next to you the whole time. Ok?” he asked. I nodded again. He sighed, “Listen… how can I let anything happen to you?” he paused and I met his eyes. That appeared to be what he was waiting for. He took another step closer to me and whispered, “do you think I’d let anything happen to you Lucy?” he asked.
I shook my head, because no. He wouldn’t let anything happen to me if he could help it. He wouldn’t hurt me or let me get hurt intentionally. I know I’m afraid to let him in, but that is because of unconscious decisions he makes on his part. But would he let me knowingly get hurt? No. I knew that deep down.
“Let me hear it Lucy, do you think I’ll let anything happen to you?” he asked again.
“No Landon. You won’t let me get hurt.” I told him honestly. I thought about it for a beat and admitted what I’ve felt for a while now but was scared to think about it. “I trust you.” I said softly. His eyes warmed. He knew that those words weren’t just about the slope. That was the thing that was missing for us to build the bridge between us. One simple word, trust. Five little letters meant so much, it’s crazy. With those three words it’s like the brick wall between us fell to fucking pieces in an instant, and I was half hoping and half expecting for him to kiss me… but he didn’t. Instead he squeezed my hands and hugged me.
When he pulled back he nodded and gave me a smile before saying, “let’s do this then. You’ll be great Lucy.” Those words boosted me up enough to be ready to do it.
We ran down the slope with them a few times before Mel and I were too cold. We left them for a few to grab some hot chocolate. We decided to bring some back for them. When we got back and found them they were standing with a group of girls. The girl in the front was talking to Landon and I can see she wanted him from where I was. My stomach twisted, fuck. This is what I’ve been scared of all this time. I knew it wouldn’t take long. My chest began to ache when I realized not that long ago I finally let go and decided to trust him. It’s always when I get my hopes up they get fucking crushed. I felt my eyes start to sting, god I can’t cry. This is why I kept my distance, because I knew history would only keep repeating itself.
When we got close we could hear the conversation, “you guys are so good at this, would you mind helping?” the girl asked Landon.
“Uh, I mean I don’t know how we could really help you?” he said more as a question than a statement.
The girl giggled and twirled her hair, “you could show us your moves you know? I would kill to be that good.” She said flirtatiously.
I heard Mel growl. Great, she’s picking up on their bad habits. As we got closer the girls eyes flicked up and caught mine for about five seconds. She returned her gaze to Landon and asked, “I thought I saw you guys with some girls earlier… was that your girlfriends?” she asked.
Nick nodded and Landon sighed then answered, “I’m… we’re not dating, no.” the pain in my chest intensified. Ok I know that was a bit unfair. That’s what we told everyone because it was true. But I felt like this was déjà vu… again!
We were in their space now when she replied, “Oh so that means you’re available then? Are you staying at one of the hotels?” she asked.
I interrupted and thrust the hot chocolate in his face. “Here.” Was all I said and turned away. I grabbed my gear and put it on. When I was done I had a million thoughts running through my head at once. I didn’t want to think about this, I didn’t want to fucking care. I needed to distract myself. I looked at the slope and decided that was the best way. I got there as fast as I could and let go. Only it wasn’t the freeing experience I was looking for. I was bombarded with memories of every time he fucking hurt me. The images and memories flashed through my brain like a slideshow. So I kept pushing myself harder and harder. I didn’t realize I wasn’t really paying attention until I heard my name…
“LUCY!” It was like I was pulled out of my brain and I took in my surroundings. Somehow I’ve veered off track and was headed straight towards a tree. I became so afraid I couldn’t think of how to stop or anything other than this is going to fucking hurt. I closed my eyes before I made contact with the tree and felt the breath leave my lungs.
I felt the snow everywhere skin was exposed. My body felt heavy, and I panicked. I must have a few things broken because I couldn’t move certain parts of my body. I wiggled my fingers and toes so I figured I wasn’t paralyzed but my breath was still ragged. I was having a hard time getting air in. hopefully Mel finds me wherever I’m at. A few seconds later some of the tension on my body lifted and I was able to breath. Oh My God, I’m dead now… shit. I didn’t want to die! “Lucy” I heard on a harsh whisper. Fuck, god is calling for me. I don’t want to go! I’m going to miss Mel and Max and Erica and Nick and even fucking Landon and Dean. I’m too young to die you bastard send me back! “Lucy?” he said again… “Please don’t… send me back I’m not ready to die!” I told him.
“Fuck are you talking about? Lucy what’s wrong?” I slowly opened my eyes and saw the sky. Alright cool, I’m not dead and shit I’m breathing again. I looked around and my eyes met another pair. I’d know those dead or alive.
“Landon?” I asked. Please tell me I’m not crazy or hallucinating.
“WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR FUCKING ASS!” he responded.
Whoa. So I’m not dead, but I’m going to be.
“Landon!” I said with a sigh. What the fuck ever crawled up his ass and died… I don’t fucking care. I’m alive and he’s here.
“Lucy! What the fuck? Are you trying to kill me?” he asked
“Kill you? I thought I was dead… and what the shit did I do to you?” I responded realizing that he was mad at me.
“What did you do to me?” he asked. He seemed to think for 1.5 seconds before he responded again, and he went off… and that’s a fucking understatement “you need to worry about what I’m going to do to you. I know I said I’d never hurt you but goddamn girl I want to fucking strangle you right now! You took fucking ten years off my life in how many fucking minutes. What in the world were you doing going to a tree? You fucking trying to kill yourself? If you want to fucking die NOW IS THE FUCKING TIME TO SAY SO ‘CAUSE THE WAY I FEEL I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU! I’m looking in your eyes and I’m so grateful to see them but I’ve never been this fucking mad at you… ever. Fuck that. You’re getting your ass kicked either way. It’s fucking happening and if you think I’m sleeping with you tonight that shit is fucking dead. I can’t believe you would do that shit to me. And it’s not just me, so why? That’s what I need to know. What the fuck went on in that basket ass fucking brain of yours that you thought this was a good fucking idea?” I just stared. “FUCKING ANSWER ME LUCY! DO NOT FUCK WITH ME RIGHT NOW. I’m so fucking mad, you aren’t even fucking safe.”
“Landon relax” I heard Mel say
“Don’t get involved… THAT isn’t your business. I’m fucking mad at her ass too and he has every right to beat her ass right here right now. So shut up before you’re on the same fucking boat because I know you feel the same.” That was Nick…
“FUCKING LEAVE! NOW!” Landon yelled. I heard footsteps and shuffling and then silence. I knew we were alone, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit scared. I�
��ve never dealt with this Landon before. His eyes narrowed and his voice got deceptively soft, “what were you thinking Lucy?” he asked.
“Did you kiss her?” I asked.
His head reared back, “what?”
“You heard me. Did you kiss her?” I asked again. This was not the time for him to play dumb.
“Did I kiss who? What are you talking about?” he looked confused as he spoke.
“Your new friend. I want to know if you fucking kissed her!” I said with the tightening in my chest worse than ever.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me. That’s what this whole thing is about? I told you that all that shit was done. Then you tell me earlier that you trusted me… finally. You see someone come to us flirting and the first thing you assume is that I put my mouth on her?” he shook his head. “That’s not trust Lucy and I knew you didn’t mean it when you said it.” he got off of me completely and stood up then shook his head again. “There’s no winning with you is there? I’m always going to be the fucking bad guy no matter what I do. I thought we were making progress but we’re not. I think I need to fucking give this up.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m out. I’ll see you later Lucy.” He said while he turned and walked away from me.
I pushed myself up on my elbows and watched him walk away. I took in my surroundings and saw the tree that I thought I hit, not too far away. Landon must’ve pushed me out of the way and that’s how he somehow landed on top of me. I wanted to run after him and finish talking. I wanted an answer to my goddamn question. I wanted my chest to stop hurting. I wanted to know what just happened. I wanted Landon to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I wanted… what? I plopped back down into the snow and sighed. I wanted him to fucking love me. I wanted him to just want me. I just… wanted him. I wanted to fucking slap the shit out him. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to believe that all these years all I’ve felt was hate towards him. I wanted to run away and never look back. I wanted to be someone else. I wanted a different life than this. I wanted stability and certainty. This time when my eyes stung I welcomed it. I wanted to cry, god I wanted to cry. Maybe the tears will help me.
Losing Her (The Lexington Series Book 1) Page 28