“Except when I fought Samael.”
I remembered the scar on his arm. Of course. I knew he wouldn’t want to talk about it. I’d save my questions for another day. “I’d love to hear some of your stories sometime,” I admitted.
“I’d love to tell them to you.” He looked back to my father, “There will come a time when we aren’t surrounded by our friends and family.”
“Oh yeah?” I moved closer to him, his words drawing a cloaking spell around the two of us.
“Yeah.” He drew out the word, waves of angelic pleasure rolled from his body. He was almost purring. “Maybe we can sneak away tonight. Just to another part of the church.”
I looked over at the group, “Is that a good idea?”
“This building is safe. It is consecrated ground. No daemon can enter here.”
“But I’m here. I entered.”
“You, my love, are different. You must understand that by now.”
“Yes, I do. And I’m learning more every day.” He was standing so close to me now.
Ten minutes ago I told Ben and Ava I loved Orrin, and here I was cuddling up to Cyrus. I didn’t know my own mind anymore. I just knew that loving two men was tearing me apart, and I couldn’t seem to bring myself to care. The torture of loving them both was an even better drug to my senses than alcohol ever could have been. Love dulled my senses and made Samael’s threat disappear
I backed up before I could crawl up his body, but he pulled back, “Where can we go to be alone?”
He touched his lips to my hair and almost growled, “I don’t know what has been worse, centuries of waiting for you, or the past few days of having you and not being able to finally have you.”
“You don’t have to wait any longer. I’m right here.”
Cyrus laughed, “That was brazen.”
“It’s not as if you haven’t read my mind. You already know how I feel about you. What I want to do with you. To you. What I want you to do to me.”
“It’s not that simple.” Cyrus countered shaking my roving hands from his tense body.
“It is.” I grinned grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the stairs.
“We have time,” he began. “I’m not about to take you in a church.”
I pouted, “But who knows when we will get any time alone again.”
“You mean time when Orrin isn’t here.”
My shoulders fell. My daemon didn’t like the sound of Orrin’s name on his lips, but I held it in. “Yes. Exactly. I don’t know when we will have time without him interrupting.”
“Layla, this church is on consecrated ground. It is a holy place.”
“Are you trying to kill the mood?”
“No,” he laughed, “On the contrary. I’m trying to tell you that we have time tonight for other things, after we get everything settled. I will be keeping you with me the whole night through. Daemons cannot set foot in a sanctuary. We are safe from Samael’s interruptions,” He smiled with the first hint of deviousness I could remember, “And Orrin’s too.”
“Ahh.” I finally understood, “Orrin can’t come in the church either.”
I didn’t know how I actually felt about that.
19
“What does the book say about previous attacks?”
My father was carefully turning the pages of one of the previously unwrapped books and swatting at Ava’s anxious hands. She wasn’t allowed to touch any of the tomes my father and Kevin had removed from their old hidden crates. It was pissing her off, but making me giggle.
“I’m still searching. Although to be truthful, I don’t know exactly what I’m looking for.”
“Maybe you should let me help,” Ava grumbled and laced her eager fingers together.
Cyrus had explained to all three of us young girls that throughout history Samael rarely made an attack himself. Such things were beneath him, especially since he had countless generals and daemon armies under his command. Every daemon, Vile and Vagabond, were his to command- including Orias, which was one reason why Orrin didn’t trust him or the message he gave me while gleaning.
Cyrus couldn’t read my thoughts while we were in a sanctuary, or else he would have agreed with me. We should have called my mom by now. She was an angel. She would know better than any of us how to fight Samael. But, I just kept my mouth shut.
“Is that a picture of him?” Ava asked peering over my father’s shoulder. I craned my neck to see too.
“Yes, that is one man’s view of him.”
We all stopped to gaze at the small black and white face of a tall, thin and handsome man, who at first glance appeared ordinary, but his expression lacked any life. Whoever drew this picture did an excellent job at capturing his soullessness.
“What do you mean, one man’s view of him?” Bennet asked.
Kevin jumped in, “Samael was not like other angels. He was the most powerful. And he still is, just not in Heaven anymore. He, like many otherworldly beings have the ability to change their appearance based on the needs or perceptions of others.”
“So, you’re saying Samael appears in different forms? He has different faces?” I asked now.
“You have all heard about how he came to Eve as a snake in the Garden of Eden. He has been seen as Black Man, a ram, the black mist, a bat, moth…countless disguises. He wears many faces in his human form as well. But to look upon him can be…bewildering.”
Ben snickered, “Bewildering. Good word. Can you break it down further?”
Cyrus raised one brow, “This is no joke.”
“I’m sorry. I know,” she sobered. “It’s just who I am. I joke about everything. Please go on. We really want to know.”
“Fine then,” Cyrus looked to me, “Samael’s face is different to every person because he has the ability to see the sins most humans try to hide. He uses your weakness, your desires and insecurities to gain your trust. And ultimately take your soul.”
A cold slice of dread cut through me with the image Cyrus’ words conjured.
Did he mean me too?
How could I fight someone who knew all my weakness?
“James? Anything?” Kevin said his name after minutes of silence.
My dad rolled his neck, “You try. There are countless entries from daemonologists before our time. None of them give mention to the black water or the scar.”
“I wish we had some kind of database where we could cross reference entries.” Kevin said.
“Well, until the churches can agree on one direction and the rest of the organization can move into the current century, it’s not going to happen.”
“There’s more than just Heath that thinks technology will run itself into the ground.”
“Orrin.” I corrected, “His name isn’t Heath. It’s Orrin. It always has been.”
Kevin’s brow furrowed as he replayed his own words, “Oh, sorry. I wasn’t even aware that slipped out. I guess I will always have trouble knowing him as anything other than Heath. I studied Orrin. I have known of him most of my adult life. I just have a hard time grasping that they’re the same person. Sorry.”
“Never mind. Its fine,” I shrugged guiltily, settling closer into the crook of Cyrus’ arm.
I was disturbed by the simple use of that name. Heath. Orrin’s judgement and life spent as Heath Darringer was something I could never reconcile. As Orrin, he loved me, he was mine, and there was nothing that could separate us. As Heath he loved Daisy, he was a changed man who didn’t remember me. Now he was an incomparable mixture of the two- an enigma to me.
“These books, for all their entries and information are useless in the fight.” Cyrus added frowning at his friends, “I think the words I am looking for are I told you so.”
“So you did, old man,” Kevin added, “But this is our life’s work. Don’t make light of it too quickly. I’ll contact the head of the organization and see if they can put us in contact…”
“Are you kidding me?” Cyrus interrupted him, “We can go right
to the source. Don’t tiptoe around the solution just because you think it’s going to upset James. You know we could just ask the angels.”
Finally. I knew what they were talking about and I nodded “Mom. Call mom. She’ll know something.”
My dad sighed heavily, “She’s probably already here, or listening at least. I can’t feel her like Layla or Cyrus can. As the man that loves her I know she has never been far away from me, but she’s like a plague to my heart that way.”
“Oh, dad, quit being dramatic.” I waved him away. “You knew she never died. You always knew she was alive. You knew there was something going on with her.”
“And you think that makes it easier, knowing she was watching us? Knowing that she is here but never really here? She is always here for you, and I am thankful for that. But you should know that surviving your mother was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.”
“Sorry,” My face fell and my eyes followed. “You’ve never said anything like that about her before.”
Dad looked around the room, “Everyone in this room knows what it means to lose someone they love. But you’re not the only one who knows what it feels like to live apart from the one that you love because they picked another life without you.”
He had me there. I shut up thoroughly chastised.
“James, you don’t need to…”
“You don’t have to defend me against my father.” I whispered Cyrus off, wanting the whole scene to just go away.
“He’s not just your father. He’s my friend, and he is wrong to say such things to you.” He looked at my father, “And he’s wrong about Layla too. We need to call her. She will come. You’ll just have to deal with it, however painful it is.”
Dad breathed heavily, “And I will. Just like I have the other times she’s come to save the day.”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t give just to see my wife again.” Kevin said. He had lost more than most in his short lifetime. “Count your blessings, James.”
He nodded and the three of them shared a look and a silent agreement.
Leave it to Ben to break an awkward silence with, “So Layla’s mom, your wife, is also named Layla? That’ll make things less complicated, I guess.” She was finally leafing through the old books while Kevin and my father were occupied, “Will she be able to enter here? Only humans can enter consecrated ground. If we venture out for Layla, the angel not the Beacon, then we run the risk of exposing ourselves to Samael.”
“Layla, is worth the risk,” Kevin said. “The angel…and the Beacon.”
“How is there another Layla? I’m confused.”
“It’s my mom,” I explained to Bennet, “My mom is an angel. I’m named for her.”
“I thought you were named after Lillith, the daemon queen. I thought she was your mom.”
“She is. My soul is a mixture of the three different worlds- human, daemon and angel. My real mother, Layla, came to Earth in human form and allowed herself to become possessed when she was conceiving me.”
Her palms shot up, “Eww, that just got weird. Don’t tell me anymore.”
“Believe me, I don’t like to think about it either.”
“Why would your mother willingly do such a thing?”
“Because in the end, it was the only way to thwart Lillith. Instead of creating a soul that was half-human and half-daemon, a being that would struggle relentlessly with the evil coursing through them…”
“Like Orrin?” Ben interrupted.
“Exactly like Orrin,” Cyrus added under his breath.
“I know Orrin struggles with it, but he is a good person. Bennet, he gave a lot of himself to save your life once. He bled for you. He died for me.” I turned to look directly at Cyrus, “He may have darkness in him, but we all do. No one is to say another negative thing about him. Got me?”
He nodded once, “I’m sorry. Continue.”
“I don’t remember what I was saying.”
Cyrus led with, “Instead of Lillith creating another Vulgar…”
I gave him another withering look, “A Vulgar, by the way is what they call being born of two worlds,” I explained to Ben since this terminology is still new. “Anyway, instead of creating a Vulgar, she and my father and my mother, Layla, created me. If I have an even balance, then my daemon isn’t so strong. I am a creation unlike any other, born of all three worlds. I am more powerful than any that have come before me only…” I frowned and looked away, shaking my head.
“Only she doesn’t know yet the extent of her birthright,” my father continued, “Time will reveal that and everything else Layla is supposed to do with her amazing gifts.”
“Part of my duties as the Beacon is to help any creature who needs it. I can’t say no.”
“So you got the best of all three worlds? That’s pretty bad-ass.” Ben rationalized.
I shook my head. What was she thinking, “Of course you would see it that way.”
“Well, I guess you do have Satan trying to kill you, so it can’t be all milkshakes and moon pies. But still, to have the power, the brain, the speed, the wings. Not to mention your perfect hair and height. What I wouldn’t do to have your rack either.”
“Ben,” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest since my rack was now everyone’s focus- except my father’s.
I felt unprotected having this conversation in front of everyone. Sure, everyone but Ben already knew this, but saying it out loud seemed so intimate. Ben didn’t know about the unspoken rule regarding daemon’s privacy. Daemons were naturally introverts, and it was more than my daemon that felt odd in giving life to information regarding my birthright. She didn’t know this conversation was painful- none of them did.
“Remember I told you there was a-lot of details you would learn along the way. This is another one. Lillith created me to bring down all of mankind. If I give in to my daemon, if I give in to her, our world as we know it is over.”
Ben’s face fell and paled like when she saw my wings exposed, “Wow. Bummer. So does that make Samael, like, your step-dad?”
***
Samael couldn’t come in, but neither could my mother or Orrin.
Two white candles sat alone on the altar down by the pulpit. Who lit them? I wondered if my powers would work in here.
I reached down for the fire within me. I breathed in deeply and sent the flames across the room, trying to ignite the tiny flames. But nothing came. I ground my teeth and quit trying.
“You’re human here. And all mine,” Cyrus whispered behind me. He was one of the only people that had the ability to sneak up on me if he wanted to.
He kissed my shoulder, but I didn’t turn to him, “Why didn’t anyone warn me?”
“I forget all the things you don’t know,” He was referring to my fire. “But you know now. Does it bother you?”
I made a face, “Does it bother you?”
“Yes.”
As Vulgars, we wore our powers like a second skin. They were part of who we were. To be without them felt like that skin had been peeled off, “Can’t be without my powers. I don’t like to feel this vulnerable.”
“You have spent so much time wallowing in your own misery, wishing for a time you could be without them. Well now you have it. How does it feel?”
“It feels wrong,” I admitted. “I don’t have my strength either? What about my wings?” I could still feel them.
“It’s just your birthright, your otherworldly gifts that don’t work here.” He numbered them on his fingers, “Your fire, your strength, your speed. Your wings are part of your corporeal body. They’re fine.”
“When do I get to see your wings?” I asked, running my fingers up his sleeve. His eyes grew dark out of pure lust. He looked back to the group lounging on makeshift beds. It was late but neither of us were sleepy.
“Take a walk with me.”
“Okay.”
We stood quickly. My father and Kevin gave us a passing glance. Ben was sleeping, and Ava was laz
ily twirling a knife in her hand. My dad’s eyes lingered only a little, as if to tell me, he understood, and he seemed okay with our need to be alone. He never would have been cool like this with Orrin, no matter how old I was. He knew Cyrus. He trusted him.
“Did my dad know about…the way you felt about me this whole time? I mean, did he know we were…soulmates when I was younger?”
Cyrus’ brow mirrored the movements of his mind, “Telling one of your best friends that you are in love with his infant daughter doesn’t exactly fall off a man’s tongue. It doesn’t matter the circumstances. I didn’t love you then as I love you now. I waited for you.”
“Does it bother you, me being here?”
I frowned, “No. Should it?”
“I’m sorry, I am not speaking plainly.” Cyrus took a breath, “Every one of us has the ability to choose who they are going to love.”
“Except us, is that it?”
“No, no. That wasn’t what I was going to say. Even having a soulmate doesn’t mean you have to be with that person. You may not choose who you love, but you can make the decision who you want to be with.”
I shook my head, “That doesn’t make any sense. I would never choose to be in love with two men. And I know I’m hurting both of you. There is nothing okay about this, but I don’t know what else to do.”
“Well, maybe you will soon. But Layla, I need you to be honest with me. Is my presence here, now, a problem since Orrin is now here with us as well? Does it bother you that we are both here? With you?”
I was so thick. How did I not know he was feeling insecure? I squeezed his hand awkwardly not knowing what else to do.
“It’s only you and me here now.” I looked around the dim hallway, lit only by the streetlights filtering through the windows. “I don’t see anyone else.”
Cyrus leaned in hesitantly. I lifted my head waiting for his lips to descend, and I wasn’t disappointed. Our kiss was short but there was nothing chaste about it. It was a promise of kisses to come. We lingered over each other, neither wanting to sever the tie. Cyrus had seeped into my heart and captured a piece that he already knew rightly belonged to him.
The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) Page 13