“I met you when you were small. Kevin had just lost his wife and he had built a life for himself in Balmorhea. I spent some time with Kevin helping him find his way a few months after that, and then James called and said Layla was pregnant.”
“But you knew all the while my mother was an angel.”
“I did. And I knew better than to mess in the affairs of the Virtuous. I knew she wouldn’t hurt James. Even as his friend, I knew the rules. Telling him the truth about his wife could have jeopardized them all. When she died, or left rather, I came to see him, to help him. And I told him then.”
“You told him what?”
“I told James what I knew about Layla- about your mother. He said he already knew. Your father said he knew long before I ever told him.”
“Did either of you know about Lillith?”
“Your father learned of that later- I’m not quite sure how or when exactly. Maybe Lillith visited him. There were many years after you were born when James went off the grid. I think that’s when he made the deal with Orias for his help. He brought Orrin into your world. That was the biggest mistake he made. If I only had told him about our connection. Maybe he would have let me help you. Maybe he would have let me guide you into this world. We wouldn’t be where we are right now. And then Orrin wouldn’t be in our way.”
“Don’t say that. He is as much part of my fate as you are. He helped me more than anyone else.”
“I know. I watched. I got there too late and I regret it every day. I should have been the only one for you. I should have been there.”
“You watched me?” I thought back to those months in Providence and it hit me like a shock to the heart, “I remember.”
“You do? How?”
“I felt you.” I reached back in my mind to see the memory, “It was just another random evening alone at my house. I was making dinner and then suddenly I was overwhelmed with the eerie sensation that I wasn’t alone.”
“Maybe. What else do you remember?”
“I felt something around me. I’ve always heard voices, sometimes it’s my mother, sometimes its spirits, and other times I think it’s my intuition ya’ll keep telling me to listen to.”
“A Vulgar’s intuition can be very loud and persuasive sometimes.”
“Someone was outside my house, waiting outside the front door. I ran upstairs and it was only by chance that Orrin was up there waiting for me, so I just assumed it was him.”
He studied me for a moment, “There was one night, it was into the fall. It was after I saw the two of you together on the sidewalk. I convinced myself that I needed to go after you, and let you decide who you really wanted. I stood outside your door. I could hear your movement on the other side. I could feel your fear and I was afraid myself.”
“What were you so afraid of?”
“Rejection.”
“I heard you and Orrin upstairs and I knew I had missed my chance yet again. I knew the two of you had found each other and that you must be soulmates. Otherworldly beings do not form casual connections. I could read your thoughts, and his. I knew what you felt for each other. I walked away and told myself you were better off.”
Was I really better off? His story made so much sense, but there was no point dwelling on what we couldn’t change. “You being there wouldn’t have changed anything, would it? If it had been you that met me first would our lives be different? I would still have eventually met Orrin. Our feelings, our connection would still be there. I would still love him.”
“True, but maybe you wouldn’t have acted on it. Maybe you wouldn’t have allowed yourself to fall in love with him.”
I frowned but had no reply. In the wonderful world of maybe he was king. Cyrus continued, “Layla, Orrin may own part of your heart, but it is only because you gave it to him. Humans have the gift and responsibility to decide who they love. It’s all part of the free-will package. Then there’s us. We’re different. Fate and free will are interwoven into our lives. You will always love Orrin, but you can choose to be happy without him”
Happy?
Without Orrin?
The concept was lost on me.
“I don’t know what to say to that. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to be happy without him.” I had become comfortable in my misery.
“I have lived a long time waiting for you. I watched both of my best friends fall in love and then lose their wives. I could not empathize with them at all. I had never been in love. It has always been the promise of love- knowing that one day I would have you with me. I could only wait for the day when you would find me. And you did. I felt it that day when your tiny body fit in the crook of my arm. I stayed away because I thought it was for the best. James wanted you to have a normal upbringing. He wanted you to grow up human, like most Vulgar children do.”
“I wanted to meet you as a man and woman should. I wanted the love in your eyes to be for me, the man, not for your favorite unchanging uncle you’ve known all your life. But I was too late.”
We reached the door to the sanctuary but neither of us went in.
“You’re not too late,” I whispered bringing my hand to his face.
“Am I not?” He pulled back, “Did Orrin ever mention the name Roger Williams?”
I turned to the side, mentally shuffling through the files in my mind, “That name sounds familiar. It has something do to with Providence, I think.” We had definitely strayed from our conversation.
“That it does. Reverend Williams was the other man charged with founding Providence. He is called the father of Providence, because Orrin didn’t want any of the spotlight on him. Light isn’t something any daemon seeks out.”
“Okay, so you knew this guy too? Were you part of the team or something?”
“Or something. Roger Williams was one of the names I used over the centuries. It was my first job spreading the gospel into the New World.”
“What?” I wanted to smack myself in the forehead. Why hadn’t I put that together on my own? Cyrus was the minister, the other Vulgar to bring balance to the city. The two of them together created the first Neutral Territory in the New World.
“Wow. I can’t believe it. Everything seems so connected somehow. So you and Orrin were friends at one time?” I asked, aghast.
“We have never been friends. And it wasn’t for a lack of trying. We have just always been on opposite sides of a war. We came together to create Providence. We parted ways after about fifty years. I stayed until it became an official colony. Agelessness was not something I could explain away.”
“And they did like to burn people at the stake back then.”
“Exactly. So I left and headed for other areas to preach the gospel. Keeping a low profile was actually harder back then. I did much traveling. I have never been one to stay in the same spot for too long. I did not return to Providence for over four centuries. I saw the two of you walking down the sidewalk in your neighborhood. I watched you set fire to a tree after he said something to upset you. A man was burned too, I believe.”
I cringed at the memory and he continued, “It was Orrin that talked you down, helped you bring your daemon under control. You kissed him. I watched him hold onto you. And you held on to him.”
“I remember that,” I whispered seeing the moment in my mind too. I thought we were alone.
“I could hear his thoughts, and yours. I knew the two of you were in love before you even admitted it to yourselves. And I knew missed my chance.”
“I felt you then too.” I began to cry. I had caused this man so much pain and I never knew. I wasn’t really responsible- pain was a part of our life. But I would have given Lillith my soul to take away the pain I left with him. I looked up, “I hope someone up there is enjoying this little twist because none of us are. We have done nothing but cause each other pain these past three years- you, me, Orrin.”
Cyrus wiped the tears from my face roughly, “Don’t give in to that nonsense. Feeling sorry for yourself or me won’t help
either. I didn’t tell you any of this so you could feel badly. You wanted to know the truth.”
“I don’t know how or why it’s possible to love you both, but I do. I love you, Cyrus. I couldn’t deny you anymore than I could deny Orrin. I love you. I love him. And facing the two of you is worse than anything Samael could ever dish out.”
“I figured as much. That’s why I have stayed away for so long. But watching you destroy yourself. You are still human after all. You may be immortal, but you are by no means infinite. You were slowly killing yourself, drowning in a bottle and I couldn’t watch you do it any longer.”
“I never meant for that to happen,” I muttered, “And thank you for saving me from myself. I don’t know if I ever said that.”
He shook his head. Our fingers were still laced together. He brought them up to his lips and just held them there.
“But I still don’t understand how I could love you both. It feels so out of my control. I’ve tried not loving Orrin. And I don’t even know you. How could I possibly feel this way when we’ve only been out on one date?”
“Your soul is formed from all three worlds- human, angel, and daemon. Maybe it is your soul’s way of finding a match for every piece. You are unique to the world in every way. Why would your love life be any different?”
I rested my head against his chest, “I’m such a mess.”
Cyrus brought his arms around me, “So it would seem. But you have bigger concerns weighing on you than Orrin and myself. Neither one of us is leaving.”
“So what? You’re content to share me?”
“Never will I share what is mine. When I claim your heart, Layla, there will not be anything standing in our way. And it won’t be a piece you give me. It will be your entire heart.”
“I want that too.” I smiled. His words held such conviction, and that they came not out of anger toward Orrin, but only out of love for me. I needed his touch, “Please kiss me.”
Cyrus sighed unable to resist either, “Since you asked nicely.” He bent his head toward mine, wrapped me in his strong arms, and the world stopped.
His full lips touched mine and I wasn’t sure where he stopped and I began. I didn’t breath, my heart didn’t beat, and even my daemon paused just to feel. I only wanted to remain in that moment where his lips moved with mine, wishing I was all his, taking that piece of my soul made only for him. I was made for Cyrus and he was made for me.
Soulmates?
Two soulmates?
I didn’t wonder how it was possible. I quit trying to question the unbelievable and dove into Cyrus’ kiss.
“I love you,” I whispered hoping my tears wouldn’t come again. He smiled at my words and kissed me again, only this time there was a renewed peace that ran through us.
“I love you more,” he murmured in between kisses.
The world had become shrouded by a set of large tan wings cocooning the two of us together. I reached around to his back and ran my hands up the solid length of his wing, knowing it would feel so good.
“Layla, not here. I might drop you.”
“Drop me?” I laughed and then he let go. I toppled down almost onto my butt if it weren’t for Cyrus, who reached out at the last minute.
“You apparently lost the ability to stand on your own for a few moments. And it was either stop kissing you or just pick you up. I decided on the latter.”
“Well that’s embarrassing. I guess you’re good at what you do.”
“I guess.”
“Had a lot of practice, have you?” I taunted him further.
“No,” was his only reply. “Come on. The team is waiting.”
“Oh my God. I completely forgot. There’s something I need to tell you all about my birthright.”
“Something new? After all this time?”
“Not exactly. Something I just figured out while I was in Providence. I’ll tell everyone together.”
“Good. I’m sure your mother will want to hear it too.”
“My mother is here too? Inside he sanctuary? But I thought she wasn’t allowed.”
“What can I say, she is the original maverick.”
With that, I broke the door in my haste to get to her.
25
No matter how old I get, my mother will always be mom and I will always be the daughter in our strange otherworldly relationship. She wasn’t very maternal, she wasn’t even human for that matter, but I still loved her and wanted her love in return. My father had warned me angels, like daemons, were incapable of love. The emotion was exclusive to humans. In the case of my mother, I hoped he was wrong.
It’s different for my dad. I’m not sure why- maybe it’s because she wasn’t around when I was younger- I thought she was dead for so long. The moments I have with her are precious. She showed in times of danger, and being that she was still here, I knew the danger wasn’t over. I knew she loved my father while she was in human form, but did she love him still as he loved her? He had never said as much, but I’m convinced that issues always weighed heavily on his heart. Theirs was an interesting relationship, but she returned from the Heavens not for him, but for me.
“I’ll never tire of that.” My mother, my namesake, said in her sweet high-pitched voice. I hugged her tightly hoping she could stay forever.
“Thanks for coming. Thanks for staying.” I looked at my dad who was looking anywhere but the two of us. I know it hurt him to see her like this, knowing she would be leaving again.
“Of course,” She looked over her head to Cyrus and the two of them shared a good long stare. He was allowing her to read his mind. Or maybe he was reading hers? I didn’t know how far she could bend the rules. Their silent exchange went on for far too long.
Are all angels telepathic?
“Yes,” my mother replied her eyes and pretty smile slid to my face. “I have retained my powers while inside this sanctuary.”
“Mom, I really don’t want you involved in that part of my life.”
She smiled, “He was my student before he was your…” She didn’t finish her sentence. “And you probably should have thought twice before you asked Cyrus to kiss you while you two were on the other side of that door.”
“Bahahaa…” Ava clapped a hand over her mouth quickly, “You aura is actually a little brighter today than it has been.”
“I did warn you that it wasn’t a good time,” Cyrus said softly while Ava died with loud laughter.
Bennet jumped in, “Well, who wouldn’t be that happy when two of the most gorgeous men around are chasing after her, tongues wagging.”
“My tongue is not wagging,” Cyrus interrupted, insulted.
“Pretty sure it is,” Ben mumbled unafraid of Cyrus’ scowl.
I turned back to my mother, “How are you here? I thought it wasn’t allowed.”
She pulled me down to sit beside her, “Haven’t you learned yet that anything is possible with the Lord? Why have rules when they can’t be broken?”
“Well what’s the point in even having rules then?”
“Because there must be order in this and every world. Plus it was obvious to Him that you needed some assistance.”
“So, He sent you?” I asked afraid of her answer.
She smiled, “Of course. Did you want me to say that I came on my own? You know that doesn’t happen. Angels do not have free will. We follow the commands of the Almighty.”
I didn’t know how that made me feel, knowing that God saw every little detail of my life, He was watching my struggles and did nothing to stop His fallen angel from trying to kidnap me. How could He allow that to happen and not intervene? What kind of loving father does that? People spent their whole human lives getting to the bottom of that very question. I found it was just better to accept the fact there was nothing I could do to change it, so it was best just to go with it.
“Layla had something to share with all of us regarding her birthright. Isn’t that right, Layla?” Cyrus looked to me.
“Yes,”
I moved away from my mom and stood in front of the entire group. “It’s about that force field I threw yesterday. And bear with me through the whole story.”
They waited and I explained.
“When I heard Cyrus, I just reached out and did it. I knew Cyrus would try to fight Samael and I knew Samael would have killed him like he had tried to do before.
“Thank you for your confidence in me,” Cyrus cut in, appalled at my conclusion. “I don’t believe you have ever seen me fight though.”
“Sorry, but that isn’t the point. That thought didn’t enter my mind. I didn’t know I could create a force field, and until yesterday I couldn’t. If I tried to do it now I wouldn’t be able to do it.”
“Well of course not, you’re in a sanctuary,” Kevin added.
“No, I mean I couldn’t do it even if I was out of the sanctuary. My abilities and knowledge seems to be situational. Like whatever I need to do, the powers that I have are dependent to what is needed of me as the Beacon. It makes sense, don’t you think?”
My dad nodded, “I think I understand you, but how do you know for sure. That’s an awful lot to take on faith.”
“Well, my fire I can do at any time. If I wanted to send light into a dark room or if I wanted to burn something to the ground- I could do it. But my healing powers,” I turned to my mother, “The time I used those gold restraints from Heaven.”
She nodded, “There has never been another to ever do that. I was surprised when you did it, that you even knew how. It was the only thing that could have held a daemon captive like that.”
“It’s not like I knew how to do that. But something within me just knew what to do. I knew how to save Daisy from Lillith’s lair. And that force field.” I met Cyrus’ eyes and then looked at the scar on his arm, “You would have taken on Samael just like you did before, only this time he would have probably killed you. I have never had a power like that before and I don’t know how I did it. The only link between all these things is someone was in mortal peril- and I managed to prevent their death.”
They all sat and absorbed the information I just gave them.
The Lariat (Finding Justus Series) Page 18